7 hours ago, WorriedNoodle said:

What a Cod awful joke!

You must be the sole of the party with such common plaice carp!

???? ????????

 

PS;  If you keep angling for likes by trawling such fishy material I might have to moby-lize Dad's Army to batter you into a less scaly squad shape!

 

 

Not funny but true

 

 

7 minutes ago, still kicking said:

Not funny but true

So why post here?  ????

Oops, just remembered this is the "worst (read non) jokes forum"!

 

BTW ;  Feel free to join the club!

 

1 minute ago, DezLez said:

So why post here?  ????

Oops, just remembered this is the "worst (read non) jokes forum"!

 

BTW ;  Feel free to join the club!

 

no need to join the club I posted before many times

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, Looking like he'd just been run over by a train.

His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, His face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

" Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little twit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, He must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, And a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

" Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"

That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's Big Breast, and a thing of  Beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

6 minutes ago, overherebc said:

Ok no joke here,i just reported this post as SPAM.

Let's see what happens.

1 hour ago, jvs said:

Ok no joke here,i just reported this post as SPAM.

Let's see what happens.

I would just put in the junk folder as it appears to be Spam!

 

3 hours ago, ravip said:

That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's Big Breast, and a thing of  Beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

That's what happens when you discover that you have just felt yourself a right tit!

 

The Amazon customer who received a packet of biscuits instead of the Kindle he ordered says he now wishes he hadn’t pressed the “accept cookies” button.

A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived.
"Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and whenever we want her, we just go get her.
Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

Every morning I take my pet cow for a long walk in the local vineyard.
I herd it through the grapevine.

A man is on a street corner in Moscow yelling “The president is an idiot!“

Police surround him and handcuff him. They say, “It is illegal to insult President Putin”

He says “You don’t understand! I mean the Ukrainian president, Zelensky. He is the one I was insulting!“

The police captain says, “You can’t fool us. Everyone knows who the idiot is!"

I really try to push the envelope,

but it always remains stationery.

BREAKING NEWS: The Liverpool manager has resigned. He's taken his family home to Germany.

The Klopps went back on Sunday.

23 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

True story.. We were working away & staying above a pub so had a lot of beers before going to bed & my mate was absolutely steaming. 

 

He somehow managed to get to his room, switch the TV on at full volume & fell asleep whilst trying to take his trousers off. 

 

One of the guests in a nearby room phoned the manager to complain so the manager gets out of bed, grabs the 1st thing he can find to put on (His wife's pink dressing gown) goes to the room, no answer to any knocking so he lets himself in, sees my mate passed out on the bed & the TV remote on the bed the other side of him. 

 

At that moment my mate wakes up to find a big burly bloke in a frilly pink dressing gown bending over him & his trousers are around his ankles. ????