Only happens in suburbia ????

I’ll just have a little nap here .




Here comes a human !!

This should be good !! hehehe ????

3 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

I’ll just have a little nap here .




Here comes a human !!

This should be good !! hehehe ????

On a slightly more serious note.

 

I have 2 outside cats and at 75 they sometimes twist around my ankles and I feel that sometimes they will do it when I am carrying something in both hands, trip me up and bang myself on an outside table or some other object.

 

If I die can you imagine the headlines,

 

Brit killed by cats.

 

Was he pushed from the balcony?

What about by his wife's "brother"?

Beaten to death by a mad cat basher?

 

Add some more if you like.

On a slightly more serious note.
 
I have 2 outside cats and at 75 they sometimes twist around my ankles and I feel that sometimes they will do it when I am carrying something in both hands, trip me up and bang myself on an outside table or some other object.
 
If I die can you imagine the headlines,
 
Brit killed by cats.
 
Was he pushed from the balcony?
What about by his wife's "brother"?
Beaten to death by a mad cat basher?
 
Add some more if you like.

Pussy mad Brit dies by pussy !!

( sorry to lower the tone [emoji853])

Adam and Eve were getting it on in the Garden of Eden.
After the sex, Eve went down to the river to wash as she was feeling a bit sticky.

Washing herself out in the water, and God comes along. He stops and yells out, "Eve, what are you doing?!"
"I'm just washing out my vagina, God!"
God slaps his forehead in frustration and walks away muttering, "I'll never get the smell off those fish now."

My wife will only have sex with the lights off.

She hates to see me having a good time.

 

Why do women have orgasms?

Just another reason to moan, really.

 

What is the best part of a BJ?

Ten minutes of the missus not talking.

Me at the gym !!

Life is more of a cruel joke, than the joke?

 

 

 

 

 

A study has found that women who put on weight tend to live longer 
..than the man who points it out.

 

A man knocked on my door and asked for donation towards the local swimming pool. 

So I gave him a glass of water.

 

I just drove my car to a 4x4 specialist..

It turns out the answer is 16.

A man and his wife are getting ready to go to a party.

She: “Tell me the truth, do I look fat in this?”

He: “Do you promise not to get angry, no matter what I tell you?”

She: “I promise.”

He: “OK … I’ve been banging your sister for months.”

Why do men always give their jackets to their women when they are cold?

Nobody wants a <deleted> [oral sex] from a woman who's teeth are chattering?

 

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

 

What’s the difference between a car tyre and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

 

What’s the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years, your job will still suck.

Bunged up?

I recommend Starbucks coffee for a natural laxative ...

On 9/28/2019 at 12:43 AM, chickenslegs said:

Why do men always give their jackets to their women when they are cold?

Nobody wants a <deleted> [oral sex] from a woman who's teeth are chattering?

 

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

 

What’s the difference between a car tyre and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

 

What’s the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years, your job will still suck.

Why do men like women in leather skirts?

They smell like a new car.

I am not going to name anyone in particular, but I and you know, who I am getting on about.

The wise old Mother Superior was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. 
Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount   into the warm milk. 

Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop

"Mother", the nuns pleaded, "Please give us some wisdom before you die". 

She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said in a somewhat slurred voice,

 

"Don't sell that cow".
 

A lifeguard asks a mother to scold her son for urinating in the public pool. "It's perfectly natural," the mother says, "for young children to urinate in the pool. Plenty of children at this pool do it and so do many adults, even I do it. I don't see why my son doing it is such a big deal."
The lifeguard pulls down his sunglasses and replies,

"Well, all the other kids aren't doing it off the 10m diving board."