New Visa Rules Exclude Everyone Except Sex Tourists, Alcoholics, Drug Addicts, Ravers, Illiterate...

[george]

SATIRE

New Visa Rules Exclude Everyone Except Sex Tourists, Alcoholics, Drug Addicts, Ravers, Illiterate Troglodytes

BANGKOK – Citing the need for maintaining order and unity during the transition to reform, the Council for Maintaining Peace and Order (CMPO) announced strict new visa rules for foreigners wishing to enter the kingdom.

Some of the “high quality tourists” the CMPO

says are welcome in Thailand

Effective today, tourist and non-immigrant business visas will be limited only to persons whose motives for entering Thailand involve solicitation of sex workers, consumption of alcholic beverages and mind-altering illicit substances, attendance at all-night music parties, or petty criminal activity that doesn’t involve politics.

“Thailand can no longer endure the presence of certain types of undesirable persons, such as journalists, academics, NGO employees, teachers, responsible business owners, or those working for charitable social organizations,” said Air Force chief Air Chief Marshal Prajin Juntong, the NCPO’s economic chief and acting head of Immigration.

“Foreigners who engage in activities such as writing, reading, thinking, discussion, dissemination of truthful information, the betterment of underprivileged people, and empathy with the electoral majority are simply incompatible with maintaining unity among all Thais.”

“We have tried to be patient with these people, but they continue to repeatedly offend with their actions,” he added.

Prajin stressed that Thailand was still a welcoming place with famous hospitality, but that the nation would now focus on attracting “ high quality tourism.”

“We wish to extend our warmest invitations to anyone who would like to sexually exploit our women and lax drug enforcement policies, as well as those seeking self-destructive entertainment that leaves no time or brain cells for the contemplation of society, politics, or justice.”

Foreigners caught reading books on Thai history, or with a blood alcohol level of under 0.1% risked deportation.

Consideration was being made for certain exceptions, such as allowing English teachers who were unqualified to do anything else, so long as those teachers agreed to spend all their earnings on prostitutes and drugs, rather than save up for starting a business.

Short-term tourists from rich nations would still be welcome in Bangkok, so long as they were on package tours that took them directly from their hotels to well-known landmarks such as Wat Arun and the Grand Palace. Upcountry tourism is prohibited under the new rules, to prevent “any possible encounters between foreigners and non-compliant Thai nationals.”

Entry visas would also be contingent upon adequately failing a Thai language test, Prajin added.

-- Notthenation 2014-05-29

[Guest]

Finally good news for all of us! They don't call this the land of lost souls for nothing.

[Thaddeus]

Yey.... it's April again.

Nice one George.

Foreigners caught reading books on Thai history, or with a blood alcohol level of under 0.1% risked deportation.

I may as well join the queue now

[luudee]

Sounds great !!!

[4dyg]

i call those quality tourist. have you ever tried to crash out on a beach and managed to to totally free on sand. see it not speck on them, takes real quality to do that.

Thailand can no longer endure the presence of certain types of undesirable persons, such as journalists, academics, NGO employees, teachers, responsible business owners, or those working for charitable social organizations,”

if only it were so. how much more pleasant thailand would be.

[Tokay]

Looks like I'm in, and so are the rest of you.

[krisb]

If my daughter ever ends like that, I wont be angry, just very very dissapointed.

[soundman]

Nice one. 5555

[Birdman]

If my daughter never ends like that, I wont be angry, just very very dissapointed.

[pedro01]

Dont the journalists have their panties in a twist right now?

You reap what you sow.

Sensationalists and not much more.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[ThaiRich]

The scary thing is, this is actually what Thailand wants.

[retell]

What about marriage visas ?.

Do i have to get drunk and start acting like a jerk .

[EnzoRippo]

FREE VISAS for Candy Crush champions.

[EnzoRippo]

ED VISA based on

massage schools for girls

boxing camps for boys

cosmetics training for other genders

[ezzra]

Finally, a country that agrees and appreciates my days of lollygagging, wine women and songs...

and da hell with leaning and studying, who needs it right? Thank you Thailand for welcoming me

into your bosoms....

[whybother]

The scary thing is, this is actually what Thailand wants.

Continuing with Satire theme, I see.

[retell]

Does this mean tgey gonna be serving beer and laokao on the visarun bus , and at immigration checkpoints embassys and consulates .

[amerasian]

Well at least they do have some priorities. Albeit questionable and suspect.......lol....

[retell]

Are farang allowed to grow their own stash?

[JoeLing]

Glad to see someone in Government takes care of TV forum members

[EnzoRippo]

Renewal of visa at immigration office

You'll have to show the pictures in your smartphone to prove sexual implication with local population and alcohol excess. A photo of you unconscious in your vomit with a naked tattooed prostitute will grant you an IMMEDIATE ONE YEAR EXTENSION VISA.

[Jeffrey346]

This is a ridiculous thread and I do not find it amusing. Nor should it be part of the email notifications.

[Melyn]

Hilarious. How long before a foreign paper prints it as fact?

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[FireMedic]

I can't wait for another news agency to pick up this story and print it as real......

[Thaddeus]

This is a ridiculous thread and I do not find it amusing. Nor should it be part of the email notifications.

Queen Victoria lives............

[EnzoRippo]

What about marriage visas ?.

Do i have to get drunk and start acting like a jerk .

Sorry no marriage visa anymore.

Only a "different partners" visa with "multiple re-entries".

[wprime]

I'm guessing the author is trying to get himself charged with criminal defamation so he can parade at how Thailand is suppressing the media.

[DoctorG]

A poor attempt at satire.

[JoeLing]

Sorry posted in the wrong thread - does that make me now eligible for a permanent residence permit ?

[keestha]

Nice pic in the opening post, I presume it is taken at Koh Phangan the morning after. Nothing wrong with those kids, just coming to have a good time and spending a lot of money locally. If I would have written the opening post, the pic would have been of elderly scrubby looking farang men with a questionable visa status, drinking beer in the daytime sitting around a table in front of a mom and pop store in Phuket or Pattaya.