Another one bites the dust (me)

[thaibeachlovers]

11 hours ago, glennb6 said:

at the risk of harsh or snarky replies, which couldn't care less about really...

 

that 'value added thing' is when you show respect, fidelity, politeness, eat her shitty cooking with a smile and complement. it's she wants to go to XXX restaurant and you really wanted YYY, and you go to XXX.

civility and a smile when you don't really feel like it, and it's even been doing the dishes once in a while regardless of being told I don't know how.  probably lots of personal variations on this attitude but the point of respect and being a nice and loving person is a constant.

 

I consider this a two way street and far more important than how much you or she contribute financially.

 

in the past was married, time went by, there were ups and downs but normal i though. certainly were enough times it felt like i was walking through a minefield though. eventually it all came apart and i was forced to split. not happy with the whole situation and confused as to why.

 

gradually over about a two year period i started to realize that the marriage was never as good as i had hoped it to be. i put up with a lot of disrespect and abuse by telling myself to just be calm, don't fight back, be cool. i lay a lot of fault on my x, and even more as time has gone by since splitting. i feel much better as a free man and will never again put up with the shit i used to 'just for the sake of a stable relationship'.  ????

Marriage is all about compromise, but seems to me it's always the man that is expected to compromise.

In my experience, if the guy doesn't do what she wants he doesn't get it, as a punishment.

[Spidey]

3 hours ago, Isaanbiker said:

It's actually Vice Versa. 

Really? Not IME.

[Spidey]

10 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Marriage is all about compromise, but seems to me it's always the man that is expected to compromise.

In my experience, if the guy doesn't do what she wants he doesn't get it, as a punishment.

I've always found that as the big difference between S.E. Asian women and Western women. Never experienced that phenomenon here. The man is always right in Thailand. Personally, I don't really like it. I'd much prefer my wife to see herself as my equal partner. After years of trying I finally gave up as I realised that my wife was much happier treating me like her personal god.

 

Ho hum, it's a tough job but somebody's got to do it.

[CanadaSam]

Pravda, I think the main problem is you are trying to make a live changing decision under duress.

 

Your very first action should be to give yourself some breathing space, which is to extend this one week deadline that you feel you have, in which to decide.

 

Either get an extension to stay in Thailand, but move somewhere else without telling her where, or go to a nearby country and take a few weeks to simply think about it.

 

In either case, it is IMPERATIVE that she NOT KNOW where you are, or exactly when and how you are leaving.

 

This will solve three very important immediate problems, one is, it will keep you safe from coercion or harm, and two, it will give you a safe place to sanely think and decide on your future, and three, it will make her realize that you are not a permanent fixture in her place to toy with as she thinks fit, and you just may find a complete change of heart from her side (or not) but both are necessary facts to have in mind when making your final decision.

 

If you stay in Thailand, it does not really matter where, but in Philippines, I would not suggest Manila (too many "working" girls, go somewhere small and nice like Cebu or choose a nice beach please.

 

Best of luck.

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Marriage is all about compromise, but seems to me it's always the man that is expected to compromise.

In my experience, if the guy doesn't do what she wants he doesn't get it, as a punishment.

I spent 30 years doing what she wanted, and still didn't get it (much).

If she'd been a new car I'd have demanded a refund from the garage.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

[Deerculler]

Goodluck for whatever you do. 

Don’t think about what others might say.

[Nemises]

Perfect example of why one must RENT ONLY, NEVER BUY. 

[RobMuir]

3 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I spent 30 years doing what she wanted, and still didn't get it (much).

If she'd been a new car I'd have demanded a refund from the garage.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I was wondering why you ended up marrying a bargirl. 

 

30 years!?!? Of no sex and being told what to do. I thought you claimed you only did girls under 30. She must have been 50ish towards the end. 

 

How did you go for 30 years in a sexless marriage? What a terrible life. Sounds like she had someone on the side. And probably wanted your money at the end of it.

 

[totally thaied up]

2 hours ago, Nemises said:

Perfect example of why one must RENT ONLY, NEVER BUY. 

Not really. I honestly got tired of the P4P scene and truly did meet some disgusting girls. Most were okay but over the years I was single, I remember more of the hard times I had then the good times. 

 

To the OP - take time out now and get away as soon as you can. Find a nice place to rest up. Your going to feel foul for a while but in the end it will work out. Get back on the bike and don’t let yourself get too depressed as the only person you are going to hurt is yourself and that comes from my personal experience. 

[baansgr]

Get the divorce sorted before you go.... Could complicate things later with pensions or another marriage.

[thailand49]

Sorry about your situation.  You got lots of pages of advice here is mine but not sure if it is advice?  You noted you read a lot of books on Thailand so have I been it is tough to get out of ourselves what we learned growing up. One anyone marrying a Thai women career or not thinking they don't have to give a thing is just being blind to what they have already read. I myself thought I thought of everything but even then I never realized what was in store for me. The reason you married her in the first place was you thinking you hit the lottery and got yourself a woman just like the West it is all love but love here is the more you give the more you are loved it doesn't matter unless she is worth millions and billion you got to open that bank book ( of course in general ) otherwise what was the point in marrying outside of her race if she wanted to be criticized by her friends and family and be sure she is without a doubt she mind of married a dead beat Thai man who cheats and free load off her but being Thai that is all good and dandy but when married to a foreigner especially if she isn't over the hill that is a no no in time.

 

Whatever feelings you have been inside you for a while your comments of leaving seem to be welcome by you? It has been over 10 years but I still remember there were nights I just wanted to pack up and leave. As people have noted the women and people are wired differently and no book you will ever read will help prepare anyone married to a Thai women living here. I'm not white but as white as any of you I'm Chinese American so the expectation is even greater.  

 

I keep many things to myself only my brother and closes relative know my story. I came here like everyone not looking for trouble but there was a time in my life I felt " the only good Thai was a dead one "  I had to change my life and thinking because I didn't want my son to grow up thinking I hated all Thai. I have been humble to the core living here and finally just let many of the things that kept me up all night go because my main concern was to be able to see my son! I came here with some resources but I never came with the thought I can get rid of anyone and no one will ever know because I made a lot of effort to live differently than my brother and other close member of my family who are deeply involved with the Triads.

 

I lived with mainly Thais if you ran into me you would never know I was a foreigner until I speak. Woman here are raised and they don't know it as second class citizens they are constantly stepped on and don't even know it and when they are treated equally it seems to throw them off by doing we come across weak!  Sorry got to run will return and start and finish up?

 

[Pravda]

6 minutes ago, thailand49 said:

Sorry about your situation.  You got lots of pages of advice here is mine but not sure if it is advice?  You noted you read a lot of books on Thailand so have I been it is tough to get out of ourselves what we learned growing up. One anyone marrying a Thai women career or not thinking they don't have to give a thing is just being blind to what they have already read. I myself thought I thought of everything but even then I never realized what was in store for me. The reason you married her in the first place was you thinking you hit the lottery and got yourself a woman just like the West it is all love but love here is the more you give the more you are loved it doesn't matter unless she is worth millions and billion you got to open that bank book ( of course in general ) otherwise what was the point in marrying outside of her race if she wanted to be criticized by her friends and family and be sure she is without a doubt she mind of married a dead beat Thai man who cheats and free load off her but being Thai that is all good and dandy but when married to a foreigner especially if she isn't over the hill that is a no no in time.

 

Whatever feelings you have been inside you for a while your comments of leaving seem to be welcome by you? It has been over 10 years but I still remember there were nights I just wanted to pack up and leave. As people have noted the women and people are wired differently and no book you will ever read will help prepare anyone married to a Thai women living here. I'm not white but as white as any of you I'm Chinese American so the expectation is even greater.  

 

I keep many things to myself only my brother and closes relative know my story. I came here like everyone not looking for trouble but there was a time in my life I felt " the only good Thai was a dead one "  I had to change my life and thinking because I didn't want my son to grow up thinking I hated all Thai. I have been humble to the core living here and finally just let many of the things that kept me up all night go because my main concern was to be able to see my son! I came here with some resources but I never came with the thought I can get rid of anyone and no one will ever know because I made a lot of effort to live differently than my brother and other close member of my family who are deeply involved with the Triads.

 

I lived with mainly Thais if you ran into me you would never know I was a foreigner until I speak. Woman here are raised and they don't know it as second class citizens they are constantly stepped on and don't even know it and when they are treated equally it seems to throw them off by doing we come across weak!  Sorry got to run will return and start and finish up?

 

 

 

Great stuff.

 

Yes, if you can please finish up.

[Nemises]

People used to think I was crazy living alone and not getting into anything serious. Endless divorces, money, houses, cars etc later and they envy me.

Am also envied for the same reasons.... as well as.....having the freedom & money to travel anywhere, whenever and with whoever.
Life is short. Live the Dream. Don’t give your hard-earned money to others. Rent, never ever buy.

[SoonOh]

You are not the first one.  Consider Yourself Lucky

Two years after happy marriage, 44yo Australian left without a divorce. He still did not get anything for almost finish house in Baan Thi, Lamphun. 

Girl in Udon Thani forced 47yo Canadian out of Thailand by reusing with his marriage visa extension. For three years, He did everything in and around at his 5.5mil house. She wanted freedom and him out. My friend told her no money for the house,No divorce. She does not care about legal divorce. 

In few years, My friends plan to get OA visa but they are thinking about Myanmar too. 

Be happy, Enjoy your life and Be free 

 

 

[totally thaied up]

3 minutes ago, thailand49 said:

. Woman here are raised and they don't know it as second class citizens they are constantly stepped on and don't even know it 

Today my wife said in front of my whole Australian family, “I feel so good here as I do not have to defend myself from others. I am asked constantly how much you give me in Thailand. I get asked how much money do you have. I get asked too many personal questions from Thais. Since being in Australia no one has asked me what I do or any real questions. I feel much better here.”

 

Your post rings so true. Too much to do with Face and I personally hate it so much. I did not know how much pressure my wife was under for me to preform and even amoung her friends, it is highly social ruling and the putting down of others just seems normal.

[Khaeng Mak]

14 hours ago, BritManToo said:

That's so true, you should have added 'health emergency' to your list as well.

Which is currently looking like ending my stay in Thailand (if not my stay on the planet).

You'll be fine son.  Only the good die young.  Just back your foot off the throttle a bit when you are out of country on your PI, Cambo and Vietnam junkets.

[tandor]

17 hours ago, Pravda said:

 

Thank you.

 

I didn't expect so much support to be honest.

 

I am a wimp. About 2 hours until wife comes back from work. I'd rather not be at home, but as per her usual she never brings the keys with her and expects me to be waiting.

 

Now that I think about it maybe she is bipolar. I mean Thai women are known not to have any knowledge about mental disorders. God forbid she would ever consider seeing a doctor about this non existing problem.

 

 

 

 

...i sympathize with you..they are not easy people to fathom out..best not play her for a fool, but sit down and lay your cards on the table when you both are receptive and stick to your plan..good luck mate.

[marcusarelus]

7 minutes ago, tandor said:

...i sympathize with you..they are not easy people to fathom out..best not play her for a fool, but sit down and lay your cards on the table when you both are receptive and stick to your plan..good luck mate.

Impossible to fathom if you refer to them as "they."

[BritManToo]

11 hours ago, RobMuir said:

She most likely has a new bloke or at least one lined up. 

How are you in the sack? 

Sexually satisfied women never leave.

Sounds like you're in denial, "I'm a real stud so it can't happen to me"

As far as I can tell women ALWAYS get more pleasure from a vibrator (which is probably why they're banned in Thailand).

Sure the pool boy gets lots of housewife pussy while he's young, but none of them want to live with him and he's always banging old women, then he gets to live alone when he loses his youth/looks.

[shy coconut]

On 4/22/2019 at 3:39 AM, owl sees all said:

I think that Thai women are unpredictable emotionally. Don't get two days the same with my 'beloved'.

 

There are a coupe of things to consider here;

 

firstly, would it bother you to have to start again? And would it bother her? Yes I read the words; 4  wasted years, etc., but if you just up and left it would be a loss of face for her. This would play on her mind.

 

Secondly; are there any nice bits of fluff in your village, that would appreciate a kind hearted, steady, calm farang?

 

 

Not sure there would be much of a queue as he's already said he doesn't pay a salary.

[Pravda]

8 minutes ago, shy coconut said:

Not sure there would be much of a queue as he's already said he doesn't pay a salary.

 

If I did I'd feel like even bigger idiot now.

 

Here's a good question.

 

Her parents built us small house after we got married. Yes, they paid for it. Do I have any claim to this asset? Maybe I should make the divorce interesting a bit and lawyer up?

[mike787]

2 hours ago, SoonOh said:

You are not the first one.  Consider Yourself Lucky

Two years after happy marriage, 44yo Australian left without a divorce. He still did not get anything for almost finish house in Baan Thi, Lamphun. 

Girl in Udon Thani forced 47yo Canadian out of Thailand by reusing with his marriage visa extension. For three years, He did everything in and around at his 5.5mil house. She wanted freedom and him out. My friend told her no money for the house,No divorce. She does not care about legal divorce. 

In few years, My friends plan to get OA visa but they are thinking about Myanmar too. 

Be happy, Enjoy your life and Be free 

 

 

 

[BritManToo]

54 minutes ago, Pravda said:

Her parents built us small house after we got married. Yes, they paid for it. Do I have any claim to this asset? Maybe I should make the divorce interesting a bit and lawyer up?

Depends what was entered on the deeds as the reason for the land transfer.

If it was a gift for her, she doesn't have to share.

If it was a wedding gift, it's 50% yours.

If the land is still in their name, probably nothing.

[Skeptic7]

Move on. Gonna take some time to get over the familiarity and routine, but life goes on and you'll prob realize she did u the favor in the long run.

And seriously, before bailing go out and treat yo-self to some debauchery with a slew of those bargirls you avoided! 

[Skeptic7]

12 hours ago, RobMuir said:

She most likely has a new bloke or at least one lined up. 

How are you in the sack? 

Sexually satisfied women never leave.

 

 

C'mon! For a fatter wallet they do! The world over...

[Pravda]

I don't think she does or she would be kicking me out faster. Also, she ain't exactly something a Thai bloke would go for, or some of the Farang in her office. I've seen their Thai girlfriends and they are all 9 and 10

[Skeptic7]

2 minutes ago, Pravda said:

I don't think she does or she would be kicking me out faster. Also, she ain't exactly something a Thai bloke would go for, or some of the Farang in her office. I've seen their Thai girlfriends and they are all 9 and 10

Most "blokes" will go for anything! Thai blokes 100%...especially when they see some benefit from it. 

[mike787]

36 minutes ago, Skeptic7 said:

Move on. Gonna take some time to get over the familiarity and routine, but life goes on and you'll prob realize she did u the favor in the long run.

And seriously, before bailing go out and treat yo-self to some debauchery with a slew of those bargirls you avoided! 

absolutely...release the hounds and drop the hammer.  have a good time.  This isn't your first or last romance...women are like cats, there's thousands more especially in Thailand.  

 

[thailand49]

Continue from #192

 

How many of you foreigners in relation have been ask to be 100% Thai, first time I was asked this I was thinking what the hell does that mean. I asked a Thai man he couldn't answer and I speak enough Thai to more than get by whenever the opportunity came I even asked a number of Thai doctors who lived in the West and they just smiled and went silent. Today, I keep it inside but the last thing I ever want to be is Thai if die today and given a choice by god what I would like to come back as sadly I would like to return as an assassin full time instead of part time so I can kill as many Thai men as possible but of course that is a joke! Inside I think I love Thai people more than their leaders because I think I have a understanding they have been short change particularly the poor to be brained washed in their schooling to believe Thailand is the center of the earth thus the worse excuse for anything in Thailand " This is Thailand "  my family knows today if they want to see the mean side in me just say those words!

 

Maybe I'm so Thai that in a number of situation I've heard Thai women say in conversation " foreigners treat us like dogs "  I've seen many races including my own who treat women like dogs and Thai men are no exception and I've been in a number of situation in my village that I had to break a Thai man from beating the shit out of my wife friend next door.  I'm somewhat of an gold standard of foreigner look like them, speak like them, eat like them but in the end I'm still a goddamn ATM. Rarely do I give advice to another Thai women how to catch a foreigner I keep it all to myself due to language barriers a word might mean one thing to us but an insult to them. But if they seem receptive to what I have to say I pretty much tell them your interest comes from one thing and that is money when you get comfortable with it you will do what human nature does that is show off and when you can't that is went the trouble starts.

 

Another thing that is bad here is Thai women getting together and drink they start to talk and compare as to what they get from other foreigner they insult each other and don't even know it and when you lack education to be secure about yourself you start to buy into what their friends are selling. On a personal note my brother close friend married a Thai women had a baby, he was pretty financially set, moved here with closed to 50 million baht purchased home, car the American dream today it is all gone. Started the socialization women group drinking comparing she wants to keep up with the Jones gamble it all away today everything is gone. 

 

Many foreigner when I meet them for whatever reason they tell me their girlfriend or wife went to University met her job this job that why I didn't ask because they were bargirls, in Pattaya whenever I see a old couple I can generalized and say 9 out of 10 she was in the business and I would be right. I'm Asian unless you grew up in the West you want to be with your own kind speak their native tongue. It is about upward mobility money wise why go down or straight across some do because they think foreigners are holding out on them so they stick it out hoping your were lying or they can change you like all women do around the world.

 

Thai women that have been burned and brainwashed think to get as much as they can before they leave health wise or because they know why we come to Thailand first and foremost for the pussy and as men like Thai men we will leave for greener grass trading up for a younger model So being with a foreigner is status and if you provide none like a Thai then it is all about losing face pure and simple you can't rid what is breeding into them for generations you just hope it had be reduced to a point you can balance out the relationship?

 

When we say wired, Thailand culture many only see the colors but if you spend a lot of time with Thai people they are oppressed and depressed particularly with their feelings. They don't like to talk or communicate keep it all short and sweet asking question makes them look stupid the reason even when they are lost they won't stop to ask for directions. The keep everything bottle Thais walk around like a ticking time bomb you never know what is going to set them off even the men. All this Sawasdee Ka/krup Mai pen rai is all nothing but B.S. one wrong one word especially if it is from a foreigner the bomb goes off.  I've been in a number of situation as a Asian once they realized I wasn't a Thai Boom!

 

Today, my son is all grown up has a Thai wife and a 1 year old daughter everyone is living in my mansion. My wife and son are more low key and I'm getting use to her comes from a very poor family but when she talks it drives me up the wall it is her regular demeanor and tone how she was brought up by her parents in their household. I watch my son at times its as if he is going to go off and whenever we are alone I have that man to man talk this is what women do all over the world particular here even if it is "This is Thailand"  get this get that instead of asking they seem to be yelling? I'm a believer never to touch a women that has been taught to my son but I've seen some Thai women go off that makes one think " that women needs to have her ass whipped ".

 

For myself, years ago I was given a choice if I wanted to stay I wasn't going to be blackmailed so I took my son to a church here in Pattaya make sure he understood why I was leaving but I will see him everyday and I kept that promise to the letter that is the difference between some of us westerner instead of a dead beat Thai man. I left and later she told my brother wife I didn't really mean it I should have know like a Thai man. I looked at my brother and we were thinking is there a Thai school for men that teaching you the opposite. When someone tells you to leave you leave right!  No here they mean silent treatment and after a while they get over it!

 

So don't leave yet but honestly you were unhappy before this happen if there isn't anything to keep you and need a break then do it!  If she doesn't call she doesn't call because it take two to make things work there is got to be some foundation and foundation can't be build on money alone. Today is it perfect for me the grass greener the truth is no I have good and bad moments but we have an understand she tries to meet me in the middle today she see many of the things she refuse to listen or see in the beginning there is more respect on her part. 

 

Today I actually give her much less than the beginning she has come full circle knowing that I'm more than a ATM that when I'm hurt or cut I have feelings and my blood is red like everyone else just like a Thai!

 

Good luck sir and best wishes hang it there you are lucky to have choices to be able to go back home. Myself I've pretty much burn most of my bridges stuck here so all I got is time to vent thanks everyone for listening!

[rumak]

2 hours ago, Pravda said:

 

If I did I'd feel like even bigger idiot now.

 

Here's a good question.

 

Her parents built us small house after we got married. Yes, they paid for it. Do I have any claim to this asset? Maybe I should make the divorce interesting a bit and lawyer up?

joking right ?