Being Ignored - Do you say anything?

[Neeranam]

I used to never really care when walking into a restaurant and not getting handed a menu, not being waied, when my wife and kids did, and the change being handed to my wife after I paid. I understand people wanting to talk to my wife instead of a foreigner, as they wrongly assume I'm illiterate.

These days, maybe cause I'm older and grumpier and tell them straight that they are being disrespectful and rude.

Yesterday, at McDonald's, my youngest kid was talked to, as if I wasn't there. I ordered, the idiot staff asked the 10 year old if I wanted upsize. I replied I did. Then she again asked my daughter if we were eating there. I asked the manager why she was ignoring me and said it was extremely rude. She said, "she doesn't speak farang". I said I wasn't speaking farang.

It happens all the time, and sometimes I joke about it. Once they realize I speak Thai fluently, usually things are ok.

I have countless stories, like a car park attendant telling my kid to tell me I needed a new car. 

Maybe I will share a few more similar stories if time.

Are you ignored, does it bother you?

 

 

[MaeJoMTB]

Easy answer, don't take  your wife and kids with you.

Problem solved.

 

Or train your wife and kids to say 'Sorry we only speak English'.

Edited November 4, 2017 by MaeJoMTB

[Morch]

There are times when this is a blessing, though...Think it annoys the Mrs. more than me, she gets to handle more of the unwanted small talk, prying, and communicating all them other irrelevant tidbits. If I see she's getting upset or about to lose her temper, I step in. Other times, if I feel like it, just do some ignoring back. But more often then not...can't really be bothered all that much. 

 

To be fair, this state of mind took a while to come about. Back when I found it both rude and annoying, then saw the light.

Edited November 4, 2017 by Morch

[Samui Bodoh]

As a general rule, I ignore it. It almost always isn't done in malice, but rather in ignorance. It isn't really fair to get angry in the face of ignorance.

 

That said, sometimes you do have to do something. 

 

I would turn to your wife and talk about the person ignoring you (in fluent Thai). Be sure to remark on their clothes, appearance, hair, etc. And when they start talking to you, remark on how well they speak Thai in an amazed voice. The look of confusion usually takes care of any annoyance that I feel.

 

But, as I said above, let it go. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff.

 

[1FinickyOne]

Oh, it happens occasionally and is worth a laugh... my Thai is pretty good and I am fairly fluid conversationally and yet, there are people who cannot understand a word I am saying... it is as if they just see me and their mind turns off...

 

The other day, I stopped at a coffee shop in the countryside and spoke in Thai with the proprietor... she was totally blank and a Thai customer using my exact words, understood everything I said perfectly and repeated it exactly to the lady - who then understood... 

 

I asked the young Thai fellow why he understood and she didn't - we all just laughed. 

 

Of course, if it bothered me I could live in my home country where people understand my words, but not much else... 

 

As Samui says above - let it go - no malice... 

[Mitkof Island]

More often than not it is younger stuck up Thai woman in their twenties that don,t understand my Thai until i insult them. While grandmother in her nineties understands me just fine.

[mauGR1]

It's a fact that many Thais don't like foreigners to learn Thai language.

I wonder why..

[Morch]

4 minutes ago, mauGR1 said:

It's a fact that many Thais don't like foreigners to learn Thai language.

I wonder why..

 

Most Thais I met would applaud any foreigner for even using one word correctly. String together a whole sentence or *gasp* carry out a conversation, and you're a superstar. Maybe more so in the countryside and outside of tourist areas. 

[mauGR1]

1 minute ago, Morch said:

 

Most Thais I met would applaud any foreigner for even using one word correctly. String together a whole sentence or *gasp* carry out a conversation, and you're a superstar. Maybe more so in the countryside and outside of tourist areas. 

Yes, i also get often that kind of positive reaction, still, friends who speak Thai better than me, get the kind of reaction described in the OP.

It could be that they expect a foreigner to speak English, and they get confused...

[Been there done that]

Would you listen to or expect an alien to grasp your language ?

[JohnMc45]

If you think that's bad. Try visiting Quebec in Canada where they speck English but will act like they don't.  

[Andrew Dwyer]

It annoyed me when the change was always given to my gf when i had paid !! it seemed rude so i asked the gf not to take any change offered and just look at me instead, it works well and they usually give me the change and look suitably embarrassed.

Might seem a little bit childish to do this but it’s just a way of letting them know that they were not following the correct “ etiquette “ without making a scene.

[473geo]

Why would they want to speak to me? my wife orders, my wife pays! I am there to eat....works for me.

 

 

[steven100]

Being ignored .....     lucky you   !  

[FritsSikkink]

9 hours ago, mauGR1 said:

It's a fact that many Thais don't like foreigners to learn Thai language.

I wonder why..

It is not a fact. People who want to cheat you don't like it, this is more common in the red light area's. In the "normal" world they like it.

[Samui Bodoh]

8 hours ago, JohnMc45 said:

If you think that's bad. Try visiting Quebec in Canada where they speck English but will act like they don't.  

 

That is because if you don't speak some French, we assume that you are American!

 

 

[JohnMc45]

33 minutes ago, Samui Bodoh said:

 

That is because if you don't speak some French, we assume that you are American!

 

 

That's ok. It's not like the "French" of Quebec speak French either.  

[mania]

Of course this has also happened to me but usually was with Burmese attendants at the fuel stations.

My wife would just not look at or answer them when they asked her for confirmation etc.

But truthfully over the years as "my" Thai pronunciation got better so did the results everywhere so part of it is foreigners tone & ability

(even though we all like to think we are speaking just perfect tonally)

 

That aside there will always be (mostly young ) Thai's who will always respond to the Thai in your group regardless of age etc.

They are not being rude/ignoring you.

 

It is in fact a confidence issue on their side.

They lack confidence & are afraid to address you directly. Your getting mad does not help

& actually makes them even less confident.

Of course it is up to you how you want to handle it but it is easier if you just smile & say in Thai can you speak Thai with me?

 

Edited November 5, 2017 by mania

[bert bloggs]

I can speak some Thai ," not a lot" the problem is i am told is that what i can say is pronounced perfectly , and here lies the problem ,Thais then assume my Thai is perfect and start a conversation , and thats the problem ,i only understand bits , so i find its better to let the wife talk as for change being handed back to the wife , often she pays the bill ,and the change gets handed back to me , perhaps they think ime a barboy

[dotpoom]

This type of thing would annoy anybody. I too get it all the time when with the wife. Wifey says t's because a lady waitress doesn't want to make eye contact with the man for fear his lady doesn't like it.

    Just the other day we stopped at a coffee stall, the attendant lady chatted away to wifey (we had never been there before) and completely ignored me, not as much as a glance or a smile. I interrupted and said to the lady "excuse me, am I here or am I still ar home because you obviously don't see me, or is it just that I am invisible"...... of course she didn't understand the sarcasm. I then got up and moved over to a different table and left the Mrs. to explain.

[zaZa9]

I'd like to complain ...but its no good as everyone just ignores me ...

[masuk]

Many stores have the staff sitting around in a corner, chatting, and totally ignoring the farang customer.

It's often up to me to break up the happy chatting and ask for a bit of service.

I know a lack of common language on both sides is a huge problem in this country, but it's such a total contrast with other ASEAN countries.

Home Pro is an exception, where staff will go and seek out an English speaker to help this mute farang.

[akirasan]

It honestly doesn't worry me, the customer service here is pretty lousy in general.  

Enjoy the time you get together with your family and don't sweat the small stuff.  

[Aforek]

To the OP : you say you speak fluent Thai ? the answer to your problem is easy : do like me, speak Thai before  they open their mouth, they will answer in Thai 

Thai people don't like farangs who speak Thai ? prostitutes, tourists places, yes 

 

upcountry where I live, they like that I speak their language 

 

Above, you speak about Quebec, and the French they speak : it's old French ; I have many problems to understand them when they really speak to each other, and in France we don't like their 18 th century accent 

[thaipo7]

Been married to a Thai for 45 years and still can not speak the language.  Sure wish I was fluent.  I can get around and eat and I will speak Thai when I am next in line and a Thai who comes in later gets waited on first.

[MaeJoMTB]

5 minutes ago, thaipo7 said:

Been married to a Thai for 45 years and still can not speak the language.  Sure wish I was fluent.  I can get around and eat and I will speak Thai when I am next in line and a Thai who comes in later gets waited on first.

They all understand  'Paw mung Thai' no matter how I mispronounce it!

[nahkit]

The only one that annoys me is the handing of the change back to the wife. If they can accept the money direct from me then why is it so difficult for them to give the change back to me?

 

 

[jimn]

Man goes to see his doctor.

 

Man "Doctor everywhere I go people keep ignoring me

 

Doctor "Nurse next patient please"

[Beats56]

13 hours ago, JohnMc45 said:

If you think that's bad. Try visiting Quebec in Canada where they speck English but will act like they don't.  

I there a few years ago to Montreal and Quebec City and almost everyone spoke to me in English and I do know some French. The older generation use to be like what you said but the younger generation isnt like that anymore. I was pleasantly suprised.

[Tchooptip]

Being Ignored - Do you say anything?

My wife takes a kind of malicious delight to talk to me in Thai in front of a Tesco cashier or when ordering in a restaurant, so much so that sometimes I do not understand  100%. In restaurants, she does that all the time, sometimes I answer in Thai or if I am not sure in English, but the waiter/tress still most of the time are talking mainly to my wife. In fact, I realise reading OP I did not pay any attention at all, but probably if someone would have behaved like that in my country I would have noticed it.