So today we're taking a trip to Bang Pa In for the funeral of one of my wife's aunts - her mother's brother's wife. They'll trek anywhere when someone's kicked the bucket, even if they've never even met the deceased in some cases (former colleagues' parents for example).

 

My M-i-L has quite a few siblings apread across the country, she sometimes stays for a few days with her sister who lives locally but to my knowledge has never been to her brother's home in Bang Pa In, neither to the one in Korat, although we've offered to take her and when they do meet up at funerals they get on well and chat incessantly. M-i-L has no phone and has never wanted to make a call.

 

I just don't get that they only want to visit when somebody is dead rather than go when they're still breathing. Does anyone else have in laws that do the same, is it a common Thai thing?

Keeping up appearances ....

Out of sight-out of mind...it does nothing for the deceased...but the immediate family may experience some comfort to be surrounded by family and friends...

It's pretty common where I come from to meet up only at weddings and funerals. Human nature. Visit only when duty calls.  

So no reason for this to be uncommon in Thailand.

"road trip" ! Time off work, free feed and catch up on family gossip. Also if dead they are less likely to want to borrow money off you when you get there. Good chance to show off how well you are doing or hit the relatives with a sob story and try borrow some or sell them something. That's my experience.

Years ago i only ever went to weddings,now its only funerals.

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When I was younger, every time I went to a wedding everyone would point at me and say "ooh, you'll be next!" They don't like it when I do it to them at funerals, though ...

Thailand has different culture than where ever you happen to be from. That should be enough

A friends sister is dying of cancer. She was a district nurse and lived on government housing.

 

They moved her to the family farm which has a nice modern house. Her 9 year old daughter will live with nephews family. A group of her friends went to her house and packed up and cleaned it.

 

Friends and relatives come every day to visit and keep her company. They arrange monks to come so she can make merit (she can no longer travel). They arranged a ceremony for the local Abbot to come. They help her bath and dress.

 

Her friends convinced her to reconcile with her 19 year old son.

 

Someone from her job came by and told her family the funeral has been arranged and will be payed for.

 

I wish I had family and friends like this!

 

 

1 hour ago, SWW said:

When I was younger, every time I went to a wedding everyone would point at me and say "ooh, you'll be next!" They don't like it when I do it to them at funerals, though ...

That, or you can quote Yogi Berra who said: always go to other people's funeral, otherwise they won't come to yours! 

 

Karma, i believe. They also have a special time when they think about the spirits who left them.

They wellcome and later in some days say goodbye again.

MAybe the spirits will do them good. My wife also goes to funeral of a mother of a college, someone she doesnt know at all.

Or family she hasnt seen since ages.

One explanation could be that funerals are worth the trip because they last almost forever, or at least between 5 and 7 days, whereas a wedding only last one day, and sometimes even less. 

 

Funerals are an occasion to set up camp, enjoy free food and, even if forbidden, free alcohol, as well as, in many cases, cards or dice playing with some, also forbidden, serious betting. 

 

 

Always look for the selfish motive with a Thai.  Even if free food, chance to get off work, chance to borrow money or show off to distant relatives isn't on the table at least they'll be there to make sure that the spirit of the deceased doesn't curse them in the after life for not going to the funeral.  If you look at things through this lens Thailand makes a lot more sense.

Being such a kind and sweet guy to my relo's

I'm sure when I die I will have many going to my funeral

Just to make sure I am dead  

sounds like it is more important to you than them... let it be. 

14 minutes ago, remorhaz said:

Always look for the selfish motive with a Thai.  Even if free food, chance to get off work, chance to borrow money or show off to distant relatives isn't on the table at least they'll be there to make sure that the spirit of the deceased doesn't curse them in the after life for not going to the funeral.  If you look at things through this lens Thailand makes a lot more sense.

You must be a barrel of laughs to hang around with....

Same everywhere the world over.

17 hours ago, Blue Muton said:

Does anyone else have in laws that do the same, is it a common Thai thing?

Yes.

 

Funerals in general is for the bereaved family, and for yourself. In Thailand people will often help with an envelope containing what ever you can afford of money – also a question of face and social level – as a funeral can be costly. In return you'll receive a small (very minor) gift, which could for example be a piece of soap.

 

In my personal opinion, I prefer to visit family and friends when they are alive, but I understand the need for support for the survivors, when a loved one die.

On 6/24/2019 at 1:26 AM, CharlieH said:

"road trip" ! Time off work, free feed and catch up on family gossip. Also if dead they are less likely to want to borrow money off you when you get there. Good chance to show off how well you are doing or hit the relatives with a sob story and try borrow some or sell them something. That's my experience.

Weddings and funerals are the only fun to be had by the locals n Issaan. And in the villages don't forget the inevitable illegal hi -lo "casinos". Essential part of almost any funeral party. Beats me where they get the money from.....oh yes of course, it's me!

On ‎6‎/‎24‎/‎2019 at 1:46 PM, SWW said:

When I was younger, every time I went to a wedding everyone would point at me and say "ooh, you'll be next!" They don't like it when I do it to them at funerals, though ...

With acknowledgements to Beccy Cole.

On ‎6‎/‎24‎/‎2019 at 10:28 PM, khunPer said:

Yes.

 

Funerals in general is for the bereaved family, and for yourself. In Thailand people will often help with an envelope containing what ever you can afford of money – also a question of face and social level – as a funeral can be costly. In return you'll receive a small (very minor) gift, which could for example be a piece of soap.

 

In my personal opinion, I prefer to visit family and friends when they are alive, but I understand the need for support for the survivors, when a loved one die.

And your name and amount of donation will be recorded in a book. Same as in Myanmar.

On 6/24/2019 at 11:28 AM, khunPer said:

... Funerals in general is for the bereaved family, and for yourself. ...

One can show support for the extended family and show respect for the deceased.  It's easier to visit family and friends when they are alive and you are young.  The last time I took my Mom to a funeral a 9 hour drive away, she was 83. Won't happen again unless it's a 10 minute drive.

 

My Dad was always great at funerals.  Upbeat, reaching out, cheering people up. He was the oldest of 11 children and had about 45 nieces and nephews.  He was up-beat and checked out of life on his 80th birthday.