Married to Thai girl, found out she's cheating while USA green card/visa is in process

[Caine]

Only one word for you MUG. Your too old for her silly old sod.

[Baerboxer]

36 minutes ago, manchega said:

Basically you got into a relationship with someone less than half your age, 

go visit Brazil and discover all those girls who want to speak to you, drink with you and <deleted> k you.  now imagine all those girls now want to marry you?

 

you are almost 50 and and have never considered why you were single till 3 yers ago.

 

you need to understand why you got into the relationship in the first place, I think deep down you know you did it for a young thing on your arm nice to look at and still firm to the touch

deep down you know the educated girl was doing it for a better life, in a country with a bit more equality, more money more forward ( exceptions due to trump I know I know)

 

at 50 it is unlikely you will find a young firm thing to be on your arm for love - I mean what the hell does a 47 year old talk about with a 20 something? your love of rap? thai culture? ????

 

do not worry about the wedding guests if you don't like the "current deal" its not as if the majority of them were not expecting this sooner or later, 

 

if this was a 26 year old or a 30 year old I would have felt something for you

 

but you stated something about stupid is as stupid does well thats the thing, 

 

she is in her prime, she should be living enjoying life , do you really want here to be sticking with something that is shrivewlling into a prune that will need to be bathed and have its arse wiped in 5 - 10 years down the road, ? or do you think she should be living?????

 

honestly the relationship is obvious to all sensible readers here.

 

I think a almost 50 year old who married a girl less than half its age did not have the skills to be having other women, and knows it.

I think a 50 year old who is gonna be faithfull ought to do so with an equal, I mean an equal experience, with something or someone who it can actually talk to, have similar experiences to share and talk about..... guessing you are also trying to convert this Thai girl to Christianity with your "ways " of being faithful eh

 

let her live is my advice, with or without you makes no difference

 

Off topic but buddhism also supports the idea of faithfulness. 

[mstevens]

Why even consider having a child with a woman who is not trustworthy? Madness. It's over.

 

Depending on how important the money is to you, you might wish to discuss with her compensation for damages. Yes, in Thailand if one partner screws around on another like this then that partner and the third party are in the gun. If you did decide to pursue it (and I'm not recommending you do), things could get very uncomfortable for her. So give her the option to return your silly bottles of alcohol and compensate you for the cancelled wedding costs etc. Then get the divorce signed off quickly, move on and forget her.

[mstevens]

4 hours ago, janclaes47 said:

Isn't 1 troll topic from the same poster that joined only 3 days ago enough.

 

In his Friday troll topic he was gonna get married in a month, in his current troll topic he has married already.

 

Are we so desperate that we need multiple clickbait threads?

I think it's since been explained that he was officially / legally married already but the main reception / ceremony is still to come....or at least that is how I read it.

[Mavideol]

1 minute ago, mstevens said:

I think it's since been explained that he was officially / legally married already but the main reception / ceremony is still to come....or at least that is how I read it.

punch of BS all over again, the guy is a lost case not worth the ink of writing a line

[Straight8]

3 hours ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

 

Run from this skank.

 

She is a peasant wanna be hiso. Let her find another fool. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With that bit of advice, just curious as to what makes this fool any different from the other fool?

 

You developing a liking to Mr HongP?

 

[rhodie]

23 minutes ago, mikehongpark said:

Okay. I let her go. Thanks all. I followed my head and not my heart or dreams in my head.

Need to call my friends and family tomorrow morning.

Good call. 

[Tongjaw]

Mikehongpark, you posted on Friday 4th about this issue with a load of supposed text messages between your missus SPP and her male friend Zen. That little post got you 21 pages of replies now you are trying it on again. I'm calling Troll on Mikehongpark.

[marcusarelus]

22 minutes ago, Baerboxer said:

 

Mike, the age difference is 22 years. Whilst at 48/26 that might be ok, as you get older and less able to satisfy her, become older less attractive, less able, etc then what do you think she will do?

 

Worst scenario, you marry, have a kid or kids, move to the US, where she gets a good job, meets lots of single young men her own age who fancy her, and taaa-daaa, you end up divorced. Very costly and not nice for the kids.

 

IME, your relationship will now never be the same. The trust has gone. And you'll always be looking over your shoulder and suspicious.

 

Give her the elbow, right it off to experience and look for a more moral lady.

How do you think all of the lesbian women (Billions) get satisfied?  A woman is a woman.  Maybe you've never had one? 

[ellh]

Depending on what she has actually done, but if it was just a short fling, I think you can try to stick with it if that's also her sentiment!

[4MyEgo]

7 hours ago, mikehongpark said:

She has  admitted to cheating (only after I had indisputable proof) then blamed the long distance and not having anyone to talk to during stressful times, as we have a 13 hour time difference and we are both working. She has cried over the phone and has been apologetic, but it can be just an attempt to hold on to the better life.

You just answered your question.

 

I have been married to a Thai for 12 years, no lies is the key to our relationship and we constantly drill that into our kids heads, always tell the truth and you will have nothing to lose.

 

Playing around has never been a problem as this was discussed from the outset, i.e. I told my wife that while I did not want to remarry at 47, having previously been married for over a decade and had a daughter 9 years of age, now 21, I felt that I still wanted to live "my life", i.e. marrying would mean in the "normal terms" of a marriage that I would have to remain faithful to her, however I felt at that time and still do, that I want to have that occasional young sweet thing every now and again, especially as I age, and it is great for my ego, that sorted, she has never had a problem with it as it removes any insecurities that it would bring in any marriage, I mean think about it, how many marriages/relationships fail because of the other lying, be it feeling betrayed, because of an affair.

 

I am all for her having some fun every now and again if she wants too, she is not interested, "up to her" we have boundaries, and we never throw it in each others faces, and it works for us, if she wants to know, she just has to ask, has asked a couple of times when I was away and I told her, not sure most are big enough to swallow the pill, but when you think about it, it's all about being happy and in love, lies have no place in a relationship, ok you will get the occasional one that she will do because she doesn't want to upset you, and when I say the small one, it's to do with the kids, that granted, but major stuff like having sex with someone without you knowing, is not on, i.e. unless it wasn't spelt out in the beginning, if she lied to you about a big matter like this, then she will lie to you about other matters, there is no excuse to lie in a relationship, it shows disrespect to you and of course puts you on notice, i.e. who am I living with, what do I stand to lose, everything !!!

 

Writing the pros and cons on a piece of paper means that you want to convince yourself that you should give her another chance, why, because you love her, and if your asking me, it's a HUGE no, as she should have been big enough to respect you and not play the field, if you carry on in this relationship, your are only asking for more trouble when you have kids, she won't stop, trust me it's not a one off, you wouldn't even know if she has another on the side, she has lied, lies destroy the foundation of relationships and you will not be happy, you will constantly be unhappy, why because you cannot trust her, say it out aloud 3 times, convince yourself, how would she feel if you did what she did, be a man and move on, for the sake of your own future happiness, one life mate, make it a happy one, be a pig in mud.

 

For what it's worth, I had my 2nd kid at 49, the 3rd at 54, I am now 58 and it's easy if you have a good partner and mother for the kids, and as long as your financial, age has nothing to do with it IMO.

 

Break free, I did previously when I was in a relationship with a Thai girl back in the old country before I met my Thai wife, i.e. her mobile rang while she was in the shower, I went to answer it for her and it was her X fiance who had a restraining order on him, suffice to say, I didn't answer, told her her phone rang when she came out of the shower and she looked at it and said oh, it's only Sheryl, she probably wants to go to the shopping centre together, I said call her, she said, later, I said you sure it wasn't Wayne, she said you calling me a liar, I said, swear to me on your daughters lives that it wasn't Wayne, she did, and I told her she was a liar as I saw the call coming in as I was going to answer her mobile as she was in the shower, she then threw it against the wall and I left, she called me for days and left messages apologising for lying, a week later I drove past her place thinking of dropping in to see how her and her daughters were doing, and I saw him coming out, suffice to say, that was enough for me, the lie and then seeing him coming out. Two months later I met my wife, happy as a pig in mud ever since.

 

Good luck

[cyberfarang]

5 minutes ago, mikehongpark said:

Okay. I let her go. Thanks all. I followed my head and not my heart or dreams in my head.

Need to call my friends and family tomorrow morning.

I am sincerely sorry for you, mainly because I can relate to your experience. After 7 years of marriage, a house and a child together,  discovered my English wife, we were both in our 20s at the time, was cheating on me. F/ing guys in our home, in our bed, while I was at work. I did not discover this until after the divorce and of course those were the days before the internet. She eventually left me for one of her lovers.

 

Having a child together, the courts placed everything in her favour and I ended up in lodgings while she moved her lover into what used to be our home. Luckily we were living in a local authority house and at least I didn`t have a property to lose into the bargain. Women lie and cheat, it`s not just a Thai female thing.

 

When this happens it feels like being stabbed in the heart with a knife and in some cases divorce can be emotionally more traumatic than grief after someone close dies. So I`m not going to try and give you easy solutions and words of wisdom, because the reality is, it`s a shit deal.

 

But later I met a wonderful Thai lady, had children with her and we`ve been happily married for 35 years.

You`re still relatively young and have time to start again, only next time, like me, you have experience and won`t make the same mistakes again.

But I do advise that you aim for someone a bit older, mid 30s to early 40s. Still desirable but much more mentally mature.

[BestB]

36 minutes ago, mikehongpark said:

Okay. I let her go. Thanks all. I followed my head and not my heart or dreams in my head.

Need to call my friends and family tomorrow morning.

I just hope you understand it is far from over.

 

Just because you are ready does not mean she is or cares.

 

Usually , next would be endless calls and messages, crying, hysterics. and threats of taking her own life

 

Do not be surprised if she really does not try it on, to take her own life.

 

Keep in mind, she already made plans for US life and you just pulled the rug from underneath her(do not for one second think i am calling you a bad guy, just saying how she sees it)

 

All the tears and self harm look super realistic, and in most cases make man change his mind.

 

Just keep in mind, even if all the drama and theatrics looks genuine, fact of her past infidelity and future remains the same.

 

Good luck bud and naturally sorry for what you had to experience, but be thankful its now , instead of later when you have a child or in 20 years find out child is not yours.

[marcusarelus]

9 minutes ago, BestB said:

I just hope you understand it is far from over.

 

Just because you are ready does not mean she is or cares.

 

Usually , next would be endless calls and messages, crying, hysterics. and threats of taking her own life

 

Do not be surprised if she really does not try it on, to take her own life.

 

Keep in mind, she already made plans for US life and you just pulled the rug from underneath her(do not for one second think i am calling you a bad guy, just saying how she sees it)

 

All the tears and self harm look super realistic, and in most cases make man change his mind.

 

Just keep in mind, even if all the drama and theatrics looks genuine, fact of her past infidelity and future remains the same.

 

Good luck bud and naturally sorry for what you had to experience, but be thankful its now , instead of later when you have a child or in 20 years find out child is not yours.

Someone should start a thread on the best suicide attempts.  I had one spurned lover try to strangle herself next to me as I slept.  I awoke to this kaak kaa gup gup awk sound. 

[khunPer]

7 hours ago, mikehongpark said:

Any advice will be appreciated, as I am trying to weigh in on the good and the bad.

If the private detective Warren Olson that wrote the book "Confessions of a Bangkok Private Eye" should answer, he would say: »Count your loss and move on..!«

 

You seem to be financially secure, so you can move on – just forget about the 20 1 Liter bottles of Johnnie Walker Gold Reserve, that's an unimportant minor detail compared to $150k, getting a divorce might be of bigger concern, if official papers were signed by the village marriage – there are plenty of both beautiful looking, and good-hearted young Thai girls and ladies out there, looking for a "handsum" foreign husband.

 

You don't need to panic about being a father, should you be a few years over 50 it might not make any difference. Your feelings and hearth are the important factors. I talk from experience, being father first time at age 57 – mom Thai, and 24 at that time – and my own father was 50, when I was born, so I also know it from looking through the child's eyes; perhaps it's in the family genes.

 

I moved on from my first Thai, and relative expensive, relationship – always difficult considering the amount already "invested" in the item, I however was not blue-eyed enough to waste 20 1 Liter bottles of Johnnie Walker Gold Reserve, so my loss was way smaller than yours – and I don't regret it. Based on positive experience I would probably choose 1).

[Ajarnbrian]

 “Cheated on me” can mean different things. Another long term relationship? Cut your losses and get out now. An acquaintance she slept with one night? Forgive and forget. Something in between? A difficult judgment to make but remember those M & F who have never strayed are a rather small, select group.

[Dingo1170]

Piss her off bro, she is only doing what they are genetically programed to do. You can never give one of these dogs enough, and when you do, they just want more. Dude cut and run, thats the smart thing to do. In the long run you will lose a whole lot more, both emotionally and fiscally. Be smart cut and run

[marcusarelus]

6 minutes ago, Ajarnbrian said:

 “Cheated on me” can mean different things. Another long term relationship? Cut your losses and get out now. An acquaintance she slept with one night? Forgive and forget. Something in between? A difficult judgment to make but remember those M & F who have never strayed are a rather small, select group.

You don't teach anything important I hope?  Isin't this the thread where the guy was already married and he left her and is now calling the relatives to say goodbye?

[tweedledee2]

1 hour ago, mikehongpark said:

I've always been too nice, and all my friends say that. I gotta start living for me.

After reading or finding out about how naive you are having the wool pulled over your eyes, I wonder what they'll think and say now.

[473geo]

18 minutes ago, tweedledee2 said:

After reading or finding out about how naive you are having the wool pulled over your eyes, I wonder what they'll think and say now.

Think of the fun and good times, the new experiences you enjoyed, go out and enjoy yourself by starting a new chapter. Do not wallow in the pool of self pity becoming a critic of Thai women and all things Thai ????

[Gracas]

9 hours ago, mikehongpark said:

2) Give her a chance:

* Start working on having kids this year.

Sounds like someone has already started on that part of the plan for you. Should save you a bit of work.

[Banana7]

I highly recommend you cancel all plans, and file for divorce immediately.

 

You have been more than kind, generous, understanding, and moral. There are lots of better women who would love to take her place. Her blaming you for not satisfying her lust shows that she hasn't accept accountability for her actions. Even after she moves to USA with you, she will continue to blame you for any mistakes she makes.

 

Dump her now!

[Elkski]

Mike, I read all of both threads.   The first thread got off course. I swear if I met the guy who quoted that chat text  log I would toss my beer in his face. 

 

Don't take any offense from all the haters.  They don't read all or have very poor comprehension.   But you did leave out the married part in the first thread.  I am assuming you are officially married in the eyes of USA since your using this for the green card.  I think you need to worry about your assets in USA.   I'm not sure how the green card works.  Can you stop it ? Or is it up to her to get?  Forget the booze 20 bottles at 2000 baht is nothing .  

You were  stupid to shower her with gifts and travels you now regret.  Giving parents  15,000 is crazy.  You can support a mia noi fir not much more.   You need to go to Thailand as a  single stud and claim your place.  You won't believe the choices you will have.   I think 20 years younger is ok and I've heard about 30 years working until the American man died leaving a well off widow.  Forget about rushing into kids.  You have time.  

All these guys who think once trust is lost it's over are wrong.  But you were  married.   If you had said this in first thread you would have had more haters on her.  the talk about leaving you after she gets your money is the deal breaker for me. 

You met a Thai in America that is much different than a Thai woman in Thailand.   

I'm glad you have decided to end the relationship.   Your not the only story i have read about in my 3 years doing careful research via massive reading and many visits to Thailand.    

My rule list I have learned. 

Don't spend more than you can loose. 

Trust but verify

If it good today it will be better tomorrow so don't rush into things, time is on man's side. 

Stay worth more alive than dead

Keep finances private. 

Don't flaunt money

Support is part if love for a Thai woman

Don't bring a Thai woman to the USA but I may break this rule as Thailand seems to less attractive  as each month passes. 

 

 

[oldrunner]

Married 17 years (not counting cohabitation) to a very special woman who made the typical young Thai girls mistake, background, poor, abused by Thai husband and bore two children, one more of a rape than anything else. Finally bailed out. We met through a mutual friend. Mother said I was too old for her. She began by taking care of my apartment. Feelings sealed when she became sick and I got her to a Doctor. I met her sons, at the time 6 & 7. We hit it off when I gave them 100 Baht each for taxi, they, of course took the bus. I am 78 years old she is 61. Took her with me to Sudan, later Saudi, later still to Nigeria. Been to USA, Bahrain, Venice and Lake Geneva We have two homes in Pattaya and an apartment attached to one of her Son's homes in Ayutthaya, other Son's under construction next door. Feel sorry for those who fell for tramps or liars. My wife has stood by me through a double heart pass, prostate cancer, other heart problems. If I wasn't so damn handsome I'm sure she would have bailed out on me..believe that I still have some swampland in Florida I can let you have for a good price. 

[billybog]

Just the fact that you are writing this alone...should tell you what to do. RUN..RUN  as fast as you can. There is no reason to cheat, she either loves you or loves the lifestyle. If she has cheated once...be assured she has cheated before.  The final say of course is in your court....but once she has a marriage license....you are toast.

[SuperTed]

 
My point was not about age difference, but staying in a relationship while being cucked.
 
And if you think age difference means nothing even in Thailand maybe you should stop deluding yourself.
 
No one in my wife's circles is banging some 25 year older guy just for fun, lolz
 
Actually there's more chance of this happening back home in Canada (which it did) than here. A lot more difficult to get a good girl here, let alone the one willing to bonk some old guy for fun.
 
 
Tripple lolz
 
 

You made many points Jean-Picard, and one of them was most definitely age difference, a point which you have made again in this post.

TV is overrun with bitter, failed men struggling to justify their lives and broken relationships, and thrashing out at those who can be made to appear as weak as they feel inside.

Not posting at you Jean-Picard, just making a general observation.

Triple lolz

We certainly agree that no man should be a cuckold, the Sunk Cost Fallacy is just that, and there are many fish in the Andaman Sea.


* * *
Don’t tell me why it can’t be done; show me how it can - Jim Wright

[theguyfromanotherforum]

4 minutes ago, SuperTed said:

 

You made many points Jean-Picard, and one of them was most definitely age difference, a point which you have made again in this post.

TV is overrun with bitter, failed men struggling to justify their lives and broken relationships, and thrashing out at those who can be made to appear as weak as they feel inside.

Not posting at you Jean-Picard, just making a general observation.

Triple lolz

We certainly agree that no man should be a cuckold, the Sunk Cost Fallacy is just that, and there are many fish in the Andaman Sea.


* * *
Don’t tell me why it can’t be done; show me how it can - Jim Wright

 

 

What's the arrangement? How much are you paying?

 

 

[mikehongpark]

3 hours ago, wombat said:

We had a small ceremony/reception with just her side of the family in Feb 2018. I've vested $150,000+ dollars since we met: on vacations, gifts, airfares, Sin Sod, 24K golds, and the wedding costs last year......

i only read as far as this....you need to polish your bullshit up for it to be believable....fmd, amateur hour on TV.

What's wrong with you, thinking that somehow a person looking for help/advice is BSing.

[SuperTed]

Mike, I read all of both threads.   The first thread got off course. I swear if I met the guy who quoted that chat text  log I would toss my beer in his face. 
 
Don't take any offense from all the haters.  They don't read all or have very poor comprehension.   But you did leave out the married part in the first thread.  I am assuming you are officially married in the eyes of USA since your using this for the green card.  I think you need to worry about your assets in USA.   I'm not sure how the green card works.  Can you stop it ? Or is it up to her to get?  Forget the booze 20 bottles at 2000 baht is nothing .  
You were  stupid to shower her with gifts and travels you now regret.  Giving parents  15,000 is crazy.  You can support a mia noi fir not much more.   You need to go to Thailand as a  single stud and claim your place.  You won't believe the choices you will have.   I think 20 years younger is ok and I've heard about 30 years working until the American man died leaving a well off widow.  Forget about rushing into kids.  You have time.  
All these guys who think once trust is lost it's over are wrong.  But you were  married.   If you had said this in first thread you would have had more haters on her.  the talk about leaving you after she gets your money is the deal breaker for me. 
You met a Thai in America that is much different than a Thai woman in Thailand.   
I'm glad you have decided to end the relationship.   Your not the only story i have read about in my 3 years doing careful research via massive reading and many visits to Thailand.    
My rule list I have learned. 
Don't spend more than you can loose. 
Trust but verify
If it good today it will be better tomorrow so don't rush into things, time is on man's side. 
Stay worth more alive than dead
Keep finances private. 
Don't flaunt money
Support is part if love for a Thai woman
Don't bring a Thai woman to the USA but I may break this rule as Thailand seems to less attractive  as each month passes. 
 
 

Excellent post. For those older, reading challenged types -

“STAY WORTH MORE ALIVE THAN DEAD”

This is especially true if you take her out of Thailand. They become desperate to go back.


* * *
Don’t tell me why it can’t be done; show me how it can - Jim Wright

[mikehongpark]

3 minutes ago, mikehongpark said:

What's wrong with you, thinking that somehow a person looking for help/advice is BSing.