April 30, 20205 yr Popular Post A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying, "All of you *******s who want off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop! And all of you *******s who are getting on, get your ass in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The horrified mother went in & told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are <deleted> off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen."
April 30, 20205 yr Popular Post The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." Yes, she says, "I remember it well." OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!" A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?" Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago, that fence wasn't electric!"
May 1, 20205 yr Popular Post The information counter in heaven has been swamped with inquiries due to all the Covid-19 business, so God asks Jesus to go and lend a hand to try and reduce the backlog. Next in line is an old man who says "I've been here for many years now, but still haven't found my son - well, he's not really my son, but I think of him as my own, He came to me in rather miraculous circumstances you see". Jesus perks up. "What was your occupation?" he asks. "Carpenter". "Oh boy", thinks Jesus. "And your son, does he have any distinguishing features?" "Yes, rather unusual ones. He has holes in his hands and feet". "Father!" shouts Jesus. "Pinocchio!" Shouts the old man.
May 1, 20205 yr 5 hours ago, tifino said: Visual Association Not that hard. No genius required. Looks more like they were just trying to generate a viral photo with an easy challenge. The logos are in different places a missing pack of cigarettes from the table and they photoshopped the left leg in or out of the picture.
May 1, 20205 yr 8 minutes ago, Seth1a2a said: Not that hard. No genius required. Looks more like they were just trying to generate a viral photo with an easy challenge. The logos are in different places a missing pack of cigarettes from the table and they photoshopped the left leg in or out of the picture. heh heh heh you're supposed to be too distracted... ????
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