I remember working as security for a Phil Collins gig and some bird tried to run past the queue to get in. I stopped her and sent her to the back of the line.

I said, “You can’t hurry Love, no, you’ll just have to wait”.

Did you know that when Clark Gable was cremated, his ashes were scattered during a blustery day.

He was gone with the wind.

Scientists have discovered that trees have their own way of communicating with each other,
It’s called What Sap.

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.The store clerk called 911 when she saw him collapse to the floor.The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital.A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen.She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment. Do you have health insurance? she asked.He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"He replied, "No money in the bank.""Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.He said, "I only have a spinster sister and she is a nun."The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

 

 

Parking in Bradford is getting a bit of a problem. 

7 hours ago, ballpoint said:

I remember working as security for a Phil Collins gig and some bird tried to run past the queue to get in. I stopped her and sent her to the back of the line.

I said, “You can’t hurry Love, no, you’ll just have to wait”.

That joke's  "Supreme" - well done 😎😂

(Let's see how many people that confuses! 🙄)

 

 

An explorer who stumbled across a remote village in Africa and was surprised to find that everybody in the village speaks perfect King's English and received pronunciation.

The village chief explains that they discovered the BBC World Service. "Why, we were even able to adopt your legal system", he says, "come and see the court in process."

Sure enough, the court is straight out of Crown Court, and the explorer watches the case unfold.

Suddenly for no obvious reason, a buxom, half naked local woman ran through the courtroom waving her arms and cheering.  And then back out the way she came in.

"What was all that about?" asks the baffled explorer.

"Yes... well. Being radio we didn't really understand some of what we heard without seeing it, so we improvised."

"Well, what was the line here?"

"An excited titter ran round the room."