What Percentage of Western/Thai Marriages Work? I'll Bet It Is Very Low!

[TonyClifton]

Can any of you point to hard numbers showing that a marriage between a westerner and a Thai succeeds?  I'm betting the number of marriages that work is a very small percentage of the total marriages.  

 

 

[madmen]

When they stop working is when the sex stops. most married couples I know morphed into a friendship or a marriage of convenience rather quickly.. Not much hanky panky

The biggest problem is intelligent witty banter which due to the language barrier makes it all a bit mundane.

"what you want eat hon"
" I go shop what you want hon"
" I think rain come hon"

That sort of thing

[kokesaat]

Not any more than anyone can point at hard numbers showing the marriages don't work.

 

When I rack and stack all the Thai/American marriages I know of against all the American/American marriages I know of, the T/A come out on top.  I know more than a few handfuls of T/A who are closing in on 50 years together.  And many many handfuls of 10-20+ years of marriage.  Some fail, of course.......maybe more depending on who you associate with.   Likewise, my friends from military days who married Japanese and Koreans largely are together after more than 30 years.

 

 

[TonyClifton]

1 minute ago, madmen said:

When they stop working is when the sex stops. most married couples I know morphed into a friendship or a marriage of convenience rather quickly.. Not much hanky panky

The biggest problem is intelligent witty banter which due to the language barrier makes it all a bit mundane.

"what you want eat hon"
" I go shop what you want hon"
" I think rain come hon"

That sort of thing

A very good point.  I hooked up with someone here for about 6 months.  Her native language was English.  It was a much more satisfying relationship because not only could we communicate better, we had more in common.  The mindless chit-chat gets boring quickly.  It's not always the language.  Some of these pretty women just have nothing going on upstairs.

[marcusarelus]

I've been married to a Thai woman for 7 years and that's longer than all but one of my Western marriages.  The difficulty starts when one tries to take a woman to the West and they see the lack of competition. 

[TonyClifton]

4 minutes ago, kokesaat said:

Not any more than anyone can point at hard numbers showing the marriages don't work.

 

When I rack and stack all the Thai/American marriages I know of against all the American/American marriages I know of, the T/A come out on top.  I know more than a few handfuls of T/A who are closing in on 50 years together.  And many many handfuls of 10-20+ years of marriage.  Some fail, of course.......maybe more depending on who you associate with.   Likewise, my friends from military days who married Japanese and Koreans largely are together after more than 30 years.

 

 

I'm not looking for the exception that proves the rule.  I'm looking for hard numbers.  I suspect that only a small percentage succeeds. Can anyone prove me to be wrong?

[madmen]

I'm not looking for the exception that proves the rule.  I'm looking for hard numbers.  I suspect that only a small percentage succeeds. Can anyone prove me to be wrong?

It's hard to say. Even when things go dead flat couples still tend to hang around. She to her thai soaps and he to his computer room.
In the West they would have moved on.
Thais don't like confrontation so never discussing marital problems.. So it just sort of continues on

[mauGR1]

29 minutes ago, TonyClifton said:

I'm not looking for the exception that proves the rule.  I'm looking for hard numbers.  I suspect that only a small percentage succeeds. Can anyone prove me to be wrong?

I'd say it's very difficult you'll get hard numbers.

How many old foreigners married with a much younger Thai lady would be willing to admit that their marriage has failed ?

They'd be lucky enough if they don't get kicked out of the house they bought.

Sorry if my comment sounds a bit cynical to some, it's just my impression, not supported by any real knowledge of hard facts.

[Odysseus123]

I can only report on what I saw...so no hard numbers.

 

In a Western sense there were only a few successes..banter,intellectual enjoyment etc.

 

There was also very little cultural cross fertilisation going on-one of the reasons that all those billions spent by foreigners in Isaan were absolutely,totally,without result.

Edited January 6, 2019 by Odysseus123

[Mavideol]

1 hour ago, madmen said:

When they stop working is when the sex stops. most married couples I know morphed into a friendship or a marriage of convenience rather quickly.. Not much hanky panky

The biggest problem is intelligent witty banter which due to the language barrier makes it all a bit mundane.

"what you want eat hon"
" I go shop what you want hon"
" I think rain come hon"

That sort of thing

he asked about marriage not about sex, 2 different things

[Myran]

10 hours ago, TonyClifton said:

I'm not looking for the exception that proves the rule.  I'm looking for hard numbers.  I suspect that only a small percentage succeeds. Can anyone prove me to be wrong?

I suspect a large percentage succeeds. Can you prove me wrong?

[473geo]

The survey input to date suggests that the negative view must be loudly trumpeted by the few

[sirineou]

11 hours ago, TonyClifton said:

Can any of you point to hard numbers showing that a marriage between a westerner and a Thai succeeds?  I'm betting the number of marriages that work is a very small percentage of the total marriages.  

sure look above at the survey 

 

Edited January 6, 2019 by sirineou

[sirineou]

27 minutes ago, 473geo said:

The survey input to date suggests that the negative view must be loudly trumpeted by the few

IMO because they want to rationalise their failure. "Misery loves company"

Married over 10 years to a lovely Thai lady (better than I deserve)  

Have four close Thai / farang couple friends all  happily married all much longer than me.  It is not all a bed of roses but what marriage is? My wife threatens to divorce me at least once a year LOL It will never happen I would be lost with out her, and she without me.

[jak2002003]

If someone thinks they need a divorce as soon as the intense sexual desire wears off then everyone would be divorced after a few months.  Relationships, love and companionship are a big part of marriage. 

 

From what I have seen, most of the Thai / foreigner marriages are based solely on the man having money to give to his wife in exchange for sex with a good looking woman who would be out of the guys league in his native country. 

 

The language barrier means the couple can not really communicate very well, and not at a deep emotional level, and then when the guy gets bores of the sex the problems start and the relationship ends, because there is very little else to the relationship apart from the sexual aspect.  Maybe they will stay together as the guy does not want to risk loosing his house and money to the wife (who now hold the power).  

 

 

Edited January 6, 2019 by jak2002003

[sirineou]

12 hours ago, TonyClifton said:

12 hours ago, kokesaat said:

Not any more than anyone can point at hard numbers showing the marriages don't work.

 

When I rack and stack all the Thai/American marriages I know of against all the American/American marriages I know of, the T/A come out on top.  I know more than a few handfuls of T/A who are closing in on 50 years together.  And many many handfuls of 10-20+ years of marriage.  Some fail, of course.......maybe more depending on who you associate with.   Likewise, my friends from military days who married Japanese and Koreans largely are together after more than 30 years.

 

 

I'm not looking for the exception that proves the rule.  I'm looking for hard numbers.  I suspect that only a small percentage succeeds. Can anyone prove me to be wrong?

why would you think the above is the exception and not the rule ? do you have any, as you would say ,"hard numbers"? 

[Enki]

I have no hard numbers either ... who would? 

Thai have to racial/culture traits:

• money problems, may it be greed or debt or gambling 
• and relationships, marriages, jealously

I actually only know two T/T couples that are married since decades. Every other Thai couple is divorced, married again, or is just BF/GF. Many Thai woman have kids, never were married with the father and don't live with him together anymore.

But hen again, how is the divorce rate in western countries? Germany had about 40% ... no idea where it is at the moment.

Thai men are more prone to heavy drinking and smoking than Germans or French e.g. (Yes I simplify) Most Thai woman hate it that their husband drinks to much, is smoking and spends to much money. Understandable. Hence they have a high divorce rate. Mostly issued by the woman.

 

What westerners, especially in Forums not get: Thai woman treat all men equal. They want money. That is a cultural thing, not a pure greed thing. They demand the same from a Thai husband they demand from a Westerner. Obviously if the westerner works abroad, he has more money available than an equivalent Thai husband. 

Bottom line Thai woman love western husbands. They consider them good looking, even when they are bald or overweight. it is a status symbol for many. The money is nice, but usually not the reason. They like stability like any other woman on the planet. But here comes the trait above: jealousness. If she is not jealous, you can be happy. If she is, it is unclear if she fears you leave her or if it is a kind of mind game. But what westerner actually likes if his wife is jealous?

Regarding money: I was on an engagement celebration on 1st of january. A 20 year old will marry a similar aged lady after Songkran. He got himself into debt of about $10,000 for gold jewelry for his fiancé ... see: he gets <deleted> over/treated just like a westerner. No difference.

And on top of that, most of the celebration will be payed by his family, his father. A stupid habit, as the future wives family is rich enough. 

In Europe we have a similar stupid habit: the father of the bride pays everything ... 

 

Money wise I have a super simple deal with my wife: for every Bath she earns, she gets an extra Bath from me. Extra payments I only make in emergencies. Obviously I can not avoid to buy here something for 350 Baht or even 500 every week ... or I pay for the food we buy on the market.

 

I like to drink some beer, but I'm more or less never drunk. Drunk as in beyond my limits, obviously I don't drive when I have more than 2 beers, and in Thailand I don't drive anyway. So all works fine, but we know each other only since 2.5 years. We are both around 50, so ... I guess most things will be more simple than when I was 30.

 

P.S. learn Thai, listen to Thai songs, especially Molam (well, many of them are in Lao language)  ... they tell you everything about money, jealousy, relationships or the lack there off ... and it is super funny. Or ask your Thai spouse: "ah, he left her, right? And now she wines and cries what she did wrong?" Reverse it if the singer is male ...

[473geo]

36 minutes ago, jak2002003 said:

If someone thinks they need a divorce as soon as the intense sexual desire wears off then everyone would be divorced after a few months.  Relationships, love and companionship are a big part of marriage. 

 

From what I have seen, most of the Thai / foreigner marriages are based solely on the man having money to give to his wife in exchange for sex with a good looking woman who would be out of the guys league in his native country. 

 

The language barrier means the couple can not really communicate very well, and not at a deep emotional level, and then when the guy gets bores of the sex the problems start and the relationship ends, because there is very little else to the relationship apart from the sexual aspect.  Maybe they will stay together as the guy does not want to risk loosing his house and money to the wife (who now hold the power).  

 

 

Well I guess if the farang and his wife have gone through the process of building a home together for instance, the planning and the practical, discussions and agreements, then they already have more communication and interaction, than the renters. They are for a start having sex in a home they planned built and decorated.

[madmen]

I have no hard numbers either ... who would? 
Thai have to racial/culture traits:

• money problems, may it be greed or debt or gambling 
• and relationships, marriages, jealously

I actually only know two T/T couples that are married since decades. Every other Thai couple is divorced, married again, or is just BF/GF. Many Thai woman have kids, never were married with the father and don't live with him together anymore.
But hen again, how is the divorce rate in western countries? Germany had about 40% ... no idea where it is at the moment.
Thai men are more prone to heavy drinking and smoking than Germans or French e.g. (Yes I simplify) Most Thai woman hate it that their husband drinks to much, is smoking and spends to much money. Understandable. Hence they have a high divorce rate. Mostly issued by the woman.
 
What westerners, especially in Forums not get: Thai woman treat all men equal. They want money. That is a cultural thing, not a pure greed thing. They demand the same from a Thai husband they demand from a Westerner. Obviously if the westerner works abroad, he has more money available than an equivalent Thai husband. 
Bottom line Thai woman love western husbands. They consider them good looking, even when they are bald or overweight. it is a status symbol for many. The money is nice, but usually not the reason. They like stability like any other woman on the planet. But here comes the trait above: jealousness. If she is not jealous, you can be happy. If she is, it is unclear if she fears you leave her or if it is a kind of mind game. But what westerner actually likes if his wife is jealous?
Regarding money: I was on an engagement celebration on 1st of january. A 20 year old will marry a similar aged lady after Songkran. He got himself into debt of about $10,000 for gold jewelry for his fiancé ... see: he gets over/treated just like a westerner. No difference.
And on top of that, most of the celebration will be payed by his family, his father. A stupid habit, as the future wives family is rich enough. 
In Europe we have a similar stupid habit: the father of the bride pays everything ... 
 
Money wise I have a super simple deal with my wife: for every Bath she earns, she gets an extra Bath from me. Extra payments I only make in emergencies. Obviously I can not avoid to buy here something for 350 Baht or even 500 every week ... or I pay for the food we buy on the market.
 
I like to drink some beer, but I'm more or less never drunk. Drunk as in beyond my limits, obviously I don't drive when I have more than 2 beers, and in Thailand I don't drive anyway. So all works fine, but we know each other only since 2.5 years. We are both around 50, so ... I guess most things will be more simple than when I was 30.
 
P.S. learn Thai, listen to Thai songs, especially Molam (well, many of them are in Lao language)  ... they tell you everything about money, jealousy, relationships or the lack there off ... and it is super funny. Or ask your Thai spouse: "ah, he left her, right? And now she wines and cries what she did wrong?" Reverse it if the singer is male ...

"They demand the same from a Thai husband they demand from a Westerner"

Nonsense

They would get a punch in the face from a thai guy.

Farang line up to rip up serious cash to show their love.
. You couldn't be here in Thailand more than 5 minutes by the sounds of it

[TonyClifton]

1 hour ago, sirineou said:

sure look above at the survey 

 

I wouldn't trust TV polls if I were you.

[sirineou]

1 hour ago, TonyClifton said:

I wouldn't trust TV polls if I were you.

Then why do you start one here? 

[FritsSikkink]

14 minutes ago, sirineou said:

Then why do you start one here? 

He hoped for a different result

[Spidey]

2 hours ago, madmen said:

"They demand the same from a Thai husband they demand from a Westerner"

Nonsense

They would get a punch in the face from a thai guy.

Farang line up to rip up serious cash to show their love.
. You couldn't be here in Thailand more than 5 minutes by the sounds of it

I think that it's you who hasn't been here more than 5 minutes. Either that or you've made no attempt to assimilate into Thai life. The guy's post was spot on. 

 

IME Thai/Thai marriages are more likely to fail than Farang/Thai marriages.

 

Thais judge their partner more openly with regards to how well they can take care of their wife/children. That's where the misconception about money grabbing comes from. It's Thai culture, not greed.

 

I can't understand why anyone would make their lives in a foreign country and not learn the language. I made every effort to learn the language when I arrived here, now I speak conversational Thai and Lao/Issan, which is the language my wife and I normally converse in. It's opened up a whole new world for me. Thai people have a great sense of humour and my wife and I spend most of our days laughing and joking. We're 2 very happy people.

 

Also very true about listening to Morlam songs. Helped me learn Lao/Issan and gave me a real understanding of Thai (particularly Issan) attitudes to love and marriage.

[RichardColeman]

Have known about 20 couples that married and came back to uk - none are still married today - including one of my own. I have a new Thai wife now - 3 years married now and I know this works. My own feelings on the matter are if you want to marry a Thai lady, then live with her in Thailand for a few years - marrying one and bringing her straight back to the Uk - or anywhere - is asking for trouble in my own opinion

[Spidey]

20 minutes ago, RichardColeman said:

Have known about 20 couples that married and came back to uk - none are still married today - including one of my own. I have a new Thai wife now - 3 years married now and I know this works. My own feelings on the matter are if you want to marry a Thai lady, then live with her in Thailand for a few years - marrying one and bringing her straight back to the Uk - or anywhere - is asking for trouble in my own opinion

I would say that, ideally, stay in Thailand with them. They never really settle in a foreign country.

[Skallywag]

I wish I knew what a successful marriage was - can a get me some Hard Definitions on that ?!? Never had success in marriage so am just getting by with meaningless short times and friendships now and then.  Dont think I can afford a successful marriage here in Thailand from what I have read - 555

[Damrongsak]

My wife and I have done OK over the last 40 years.  Yes there were difficulties and language can be a problem in terms of easy or subtle communication.  I spoke some Thai when we met and we lived there about a year and a half after we married. She learned most of her English after we left - 37 years in the US. 

 

She's back over in Thailand as of 2 years ago - had enough of the rat race in the west (though she misses pizza and steak).  Sort of an advanced scout, setting things up there for retirement years.  We own a nice house that is fairly new.  Money has never been an issue, as we were frugal and worked and saved for years.  Though she spends money on orchids and little miniature chickens for the yard, 555. 

 

I will say that my wife, though born in Thailand, came from a Vietnamese background, so there's a bit of cultural difference.  Her Mom was a refugee of sorts from back in the 1950s. Hard-headed people.

[Ahab]

I have been married for 26 years to a Thai woman. Still going strong.

 

[TonyClifton]

2 minutes ago, Ahab said:

I have been married for 26 years to a Thai woman. Still going strong.

 

Congratulations.

[colinneil]

Interesting reading some of the posts on this thread.

I have seen both sides, married before to a Thai lady who was only interested in money.

Married again over 7 years ago, just as happy today as when we married.

I do not give my wife money, we share everything, no sex now for over 5 years, but that does not present any problems, never go to sleep without a cuddle, kiss, i love you always said by both of us.

Marriage only works if both parties work at it, not only marriage to a Thai lady, but any lady.