What's yours is theirs ? ......Thai way?

[HardenedSoul]

Sorry OP; you're probably not gonna like this but here goes

It's got sweet FA to do with "the Thai way" and everything to do with them taking the piss because they get the impression you'll let them get away with it.

There's no point seething in silence and running onto TV Forums to seek solace among similarly-aggrieved "nice-guy-but-soft-touch" pensioners.

You either lock your stuff up or you let it be known that if they break it, they freakin' own it.

Oh and tell your wife to get her bloody finger out.

[ozyjon]

So i bought some tools to use around the house, first thing was to get a hammer (as we do) then some more tools then power tools,, the father would drive from his place about 6 Km just to take the hammer, i would ask for it back and he would get on the motorcycle and bring it back,, few days later i would spend hors looking for the hammer only to be told,, my father borrow hammer (could't afford to buy a 60 baht hammer) i didn't get upset but when the hammer was returned in a very used state i gave it to the father as a present and bought a new one i kept in my tool box padlocked.. it just never changes, try to work that one out,,, don't bother.

[FiftyTwo]

A lock on the gate solves many problems.

[Gsxrnz]

It's really no different to living in a shared apartment/flat when you were younger. I'd often find my clothes or food had gone astray, It's the nature of the world, and I'd imagine such is the case in a Thai village.

You can either say something about it or if that doesn't work, repay in kind. I had to scoff about 6 boxes of my then flatmates Roses Chocolates (his favourites), as well as "lose" 2 of his favourite tee-shirts before he got the message to leave my clothes and Maltesers alone.

I've scored some great flip-flops from the Thai family in the past. Now I always take a totally shagged pair (saved for the occasion) but always come away with a newish pair. It took me a while to figure it out as my two expensive farang pair went missing and then I understood the rules. They're a bit wary of me now - I used to always fall over a dozen pairs at their door but on the last visit they made a private but unmentioned game/joke of hiding them.

I held my powder till the last day before I scored a good pair. The look on the BIL's face was priceless as I drove off with his newish pair and he's left in my ratty ones. Ironically the ratty ones were what I was left with on one of my first visits there, they might even have been his. Som-num-na!

[Beetlejuice]

No, I have never experienced anyone helping themselves and using what belongs to me without my consent, no even the wife and my own kids.

It appears the OP`s problems are with his ever loving, ever caring wife, not from people outside of his family.

My advice to the OP is; get his own house in order first, before generalizing his own domestic problems with the whole Thai population. If he can`t control the situation, then put locks on all his property.

The title should be changed to: what’s mine can be shared with all and sundry at the discretion of my wife.

Welcome to another Thai bashing thread.

Think you are lucky. It is not a Thai bashing thread but life here. Please do not run down folk cos your setup is perfect. Have seen the OP's question/experience many times. Think you must perhaps not frown on other folks experiences when it really is a way of life here.

Thai bashers who can’t hack it here most often criticise the Thais and Thailand as a cover up for their own life failings, for either not being able to adapt into what is a totally different culture and different attitudes to life, are struggling or hustling to remain in Thailand or cannot control the actions of their partners and others around them. In other words, the long and suffering.

It is not a way of life here, but a way of their life and cannot be compared to the majority of us.

This is the definition of a Thai basher, those who blame everyone else for their weaknesses and failings in life.

[flyingdoc]

It does seem to be a rural problem much more than a City problem.

This is the Thai way, and we are in Thailand!

[MJP]

"Bank finit. All money gone!"

Find a local restaurant and eat there, stop doing the big shopping trips, let the cupboards go bare. No more problem.

[aussieinthailand]

No, it's no just "how things are". It's absolutely disrespectful, and no self-respecting Thai would just help themselves to your things.

Trust me, I've been there, and it sucks. Put your foot down, and learn to be a now, before it gets worse. At first I was a nice, good hearted, open minded guy, but within a few years learned how to be a prick. Only then did things stop disappearing.

That's actually why I'm now in a new house, and it's bliss here. I can go shopping, fill up the fridge with groceries, and the next day they're magically still there. I can hang up my laundry to dry, and the next day it's magically all still there. When I leave the house, my sandals are always magically there nowadays. It's great!

liked most it but,,, you lost me SANDELS,,,, WOT THE???

[arthurwait]

Nothing to do with being Thai it's the same the world over with spoilt people who have never been taught to work for what they own and take responsibility for it. It just so happens that lack of teaching happens a lot here especially with sons treated like princes.

Whether it's spoilt rich kids or poor people who have been brought up believing they are the land owners and don't have to work for other people and earn what they have or families that have been brought up to think get a farang and take everything from him.

I was taught by my parents especially my Dad, if you want it earn it, if you don't look after it you aren't getting another and if someone is kind enough to lend you something after you have asked , look after it or replace it. It seems that teaching is missing here from absent fathers or fathers out on the whiskey instead.

If people here are treating you like this they don't respect you and aren't worried about you.

[henry15]

H90

wrote it correct

No it is not Thai way.

It is only the way of some Thais.

I've been married 2 times (first wife passed away) I never experienced such things. During te flood of 2011 my youngest stephson and his family and my Daughyter lifed with me and my newly wedded wife, for 2 months and that in an 85m² appartment. So 7 persons were normaly 2 people live.

Well their stay was a pleasure. The respected as much as possible our privacy and always asked our permission if the needed something. And wen they went shopping, the brought the things I liked.

In my 40 years experience with Thai relatives and neighbours and friends, I never have witnessed any bad behaviour that somebody took something that did not belong to them. Evenso the children.

[SOTIRIOS]

This is the most difficult thing I have yet to accept about life in a Thai village. People just take and or use without asking, usually done when I am not home

Many things are not returned and I need to hunt them down when I need them

.

Some are returned broken. ( quality of things purchased in Thailand is a good topic for anouther thread )

This doesn't just apply to tools, motorbikes , building materials,and the like, but to the fruit and vegetables I grow as well.

I've pointed out to the wife that I never say no to anyone who wants or needs something without a dam_n good reason.

I just want to be asked!

Like your's my wife replies" it's family."

I insisted she let it be known that I expect to be asked if anything of mine is coveted by "family" or anyone else.

One or two actually ask now.

Some ask as they pick something up and walk away with it!

Village life is comunnal life.

I know this.

But I just can't "let it go".

....usually non-reciprocal....

[smotherb]

I swear, one of you fella's is going to write a book one day called 'The idiots guide to marrying into a hillbilly family'.

No it isn't the Thai way. It is a leachers way.

Man up, grow a set, and stop being walked all over.

Exactly, like anywhere else, put your foot down. These are your properties, and if anyone wishes to use them, they must ask. If your wife objects, allow her to choose. At least you will know where you stand.

[topt]

No, it's no just "how things are". It's absolutely disrespectful, and no self-respecting Thai would just help themselves to your things.

Trust me, I've been there, and it sucks. Put your foot down, and learn to be a now, before it gets worse. At first I was a nice, good hearted, open minded guy, but within a few years learned how to be a prick. Only then did things stop disappearing.

That's actually why I'm now in a new house, and it's bliss here. I can go shopping, fill up the fridge with groceries, and the next day they're magically still there. I can hang up my laundry to dry, and the next day it's magically all still there. When I leave the house, my sandals are always magically there nowadays. It's great!

liked most it but,,, you lost me SANDELS,,,, WOT THE???

Flip flops or really slightly bulkier footwear in a similar vein........

[Kerryd]

(snicker) - My (Thai) friend was upset not long ago. I asked why. Seems his (Thai) wife's family had been down for a visit from Buriram and when they left, they "borrowed" a bunch of his stuff (TV, furniture, and food of course).

Apparently he and the wife had quite a heated discussion about it afterwards and I get the impression he didn't exactly come out on the winning end (her family really doesn't like him to begin with and she isn't likely to go against them if she doesn't have to).

I told him, no problem ! We will go to her family's house in Buriram for a visit and when we leave, we'll clean them out the same as they did to you !

Tit for Tat. One good deed deserves another. Do unto them, before they do unto you !

I think he would have gone for the idea if they lived a little closer. I think driving up there, walking into their house, repossessing his stuff and then driving off again would have sent the message loud and clear !

And there I was thinking to myself "Gee, I thought this ONLY happened to foreigners" ! At least, that's the impression I get from reading various threads about the same thing over and over again.

I was almost happy to hear that it ISN'T just a "foreigner" thing, except that it happened to a friend I've known for almost 8 years now.

[SpeakeasyThai]

What belongs to you belongs to them and what belongs to them stays with them.

[ChiangMaiPigFarmer]

How many of you have ever visited an American Indian Reservation? What you see here is exactly the same as the American Indian.

What really frustrates me (I now know the thoughts on borrow - it really means can i have - and leaving something unguarded means it will walk) is that I cannot get my wife to understand why it frustrates me! They really, honestly, right down to their toes do not understand AND do not want to understand.

Oh my for the stories that could be told................

But we stay because we understand that we are different albeit it is hard to keep telling my frustrated mind that is is why......

[HeijoshinCool]

No, I have never experienced anyone helping themselves and using what belongs to me without my consent, no even the wife and my own kids.

It appears the OP`s problems are with his ever loving, ever caring wife, not from people outside of his family.

My advice to the OP is; get his own house in order first, before generalizing his own domestic problems with the whole Thai population. If he can`t control the situation, then put locks on all his property.

The title should be changed to: what’s mine can be shared with all and sundry at the discretion of my wife.

Welcome to another Thai bashing thread.

Think you are lucky. It is not a Thai bashing thread but life here. Please do not run down folk cos your setup is perfect. Have seen the OP's question/experience many times. Think you must perhaps not frown on other folks experiences when it really is a way of life here.

Thai bashers who can’t hack it here most often criticise the Thais and Thailand as a cover up for their own life failings, for either not being able to adapt into what is a totally different culture and different attitudes to life, are struggling or hustling to remain in Thailand or cannot control the actions of their partners and others around them. In other words, the long and suffering.

It is not a way of life here, but a way of their life and cannot be compared to the majority of us.

This is the definition of a Thai basher, those who blame everyone else for their weaknesses and failings in life.

So, when I stored my $300 worth of used just once travel dog kennels behind my house, under cover, inside my wall, and the landlord came by a removed the wire-frame doors to use as grills on his bbq, where was my weakness or failing?

Or the tomatoes that keep disappearing from the vines?

[transam]

No, I have never experienced anyone helping themselves and using what belongs to me without my consent, no even the wife and my own kids.

It appears the OP`s problems are with his ever loving, ever caring wife, not from people outside of his family.

My advice to the OP is; get his own house in order first, before generalizing his own domestic problems with the whole Thai population. If he can`t control the situation, then put locks on all his property.

The title should be changed to: what’s mine can be shared with all and sundry at the discretion of my wife.

Welcome to another Thai bashing thread.

Think you are lucky. It is not a Thai bashing thread but life here. Please do not run down folk cos your setup is perfect. Have seen the OP's question/experience many times. Think you must perhaps not frown on other folks experiences when it really is a way of life here.

Thai bashers who can’t hack it here most often criticise the Thais and Thailand as a cover up for their own life failings, for either not being able to adapt into what is a totally different culture and different attitudes to life, are struggling or hustling to remain in Thailand or cannot control the actions of their partners and others around them. In other words, the long and suffering.

It is not a way of life here, but a way of their life and cannot be compared to the majority of us.

This is the definition of a Thai basher, those who blame everyone else for their weaknesses and failings in life.

So you think that Thais that go to farangland have a perfect life and find utopia ?.

[dao16]

What belongs to you belongs to them and what belongs to them stays with them.

Don't agree with that. While it can be very annoying, I see things switch out between family members all the time. Go to the village and don't see the washing machine (not mine anyway) and ask about it. Answer: "Oh, sister needed it so it is at her house, as all the kids are sleeping there now." That is just one example among many. For whatever reason, right now, they have taken my motorbike....and.....wait for it......given me another one! A brand new one! I have no idea why this is. Theirs is 2 weeks old and nice. Mine is 2 years old. Still fine, but a little more banged up. One day, without a doubt, I will wake up and they will be switched out again.

As long as I have the stuff I need when I need it, I don't mind. When I see someone exiting my place with an iron, I just yell out to them "hey, I need that back on Sunday night" or whenever, and they know to bring it back.

Certain things, like my computer, go untouched as it is well understood that the computer is MINE....an iron doesn't matter to me, as long as it comes back when I need it. Compromise, but hold your ground on things that matter. People here share pretty much everything.

EDIT---By the way, I had maybe 40 baht in the tank and the motorbike they left with me had a full tank.....just in case you were wondering. It had nothing to do with that.

Edited October 16, 2013 by dao16

[FiftyTwo]

No, I have never experienced anyone helping themselves and using what belongs to me without my consent, no even the wife and my own kids.

It appears the OP`s problems are with his ever loving, ever caring wife, not from people outside of his family.

My advice to the OP is; get his own house in order first, before generalizing his own domestic problems with the whole Thai population. If he can`t control the situation, then put locks on all his property.

The title should be changed to: whats mine can be shared with all and sundry at the discretion of my wife.

Welcome to another Thai bashing thread.

Think you are lucky. It is not a Thai bashing thread but life here. Please do not run down folk cos your setup is perfect. Have seen the OP's question/experience many times. Think you must perhaps not frown on other folks experiences when it really is a way of life here.

Thai bashers who cant hack it here most often criticise the Thais and Thailand as a cover up for their own life failings, for either not being able to adapt into what is a totally different culture and different attitudes to life, are struggling or hustling to remain in Thailand or cannot control the actions of their partners and others around them. In other words, the long and suffering.

It is not a way of life here, but a way of their life and cannot be compared to the majority of us.

This is the definition of a Thai basher, those who blame everyone else for their weaknesses and failings in life.

I blame all my problems on white western foreigners white Brits, am I defined as a 'Farang Brit basher'?

Thais have never caused me any problems really worthy of mention.

Edited October 16, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[Fullstop]

Sell EVERYTHING ... Then use their stuff. Sorted.

[robblok]

What belongs to you belongs to them and what belongs to them stays with them.

Don't agree with that. While it can be very annoying, I see things switch out between family members all the time. Go to the village and don't see the washing machine (not mine anyway) and ask about it. Answer: "Oh, sister needed it so it is at her house, as all the kids are sleeping there now." That is just one example among many. For whatever reason, right now, they have taken my motorbike....and.....wait for it......given me another one! A brand new one! I have no idea why this is. Theirs is 2 weeks old and nice. Mine is 2 years old. Still fine, but a little more banged up. One day, without a doubt, I will wake up and they will be switched out again.

As long as I have the stuff I need when I need it, I don't mind. When I see someone exiting my place with an iron, I just yell out to them "hey, I need that back on Sunday night" or whenever, and they know to bring it back.

Certain things, like my computer, go untouched as it is well understood that the computer is MINE....an iron doesn't matter to me, as long as it comes back when I need it. Compromise, but hold your ground on things that matter. People here share pretty much everything.

EDIT---By the way, I had maybe 40 baht in the tank and the motorbike they left with me had a full tank.....just in case you were wondering. It had nothing to do with that.

It all depends how things are loaned when its a one way street.. no way.

I would have absolutely no problem loaning out my power tools if they were used in a proper way and not damaged. It seems that he just don't know how to use it or does not care because its not his. I am actually quite and I got a few friends one of them is a Brit and I would even loan him my tools despite him being a Brit.

Just teasing, I would loan out stuff easily if its treated with respect and brought back. I don't even need to loan from others as long as its treated well and if it breaks they replace it. Those are my rules once they are broken I don't loan anymore. You quickly learn.

[ralewis]

Welcome to the Thai village mindset. This exists even in the city in a community of neighbors who look out for each other. Of course, not every neighbor looks out for the other and those to step out and try to connect with others will be seen as a viable option of 'lender'. If you don't 'hang' with them they either realize you are very private, or thinks you are so 'secluded'.

Once you are integrated into their community, lending and borrowing is very common. Herbs, plants, fruits will be shared if planted outside your gate (if inside and they walk in and take it, well....). However not every Thai would be fair and equal once something is destroyed. Of course this can be said for many others in many countries!

Now, if you don't like this--how to stop it? We stopped people from picking our herbs and chilis by simply removing the plants and planting them inside our gates. We stopped turning on our street light because now, the neighbors refused to turn on their outside lights. Sure there were complaints, but we just smile politely

tl;dr don't want others to borrow without asking, lock the things up, keep it protected. then they will ask

[boone57]

Your nieghbors come and take your car?? What? Do you keep the keys it the ignition? I just don't believe you and if I have told you once I have told you a thousand times, DON'T EXAGGERATE!!

[Beetlejuice]

No, I have never experienced anyone helping themselves and using what belongs to me without my consent, no even the wife and my own kids.

It appears the OP`s problems are with his ever loving, ever caring wife, not from people outside of his family.

My advice to the OP is; get his own house in order first, before generalizing his own domestic problems with the whole Thai population. If he can`t control the situation, then put locks on all his property.

The title should be changed to: what’s mine can be shared with all and sundry at the discretion of my wife.

Welcome to another Thai bashing thread.

Think you are lucky. It is not a Thai bashing thread but life here. Please do not run down folk cos your setup is perfect. Have seen the OP's question/experience many times. Think you must perhaps not frown on other folks experiences when it really is a way of life here.

Thai bashers who can’t hack it here most often criticise the Thais and Thailand as a cover up for their own life failings, for either not being able to adapt into what is a totally different culture and different attitudes to life, are struggling or hustling to remain in Thailand or cannot control the actions of their partners and others around them. In other words, the long and suffering.

It is not a way of life here, but a way of their life and cannot be compared to the majority of us.

This is the definition of a Thai basher, those who blame everyone else for their weaknesses and failings in life.

So you think that Thais that go to farangland have a perfect life and find utopia ?.

One of the first lessons I learned during my adult life, that there is no such place as Utopia, and that goes for everyone.

If anyone of you finds the lost kingdom Utopia, please tell me where I can book my ticket?

Life is unfair because it`s a journey into the unknown, we can never foretell our destiny, but wherever we end up, we have to make the most of it or at least try to adjust and adapt to our situations and be content, even if not 100% satisfied with our lot, and anyone who does claim to be 100% fulfilled in their lives, I don`t believe. It is simply not a perfect world, full stop.

There is no point of people moaning on here about it`s not them, but all the others who are making them feel discontented because from my own experiences, no one is interested.

you`re in Thailand and should consider yourself lucky to be here. I know of many people who within an instant would swap places with us. As for your OP, only you have the abilities to change the situation by putting your foot down and and saying a firm; NO.

Edited October 16, 2013 by Beetlejuice

[norrona]

don't put your foot down too much, if you start being 'mean' with 'your' things and don't share then maybe they will 'tolerate' you being on 'their' land even less..... after all without you to ponce off of you are as useful as a chocolate teapot or an ashtray on a motorcycle...

[maybefitz]

My first encounter with this was BIL who just walked into my workshop whilst I was there, not a word spoken, opened my fishing box and took out a packet of hooks. On his way out of the door, I stopped him and relieved him of my possessions. "Mai Kemoy" I said and he was truly offended. My wife had to explain to him that if he wanted anything he had to ask first. He was completely bemused. It took 3 or 4 times before it sunk in. He now asks and the word has got round amongst the extended family.

Another one - not been here long and a lady comes past the patio, wais and smiles; proceeds down the garden, returns with a fistful of vegetables. I said to my wife, "Hey, who's that lady just walked in and helped herself to our veg?" "Oh,it's OK" she said, "that's my brother who died's wife's aunt from the next village". "So?", said I. "Ah," said my wife "She's family" - which apparently answered my question. It was one of my first experiences with different culture; different practices. I now take it in its stride, especially when I help myself to papaya from my sister-in-law's patch.

[Chittychangchang]

No, I have never experienced anyone helping themselves and using what belongs to me without my consent, no even the wife and my own kids.

It appears the OP`s problems are with his ever loving, ever caring wife, not from people outside of his family.

My advice to the OP is; get his own house in order first, before generalizing his own domestic problems with the whole Thai population. If he can`t control the situation, then put locks on all his property.

The title should be changed to: what’s mine can be shared with all and sundry at the discretion of my wife.

Welcome to another Thai bashing thread.

Think you are lucky. It is not a Thai bashing thread but life here. Please do not run down folk cos your setup is perfect. Have seen the OP's question/experience many times. Think you must perhaps not frown on other folks experiences when it really is a way of life here.

Thai bashers who can’t hack it here most often criticise the Thais and Thailand as a cover up for their own life failings, for either not being able to adapt into what is a totally different culture and different attitudes to life, are struggling or hustling to remain in Thailand or cannot control the actions of their partners and others around them. In other words, the long and suffering.

It is not a way of life here, but a way of their life and cannot be compared to the majority of us.

This is the definition of a Thai basher, those who blame everyone else for their weaknesses and failings in life.

So you think that Thais that go to farangland have a perfect life and find utopia ?.

Thais that live in farangland carn't understand why everyone is so mean and tight not wanting to share.

CCC

[Straight8]

I swear, one of you fella's is going to write a book one day called 'The idiots guide to marrying into a hillbilly family'.

No it isn't the Thai way. It is a leachers way.

Man up, grow a set, and stop being walked all over.

Come on, that would defeat the purpose and usefulness of being a villiage stooge, not to mention the humiliation and loss of face to his/their wife/wives.

Thai law Number - What's their's is only their's, what's yours is yours and theirs.

[Straight8]

don't put your foot down too much, if you start being 'mean' with 'your' things and don't share then maybe they will 'tolerate' you being on 'their' land even less..... after all without you to ponce off of you are as useful as a chocolate teapot or an ashtray on a motorcycle...

How can anyone resist such temptation to make life in such a place ??

Where do I sign?