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Worst Joke Ever 2026

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A woman went to the doctors practice, where she was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.
After listening, he had her sit down and told her to go relax in another room.
The older doctor marched down the corridor to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

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Channel 4 are looking for people to take part in a documentary about people who made the most of the summer holiday by camping in their back gardens.
It's being directed by Tentin Quarantino.

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A woman on the ward is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath.
One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when she touches her.
They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband is sceptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lines... no pulse... no heart rate.
The nurses run into the room.
The husband is standing there, pulling up his trousers and says, "I think she choked."

Need to have my eyes examined, but am somewhat reluctant to visit...

 

Gahan Wilson - Insane Eye-doctor.jpg

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I think this is about his friend Katy Morans who he want's to help find a man. He recommends an Australian philosophy professor ...cue the Philosophers song.

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If you see anything other than two tomatoes .......  go take a cold shower !!

 

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52 minutes ago, WorriedNoodle said:

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...and Mike Hunt

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Went to a fancy restaurant last night & ordered the Giant Duck. Never again. 

The bill was enormous.

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I won my first cage fight yesterday.
The budgie didn't know what hit him.

12 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

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Just realised... a pelvis minus the P is Elvis.

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I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

 

My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.

 

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.

 

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

 

My girlfriend is always stealing my t-shirts and sweaters... But if I take one of her dresses, suddenly "we need to talk".

 

When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

 

I think my neighbour is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

 

My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that...

 

I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants, but he's still making fun of me.

 

It was only when I bought a motorbike that I found out that adrenaline is brown.

 

A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.

 

Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."

 

Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.

 

People used to laugh at me when I would say "I want to be a comedian", well nobody's laughing now.

 

How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?

 

To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
 

when what could have been Day99 of Lockdown...

Image may contain: meme and text 

 

 

 

someone really needed to go Walkies... 

9 hours ago, Peter Denis said:

Later that same day at the castle...

 

Jeroom - the Beatles.jpg

Band On The Run!! 

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