1 minute ago, fangless said:

Yes those trees really give me the needle!

You shouldn't put them up yourself. 

You should put them up in the living room.

 

1 minute ago, fangless said:

Are you sure it is really a dead parrot and not just pinning for some faraway Fiords?

He was actually a petrol head, and pined away for some faraway Fords.

Head and Shoulders.
Whose shoulders are so hairy, they need shampoo?

If Concorde traveled faster than sound, how did they get a radio message to it?

 

(Pedantic replies coming in three.... two..... one.... )

Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween.
I guess they don't appreciate random people knocking on their door.

Having a big nose is no excuse for not wearing a mask.
After all, I still wear underpants.

I resigned from the Archaeology Society because of bullying.

I just couldn't take the endless digs.

11 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

Butt what is the bottom "I'm all in" plugging?

Just now, fangless said:

Butt what is the bottom "I'm all in" plugging?

Trust you to get to the butt of the problem.

Went to HomePro this morning, the bloke on the door asked "do you want decking"? and it all went downhill from there....

I bought a book about the dangers of deforestation.
The first page says, “You’re not helping”

2 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

I resigned from the Archaeology Society because of bullying.

I just couldn't take the endless digs.

Due to COVID did the Archaeology Society lay off their skeleton staff and if so did they make any bones about it?

I had a terrible night. I dreamt something bit me on the neck.

I tried to check this morning, but the mirror wasn't working.

5 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Having a big nose is no excuse for not wearing a mask.
After all, I still wear underpants.

I hope you wash them well before using them instead of a real mask!

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Bless Me, Father for I have sinned. During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighbourhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that."

"There is more to tell, Father... She started to repay me with sexual favours. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays."

The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger. But two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?

1 minute ago, ballpoint said:

I had a terrible night. I dreamt something bit me on the neck.

I tried to check this morning, but the mirror wasn't working.

On reflection have you seen through the problem?

I was in Powerbuy the other day and I saw a TV made totally from pasta. 

"What's that?" I asked the manger. 

And he said "It's a tagliatelle".

TODAY'S TRIVIA FACT
Although Jesus was known as a carpenter, he never actually sang on any of their albums.

Norwich city trophy room has been broken into and all the contents have been stolen.
Police are looking for a man with a green and yellow carpet.

15 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

If Concorde traveled faster than sound, how did they get a radio message to it?

 

(Pedantic replies coming in three.... two..... one.... )

English Electric Lightning catches up to it and taps on the window.

4 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

I bought a book about the dangers of deforestation.
The first page says, “You’re not helping”

I take it it was a Non Fiction book rather than just pulp fiction.

I have just had a thought; If you read it in a e-reader would that count as re-kindling your interest in climate change?

15 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

If Concorde traveled faster than sound, how did they get a radio message to it?

 

(Pedantic replies coming in three.... two..... one.... )

They got them from their receiving (destination) station perhaps!

I am not very sound on this matter as I am not really tuned into the correct wavelength to shed any light on it!