1 hour ago, MJCM said:

My dogs name is Minton.

 

Today he ate my shuttlecock. 

 

Bad Minton! Bad Minton!

My mate has a dog called Syndrome.

But it gets kind of awkward when she jumps on someone and he has to shout out, DOWN SYNDROME!

UNDELIVERED LETTERS FROM HISTORY (Nicked from ISIHAC)

 

In this game, the teams imagine what effect certain letters might have had on history, had they not gone missing:

 

Dear Herr Hitler,

Sorry for taking a while to get back to you. We think your paintings are extremely promising. Do hope you haven’t embarked on another career. 

 

Dear Arch Druid of Wiltshire,
You are hereby advised that planning permission has been denied for the erection of a large henge of stone. We note that although you will provide adequate chariot parking for visitors, the attraction’s proximity to the A344 and A303 junction is likely to cause severe traffic congestion.
Yours, Wiltshire Council

Also nicked fro ISIHAC ...

THE UXBRIDGE ENGLISH DICTIORY (M to Z)

Alternative definitions for some familiar English words:

 

Macaroon
To leave a Scotsman on a desert island

Magenta
Here comes the Queen

Mishmash
What Sean Connery will do if he doesn’t get to church on Sunday

Module
Christmas with The Who

Nose dive
Bad plastic surgery clinic

Ovaltine
A fat adolescent

Pantomime
Underwear for the hard of hearing

Passport
Fathers’ race

Pastiche
What Sean Connery eats in Cornwall

Phlegmatic
Battery-powered handkerchief

Pomegranate
Australian for a Englishman made of stone

Pretext
Letters and phone calls

Psychedelia
Mental cook

Quick
Noise made by a dyslexic duck

Receipt
To sit down again

Realist
A catalogue of bottoms

Reindeer
A Michael Winner weather prediction

Scruple
Cross between a screw top and a ring pull

Tabby
A big church in Yorkshire

Template
The secretary hasn’t turned up

Tenure
How they describe a decade in the West Country

Testicle
A boat maker’s first attempt at a coracle

Toll
Where you try to put the ball in on a Yorkshire golf course

Transport
Cross-dressing athletes

Truculent
That lorry you used to rent out

Unfettered
Without Greek cheese

Urinate
You’re a size eight

Vanish
Rather like a van

Walnut
An obsessive bricklayer

Warehouse
A person who turns into a house at the Full Moon

Wince
A setting on Jonathan Ross’s washing machine

X-ray
Former fish

Yodelling
Trainee Jedi knight

Zucchini
Animal park enthusiast

Children's books were much better back in my day.

19 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Got me

 

The Ames Room

The Lilac Chaser 

24 minutes ago, carlyai said:

Got me

Code for medical procedure,owner probably a health care professional .

Four nuns were at the Pearly Gates. St Peter tells them that they must each answer a biblical question to get in. The nuns look a little apprehensive. But he reassures them that they're quite easy.

 

St Peter asks the first nun. "Who was the first woman?"

"Ooooh that's an easy one. It was Eve." She replied. "Correct!" Said St Peter, and the gates swing open for her to walk through.

 

He turns to the second nun. "Where did Eve live?"

"That's an easy one. It was the Garden of Eden." "Correct!" The gates open again.

 

"Who was the first man in the Garden of Eden." The third nun was asked.

"That would be Adam. Easy Peasy." "Correct!" The gates swing open once more.

 

St Peter says to the third nun. "Now, as you're a Mother Superior, you must answer a slightly more difficult question. What were the first words Eve said when she saw Adam in the Garden of Eden?"

"Oh, that's a hard one..." Said Mother Superior.

"Correct!" The gates swing open.