Runaway daughter

[Farang two dot zero]

The daughter of my girlfriend who is 13 years old runs away from home, and it's been several times last time it was a week. She has a low grade boyfriend and we do not know what to do ? Someone have a similar experience?

Edited February 25, 2018 by Farang two dot zero

[roo860]

Before anyone else says it, your first sentence reads as though your gf is 13yrs old.
Did you find out where she went before? You could start there. How old is the boyfriend?

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[Farang two dot zero]

On 25/02/2018 at 10:51 AM, roo860 said:

Before anyone else says it, your first sentence reads as though your gf is 13yrs old.
Did you find out where she went before? You could start there. How old is the boyfriend?

You did not understand anything I'm talking about the daughter of my GF who has 13 years old and who makes repeated runaways !

[roo860]

Yes I did understand 100%, probably English is not your first language.

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[steven100]

13yrs is a bit young to be running away from home. The mother needs to find her and give her a good scolding, grounding and revolk any priviliges for a couple of weeks.

She needs to sit down with her and start fresh with new home ground rules that a mum & daughter have together.  It's not for you to get to involved....  its the mother who is ultimately responsible.

Your gf needs to regain control of her own daughter or she will grow up as a wild kid with no respect.

[Farang two dot zero]

20 hours ago, steven100 said:

13yrs is a bit young to be running away from home. The mother needs to find her and give her a good scolding, grounding and revolk any priviliges for a couple of weeks.

She needs to sit down with her and start fresh with new home ground rules that a mum & daughter have together.  It's not for you to get to involved....  its the mother who is ultimately responsible.

Your gf needs to regain control of her own daughter or she will grow up as a wild kid with no respect.

Thank you Steven it was my thought 

[poanoi]

it has happened several times you say, so at least the mother should have been informed

what the daughter is upset about and want a change from

[swissie]

The way OP takes an interest in the faith of his GF's daughter is commendable.
As previous posters have already made clear: If the mother can not "stabilize" the daughter, who can? The Farang Boyfriend?
Hardly.
Predictably, there will be bills to be paid, due to the livestyle the daughter is persuing. (Bail Money, Lawyers Fees etc etc). As long as there is a Farang around, it's not the mother that will pay for those "irregular expenses" of her daughter.

To make it worse, the daughter gone astray, will always be closer to her than the Farang laying next to her in bed. Even if the Farang has paid for the bed. This is Thailand.

Run Forrest, run under these circumstances.
Cheers.

[franckfranck]

Find her and shock her with family warmth and love. Show her who really loves her and who is just making use of her.

[mr_lob]

get control of the little **** SOON. my wife's daughter did the same thing at 15 years old. Now fast forward 3 years and she is involved with drugs gangs and hooked on crystal meth

[OmarZaid]

On 3/1/2018 at 5:17 AM, swissie said:

The way OP takes an interest in the faith of his GF's daughter is commendable.
As previous posters have already made clear: If the mother can not "stabilize" the daughter, who can? The Farang Boyfriend?
Hardly.
Predictably, there will be bills to be paid, due to the livestyle the daughter is persuing. (Bail Money, Lawyers Fees etc etc). As long as there is a Farang around, it's not the mother that will pay for those "irregular expenses" of her daughter.

To make it worse, the daughter gone astray, will always be closer to her than the Farang laying next to her in bed. Even if the Farang has paid for the bed. This is Thailand.

Run Forrest, run under these circumstances.
Cheers.

Agreed ... run !

[jgarbo]

On 2/25/2018 at 4:51 PM, roo860 said:

Before anyone else says it, your first sentence reads as though your gf is 13yrs old.
Did you find out where she went before? You could start there. How old is the boyfriend?

Sent from my SM-G920F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app
 

No. That would need a defining comma after girlfriend. Still a messy sentence.

Edited March 29, 2018 by jgarbo

[DonnyT]

On 2/27/2018 at 4:10 AM, Farang two dot zero said:

You did not understand anything I'm talking about the daughter of my GF who has 13 years old and who makes repeated runaways !

Look on the bright side, one less Thai living off you.

I'm with Swissie on this one, I'd dump the gf as well, plenty of Thai ladies with less baggage.

Edited March 29, 2018 by DonnyT

[VocalNeal]

1 hour ago, OmarZaid said:

Agreed ... run !

I think running is premature but the GF needs to understand that the OP will run if the daughter is not bought under control. It is after all simply hormones, no one understands her etc, etc.

[Just1Voice]

Running away at 14?  Ten to one she'll be pregnant by 15.  And the bf will be no where to be found. 

[cardinalblue]

There are good kids and bad kids and it all has to do with parenting....

 

A 13 year old might be too late to influence or role model...values and principles start to mold at 7-10 years old 

 

clearly her current environment is not working...

[Proboscis]

Once they get a taste for the life, it is very hard to get them to stay at home. About the only thing a parent can do is to try to stop them from getting pregnant - a contraceptive implant would be the way to go.

 

Second, would be to try to show her what happens to people on meth. Either bring her to a place where the meth people are getting treatment and find folks who look 40 years older even though they are still in their twenties.

 

If the boyfriend is really as terrible as you infer and is older than 19, your GF could try to get him into trouble for having sex with an underage. If he is real lowlife, he might be trying to pimp her out - then you really have him, if you can prove it.

 

At the very least, if he is suspected to be an adult, your Gf could at least have a friendly chat with the police in the town/city where you live.

 

It would also help if you could work out why the girl is running away from home. Some go because they are "pushed" - no one has any time for them, they are unsupported at home, they are bored etc or because they have rows with parents or parents are way too strict. Of course it may be that she just likes to run with a certain crowd - this may be way too late in a way because no one thought to choose her peer group for her.

 

If the latter, you could try the following, move her to another part of the country away from boyfriend and peer group and into a scenario with boundaries but where she is safe, protected and cared for. Not easy.

[Bangkok Barry]

On 2/27/2018 at 4:10 AM, Farang two dot zero said:

 

On 2/27/2018 at 4:10 AM, Farang two dot zero said:

You did not understand anything I'm talking about the daughter of my GF who has 13 years old and who makes repeated runaways !

 

 

How about writing The 13-year old daughter of my girlfriend? Hmm? Better?

As others have said, you or someone the girl trusts needs to sit down with her and find out why she keeps running off. Clearly something isn't right at home.

[Acemaker]

On 2/27/2018 at 7:07 AM, steven100 said:

13yrs is a bit young to be running away from home. The mother needs to find her and give her a good scolding, grounding and revolk any priviliges for a couple of weeks.

She needs to sit down with her and start fresh with new home ground rules that a mum & daughter have together.  It's not for you to get to involved....  its the mother who is ultimately responsible.

Your gf needs to regain control of her own daughter or she will grow up as a wild kid with no respect.

I think alot of these Kids dont take kindly to Mummy living with or seeing a Foreigner, and who can blame them, they would rather a Thai Man were around with whom they can have a rapport with and guidance when needed, the Child doesnt look always at the Monetary aspect of the relationship, and yes i know Thai Man NO GOOD, heard it all before.

[NanLaew]

3 hours ago, mr_lob said:

get control of the little **** SOON. my wife's daughter did the same thing at 15 years old. Now fast forward 3 years and she is involved with drugs gangs and hooked on crystal meth

Totally agree.

 

My buddy got married and took his wife to live in the US leaving her two teenage kids with grandparents. The 14 year-old daughter was running with a bad crowd and after being locked up twice, the grandparents were told that she was being used by her 'boyfriend' to deliver yaabaa and next time there would be no bail-out option. The grandparents still could not control her and when she turned 15, she got pregnant. My buddy and his wife (now with green card) managed to get the daughter fast-tracked on an emergency US visa and she is now a young mother living with her mom and step-dad in the US. The older son is still here, a total waste of skin and pretty much common knowledge that he's allowing the house to be used by his yaabaa head buddies who are all on the local plods watch list.

 

It's not all about allowing for teen angst and hormones. Sometime tough love is the only answer.

[Just1Voice]

12 minutes ago, Acemaker said:

I think alot of these Kids dont take kindly to Mummy living with or seeing a Foreigner, and who can blame them, they would rather a Thai Man were around with whom they can have a rapport with and guidance when needed, the Child doesnt look always at the Monetary aspect of the relationship, and yes i know Thai Man NO GOOD, heard it all before.

You may be right to some small degree, but overall, I would have to disagree with you.  When I married my wife ten years ago, her Thai son was 24.  Within a year he made it clear that "Dean is my father."  I legally adopted him when he was 30 and then he, on his own, legally changed his last name to mine.  When he was asked why, he replied: "To honor the man who is my father."  Also have a niece, the daughter of my wife's sister, who was 10 when I came on the scene.  In no time at all, she was telling everyone that I was her father.  She's now in her 3rd year of law school at Mae Fah Luang, and everyone who knows her actually thinks I am her natural father.  

 

Maybe I'm the "exception to the rule", or maybe I just got damn lucky. 

 

[ChiangMaiLightning2143]

Let her work through herself. Push education and goal oriented study. Teach her the facts of life.

Meanwhile ensure she gets regular depot-provera shots and provide her with large
boxes of condoms and insist to her boyfriend that he uses them.

[PerkinsCuthbert]

First, I'd say examine quite what your girlfriend means to you, and you to her. How deep is your bond? Because a situation like you describe can shatter your relationship if it persists, and at thirteen, the daughter, once 'blooded' as she is, will very likely put an intolerable strain on you and your girlfriend, to the extent she may well drive a permanent wedge between you. 

Textbooks tell us that children need firm parental guidance and parameters within which to operate - they need to know they are secure within their boundaries. Once exceeded, it often becomes a monumental task to put the genie back in the bottle. It can be done, but ask yourself, are you and your girlfriend together the ones to tackle the task? Or would your girlfriend alone prove more capable? In other words, are you part of the problem, in that you are taking part of a mother's love away from a vulnerable girl? I don't mean to suggest that that is so, but it's something to consider.

Good luck.

[DonnyT]

2 hours ago, Just1Voice said:

You may be right to some small degree, but overall, I would have to disagree with you.  When I married my wife ten years ago, her Thai son was 24.  Within a year he made it clear that "Dean is my father."  I legally adopted him when he was 30 and then he, on his own, legally changed his last name to mine.  When he was asked why, he replied: "To honor the man who is my father."  Also have a niece, the daughter of my wife's sister, who was 10 when I came on the scene.  In no time at all, she was telling everyone that I was her father.  She's now in her 3rd year of law school at Mae Fah Luang, and everyone who knows her actually thinks I am her natural father.  

 

Maybe I'm the "exception to the rule", or maybe I just got damn lucky. 

 

No, her son was 24 and an adult, children are different.

[Ulic]

The first thing to do is put her on the pill or some other method of birth control.

Second, spend time with her. 24-7 so she knows her parents care about her, even if

she thinks they are boring and stupid. 

[Straight8]

14 hours ago, VocalNeal said:

I think running is premature but the GF needs to understand that the OP will run if the daughter is not bought under control. It is after all simply hormones, no one understands her etc, etc.

Fair enough, but I agree with some of the other posters, though if the OP has feelings for the mother, bit hard to just run, but agree, things are going to get worse (for him) from this point on, much worse.

 

The old saying, get involved with a Tha woman, and its with all and sundry connected to her, including the chickens and pigs!!

 

[theguyfromanotherforum]

If I wanted to get involved with women who have children, I'd have stayed in Canada.

 

Except, the woman would be getting alimony and the kid would be in school.

 

A thai woman with a daughter and no father. What a nightmare, lol.

 

 

[Bangkok Barry]

53 minutes ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

If I wanted to get involved with women who have children, I'd have stayed in Canada.

 

Except, the woman would be getting alimony and the kid would be in school.

 

A thai woman with a daughter and no father. What a nightmare, lol.

 

 

 

And extremely common. So much for the myth that Thai families are very close.

[FritsSikkink]

15 hours ago, Acemaker said:

I think alot of these Kids dont take kindly to Mummy living with or seeing a Foreigner, and who can blame them, they would rather a Thai Man were around with whom they can have a rapport with and guidance when needed, the Child doesnt look always at the Monetary aspect of the relationship, and yes i know Thai Man NO GOOD, heard it all before.

That is one of the reasons, you should learn to speak Thai, it will help a lot.

[DonnyT]

3 hours ago, Bangkok Barry said:

And extremely common. So much for the myth that Thai families are very close.

Thai families are often very close.

It's just most of them don't view the sperm donors as part of their family.