Ten Things You Will Never Hear In Thailand.........

[KIWIBATCH]

7/11 shop assistant:

...just a moment..I will clear a space on the counter for you to place your purchases.....

[beerchang]

Farang...."Met the wife after she nearly took me eye out with a ping-pong ball!"

[macksview]

wife to me "of course i checked the date on the milk i bought from tesco express"

tharrang to other tharrang " i am not an expert on all things thai"

me to tattooist " go ahead mate my body is a canvas for your art"

[macksview]

Farang...."Met the wife after she nearly took me eye out with a ping-pong ball!"

you idiot

[beerchang]

Farang...."Met the wife after she nearly took me eye out with a ping-pong ball!"

you idiot

Jeez Mack! Again! 'Things you wouldn't hear!!!!" (and yeah, you're correct!)

[macksview]

farang to other farang "phil taylor throw darts,rubbish, you should see my mrs, she is the jackpot lewis of patpong"

mamasan frog to newbie frog "its not that bad up there, just close your eyes and hold your breath"

[KIWIBATCH]

Falang Teacher to classroom full of Thai University students:

...now can someone please describe an atom to me....

[Thaddeus]

Falang Teacher to classroom full of Thai University students:

...now can someone please describe an atom to me....

And the answers would be either a male cat (unlikely) or the more masculine lesbian.

Teaching standards eh?

[balo]

Thai mother to her young kid driving the bike: Please put on your helmet.

[macksview]

farang to other farang "my wife works at lolitas and she is number one this week for .....jobs"

[fredtitmus]

falang to bar girl: "what do you mean ive had 12 bottles of water"!

sek loso: "i will never use sunglasses again"

[pauljones]

Let's do some preventative maintenance.

[connda]

Thai store owner to wife: "Honey, maybe we should have a farang proofread this sign before we post it outside."

[connda]

Thai father to son: "Here you go nong. You can wear the helmet. That way if we get into an accident, you can live a long, healthy life and continue the family name.

[canuckamuck]

Thai store owner to wife: "Honey, maybe we should have a farang proofread this sign before we post it outside."

Or perhaps from a major English language newspaper as well

[DocN]

Thais in general (women especially): "What is wrong with having a tan, being a bit chubby and not having perfectly straight hair?"

[DocN]

Any Thai with a "public" music display: I hate the Backstreet Boys and the Scorpions suck, too!

[mrjohndub]

'Zombie'? Never heard of it.

[Thaddeus]

Any Thai with a "public" music display: I hate the Backstreet Boys and the Scorpions suck, too!

You missed out Hotel California.

[DocN]

Any Thai with a "public" music display: I hate the Backstreet Boys and the Scorpions suck, too!

You missed out Hotel California.

That would be: any Thai- Hotelband: "Ladies and Gentleman, we will NOT slaughter "Hotel California" tonight!

[necronx99]

The Number One Thing You Will Never Hear In Thailand IS....

.........................drumroll.................................

Thaksin Shinawatra, currently in jail serving a 2 year sentence said....

[talk2sam]

You big too much..I not take 1000 baht..

[David48]

That would be: any Thai- Hotelband: "Ladies and Gentleman, we will NOT slaughter "Hotel California" tonight!

Changed to "Ladies and Gentleman, we will NOT play "Hotel California" tonight, as there are non-Americian guests here tonight and the've asked us to give it a rest for a while.

[Thaddeus]

Partick Thistle.

[StreetCowboy]

Partick Thistle.

THIIIIIIISTLLLE!

[DocN]

That would be: any Thai- Hotelband: "Ladies and Gentleman, we will NOT slaughter "Hotel California" tonight!

Changed to "Ladies and Gentleman, we will NOT play "Hotel California" tonight, as there are non-Americian guests here tonight and the've asked us to give it a rest for a while.

By "slaughter" I meant "singing the lyrics phonetically"!

(Best one so far: "Yesterday...all my traffic seem so far away!")

[DocN]

bargirl : sure,you can put it in my ass ,same price ,no extra charge .....

Oh boy....

[loong]

bargirl : sure,you can put it in my ass ,same price ,no extra charge .....

Oh boy....

The bargirl has a donkey ???

[F1fanatic]

Thai or old Westerner on scooter - I'm going to make a right hand turn (cutting across any other traffic), so I'll indicate my intention.

Apologies if this has been said before, I've lost track, but thought about this thread today when someone did precisely that (again...).

[Payboy]

Really dahling, I tried my best to stop that duck from chewing your nuts.