Reminds you of anyone ??

Better read the small print in that policy !!

37 minutes ago, bluesofa said:

Man who eats meat and peas on same plate not hygienic.

 

Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.

A local slant on the subject;

 

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

More of the same Confucius before you all kick in;

Man who not poop for many days must take care of back log.
Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who sit on tack get point!
Man who jump off cliff, jump to conclusion!
Man stuck in pantry have ass in jam.
When called an idiot, better to be quiet than open mouth and remove all doubt.
He who thinks only of number one must remember this number is next to nothing.
Man who put head on railroad track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.
Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.
Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner.
Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.
Man who drop watch in toilet have sh&tty time.
Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters in own hands.
Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.
Virginity like bubble: one prick, all gone.
Woman who wear jockstrap have make believe ballroom.
Marriage is like game of poker. You start with pair and end with full house.
Man who take sleeping pill and laxative on the same night will wake up in deep shit
Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
Man who lay girl on hillside is not on the level.
Woman laid in tomb may become mummy.
Man who cut self while shaving, lose face.

52 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Reminds you of anyone ??

Are Metallica playing any heavy metal?

1 hour ago, fasteddie said:

A posted again Christian.

1 hour ago, scottiejohn said:

Jesus really seems to be jumping on this forum recently; see post 2633 et al

I'm faster than the BBC at showing repeats ????

11 minutes ago, fasteddie said:

I'm faster than the BBC at showing repeats ????

That's impossible given their track record! But please don't try to prove us all wrong!????

38 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

A posted again Christian.

Oh God you have "nailed" it with that one.

Who is going to jump in with a response now?

6 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

Oh God you have "nailed" it with that one.

Who is going to jump in with a response now?

Crossy needs to take a leap at it.

 

 

3 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

16 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

Oh God you have "nailed" it with that one.

Who is going to jump in with a response now?

Crossy needs to take a leap at it.

He'll probably do that 'at a stretch.'

2 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

Not so sure he is beating her!!!

Teamwork:-

An engineering manager was once asked his definition of "Teamwork." 

He said "Teamwork is where everyone in the department is doing what I tell them without whining.
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A ladies purse:-
        
An elderly woman was walking her dog when a young man grabbed her purse and ran away. I asked if she was OK and she smiled and said it was no big deal because she carries her old purse to put her dog’s poop in it until she gets home to dispose of it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

A Dream:-

I dreamt I was getting attacked by a bike repeatedly...

It was a vicious cycle
-------------------------------------------------------

I tried:-

I yelled "COW!!" at a woman riding by on a bike. She gave me the finger. Then she plowed right into that cow........................... I tried!
-----------------------------------------------------------

I was not a smart kid:-

When I was in the 3 rd grade, I was in love with a girl I saw. I was shy so I asked my older brother how to impress her to make her notice me. He said to put a potato in my pants. I did and went off to school. Thinking she would adore me, I was met with laughter and ridicule from her and all the children. The teacher also suspended me. Later I learned that my brother meant to put the potato in the front of my pants, not the back.
---------------------------------------------------

39 minutes ago, riceyummm said:

That's similar to TV account my cover photo.

3 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Reminds you of anyone ??

And during my 25 years in the RAF I earned only one. Long Service and Good Conduct Medal after 18 years undetected crime.

Oops [emoji51], someone should probably look for another job !!

Six fingers......

 

Quote

 

 

Another post containing an image in violation of the following forum rule has been removed:

 

8.) You will not post disruptive or inflammatory messages, vulgarities, obscenities or profanities.

Forget 800k or TM 30 problems this is where the real issues lie !!



Sign the petition for stronger chips now !!

Granddad's out on the verandah as little Johnny comes out with something silver in his hand.

"What you got there, Johnny?" he asks.

"Duck tape".

"What are you going to do with duck tape?"

"I'm gonna get me some ducks!"

"Ha ha", says Granddad, amused by the naivety of the young.  But, a couple of hours later he watches as Johnny comes back dragging behind him a load of ducks stuck to the tape. 

Next day Johnny comes out with some flowers.

"What you got there, Johnny?" Granddad asks.

"Fox gloves".

"What are you going to do with fox gloves?"

"I'm gonna get me some foxes!"

"Ha ha", says Granddad, but with a little less certainty than the day before.  Sure enough, a couple of hours later he watches as Johnny comes back with some fox tails in his hand.

Next day Johnny comes out with some sticks.

"What you got there, Johnny?" Granddad asks.

"Pussy willow".

"Wait for me, I'll get my coat".

 

I was assaulted by a mime artist tonight.

 

He did unspeakable things to me.