How do thai guys save enough for marriage?

[hellohello123]

On 7/26/2019 at 5:30 AM, NCC1701A said:

the real question is, how does a 63 year old Farang man party with girls ten times hotter than your girlfriend and two at a time for a fraction of  what you have spent?

 

and they take the trash out.

just remember,

she is different

she can speak 15 languages,

she looks younger than she is

she has 15 masters, and earns $1m baht

 

[Pilotman]

very selective hearing and not too much deep thinking on your part, about the views and motives of others, especially Thai families, or even your TGF, is a definite must here. Go play golf and forget you ever heard anything. 

[hansnl]

On 7/26/2019 at 1:48 AM, Davo369 said:

Are you having a laugh.......

Sin sod?

For engagement?

Hahahaha.

Sin sod for marriage?

No way.

 

[alien365]

Before I got married I met and got to know her family. We (her parents included) cut off all connections with the extended family as all they could see was money, not family. If your fiance's family are good, they should not care about the neighbours or ask for all that gold and money. If you want to play their games go ahead, but your life will likely become more difficult by doing so.

 

Regarding your gold related question nobody is answering as it doesn't look like anyone thinks you are doing the right thing.

[orchis]

On 7/26/2019 at 10:15 AM, Solidpoo said:

 

Not to mention renovation for her parent's 30 year old house seem to be resting on my shoulders (probably after marrying). Despite having 3 older working siblings, which should be contributing to her parent's income. All i got when asked why aren't your siblings helping out with finances, atleast for changing of the roof or doors was "you dont understand", "sister/brother no sabai", "my family not same your family". 

you have been warned.

[Captain 776]

Lolol another one that didnt get the Memo.

 

You have already broken some of the major DONTS.

 

FIRST.........find a lady your age.

If u got your girl from a bar.....you are destined for ruin.

 I dont care what country you are in or from.........as soon as any lady says u need to buy her..........leaver her standing there.

 

NO Sinsod

NO dowry

NO. Monthly stipends

NO monthly payment for her parents.

 

wake the hell up.

[Captain 776]

After re reading what you wrote

 

move back to your moms basement till u grow up

[scorecard]

Just a couple of points:

 

- If you already know that the western custom of engagement is not common practice here (in fact it's basically unknown) then why engage in it? You just invite problems.

 

- Why tell all this details about the marriage sin-sod well in advance to everybody and therefore give time for gossip and re-gossip? Give this detail just a few days before the wedding, do the wedding and quickly move on to being happy and avoiding money / gold etc.., discussions.

 

Show the lady and her family you are a good man, but don't give handouts and especially to other family members. If they ask just quickly say that you have no more money (and don't give any display of wealth) and quickly change the subject. 

[sampson]

You shouldn't assume this is a troll post, when you google things about Thailand this place comes up top most of the time.  I live on Koh Samui around half of the year and you see and hear this kind of stuff all the time.  A guy from Germany recently showed (not sure what he got back) 700-800k for his lovely 32 year old Mother of 3 massage girl and he was 25.  It happens all the time.

 

My current girls Brother is getting married to a village girl and the Sin Sod is 50k.  She is young, 19 or 20, pretty enough and is still carrying on with her studies, no kids, no bar work and only been with him.   I have no idea if they will get it back as the subject of marriage and money isn't something I engage her in.

 

So to the OP, you answered all your own questions, guys can't and don't pay this for the village girl you described because it simply isn't possible.  They're having you off because you're a foreigner.

 

It's possible your fiance loves you too mutt but if the family are no good then you're facing a losing battle.  If she can't say NO to them then this is just the start of how the rest of your life will be.  At your age there is no need to be rushing into marriage, take your time and if they are wronguns it will all be clear in the fullness of time. 

 

Some of these girls who haven't had foreign boyfriends before don't know what the boundaries are, they are often just seeing what you say yes to and really have little understanding about money other than the fairy tale stories they tell about farang in the villages.  When you say NO and explain why, and what money Farang really have, you may make some progress.

[soidog99]

If this is real you are a complete idiot and should not be coming to Thailand. Obviously you have not done any homework.  This is a very very old tradition and it wasn’t about showing money but having a marriage party where  everyone contributed food such as chicken, rice and pork and other types of food.  Because of people like you this stupid cycle just keeps going round and round. When will this end it’s happened so much it’s so boring. In the Western world the woman’s family is the one who supposed to pay for the wedding, wake the <deleted> up. 

[Caldera]

OP, luckily you had that engagement ceremony as a trial run for the real thing, in a way it was money well spent - if you draw the right conclusions.

 

Now that your fiancee and her family have failed your gold digger test, there's only one sensible option: run!

[johnnyonesock]

[Isaan sailor]

Make a secured loan.  Offer sin sod, but get it back within 48 hours.  Get some collateral, such as some cattle.  If she and her family really want you—they’ll do it.

[khunPer]

On 7/25/2019 at 8:34 PM, Solidpoo said:

So my question is,

1)how the hell does a thai man who on average earns 15,000 per month save enough to marry a thai girl, ever. While with the amount i make im struggling.

 

2) she wants a bullion for her tong mun, since she doesnt wear jewellry. So im thinking of getting a 100g PAMP bar. Could i bring it into thailand as a carry on item ? Or would i have to buy it there? 

 

Any advice or tips would be much appreciated 

It's a question of family status, rather than what a young man earn per month.

 

A uni-grade lady might well be considered worth more than an uneducated farm girl, but the sin sot reflects the status of the families, and most important "face". Money are counted loud and shown in cash together with the gold, during a typical Thai wedding ceremony. Some times the money is for show only, and returned the the groom, or his family, after being showed.

 

It happens that the groom, or his family, borrows money for a wedding ceremony.

 

A young village farmer girl will typically be worth between 100,000 baht and up to around 300,000 baht in sin sot. For the girl at this village wedding in 2011 sin sot was 110,000 baht (might be more in 2019 value) plus an agreed amount of gold – already hanging on the neck of the bride, and on her fingers, so not in my photo – money was counted loud and slowly, so everybody could follow the numbers...

 

A young lady from a higher social level, or larger farm, might well be worth a million baht and up in sin sot, plus gold and diamonds. It looked like 1.2 million in cash, plus gold and diamond ring, at this wedding in 2013, plus a quite impressive and expensive party paid by the groom (or his family)...

 

I know Thai couples that are saving up money themselves during engagement for sin sot for their future wedding, if their families cannot afford it. Often the lady is handed the full pay check (or rather cash) from the groom-to-be, then she's giving him a bit of pocket money, and save the balance together with what she can add from her own salary. It's pairs with working class salaries in levels from 12-15k baht to 25k baht a month (assistant cook, waiter, store assistant, auto painter worker). It can take a couple of years to save up for sin sot and a wedding party, which easily can cost another 50k baht to 100k baht.

 

2)

You are not allowed to import gold to Thailand – apart from personal jewelry that you wear – and as gold prices are pretty much international, you could probably buy it for same in Thailand. Furthermore, buying Thai gold, with Thai stamps, and in Thai weight "baht" instead of gram, makes it more easy to sell – or pawn – and might well be considered more genuine than imported farang-gold.

 

 

[thaijoe]

read this book!!!!! don't send her shi@ get out now..

[thaijoe]

i know 3 thai guys that got married.. they didn't pay but only for beer for wedding, 1 guy said would pay payments, he gave 5000 baht in 4 yrs.hahahaha

the third one.. just laugh and said what ever you want, family no problem, just take care of her. and good luck

so for me i don't care where you come from. just help with the food and booze. half the village are jealous cuz their daughter don't have a falang

[samsensam]

14 minutes ago, thaijoe said:

i know 3 thai guys that got married.. they didn't pay but only for beer for wedding, 1 guy said would pay payments, he gave 5000 baht in 4 yrs.hahahaha

the third one.. just laugh and said what ever you want, family no problem, just take care of her. and good luck

so for me i don't care where you come from. just help with the food and booze. half the village are jealous cuz their daughter don't have a falang

 

absolutely, my thai friends are middle class professionals and paying sinsot just doesn;t seem to happen any more, the culture has moved on. it seems only foreigners who dont really understand the culture or are being hoodwinked by their inlaws end up paying. i've dated many many thai women and neither they nor their family have ever been interested in my money.

 

 

[luk AJ]

Just for your information, one of my employees (Thai) will marry a Thai girl (nurse) engagement was 50k + 3B gold. Wedding 250k + 2B gold. Both from Isaan. Money will not return to him.


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[kensisaket]

Those same people who think you are not ponying up enough will be knocking on your door wanting to borrow money, 100% guaranteed.  Don't give a damn what they say; and, for sure don't loan them any money.  If you go down that path cut the loans off at 1000 baht or less.  When they don't repay you they can't come back later and ask for more.  If you live in Thailand you will find that 90%+ of the people who come to visit (including/especially family) are not visiting they are there looking for a handout.  As for the dowry (sinsod) those big amounts are paid by rich families not necessarily by the groom to be; and, seldom by middle class. She obviously has a good family; because, they are not asking a ridiculous amount.  The best thing to do is make them understand you are a "loso" farang. You won't be driving a Benz; and, you plan on driving a pickup for a long time.  

[ToddinChonburi]

What fool would really do this.

[wisperone]

"The answer my friend, is blowing in the wind...the answer is blowing in the wind."

Not to mention the writing is on the wall... take the time to read it.

[Rhys]

Bud...sorry being played here with cultural interpretation.   Move on more where you found it.  Othewise...

 

For the life of you, will be ... the ATM..

 

Move on Bud..

 

 

[Orton Rd]

Whatever the cost she probably will not be worth it, few are IMO

[rickudon]

It is surprising just how much is spent on weddings here. Been to about 3 thai/thai weddings, one pretty average (didn't really know them), two for cousins. One cousin it was about 150 people, 200,000 baht in cash and some gold. Other one was about 300 people at big hotel, not sure about the money and gold but it was a lot. All about face.

I was marrying the Pooyaiban's virgin daughter, so it wasn't cheap. Her sister got 500,000 baht from a yank plus gold, I was asked for the same, but beat it down to 300,000 baht and no gold. I did get the M-i-L's house for free, but she came with it, so that sort of cancelled out!

 

Didn't pay any of family anything, but i have settled a few debts...... they come later!

 

As for typical village Thai men, they just get the girl pregnant and then sin sot becomes nominal. Usually 2 years later they leave because wife spends all the money and none left for Lao khao and smokes. Rinse and repeat. Wife looks for new man, if poor and cannot find one soon, Pattaya calls for them .......

[murraynz]

On 7/26/2019 at 1:40 PM, Solidpoo said:

NO, I'm not and I'm not trolling. Is the story that ridiculous ? i mean marriages on average are expensive everywhere.  

 

I wasn't aware its on the high side, from what I've gathered (through the web) the average is about 100kbaht to 500k baht. and i still got told (250k) was on the low end.

 

Also had to take in account she's the only uni graduate in her family, so they've invested a lot in her and likely have their hopes on her. I'm pretty much taking that away (she'll follow me back after our marriage). 

I do visit her every month or every few months.

 

No way in hell I'll ever work there. Honestly could write a whole book on why.

 

Wouldn't live there either. Hot, polluted, loud, inconvenient. And i honestly believe theres something off with the water there. They've got a high gay population.

 

yeh, should've seen the trolls coming.

Still, there are some really good advice/sharing. Thanks all for that !

 

There's still no answers for qns 2, anyone?

you need to scrub all thoughts of marrying this girl---its doomed before you even start...

stop sending her money immediately... are you realy that DESPERATE  for marriage, that you need to 'buy; the girl and support her family of blood suckers...

im 68 yrs old , average looks, and have no trouble at all finding beautiful young girls in thailand who'want to marry me'...

i can give them a very good life, without giving huge sums of money to bludging family...

i wonder ?? have any of them ever worked over 100hrs per week for many many years, like i have..

you are only 20yrs old---save your money for your FUTURE, instead of subsidizing these people.

they have no respect for you...they think you are another stupid farlang, with your own money tree...

if your not a troll, as many posters suggest....your story is like a tale from fairyland...

im sure that there are many thousands of better thai girls, than the one you write about...

experience life a bit more, before you start talking 'marriage'...

getting married is totally unneccesary....

[sunnyboy2018]

On 7/25/2019 at 9:10 PM, beautifulthailand99 said:

Photos please. 

We would never put pics of our girls on a public forum nor do we need to prove a point. But he's right.  

[sunnyboy2018]

40 minutes ago, rickudon said:

It is surprising just how much is spent on weddings here. Been to about 3 thai/thai weddings, one pretty average (didn't really know them), two for cousins. One cousin it was about 150 people, 200,000 baht in cash and some gold. Other one was about 300 people at big hotel, not sure about the money and gold but it was a lot. All about face.

I was marrying the Pooyaiban's virgin daughter, so it wasn't cheap. Her sister got 500,000 baht from a yank plus gold, I was asked for the same, but beat it down to 300,000 baht and no gold. I did get the M-i-L's house for free, but she came with it, so that sort of cancelled out!

 

Didn't pay any of family anything, but i have settled a few debts...... they come later!

 

As for typical village Thai men, they just get the girl pregnant and then sin sot becomes nominal. Usually 2 years later they leave because wife spends all the money and none left for Lao khao and smokes. Rinse and repeat. Wife looks for new man, if poor and cannot find one soon, Pattaya calls for them .......

Sin sot can be presented publicly for reasons of face and then returned privately.  I am told that is what a good family does. Unless a girl is a virgin I am uncertain if sin sot is required.  i also heard its a relatively new idea linked to a Chinese dowry system. I also heard that in the old days in agricultural regions the son moved in with the family and thus provided labour.  I think sin sot is used to bilk naive farangs.

[brokenbone]

i know you think you can somehow recoup at least some of the losses in some way or another, but you cant,

the best you can do is cut your losses and get far far away from that family from hell,

the sooner the merrier so it dont ruin your entire life

[sunnyboy2018]

4 hours ago, luk AJ said:

Just for your information, one of my employees (Thai) will marry a Thai girl (nurse) engagement was 50k + 3B gold. Wedding 250k + 2B gold. Both from Isaan. Money will not return to him.


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He must be very wealthy! How much will his divorce cost him I wonder? One of the most beautiful girls I had was from  massage shop on Soi 24/1. She used her money to train as a nurse but continued to work in the Massage shop. She enjoyed the sex and the extra money for luxuries.

[sunnyboy2018]

On 7/25/2019 at 8:30 PM, NCC1701A said:

the real question is, how does a 63 year old Farang man party with girls ten times hotter than your girlfriend and two at a time for a fraction of  what you have spent?

 

and they take the trash out.

Exactly rent not buy. You know it makes sense.