I'm scared of having kids

[marcusarelus]

Don't forget when the boy gets a girl pregnant at 15 years of age.  That's a fun one. 

[sirineou]

6 hours ago, Enoon said:

OP

 

The only purpose of life is to create more life.

 

Everything else is just vanity and passing the time.

 

If you wait until you find that out for yourself it'll be too late.

 

 

 

 The question has being asked. "what came first, the Chicken or the Egg" 

The answer is only one, "the Egg, the Chicken is simply the egg's idea of how to make another Egg."

People who do not have children by choice, are denying their nature and are what you described above. IMO a life without children by choice, is a form of marubation.

 Having my daughter was the best thing that ever happened to me! Don't get me wrong, there were times and are still times, when I wanted to tear her head off. But the Love and fun I had and still have with her is priceless. A type of love that only someone with a child can understand. To never experience   it is IMO sad.

 

Edited January 13, 2019 by sirineou

[seajae]

loved being a father and love being a grandfather although all of them are back in Australia, I know when I was first a father it scared me sh*tless, had no idea what was involved and what to do. Got over it though and then loved being a dad, there is a lot of satisfaction in it, taught them to fish, play sports etc, they actually keep you young in mind. The ones I found didnt like it were those that liked to drink and have a lot of free time, guess you have to make a choice between what you want  for yourself and what your wife wants for you both, kids should have been discussed way before now and a joint agreement reached, often wonder why some people bother to marry when its simply all about their wants

[villagefarang]

I have never denigrated those who choose to procreate but they can at times be quite condescending and evangelical in their quest to convert people like me.  

[marcusarelus]

Then there is the tattoos on the face.  That's a 16 year old thing.  I especially like the trying to cut off digits (the yakuza thing) and the motorcycle racing in the streets and killing someone while underage and daddy pays thing. 

[AlexRich]

39 minutes ago, villagefarang said:

In my opinion, you could turn that around and say it is unfair for a woman who wants to have children to marry a man who doesn’t, just to trick him or force to have kids and to pay for them the rest of his life. 

If you know that your intended wants children why marry her, and then trap her into a childless marriage? To my mind the only point of a marriage is to offer security to future children. If you don’t want them just co-habit. As for forcing someone to pay, how does that work? A foreigner who decides to move on could never be compelled to pay anything by Thai authorities. 

Edited January 13, 2019 by AlexRich

[villagefarang]

My wife and I felt little compulsion to marry but decided to do it to pacify societal expectations and to limit interference in the way we choose to live our lives.   We are both convinced after 21 years together we made the right choice, both to marry and to not have kids. Our life together has been and continues to be absolutely amazing. 

Edited January 13, 2019 by villagefarang

[baansgr]

6 hours ago, RichardColeman said:

I was in thailand for 8 months and I was quite litearlly given a baby girl by some student I had never met before. I would not be without her now, and bring her up as my own daughter. Kids can be a handful at times, but any parent know that a kid's smile can make up for most grief they bring. And besides - when your old and your wife dies, who will push you around in your wheelchair to the local 7/11 !

Unless you have legally adopted her your life is gonna be hell, schooling, anything concerning government bodies will be an absolute nightmare if not impossible.

[villagefarang]

To be fair, curating an interesting, fulfilling and active life for a beautiful and adventurous girl from age 23 to 44 is not everyone’s forte. It’s probably a lot easier to just give her a kid to keep her busy. ????

[GettingBye]

3 hours ago, sirineou said:

 The question has being asked. "what came first, the Chicken or the Egg" 

The answer is only one, "the Egg, the Chicken is simply the egg's idea of how to make another Egg."

People who do not have children by choice, are denying their nature and are what you described above. IMO a life without children by choice, is a form of marubation.

 Having my daughter was the best thing that ever happened to me! Don't get me wrong, there were times and are still times, when I wanted to tear her head off. But the Love and fun I had and still have with her is priceless. A type of love that only someone with a child can understand. To never experience   it is IMO sad.

 

 

Well thanks for contributing to the Worlds overpopulation Mr Holier-Than-Thou.

[GettingBye]

5 hours ago, AlexRich said:

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids. But I do think there is something unfair in marrying a women who does want to be a mother, that is a pretty selfish act in my view. You would have been better off being single and only going out with women that have no interest in children. A potential problem is that your wife will resent you if she goes beyond child bearing age and the option is gone forever.

 

Well said.

 

Marrying a farang woman and choosing not to have kids is one thing since its culturally acceptable and even encouraged for women to choose a career path rather than have kids but the concept of not procreating is not easily understood for any Thai woman I have ever met. Family is everything.

 

Childbirth is a gift to a Thai woman that allows her fulfillment.

 

If the OP doesn’t want kids then he needs to find himself a farang. 

[Rc2702]

1 hour ago, villagefarang said:

To be fair, curating an interesting, fulfilling and active life for a beautiful and adventurous girl from age 23 to 44 is not everyone’s forte. It’s probably a lot easier to just give her a kid to keep her busy. ????

That sounds like parenting.

[sirineou]

1 hour ago, GettingBye said:

 

Well thanks for contributing to the Worlds overpopulation Mr Holier-Than-Thou.

   I applause you altruism but having one or two children does not increase the population in fact over time it would decrease, case and point the decreasing population of Europe with 1.6 birth rate. 

   Good try , back to the excuse drawing board for you.

[OneEyedPie]

The great thing about kids is that you can hand them over to social services if you ever get bored.  They even pick them up for you.  

[richard_smith237]

7 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I know some guys with kids who spend more than half a million per kid per year in school in Thailand.

Maybe there are some good and not so expensive options. But it seems many people, at least if they can afford it, spend a fortune on education.

Education, afterschool activities, extra Thai sessions, larger house, clothing, food, flights (additional seat), transport (car), medical insurance... it all adds up... 

Education is the single biggest outlay, but the tax bill would be bigger in the UK, so the additional cost of education is offset by being here and the International School here is better than the School my son would go to in the UK.

 

I have little doubt that kids are costly - but its the best money I have ever spent !

 

 

That said, if people really don't want kids, that's entirely their choice - we're all different and what drives us differs. 

 

It would be interesting to hear from anyone who has had kids but wishes they didn't... 

[kannot]

7 hours ago, villagefarang said:

To be fair, curating an interesting, fulfilling and active life for a beautiful and adventurous girl from age 23 to 44 is not everyone’s forte. It’s probably a lot easier to just give her a kid to keep her busy. ????

foooooooooooooool ................I  just gave  mine some money and sat back and let  her  build  up a  business  that totally  supports  both of us with ease, initial investment 4  million,  current  value 22+ and annual income 2m+...........gave up working at 42 now 55 thats was 13  years  ago, id  trade her  in if I was you????

[kannot]

6 hours ago, GettingBye said:

People who do not have children by choice, are denying their nature

nature  may well have decided for them for numerous reasons not  to be able  procreate

[kannot]

6 hours ago, GettingBye said:

for any Thai woman I have ever met. Family is everything.

meet a  few  more, I can think of 3  Thai  women with no kids aged 42-50 years  old

[OneMoreFarang]

10 hours ago, sirineou said:

 The question has being asked. "what came first, the Chicken or the Egg" 

The answer is only one, "the Egg, the Chicken is simply the egg's idea of how to make another Egg."

People who do not have children by choice, are denying their nature and are what you described above. IMO a life without children by choice, is a form of marubation.

 Having my daughter was the best thing that ever happened to me! Don't get me wrong, there were times and are still times, when I wanted to tear her head off. But the Love and fun I had and still have with her is priceless. A type of love that only someone with a child can understand. To never experience   it is IMO sad.

And then one day she will have this wonderful boyfriend. And you will say or at least thing: What is that? My daughter with that guy. What went wrong? She shouldn't go out with a guy like that. And maybe then things get worse. And maybe then you will think life without kids would have been a better idea.

I hope all this won't happen to you and I hope she marries the perfect guy. But I know a guy who had a daughter who ended up with the wrong guy and lots of drugs and and and. It happens, and sadly it seems it happens too often and sometimes even to children who's parents really did their best.

[OneMoreFarang]

4 hours ago, richard_smith237 said:

It would be interesting to hear from anyone who has had kids but wishes they didn't... 

Would these people admit it?

Sometimes when I am bored I read these letters to the aunty with situations like: I want to be the perfect mum but it's so difficult and so much work. Nobody told me before it is so exhausting.

And then the answer is something like: Many of us feel like you but most won't admit it. They only talk about the joys of having children...

It seems it's politically incorrect to admit children are not always fun. Parent must pretend they always have a wonderful time...

[OneMoreFarang]

21 minutes ago, kannot said:

foooooooooooooool ................I  just gave  mine some money and sat back and let  her  build  up a  business  that totally  supports  both of us with ease, initial investment 4  million,  current  value 22+ and annual income 2m+...........gave up working at 42 now 55 thats was 13  years  ago, id  trade her  in if I was you????

Reading in the TV forum it seems lots of guy invested 4 million or more in the business of the wife. And you must be one of the very few people were it actually worked. Enjoy your life with a wife who makes a lot of money.

[villagefarang]

57 minutes ago, kannot said:

foooooooooooooool ................I  just gave  mine some money and sat back and let  her  build  up a  business  that totally  supports  both of us with ease, initial investment 4  million,  current  value 22+ and annual income 2m+...........gave up working at 42 now 55 thats was 13  years  ago, id  trade her  in if I was you????

No need to feel bad for me. I stopped working at 40 and never needed my wife to make money for me. I’m 64 now and have more than I had at 40. My wife is amazing and I think I will keep her. ????❣️

[sirineou]

51 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

And then one day she will have this wonderful boyfriend. And you will say or at least thing: What is that? My daughter with that guy. What went wrong? She shouldn't go out with a guy like that. And maybe then things get worse. And maybe then you will think life without kids would have been a better idea.

I hope all this won't happen to you and I hope she marries the perfect guy. But I know a guy who had a daughter who ended up with the wrong guy and lots of drugs and and and. It happens, and sadly it seems it happens too often and sometimes even to children who's parents really did their best.

You never can tell

 

[kannot]

2 hours ago, villagefarang said:

No need to feel bad for me. I stopped working at 40 and never needed my wife to make money for me. I’m 64 now and have more than I had at 40. My wife is amazing and I think I will keep her. ????❣️

gdangggggggggggg foiled  again

[kannot]

3 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Reading in the TV forum it seems lots of guy invested 4 million or more in the business of the wife. And you must be one of the very few people were it actually worked. Enjoy your life with a wife who makes a lot of money.

u  only  ever  hear  the  failures

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, kannot said:

u  only  ever  hear  the  failures

I hope there are more success stories in Thailand than failures. But with guys investing money in their wife's business I don't think the statistic will look good.

[Fozzie34]

If you ask me, it all depends on your situation and how you think your wife will deal with the day to day business of taking care of kids.

 

I had two boys here in Thailand when my Thai wife and I were just over 30 years old.

 

In hindsight, my wife liked the idea of having kids more than she did taking care of them properly, so I have been lumbered working for a living and taking care of the kids at the same time (who are now 10 and 12 years old) so I can ensure they are taken care of properly.

 

It seems like you have some people around you that can help you and your wife, but I didn't have any help to be honest. Don't get me wrong, it's been very rewarding, but it's taken its toll on me juggling everything with passive help from my wife. It's put a lot of stress on our relationship and how I view my wife.

 

Having kids does change everything. 

[akirasan]

46 minutes ago, Fozzie34 said:

It seems like you have some people around you that can help you and your wife, but I didn't have any help to be honest. Don't get me wrong, it's been very rewarding, but it's taken its toll on me juggling everything with passive help from my wife. It's put a lot of stress on our relationship and how I view my wife.

That sounds very stressful but kudos to you for stepping up. I hope you're doing ok now.

[natway09]

Scorecard is correct if you decidethat you want.

Hard work & money but they are a joy beyond belief

[VocalNeal]

On 1/13/2019 at 12:24 PM, akirasan said:

For one, when I hear a baby crying or screaming it's like nails on a chalkboard.

Just like yappy dogs, your own child's crying or screaming doesn't register the same as other's

 

On 1/13/2019 at 12:50 PM, BritManToo said:

Don't worry, millions of people have done it before and managed.

 

Yes. Oh and your wife will decide. You really don't have much to do with it?