Mick: I've been going to Night Classes every night for 5 months now.
Paddy: oh!
Mick: For example, do you know who Alexander Graham Bell is?
Paddy: No
Mick: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876;
If you took night classes you'd know this.
The next day,
Mick: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Paddy: No
Mick: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers".
If you took night classes, you'd know this.
The next day, once again:
Mick: And do you know who Jean-Jacques Rousseau is?
Paddy: No
Mick: He's the author of "The Confessions"
If you took night classes, you'd know this.
This time, Paddy got irritated and said:
And you Mick ... Do you know who Sean Reilly is?
Mick: No
Paddy: He's the fellow who's bonking your wife?
If you stopped going to night classes, you'd know this!

1 hour ago, ravip said:

But lizards don't drink...????

Even the talking ones? 

4 hours ago, dcsw53 said:

What a rubbish joke, you should have binned it!

1 hour ago, scottiejohn said:

What a rubbish joke, you should have binned it!

Yes, he took it far too litter ally

2 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Yes, he took it far too litter ally

That is swinging down my street!

I promise I'll brush up on my responses. 

1 hour ago, scottiejohn said:

What a rubbish joke, you should have binned it!

Yeah, don't be a tosser????

31 minutes ago, VocalNeal said:

Yeah, don't be a tosser????

You bagged that one!

Scam alert! Men beware;

During the recent hot weather here in the UK we have had a couple of young women operating a scam at our local supermarket. They offer a while-you-wait car valeting service - you just drive in and while you sit there, one of them washes the outside of the car while the other vacuums the inside. They're both really fit-looking and wear skimpy shorts and sleeveless T-shirt. What happens is that while the one outside is leaning across to clean the windscreen, with her wet T-shirt pressed up against the glass and really leaving very little to the imagination, the one inside will take advantage of your distraction to steal your wallet.

They caught me last Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday (three times), last thing on Thursday, they weren't there on Friday, and again on Saturday. Good news though, the store does very good imitation Moroccan leather wallets for only £1.75.

19 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

You bagged that one!

Can you guys please stop posting garbage?

The thing I love most about this hot weather is the crop tops and short skirts...

Although it does make me look a bit gay.

I just bought a new hat...
...with a built-in fan that keeps my head cool during hot weather.

 

It really blows my mind.

3 minutes ago, jvs said:

Can you guys please stop posting garbage?

Are you trying to trash our deposits?

 

 

 

10 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

I you trying to trash our deposits?

Well i guess one mans garbage is another mans treasure.

 

I walked into the pet shop this morning and said to the cashier,

"I bought two hamsters from you yesterday, but when I woke up this morning, they were both dead!"

She frowned and replied,

"I warned you about the hot weather. Did you give them plenty of water like I suggested?"

"Yes, I filled their tank right to the top and put the lid on tight."

7 minutes ago, jvs said:

Well i guess one mans garbage is another mans treasure.

I think we should sweep this debris under the carpet until a new broom comes along and cleans this mess up!

This morning at 7.45am, after running, I met my neighbor in the street

He said "Where ya bin?" 

I said "Around the back. Today's not the day"

1 hour ago, scottiejohn said:

I think we should sweep this debris under the carpet until a new broom comes along and cleans this mess up!

I refuse to take part in this trash talk any more.

It's a waste of time.

1 minute ago, ballpoint said:

I refuse to take part in this trash talk any more.

It's a waste of time.

I just knew you were going to rubbish this topic.  Lets just bin it!

53 minutes ago, VocalNeal said:

This morning at 7.45am, after running, I met my neighbor in the street

He said "Where ya bin?" 

I said "Around the back. Today's not the day"

Another trash comment! 

All this garbage, just when the thread was picking up. 

At least these Jokes are not recycled????

1 hour ago, VocalNeal said:

This morning at 7.45am, after running, I met my neighbor in the street

He said "Where ya bin?" 

I said "Around the back. Today's not the day"

This morning at 7.45am, after running, I met my neighbor in the street

He said "Where ya bin?" 

I said "Around the park the back" 

He said "I don't believe you,  where's ya wheelie bin"

.