Whats wrong with you foreigners

[Gecko123]

Afraid a foreigner's going to ask to borrow money? Seriously? Thais are much more likely to ask to borrow money from a foreigner than another foreigner is.  So do you walk around avoiding contact with everybody in order to avoid being asked for a loan? You don't have the social skills to politely turn down a loan request?

 

Afraid someone's going to attach themselves to you, talk your ear off, start dropping by your house unannounced, etc? Seriously? You don't have the social skills to manage a conversation or a relationship? I've got some errands to do, I'd prefer if you called before coming over to the house.

 

Some of this may be cultural, but a lot of it is dysfunctional rudeness driven by fear, insecurity, and unhappiness. Some people fear being judged, but there are some people who are deliberately rude because they're unhappy. Social media and forums like this also play a role in fostering these antisocial attitudes. Just look at this thread. It's astonishing that a majority of posters seem to support the idea that to be civil to one another, even acknowledge one another's existence, or show the least receptivity to engaging in a conversation with a fellow traveler is uncool and loser behavior. Social media also turns everyone into instant experts who feel they have nothing to learn from other people, and blurs the lines between virtual and real life friends.

 

The truth is that there's horrendous social isolation amongst many foreign men in Thailand, even in areas with large ex pat communities. In most of rural Thailand, even though there are towns with pockets of foreigners, foreigners are spread very thin. Many guys have few foreign friends, and because of poor language skills and cultural adjustment problems they struggle to integrate into their Thai communities. Sometimes people just crave the opportunity to converse in their native language.

 

The expat community pays hidden costs for this anti-social behavior. Thais pick up on this unfriendliness (which runs very counter to Thai culture) and in turn begin to act less friendly towards foreigners. This unfriendliness undercuts social networking making foreigners even more isolated and vulnerable to being taken advantage of. I'm consistently shunned by almost all the foreigners I run into, even though I know that the population density of foreigners in a 100 kilometer radius is very low. My social circle mainly consists of Thai men in my age 50-70 group who I enjoy shooting the breeze and sharing a laugh with. If I didn't have these friends I don't know what I would do, as with very few exceptions, the ex pat community has been generally unfriendly. People need to wise up and start being more supportive of one another here. For their own good, if for no other reason. Ignore the sourpuss trolls who are fond of pretending they lead such busy and fulfilling lives there's no room in their lives for new friends or acquaintances.  Trust me, rarely is this the case in real life.

Edited March 26, 2018 by Gecko123

[starky]

On 3/26/2018 at 12:57 AM, transam said:

So folk like me in your opinion, who like to smile are idiots...Well, I reckon that really shows you are stuck in your "growl" world. You should try and be more of a happy soul...Makes life more...Smiley....

Are you another one of the posters that insists on distilling every post into black or white? I said quite succinctly that I don't walk around grinning all the time but if you do have at it. I don't think it's rude, anti social or grumpy not to acknowledge every single white person or Thai I see in the street every day. End of.

[Odysseus123]

6 minutes ago, JLCrab said:

OK here is my story and apologies to those who have heard it but it's been a while:

 

I was walking in Central Park New York City late 1970's on a Sunday when the main road on the west side West Drive was closed to traffic. Walking. Jogging,. Bicycles. In-line skates etc.

 

I was walking south when to my left I saw a couple with a young boy sitting a bit off the road on a bench. I said a big HELLO! without breaking stride and he said a big HELLO! back.

 

He was John Lennon.

A wonderful story.

 

Most of my village were well aware of my daily routine and that I would hop on my little putt-putt and drive up to the local shop at around 6.30 am to get supplies and escape the heat of the day.

 

One morning I drove up and greeted the assembled multitudes with my usual "sawarsdee khrap"-to be met with a few moments of dead silence..

 

Then they all responded with "Good morning!" and we all fell about laughing.

 

It remains one of my most treasured memories of Thailand-the happy incongruity of the thing.

[JAFO]

I can appreciate the OP experiences. In the big picture and reading all the posts, its clear we have a cross section of reasonably social trusting people and we have the ones who are not and seem a bit cynical. In fairness though this topic has been discussed numerous times with the same answers (likely from the same posters). You are who you are. I am a social type person and always tend to be smiling and happy. No reason not to be. I am not overly zealous where I say "Hello" or Hi to everybody but do say Hello to people at the market, the coffee shop I go to or just out and about. I had the same behavior in the states. If someone says "Hello" or "Whats up" or "Howdy" I always respond back and always with a smile. 

 

I do not see many foreigners here in the North however in all my years here prior living in BKK, Pathum Thani, Korat etc I have never been asked for money, help etc.. That seems really odd and the ones that have had that experience on a few occasions must be some sort of magnet for that type. 

 

People will do what people do OP. There is no doubt there is a large faction of miserable expats living in Thailand. Just look at the responses in the forums.

[Stevemercer]

I live in rural Thailand where there aren't too many farangs, and will often say hello if I see a stranger.

 

Most respond, but many don't. East Germans can be reticent and I guess it is not in European cultures to greet strangers. I'm always a bit surprised when I get a complete brush-off when it is obvious we are the only farangs surrounded by thousands of Thais.

 

Thai locals, on the other hand, are always smiling and saying hello. I guess because the Thais I meet are so happy and friendly I expect farangs to be the same?

[rott]

5 hours ago, sanemax said:

That is a bit unfair .

If I see someone who is lost or looks like they need a assistance , more often than not , I will ask them whether they need any help , and even go out my way to walk them to where they want to go .

   I am quite happy to help people who need any assistance , and dont offer assistance based on their skin colour 

It was meant humorously max, no intention of being nasty.

Though I should know by now that irony or wry humour does not transmit well online, especially when those concerned are not acquainted.

 

No offence was intended.

[starky]

10 minutes ago, JAFO said:

I can appreciate the OP experiences. In the big picture and reading all the posts, its clear we have a cross section of reasonably social trusting people and we have the ones who are not and seem a bit cynical. In fairness though this topic has been discussed numerous times with the same answers (likely from the same posters). You are who you are. I am a social type person and always tend to be smiling and happy. No reason not to be. I am not overly zealous where I say "Hello" or Hi to everybody but do say Hello to people at the market, the coffee shop I go to or just out and about. I had the same behavior in the states. If someone says "Hello" or "Whats up" or "Howdy" I always respond back and always with a smile. 

 

I do not see many foreigners here in the North however in all my years here prior living in BKK, Pathum Thani, Korat etc I have never been asked for money, help etc.. That seems really odd and the ones that have had that experience on a few occasions must be some sort of magnet for that type. 

 

People will do what people do OP. There is no doubt there is a large faction of miserable expats living in Thailand. Just look at the responses in the forums.

I was in full agreement till you went all judgemental in your last paragraph. I will say again it doesn't mean I am nasty, miserable or anti social just because I don't feel the need to smile or nod or say hi to every white person I come across in Thailand.

[balo]

If you want plenty of smiles in Thailand , just smile. Thais will smile back , doesnt matter if its false smiles or not , they will always copy you.
Look a farang is smiling at me , I have to smile back.

So if you want to feel like everyone loves you, just smile. There are a few exceptions of course.....[emoji12]

[Odysseus123]

Gecko 123,

 

I just wanted to say that you post was brilliant and one of the best that I have ever read on Thai Visa.

 

 

[n210mp]

Most of the sad characters you describe (OP) are maybe socially dysfunctional, insecure and with fears that someone may well recognise them if they get into any meaningful conversation! (think about it)

 

Sign of the dysfunctional times.

[Odysseus123]

1 minute ago, balo said:

If you want plenty of smiles in Thailand , just smile. Thais will smile back , doesnt matter if its false smiles or not , they will always copy you.
Look a farang is smiling at me , I have to smile back.

So if you want to feel like everyone loves you, just smile. There are a few exceptions of course.....

Makes you feel better anyway...a physiological response,action-reaction.

[zyphodb]

I agree with the OP, but my life experience tells me that most people from rural areas, small towns, villages etc. will say hello & pass the time of day, as we used to say years ago. While people from large towns & cities will go out of their way not to speak to strangers. 

 Being from the countryside myself I'll say hello to anyone, not push it, just hello unless they appear to want a conversation in which case they'll get one unless I'm in a hurry doing something, in which case I'll say sorry & quickly explain that.

  I find people that ignore others are 

1. Bloody ignorant.

2. Missing out on a lot of what life has to offer.

[rott]

23 hours ago, Hummin said:

If you have class, you have it, and no need to talk so loud about it! Just my two cent. Being so expressive about how you are, and not are advocating others who have an different opinion than you to be that sort of people, is not how a man with proud class would do. 

So in a place where westerners are a bit of a rarity if you saw one who greeted you with a hello/good morning/whatever in passing, would you reply or look the other way and hurry on.?

[sanemax]

18 minutes ago, rott said:

It was meant humorously max, no intention of being nasty.

Though I should know by now that irony or wry humour does not transmit well online, especially when those concerned are not acquainted.

 

No offence was intended.

No offence taken , as it was quite clear that your post wasnt genuine , you know very well that my post wasnt meant "humorously" and it wasnt "ironic" , but your post was quite clearly ironic 

[cyril sneer]

I will always smile and say 'hello' back to anyone who says it to me but I will never initiate it.

If they then want a full conversation i'll try and end it as politely as I can. These people more often than not just want someone to listen to them talk about themselves, and after a period of time you'll see they have little interest in what you have to say.

Most towns i've lived in have had a couple of expat bars, that at least gives me a choice when I feel like socialising.

[JAFO]

20 minutes ago, starky said:

I was in full agreement till you went all judgemental in your last paragraph. I will say again it doesn't mean I am nasty, miserable or anti social just because I don't feel the need to smile or nod or say hi to every white person I come across in Thailand.

But lets be honest. It is clear there is a rather large cross section of miserable expats here from a variety of countries. I do not harbor ill feelings towards people who do not want say Hello, that is entirely up to the individual however in many cases the misery of oneself spills into how social or anti social one is.

 

Cheers

[MaeJoMTB]

21 minutes ago, zyphodb said:

I'll say hello to anyone,

This isn't about saying hello to everyone.

Only white people in a brown country.

[MaeJoMTB]

6 minutes ago, JAFO said:

It is clear there is a rather large cross section of miserable expats here from a variety of countries.

I see it as a cross section of happy white people, who aren't so lonely they need to speak to other white people they don't know.

Saying 'hello' to random white folk screams 'I'm lonely and needy' to me.

Edited March 26, 2018 by MaeJoMTB

[sanemax]

18 minutes ago, n210mp said:

Most of the sad characters you describe (OP) are maybe socially dysfunctional, insecure and with fears that someone may well recognise them if they get into any meaningful conversation! (think about it)

Sign of the dysfunctional times.

I do think that you are over analysing things a bit too much , but saying that , there are many people around who will use any info they have on you, against you,  if you have a disagreement 

[sanemax]

9 minutes ago, JAFO said:

But lets be honest. It is clear there is a rather large cross section of miserable expats here from a variety of countries. I do not harbor ill feelings towards people who do not want say Hello, that is entirely up to the individual however in many cases the misery of oneself spills into how social or anti social one is.

 

Cheers

Ok then "Hello JAFO" , happy now ?

I am now a happy, confident , friendly person, who isnt an insecure anti-social psychopath with something to hide

[LomSak27]

On ‎3‎/‎25‎/‎2018 at 4:51 PM, Rc2702 said:

On ‎3‎/‎25‎/‎2018 at 4:35 PM, brewsterbudgen said:

What's wrong is foreigners trying to make conversation with complete strangers!

Sent from my SM-G930F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app
 

There was a time when that was a fairly normal thing to do though

Those times have past. Generally I scowl, mutter, and occasionally spit when I encounter a couple Ians & Nigels who live nearby.

Many Euros and Aussies, are more comfortable being treated like the pariahs or outcasts they were in their country of origin. Not worth your effort to treat them like human beings. However it will take time for you to unlearn ingrained behavior. Good Luck, our hopes and prayers are with you.

[tingtongtourist]

50 minutes ago, Stevemercer said:

I live in rural Thailand where there aren't too many farangs, and will often say hello if I see a stranger.

 

Most respond, but many don't. East Germans can be reticent and I guess it is not in European cultures to greet strangers. I'm always a bit surprised when I get a complete brush-off when it is obvious we are the only farangs surrounded by thousands of Thais.

 

Thai locals, on the other hand, are always smiling and saying hello. I guess because the Thais I meet are so happy and friendly I expect farangs to be the same?

well as you probably know, the thai even strangers will address each other as like older-younger- brother-sister.

unlike the sad farang sods on here.

 

actually it probably explains why Thais go all-in helping each other on those fight videos.

 

to be honest with this miserable and nasty attitude some farangs show here i would not be sorry to see them get a good smack in the chops!

[JAFO]

6 minutes ago, sanemax said:

Ok then "Hello JAFO" , happy now ?

I am now a happy, confident , friendly person, who isnt an insecure anti-social psychopath with something to hide

Hey Man.  What's up? 

[Hummin]

28 minutes ago, rott said:

So in a place where westerners are a bit of a rarity if you saw one who greeted you with a hello/good morning/whatever in passing, would you reply or look the other way and hurry on.?

Timing and place is important, but yes I will do, as I do when I walking i Mountain (described earlier here in this tread) meeting bikers at stops, walking beach in early morning I often do, but sometimes people just stirr at me as I was a lunatic as well ;-) 

 

Yes I do say hello when I feel it apropiate to do so, but as I say, know your timing and place. I just pointed out, even we have same skin color, both have thai gf, coming from a western country, you can not assume we have something special in common. 

 

In shopping mall I do not greet anyone, and I can say hello back, but to me you are just a lunatic for some reason feel the need to say hello while me and my gf shopping. 

[Lacessit]

I think it depends on what kind of mood I'm in myself. Most of the time, I would respond accordingly. However, we all have our bad days.

I must admit, when I am instructed to "Have a nice day" I am very tempted to answer " I'll decide what kind of ####ing day I'm going to have".

[sanemax]

1 minute ago, tingtongtourist said:

to be honest with this miserable and nasty attitude some farangs show here i would not be sorry to see them get a good smack in the chops!

Would you go that far ?

If you said "hello" to a felang and he didnt say hello back , would you give him a "smack in the chops" ?

    Could you state the general area where you live , then I will be sure to nod and smile at every passing felang, as I would prefer not to get a smack in the chops

[sanemax]

3 minutes ago, JAFO said:

Hey Man.  What's up? 

Im just out doing my weekly shopping , what brand of baked beans would you recommend , its a bit hot today, innit, what you doing ? 

[Nicebus]

On 25/03/2018 at 4:19 PM, ChiangMaiLightning2143 said:

First it is racist and stupid to assume people speak English because they appear to have a white face. This isn’t America. What is “Hi!”? Something a child says. In England was once considered polite to greet passersby “How do you do?” Various cultures here, all have different standards. I was told if a stranger smiles at you in Russia you call a policeman. A Russian man wears a grimace, not a silly grin.

Everyone in my Condo is very friendly, we greet each other, help the old people with their packages, mostly Thai. Well last year before the AirBnB ban I got on the elevator and was surprised by an unfamiliar couple. The woman was in a full Birka, with only slots of a metallic eye mask showing. . I got the feeling I wasn’t supposed to say Hello to her. Was I wrong?

Then you have the Foreign weirdos who think they are superior and avoid all contact with other aliens for whatever reasons. I just bow subtlety to people. If they want to talk I’ll leave it up to them.

No wonder the world is buggered with attitudes like this .

[Nicebus]

People shy away from saying hello to a fellow human being in the street , but will spend hours and share their most intimate secrets with virtual strangers on facebook and the like.

Sad sad sad 

 

[starky]

16 minutes ago, tingtongtourist said:

well as you probably know, the thai even strangers will address each other as like older-younger- brother-sister.

unlike the sad farang sods on here.

 

actually it probably explains why Thais go all-in helping each other on those fight videos.

 

to be honest with this miserable and nasty attitude some farangs show here i would not be sorry to see them get a good smack in the chops!

Yeah your right there next time you see a white fella getting in trouble with a Thai I reckon it's the responsibility, nay, duty of every white person in the vicinity to pile on and bash seven shades of shit out of every Thai involved. Good call. Oh the irony hahaha 

Edited March 26, 2018 by starky