A new mind control air freshner has been invented

If you think about it, it makes perfect scents !

 

How do you make the number One disappear ?

Add a G and its gone !

 

My boss asked me why I only get sick on weekdays ?

I replied, it must be my weekend immune system.

 

A Mummy has been discovered in Egypt covered in chocolate and nuts !

Archeologists believe it may be Pharoah Roche !

 

 

4 hours ago, Zyxel said:

The guy who got that pussy attched to himself proves what a real @rseh@le he is!  

5 hours ago, ballpoint said:

As the "Nobles" all talked hot air anyway it was probable the cleanest way to release the gas!

 

5 hours ago, ballpoint said:

As the "Nobles" all talked hot air anyway it was probable the cleanest way to release the gas!

 

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.
 

Dear Sir

On behalf of Channel 4 may I thank you for the application you have provided for your wife to appear on our forthcoming 'Reality Show' and also for the charming photograph you enclosed with the application letter.

Whilst agreeing that she would no doubt make a worthy contribution to the program if selected, I would take this opportunity to advise you that the correct title of the new series is actually "Fact Hunt".

Kind regards

Channel 4

The phone rings and the wife answers.

A pervert breathing heavily says, "I bet you have a tight a-se, with no hair?".

The wife replies, "Yes I do he's watching TV – – who should I say is calling?"

Wife says to husband "You only ever want sex when you're drunk"
Husband says "That’s not true . . . sometimes I want a kebab"

 

 

As a young boy I was blessed with a nine and three quarter inch penis . . ..
Unfortunately it belonged to Father O'Malley.

Coming to cinema near you soon

The Omicron Story.

1 hour ago, xylophone said:

Why waste money on a "brain scan" as I thought X-rays only showed up solid masses?

 

PS; Maybe I will re-think that and just say " Why waste money on a "non existing brain" scan!

1 hour ago, xylophone said:

The above just woke me up!

I must object as you have stigmatised/ommitted/failed to highlight all species including they/those/it who/what do, or do not or cannot attend/understand any form of schooling irrespective of age/country/goverment/social/economic/ blah blah blah etc or do not/cannot understand the word(s) gender!

If you have to wear both masks and glasses, 
You may be entitled to condensation!

 

TODAY’s DAILY INSULT;

I didn’t mean to push all of your buttons 
I was just trying to hit mute!

Feeling a bit paranoid?
Just remember...I can see you, you are not alone!
 

Plastic surgery anonymous tonight
Hope we don’t remember any new faces 

Before mount rushmore was carved, it’s beauty was unpresidented!