My wife cries a lot....mostly relating to phone addiction?

[davidst01]

We are in month 2 of a new business. I've put up most of the money and she agrees to pay me back 1/2 of expenses eventually. 

 

Last week I made a few mistakes re some expenses on a spreadsheet. She starts crying blah blah. 

 

Tonight she cried again over another financial issue. Im concerned she might be concealing something with regards to her own financial situation. Maybe she owes money to someone else etc. 

 

Our business is doing well and we are making good money. She is the main worker as I dont have a Work permit. I dont think she  understands how hard I worked in the last 20 yrs to get the money to open our business. I had to borrow money and take risks. She has no idea how hard it was for me. I get the feeling she doesnt like me having 50% of profits for our business. 

 

She says she now looks so old when looking in the mirror since meeting me and getting married to me (5yrs). Last night I woke up for an 11pm pee and noticed she was still surfing facebook on the iphone- with the light off. I think this phone addiction thing is affecting mental health. Its not me thats the problem. 

[poanoi]

try to recover some of your losses and run for your life,

there is only ever losses and depression in that shit relation for you, not to mention rotten sex life

[pgrahmm]

How is the communication between the 2 of you? Seemed ok in the planning stages....

You're right - seems like taking the money was the easy part for her....

What type of business is it?

How old is she - midlife or menopause? Marriage solid?

[Kadilo]

 
 
Last night I woke up for an 11pm pee and noticed she was still surfing facebook on the iphone- with the light off.

RING RING RING.....that’s the sound of alarm bells going off.


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[madusa]

Your English is good. A clear picture of what is happening. The only thing comes to my mind after I read it is that "Isn't this the pattern of behavior among the Thai ladies?" I would be surprised if she behaves otherwise.

I tried to be in your shoes but I really couldn't think of any remedy. Good luck mate.

[JAS21]

You are 'kin lucky ... Last night I woke up for an 11pm pee and noticed she was still surfing facebook on the iphone ...if my wife wants to 'play' on her phone, if she can't sleep,she does it with the light on!

[NCC1701A]

i hope everything works out for you but maybe it is...

 

 

[pgrahmm]

Is it possible she is checking out/monitoring/learning other similar businesses on FB.....There's a lot of e-commerce conducted there....

How competent is she working?

Maybe she feels insecure about her business acumen....Or overwhelmed by the tasks at hand.....Very few overnight success stories....Takes hard work & perseverance.....

She might feel completely "trapped" now.....

Edited October 8, 2018 by pgrahmm

[CharlieH]

You havnt stated what type of business it is but maybe she is networking on Facebook to promote or sell things ? A lot is done like that these days on facebook.

 

If she cant rest, and she's drumming up business, thats a good thing, but try just simply "talking to her" calmly and express your concern for her and the situation if its bothering you.

 

 

[simon43]

In a separate topic, I mentioned that my Thai nieces were totally addicted to Facebook, to the extent of stealing and begging money to top up their phones.  I think many (MANY!) Thais are also addicted to Facebook, to the extent that it affects them mentally and affects their relationships.  (BTW, I'm not a Luddite - I wrote mobile phone apps in a previous career).

 

But how you resolve such an addiction is the big question?  As with all addictions, the individual has to recognise that they have a problem...

 

As others have advised, you should try to protect your own interests, financial or otherwise, because your wife may not think logically (LoL, does any woman??!), if she is feeling stressed.

[swissie]

"Our business is doing well and we are making good money. She is the main worker as I dont have a Work permit. I dont think she  understands how hard I worked in the last 20 yrs to get the money to open our business. I had to borrow money and take risks. She has no idea how hard it was for me. I get the feeling she doesnt like me having 50% of profits for our business."

 

  After having read this I broke out in tears myself. I bet I cried harder over this than your wife ever could.????

[Rc2702]

Facebook seems to be a big commercial driver here. I'd be interested to know Facebook searches versus google searches here in thailand. I reckon the difference is no where near what other countries are.

 

Why can't you spread your expenses over a longer period at say 25% or is it a case of you wanting 50% profits forever?

 

If your going to contribute try not to make a hash of the spreadsheets and 1 example of her on Facebook at night is a bit of a knee jerk reaction or signs of someone who is a bit light on the details.

 

I knew a guy once who was a beast at closing a deal but he always missed the finer details, after 8 years with his Mrs 15 holidays and two house purchases she revealed she was not 33 but 41. This was a woman with a British passport too.

 

It came as no surprise when he told me as he always missed the finer details. She was hot though and looked 30 max. 

 

 

[balo]

If this is not a troll post , run for your life.

 

Consider your investment lost. 

 

[blackhorse]

What normal person goes into a business with a thai woman and then complain about tears?

[Gecko123]

Crying over finances?

 

Sometimes tears are shed out of fear of imminent discovery.

 

Hidden debts? Audit time?

Edited October 8, 2018 by Gecko123

[sirineou]

 If you dont know, being close to the situation , how do you expect to get any good advice from others who know very litle about your situation?

   Talk to your wife, maybe she is overworked,and  disenchanted , and getting a litle depressed.  

  Talk to her,and  show her you are there for her . You mentioned that she said  she looks in the mirror and "looks so old when looking in the mirror since meeting me and getting married to me "

Sounds to me you need to rekindle the romance. You know what they say about "all work and no play"  

 

[inThailand]

Probably because her hidden bf is breaking up with her?

[OmarZaid]

You're correct: "She has no idea"  nor does she care .... sounds to me like your a buffalo being herded into a manger .... I'd be making exit plans myself ... and yes ... all is lost, so don't look back

[RichardColeman]

I married a thai lady in 2001 and took her to the UK. We bought her a small catering business - it was basically doing food out of a pub. The income take was about 1,700 a week. She agreed to pay me loan to the bank (in my name, foolishly) and agreed to give me 100 pounds a week for helping her out in the evenings doing all the washing up and taking the take away orders.

 

Far as I knew all was well.

 

Then the debt collectors started knocking at the door.

 

Seems what she was doing was taking the income from the pub, sending it all to her family in Thailand, and taking out loans and money on credit cards to buy food and pay wages - and me !

 

I ended up divorcing her for running up 40k of debt - a divorce she fought stupidly - but she had free legal aid and i did not.

 

My advice - NEVER go into bisiness with a Thai, never lend them money for a business.

 

My Thai wife now is very different, she'll collect stamp from all the supermarkets, pick up 1 baht coins off the floor for the water machine, darns old holed clothes , repairs shoes, does not moan that our only transport for now is a pushbike that all 3 of us get on. I have lent her money - never on previous sclae - and it's always paid back, but i'd still not invest in a  business with her.

 

I think problem is most Thais start a business with no understanding of business. 

 

 .

[baansgr]

It's the norm in Thailand, guy puts up all money,  wife has no interest in business  as she won't loose anything.. Thais don't like sharing or paying back money.  It's not gonna get better and is nothing  to do with phone use. 

[soistalker]

The condo is in her name, right? I mean, it would have to be based on your business plan, which seems to be to give what you worked for over the last twenty years and had to borrow, and give it to someone with a probably limited understanding of finances.

[Gecko123]

12 hours ago, davidst01 said:

She says she now looks so old when looking in the mirror since meeting me and getting married to me (5yrs).

This comment really caught my eye as well. Especially the bit about "since I met/married you."

 

Whereas in the West a woman might fret about her attractiveness to her spouse in order to seek reassurance that you still find her attractive, my experience is that when Thai women do it, it's because they want out of the relationship, and they're nudging you towards a similar perspective. To the extent that drawing attention to one's loss of physical attractiveness might encourage infidelity, most Thai women I've known would be cautious about doing this out of fear of being cheated on or dumped. On the other hand, if they had no fear of being dumped, or perhaps even welcome it...

Edited October 9, 2018 by Gecko123

[soistalker]

Maybe she is crying because you are there. Does she cry when you are not there? Impossible to tell, but....

[dotpoom]

12 hours ago, poanoi said:

try to recover some of your losses and run for your life,

there is only ever losses and depression in that shit relation for you, not to mention rotten sex life

Written by your Mother I take it..who else?

[poanoi]

3 minutes ago, dotpoom said:

Written by your Mother I take it..who else?

wut ?

[OneMoreFarang]

I guess when she was young she worked hard.

Then she met this rich guy and though: Now I never have to work again.

And then the rich guy marries her: Hurrah!

And then this business idea.

Did you talk about that she will work everyday and you won't work? Did she just nod like "yeah, sure, whatever you say"

And now she is still married to the rich guy. He enjoys his life and she has to work all day - and give him part of what "she" earns.

Yes, I understand that she is crying...

[OneMoreFarang]

About the phone at night:

There are so many possible reasons. Some good, some bad, some neutral.

 

Sometime when I wake up at night I go to the toilet and take my phone with me to look at the latest news. And then I go back to bed and maybe I continue to read the rest of the article. Absolutely harmless.

 

I wouldn't concentrate on the phone to try to figure out the problem.

 

[bendejo]

12 hours ago, davidst01 said:

I dont think she  understands how hard I worked in the last 20 yrs to get the money to open our business.

A lot of Thai ladies think that farang are like leprechauns, and once they catch one all their dreams will come true because we exude gold from our backsides.  After a  year of marriage they learn otherwise, and of course they blame the farang.  And from situations like that come cut-and-run betrayals with property sales, "Postman Rings Twice" murder plots, etc. 

 

 

12 hours ago, davidst01 said:

She says she now looks so old when looking in the mirror since meeting me and getting married to me (5yrs). Last night I woke up for an 11pm pee and noticed she was still surfing facebook on the iphone- with the light off. I think this phone addiction thing is affecting mental health. Its not me thats the problem.  

 

No offense meant OP, but you should read what you wrote. 

"Phone addiction" is not the same as compulsively playing video games.  Being on the phone means there are other people in communication.  The questions should be who she is communicating with, and what they are on about.

That lamenting about looking old sounds like a mid-life crisis sort of thing, which would make her easy pickings for a Thai loverboy already drooling about all that farang money to be had.  Up at night, chatting away, c'mon man!

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

 

 

[inThailand]

It's called Geekbook! 

[Aussieroaming]

Why should she pay you back 50% of expenses if she is the main worker in the business? She might cry because of her business partner