Meeting parents

[KevinFR]

Hello,

I must meet my girlfriend's parents next month and I would like some advice to make me accept the best. She is 23 years old and comes from middle class. She is still a student, and I have a good position in a company. I am CIO.

We plan to have a child in the next few months.

What advice can you give me?

thank you,

[faraday]

Tell 'em you're gonna pay 1M baht sin sod.

[Peterw42]

Maybe dont mention the plans for a baby out of wedlock.

[KevinFR]

These parents are not married, it is not at all the mentality of the family. They are able in their family to be married

[richard_smith237]

Best advice I can offer... Don't rush things, be yourself, don't pretend to be anything you are not. Try and relax as much as possible while being respectful. 

 

Much of it also depends on their attitudes towards foreigners and the strength your wife shows about how easily influenced she is or is not by their opinions of you. 

 

 

Personally, I was extremely lucky. My Wife's parents were initially not best impressed that their daughter was 'friends' with a Westerner. My FIL was concerned about what his friends would think. 

Its somewhat of a facade... I met my future In-Laws at a couple of functions, weddings etc and was introduced as 'a friend'.... 

My Wife manufactured Our first 'official introduction' as the boyfriend to time with a visit from my FIL's friends visiting from the US (Thai American), they grilled me !!!... but I understood the complimentary feedback they gave my FIL (in Thai). 

 

My girlfriend gave the impression that I was a serious boyfriend and not a fleeting affair. We did not live together, my Girlfriend had to be home by midnight. We managed to sneak a few holidays away, even to the UK etc over the couple of years we were dating. 

Slowly the in-laws accepted me, I was always polite, but myself, relaxed and not trying too hard I guess. By the time I asked my FIL for permission to marry his daughter he was quite acceptant of a foreigner (me) Marrying his daughter. The In-laws are now loving grandparents and pop over a couple of times per week.  

 

 

 

[geoffbezoz]

Most Thais don't even know their real parents, well their biological Fathers anyway.. Certainly very view are married. Would suggest you tread with caution and best ask first to look at her Thai birth certificate and compare that by looking at her parents wedding registration certificate. Many Thais operate sin sod scams.

[richard_smith237]

1 hour ago, geoffbezoz said:

Most Thais don't even know their real parents, well their biological Fathers anyway.. Certainly very view are married. Would suggest you tread with caution and best ask first to look at her Thai birth certificate and compare that by looking at her parents wedding registration certificate. Many Thais operate sin sod scams.

Which Thailand are you in ???

 

[Most Thais don't even know their real parents] ??? Say What now?

 

Most, meaning Majority, thus, at least >50% of the Thai population don't know their real parents????? 

 

Are you sure you thought through your comments carefully?.... 

 

You are suggesting the Op requests to see his Girlfriends parents Wedding Registration????... Wow... Paranoid much, or are they really all after you?....  way to start off on the good foot with the parents !!!... you'd better start taking the medication again.... 

[thaiguzzi]

2 hours ago, faraday said:

Tell 'em you're gonna pay 1M baht sin sod.

Wrong answer.

Tell 'em you're busy setting up a GoFundMe for the wedding...

[donim]

Bring food.
A few boxes snack kanom for the family and diner kanomjeen with curry and somtum for the mom.

You will be loved.

 

Rgds,

[scorecard]

2 hours ago, geoffbezoz said:

Most Thais don't even know their real parents, well their biological Fathers anyway.. Certainly very view are married. Would suggest you tread with caution and best ask first to look at her Thai birth certificate and compare that by looking at her parents wedding registration certificate. Many Thais operate sin sod scams.

A load of rubbish on many points.

[scorecard]

48 minutes ago, donim said:

Bring food.
A few boxes snack kanom for the family and diner kanomjeen with curry and somtum for the mom.

You will be loved.

 

Rgds,

And be polite and respectful and look them in the eye.

 

If your not so aware of Thai traditions I suggest you buy 1 or 2 quick read books to get some awareness of:  the importance of lowering your head, where to put / not put your feet, avoidance of direct NO, etc.

 

And remember they could be just as nervous as you are. 

 

Edited March 30, 2019 by scorecard

[Odin Norway]

No info on your age and how long you have been together.Or where you have been living. Sounds like a rushed decision having a baby before you have even met the rest of the family IMO.For all we know that only read your post,you could have met her last week? Or you could even be older than her parents...Where they live also makes a bit of difference..

[richard_smith237]

9 minutes ago, Odin Norway said:

No info on your age and how long you have been together.Or where you have been living. Sounds like a rushed decision having a baby before you have even met the rest of the family IMO.For all we know that only read your post,you could have met her last week? Or you could even be older than her parents...Where they live also makes a bit of difference..

Indeed... If she's 23 and he's 60yo, overweight and fits the 'farang slob' stereotype its unlikely to go well...

 

But the Op mentioned he has a good career, that his girlfriends family are 'middle class' (which I assume means educated and financially independent) its likely the daughter is making intelligent decisions within her 'age-socico-economic-educational' bracket in which case a natural and mutually respectful relationship will take its natural path and the parents will recognise this... 

 

That said, this could all be 'shot gun' stuff as the op mentioned they are planning on having a baby in a few months, in which case his GF is pregnant and he's doing the right thing !!!... in which case, that horse has bolted... the parents can't be too upset - the Op is sticking around !

[brokenbone]

i brought a plastic bag of big white living larvae,

-insta success.

[neeray]

A little common sense and observation has always served me well.

[Puchaiyank]

I would add that after the formal introductions...unless the parents speak passable English...you are likely to be ignored while they talk about you at length in Thai...????

[Moti24]

On 3/30/2019 at 8:20 PM, KevinFR said:

What advice can you give me?

Depends if you are another naive foreigner (and believe me, there are plenty here) or you have plenty of money and don't give a toss what you spend it on.

 

Some guys have been here for years and are still as naive as the day they first arrived.  I was living with my wife for 10 years before I bought her a house.  Don't jump-in with both feet; do your homework before you pass the point of no return.

[malt25]

"We plan to have a child in the next few months."  A few questions if I might be so bold !  Is the G/F pregnant ? Are you planning an adoption ? You will consummate the relationship in the near future ?  You have found a miracle solution to the average 9 month gestation period ?

[kensisaket]

Best advice for you and her, don't forget where you came from. Her family is not hiso don't let her take on a hiso attitude because of your relationship. There are going to be a lot of "can I borrow" coming your way. Never hand money to a Thai with an expectation of getting it back...especially family. 

[DPKANKAN]

Don't!!! Go home or somewhere else!! I see a 2 million baht sinsod coming!!????????????????

[Stevemercer]

Take advice from your girlfriend about how much money to give Mum (a few thousand Baht) and what to give Dad (normally alcohol). You'll probably be expected to take the (extended) family out to dinner and to pay.

[1FinickyOne]

Smile, especially when first meeting... and be polite. Good manners are welcome everywhere. and then smile again.

[alex8912]

On 3/31/2019 at 7:33 AM, Puchaiyank said:

I would add that after the formal introductions...unless the parents speak passable English...you are likely to be ignored while they talk about you at length in Thai...????

But every once in awhile you CLEARLY hear your name mentioned lol. 

[marquis22]

Don't touch/pat Pa on the shoulder as you say nice to meet you.

Just a wai.

[bfc1980]

9 minutes ago, alex8912 said:

But every once in awhile you CLEARLY hear your name mentioned lol. 

They probably wouldn't even do you the decency of referring to you by name. You'd hear the word 'falang' in every other sentence. Know they're talking about you because nobody talks about guava that much.

[mike787]

On 3/30/2019 at 9:07 PM, geoffbezoz said:

Most Thais don't even know their real parents, well their biological Fathers anyway.. Certainly very view are married. Would suggest you tread with caution and best ask first to look at her Thai birth certificate and compare that by looking at her parents wedding registration certificate. Many Thais operate sin sod scams.

YES!  Be careful.  They can shake yo down faster than god can take your soul.  Money is everything in Thai culture.  Take your time.  No rush!  If she is really by your side today, she will be there 100 years from now. 

[mike787]

On 3/31/2019 at 7:33 AM, Puchaiyank said:

I would add that after the formal introductions...unless the parents speak passable English...you are likely to be ignored while they talk about you at length in Thai...????

ignored forever until the gold and baht are needed....then forgotten.

[Jonnapat]

Keep your wallet out of sight.

[mike787]

On 3/30/2019 at 11:32 PM, scorecard said:

A load of rubbish on many points.

To you, yes, it is "rubbish".  To others, it's a choice that may constitute prudent judgement and caution.  Internationally, they call this a "chaste" system.  Everyone sizes everyone up, from the physical, psychological, to financial potential.  It's human nature.  How far one chooses to go is 'their" discretion, ie, between them and their God.  But your opinion is understood....I wish it were seen as "rubbish" by all people everywhere.

[Captain 776]

If you are going to her village. BRING MONEY.

You will be paying for a party for the whole village.

be lucky if only 5 figures.

 

But all else aside I can tell from your post, you are about to make the typical mistake so many guys make.

you neglected to say your age.

If you are twice her age or more...STOP NOW.

Do you really think a 23 yo really loves old man more than twice her age.

If that is the case..,,,,her and the family refer to you as BUFFARO......or ATM...,,,,  

 

Best advice....If you want a nice Thai lady, date one your own age