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Why is girlfriend one word but best friend two words?
Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.
The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it.

 

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

 

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, filling everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

 

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten raccoon. The raccoon is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Son: Dad we have a small get-together at school tomorrow.
Dad: What do you mean by small?

Son: Just you, me, and the principal.

Russian striker Itchy Tickiycoff has tested positive for Covid 19.

I like my Woman like Covid //// 19 and easily speadable.

Story - Sex for $ 20
 

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter.

 

In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

 

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

 

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.

During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.

 

It was unlikely that at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.

 

 

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly $1 million.

 

Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million.

 

She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.

The husband was so astounded he could barely speak.

 

Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.'

 

That's when she shot him..

2 hours ago, tomazbodner said:

For me it should be the opposite, but I'm confident below will agree with majority of contributors here...

 turns out they just become a Yeastadays Hero   (if you knew of JPY) 

 

 

 

I obey all your restrictions...   

 

The family had a quiet dinner when, suddenly, the 11-year-old daughter comments:
Dad, mom..., I have some bad news.

- I'm no longer a virgin!
And she starts crying, visibly altered, with her hands on her face and an air of shame.

Grave silence on the table. And the accusations between them begin.
Father blames mother and sister for not watching her. The mother blames the father for not having imposed respect on the family. And everything was getting heated more and more.

Heartbroken and on the verge of a collapse, the mother, with her eyes full of tears and trembling voice, tenderly takes the hand of the little girl and short question:

- How did that happen, my daughter?

And in sobs, the girl replies:
- The teacher pulled me out of the manger!
The Virgin is now Vanessa, and I'm going to be the cow.

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.4th July celebrations . .