Ten Things You Will Never Hear In Thailand.........

[pauljones]

Yellow Shirts:

Let's be honest, if we hadn't placed snipers in Chula Hospital, the Red Shirts would not have crashed the place.

[brit1984]

Outlook bright for Thai film, tv industry

[Payboy]

No, I won't sing karaoke thank you.

[pauljones]

Police:

We located the Blue Diamond.

[ExpatOilWorker]

At the Airport:

It is great to see that most of the security scanner operators are girls in their mid twenties. Girl that age have amazing multitasking talents and can easy gossip with their friends, play on their mobile and watch the security scanner screen. The scanners was bought at a fair and transparent market price, so I am sure there is plenty of budget left for training and upgrades.

[ExpatOilWorker]

Mobile phone owner:

It is great that Thailand delay 3G service and wait for something even faster to be invented. Since no operator is upgrading the current network a 50% dropped call rate is a small price to pay and I can just travel to nearby countries like Laos or Cambodia if I want to test any 3G functions on my phone.

[theblether]

I think it's time you did another summary Necron.........talk about making a rod for your own back

[maidu]

Thai gov't "Because Thais are able to purchase property in their names and start businesses in farang countries, we will enable farang to purchase properties in their names in Thailand."

Thai gov't: "Because Thaksin had no Thai passport for awhile, and he currently has multiple foreign passports (illegal in Thailand), he was therefore a farang and illegally owned property in Thailand."

Thai Immigration heads: "Because of the byzantine knot of rules for visas, we've decided to simplify the whole can of worms. Visas will now be easier to obtain, though they will cost a bit more."

ASEAN: "traveling within SE Asia will now only need one ASEAN visa stamp."

ASEAN: "We now have a common currency for SE Asian countries."

ASEAN: "For this fifth bridge connecting SE Asian countries, we will come up with a name other than 'Friendship Bridge' - perhaps we'll call it 'Harmony Bridge' or 'Brotherhood Bridge.'"

[maidu]

Any Thai University student: "I can name the countries bordering Thailand, and at least two cities in each."

University hiring staff: "Although you are a handsome and lively farang, you speak English with such an odd accent, that we can't hire you, sorry."

University administration to Thai person teaching English: "You are a friendly and likeable person with great credentials, but your English skills and accent are poor. Sorry, but we can't have you as one of our English teachers."

Thai: "You farang, you speak Thai only little bit, but you wan teach Thai to farang students at University? Jing (sure), no ploblem."

[Thaddeus]

ASEAN: "For this fifth bridge connecting SE Asian countries, we will come up with a name other than 'Friendship Bridge' - perhaps we'll call it 'Harmony Bridge' or 'Brotherhood Bridge.'"

Change the second word instead and call it the Friendship Grudge.

[xthAi76s]

ANY Thai Salesperson: "Hello, sir. I'll be over here (away from hovering over you constantly, quietly -- NOT announcing every item you touch) if you need me. I don't want to drive you and tons of other customers away out of frustration with my useless hovering. Also, I don't want you to be frustrated when, after hovering over you for 15 minutes, I cannot answer ANY questions about the products beyond the price and available colors."

ANY Thai Shoppers: "I am NOT going to dawdle aimlessly around in this supermarket for 1.5 hours, frequently parking my shopping cart perpendicular to the isle merchandise and inconveniencing people, because I know nearly EVERY single item available in here .. as I have been coming here for 10 years already and since nothing has changed during that time."

EDIT:

ANY Thai Inventory People: "You know, we should pay more attention to our merchandise regularly so we can make sure we have items (especially those that frequently sell out quickly and which we often don't have for long lengths of time) which will likely make our store more profitable."

[beerchang]

Some TV members.... "Your bad grammar and bad spelling doesn't make me me feel superior to you. In fact I won't even mention it"

[theblether]

Ten things you will never hear in Thailand number three thousand something.............

Any TV member............TV is such a relaxing place, people are so nice and you never get a rude word or an argument out of anyone

[BookMan]

Ten things you will never hear in Thailand number three thousand something.............

Any TV member............TV is such a relaxing place, people are so nice and you never get a rude word or an argument out of anyone

Indeed. Speaking of Hat Yai.....

[xthAi76s]

Average pot-bellied Farang 40- - 50-something:

"Listen, I know my marriage with this sunburnt, illiterate, loose, obvious former(?) bargirl is not really a respectable one by most standards, and I'm sure anyone in the know could pin me as a former beer guzzling janitor of a Western public school, but I'm going to walk around here and pretend anyway that I'm better than almost everyone around me all time time simply because I seem to be fooling many of them much of the time."

Thai Hair Salon / Massage Shop Employee:

"You very nice man. You want I smoke? You don't pay OK. Up to you."

[canuckamuck]

In the shopping mall:

Everyone is walking so fast!

[brit1984]

In the shopping mall:

Everyone is walking so fast!

Outside the shopping mall: Everyone is walking so fast!

[connda]

Those who must never be named nor spoken about: Humm. Interesting thread. I think I'll take a laissez faire approach and just let these posts play out without interruption.

[ExpatOilWorker]

MBK Board of Directors.......Lets not charge paying customers 2 baht to use the toilets. Instead of collection money all day half the staff could keep all the toilets sparkling clean.

[ExpatOilWorker]

Lolita Girl at Soi 6......I wonder what that taste in my mouth is?

[Thaddeus]

Evenin' Standid.

[pauljones]

Thai Hi-So:

We should pay the maid, gardner, driver at least minimum wage and give them the weekend off.

[pauljones]

Thong Lor Police Chief:

I feel bad. If I hadn't taken under the table payments and shut down Santika Club, those those 66 people wouldn't have burned to death.

[pauljones]

BMA Footpath Officer:

I couldn't care less about the environment. I am here to stalk farangs smoking cigarettes, then fine them 10X the rate I would fine a Thai.

Removing the trash bins has been my best business move ever!

[geronimo]

Wait a minute! Let's plan this out!

[pauljones]

Prem:

Those wikileaks are true.

[KeyserSoze01]

In the shopping mall:

Everyone is walking so fast!

Outside the shopping mall: Everyone is walking so fast!

Anywhere in Thailand: Everyone is walking so fast!!!

[IanForbes]

Young Thai man after hearing his girl friend is pregnant... " Of course I'll take financial responsibility for my child because I wouldn't wear a condom"

Recently divorced Thai man... " Of course I'll take financial responsibility for helping raise my 3 children I've abandoned with my ex-wife"

[DocN]

Thai Person: Today, I will not stop dead, right at the end of the escalator, to do my life- planning....

[StreetCowboy]

On TV

I'll drop the matter, as I have no taste for endless and futile circular bickering

EDIT

to be fair, someone is more likely to do it, than say it in all honesty

and those that do say it, rarely do, but instead, leave with one last stir of the pot that so often has them coming back for more