Hi,

 

Didn't know where to post this, it's about a girlfriend who could become a wife in a few years, so I guessed it's somehow related to marriage/family.

 

My girlfriend and I have about the same age (I'm just 2 years older), we are both in our early 30s, both of us have a solid income and accumulated assets/savings.

 

We are both gym/sports junkies with healthy lifestyles, and both get a high level of attention from the opposite sex, so I'd guess that there are no noticeable attractiveness disparities either.

 

The problem I keep running into is that she's determined to transform me into a "provider". Her idea is to retire in a few years from now, and be supported by me. She also takes as an insult the idea of sharing costs. For example, I recently suggested that we moved together to a nice condo, and shared the expenses, and apparently that was as bad as murdering a puppy in front of her.

 

Is this the norm in Thailand? I'd understand the situation if there were certain disparities (in either income, age or attractiveness), but given our situation, I have a hard time understanding why she'd want to put the burden of financial responsibilities solely on me.

 

Maybe someone more experienced on Thai culture/relationships can enlighten me!

 

Thanks!

yeah, its a reoccurring mantra bitching for money,

you can always switch to a western girl,

or ditch woman altogether

If you need ask on an internet forum what anonymous people think about your relationship, perhaps you know already the answer.

Sounds like you two are likely to fight over mirror space in the mornings so possibly not a match made in heaven?

????

3 minutes ago, poanoi said:

yeah, its a reoccurring mantra bitching for money,

you can always switch to a western girl,

or ditch woman altogether

Switch to a western girl? What did the OP do to you?

I can't see a future for this relationship. Walk away now.

1 minute ago, Lacessit said:

Switch to a western girl? What did the OP do to you?

nothing wrong with them, on contrary, i can not recall anyone even came up with the theory they should be financially compensated for being with me

2 minutes ago, poanoi said:

nothing wrong with them, on contrary, i can not recall anyone even came up with the theory they should be financially compensated for being with me

I heard that they are good at the "long game"

When you buy the condo, make sure it's located on Easy Street because that's what Thai's expect when they marry a farang………..What she earns is hers, yours is fair game. Believe me. She is a normal Thai.

definitely not the norm in Thailand.

methinks OP should look for a new partner.

4 minutes ago, poanoi said:

nothing wrong with them, on contrary, i can not recall anyone even came up with the theory they should be financially compensated for being with me

Your experience is radically different to mine.

1 minute ago, mauGR1 said:

I heard that they are good at the "long game"

that is not planned from start in case of scandinavian brads,

its more of a 'we're splitting up time to take whatever i can'

30 minutes ago, andux said:

The problem I keep running into is that she's determined to transform me into a "provider". Her idea is to retire in a few years from now, and be supported by me. She also takes as an insult the idea of sharing costs. For example, I recently suggested that we moved together to a nice condo, and shared the expenses, and apparently that was as bad as murdering a puppy in front of her.

Is this the norm in Thailand?

1

Why not stay with her as a girlfriend, and you both keep your own condos?

No need to actually say that to her (and rock the boat), just prevaricate. 

 

It's the norm all over the world, they're just not quite so obvious in the western world, and wait until after marriage to find an excuse not to work any more. Once they've moved into your condo the sex usually gets less frequent as well.

... time to turn it in for a new model...

 

NO this is not the norm.  This is the wrong attitude many thai women have of foreigners that marrying one results in being instantaneously provided for and in Thai we like to say "falling in a sack of rice" or "an orange falling" which basically means getting into a situation where you accidentally strike gold and riches befall you.  It is applicable to both sexes marrying a rich partner and often directed as a snide remark.

 

Wrong attitude to start with but at least you caught it early so if it were me I would cut the cord.

As the experienced M*i*LF hunters would say....in Thailand, rent...don't buy !! ????

4 minutes ago, smileydude said:

NO this is not the norm.  This is the wrong attitude many thai women have of foreigners that marrying one results in being instantaneously provided for and in Thai we like to say "falling in a sack of rice" or "an orange falling" which basically means getting into a situation where you strike luck accidentally and fortunes and riches befall you like hitting the lotto.

 

Wrong attitude to start with but at least you caught it early so if it were me I would cut the cord.

Not all Thai women are greedy, but quite often i got the impression that they are pressured from families or friends to "milk the foreigner".

What are your future plans?

Are you planning to have kids? And if you have kids will she stay at home and take care of them and you continue to work and make money?

 

Personally I find it sad that in many modern families both work and nobody has much time for the kids anymore. And personally I think it's a lot better that the mother is at home and can give the kids her full attention all day long.

Maybe this is what she wants and then she obviously has to make sure that you are willing to pay for this situation. I think that's only fair.

 

Just talk with her about it...

1 hour ago, andux said:

Is this the norm in Thailand?

just say you can't do it. see what happens. there are approximately 15 million girls in Thailand waiting to take her place. 

59 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

personally I think it's a lot better that the mother is at home and can give the kids her full attention all day long.

My 7-year old kid starts school at 7:30am and I collect him at 5:15pm, he isn't at home 'all day' in the week.

When he started kintergarten age 3, he was finished at 4:15pm (5:15pm end cost extra).

Normal Thai government school 5 minutes down the road,

 

I'm thinking you don't have much experience with schools and kids in Thailand.

Mom would be home alone.

4 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Why not stay with her as a girlfriend, and you both keep your own condos?

No need to actually say that to her (and rock the boat), just prevaricate. 

 

It's the norm all over the world, they're just not quite so obvious in the western world, and wait until after marriage to find an excuse not to work any more. Once they've moved into your condo the sex usually gets less frequent as well.

 

Yeah, we don't live together at the moment, but we've discussed it in the past, and that's why I suggested that, especially now that we are both doing well financially.

 

I agree with western women doing the same but in a less obvious way. Have been thinking about that recently, and how most women in the west, no matter how feminist and equalitarian they are, end up retiring early, being maintained by their husbands/ex-husbands ????

 

By the way, are you married?

 

Quote

What are your future plans?

Are you planning to have kids? And if you have kids will she stay at home and take care of them and you continue to work and make money?

 

Personally I find it sad that in many modern families both work and nobody has much time for the kids anymore. And personally I think it's a lot better that the mother is at home and can give the kids her full attention all day long.

Maybe this is what she wants and then she obviously has to make sure that you are willing to pay for this situation. I think that's only fair.

 

Just talk with her about it...

 

The plan is to have kids, but not yet. Maybe in 5-6 years from now.

 

I see where you are coming from with your idea of modern families not having time for the kids, but in our case we are both business owners with plenty of flexibility.

 

I own a location-independent business and can stay at home with the kids as long as necessary, although I need to travel, for business, for 1-2 weeks, 3-4 times a year. Shouldn't be a big problem I believe. She owns a store and has a handful of employees working for her, so she only needs to be there 3-4 days a week, and only around 5 hours each day. She also has plenty of flexibility, the ability to take days off when necessary, switching shifts with her employees, etc.

 

So, in other words, there would be no problems dedicating time to the kids, as long as the current situation doesn't change. 

 

I get the feeling that somehow she has the idea that men should provide, ingrained in her head. There really is no logical explanation for it. Her only argument is that I'm the man, she is the woman, and no matter how much she earns I still have to provide for her. She is strongly convinced that she won't spend a penny on housing costs, cars, or children's education. 

 

Is it maybe because of the concept of "milking the foreigner", like someone else said? Would love to know of Thai women who help with housing costs/cars/education. Unfortunately all of my girlfriend's friends have married foreigners and are being provided for, so it's hard to get some perspective here.

Thai culture for the wealthy is man supports the women .

 

For the poor, man lives off a woman 

 

for middle class , usually all is shared.

 

some women with decent income like to be independent and some live by what is mine is mine and what is yours is also mine .

 

 

You are going to get two answers, not the norm and to be expected.

Each woman is a unique set of complications. Your best bet is calm communication with her.

I suspect most women the world over have at least some desire to be taken care of and watched over, when this arises as financial demand it can feel ugly but it seems human nature. 

Another common story is that Thai women are under pressure from family and friends to find a providing partner. You just said her circle of freinds all have foreigners providing, I suspect losing face plays a big role here too.

 

It sounds like she has been rather forthcoming with her expectations and it is your turn to decide if you can be comfortable with the terms 

 

This BS comes up to often and then certain forum losers will try to make a case for Thai women vs Western women.

 

Fact is, everyone is greedy and looks after their own interests. The only thing that matters are your negotiating skills and your attitude be it with a Western or a Thai.

 

One thing I don't understand though, is why would she want to retire. You say she makes good money, so she must have some sort of career.... or god forbid it's not one of them "modeling" jobs. I have never met a Thai woman that would quit her "career", so that she would be taken care of. They would keep their career and just ask for more money from you.

 

In that regard, your story stinks a bit.

6 hours ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

This BS comes up to often and then certain forum losers will try to make a case for Thai women vs Western women.

Are you talking about 'certain forum losers' who have enough money to live in Thailand forever or 'certain forum losers' that ran out of money and had to return to their home countries while posting incessantly in a forum about a country in which they no longer live?

6 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Are you talking about 'certain forum losers' who have enough money to live in Thailand forever or 'certain forum losers' that ran out of money and had to return to their home countries while posting incessantly in a forum about a country in which they no longer live?

 

No. About certain forum losers who don't have money to go out of Thailand once in a while and are stuck in the country moaning about Western women.

 

I'll be back to Thailand in December to annoy the characters like u with my never ending wit

 

Best Regards ????

Ditch her...

 

Having been through several failed relationships in Thailand, I would say that your GF should either agree to share everything equally, or should be prepared to 'kowtow' to your role as the dominant partner in the relationship.  Anything else and you'll be on a slippery slope to supporting her and her entire family.

 

I gave up on Thai women - Burmese women seem far more likely to fit the above roles, (and no, I don't want a slave or a mail-order wife, but if I were to seek a new GF/wife, they would have to be willing to 'pull their weight').

watch 90days fiancee on TLC ... you have one of the ex blowjob bar girls demanding 500.000 sin sod, a buffalo, gold, etc...  who in their mind would cough up that kind of money for this kind of girl ...  complaining about USA while she had nothing in Thailand and thought everybody were super rich and the roads paved with gold

19 hours ago, andux said:

The problem I keep running into is that she's determined to transform me into a "provider". Her idea is to retire in a few years from now, and be supported by me.

Just by posting this, you're implicitly stating that this is not alright with you.  If you're looking for direction from someone old enough to be your Dad, then here it is:

"If it's not alright with you, then don't do it."

 

If you waffle and do it, you'll kick yourself for the rest of your life.

grow up ... be a man ,,, that's what she wants and expects ,,, otherwise, she remains a whore ,,, what she wants is respectability ,,, and if this is your attitude, you can't provide (or won't) provide it. And yeah ,,, I'm 'old school', so get over it.