How to live with Isaan wife in respect of culture

[NanLaew]

17 minutes ago, stigar said:

I lived before 6 years in Surin.Never ever agian at the small villages.Its so boring.Even i speak thai it doesnt help.Now i use to live in BKK.Everything is near,dont have to drive 30 km to the nearest 7/11.

I divorced my wife 5 year ago.Anyway i use to visit her family every time im in thailand.Thats because me and my exwife have 2 kids.My kids and exwife live in norway the last 8 years.

You seamen are a rum lot though.

[rumak]

5 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

And 'Asleep At The Wheel' isn't only a fine western swing band from Austin.

i saw them in Austin circa  1970  .     great name

[thaibeachlovers]

4 hours ago, sirineou said:

Of course they will be , because the had no life before him. 

Thai girls have this knack that they can make the ATM ( sorry, beloved farang ) believe that they are unable to survive without the ATM's ( sorry, beloved farang ) money and were incapable of surviving before he appeared on the scene.

My ex wife was able to make me feel sorry for her even as she was destroying me, which made me reluctant to leave her, the frail petal that couldn't survive without me.

 

Just keep saying to yourself that 69 million Thais survive without a farang to support them.

[tandor]

21 hours ago, carlyai said:

Marriage is very difficult. Even when you both are from the same country and speak the same language.

 

It's especially difficult marrying cross-culture.

 

You're never going to understand everything, or maybe half of what goes on.

 

I'd say try and live together for a few years first before you decide that this life and this person is the one.

 

Be careful of your money and don't spend too much...keep most for a rainy day and if you have a house or property in another country don't sell it.

 

My wife and I have been together about 25 years and travelled and worked together on most of my projects. Presently retired an living in Isaan for the last 6 odd years. It's all good.

 

Sent from my SM-J700F using Tapatalk

 

 

Edit

woooppss 35 years married.

 

...6 odd years...hmmm...all my years here have been odd years...haha.

[Hanaguma]

Hi Elzear;

 

I'm similar to you a little- I've been married to a lovely Japanese lady for 27 years. Live in Japan for 20 of them. 

 

What others say about the pitfalls of cross cultural relationships are true. In Japan, we are lucky about two things. First, my wife's English was excellent when we married (she had just graduated from college) and has since gotten better. I took the time to learn Japanese as best I could and am now at least functional and relatively fluent. Second, the issue of money has never come up. Her family if anything is better off than we are.  There are also far fewer ties and expectations with extended family. 

 

IMHO a lot of men marrying Thai ladies don't have any of these advantages. They are basically on their own if/when they move to the countryside. They depend on their wives for translation, cultural guiding, etc.  Must be tiring for the wives being caught in the middle. I think maintaining at least some independence is the key to keepig your sanity. You need your own place to retreat to when the whole "Thai Experience" gets too overwhelming.

[thaibeachlovers]

9 minutes ago, khunPer said:

555, the farang will still be of lower status – as OP said it "furniture"...????

 

You sound like a wai-expert, so perhaps you will be kind and tell OP about the different wais a foreigner should master...

LOL. I never wai'd. It's not expected of a farang. A slight bow and a smile does the job.

 

The only exception was when I gave the pretend sin sod to the mother in law, and then I was coached by the beloved.

The MIL was a hard case- never acknowledged my existence for as long as she was alive, except when I was handing over the baht.

[Orton Rd]

Easy to assimilate:

Put red shirt on gate to keep ghost away

Eat plenty of bugs especially gingrids, it's a pass-time catching them

Don't be shy of drinking at 8am or of being drunk on a daily basis

If you want anything bribing god is the lazy way to do it, few hundred baht to the local Wat.

If anyone complains about the noise your dogs/kids/10000 watt speakers make just never speak to them again and carry on

To really fit in be a work shy gambler and hock the families land off to a Chinese money lender in town

I refuse to go up country any more, apart from anything else it's totally boring unless a concert is on.

 

[Lacessit]

2 hours ago, Yinn said:

You ever go the doctor in Thailand? You still alive?

 

the uni system in Thailand, can pay back the study fee when you get the job. So the poor people can go to uni now, pay it back when get money (every year in July must pay). Good system.

most foreigner not see this successful hard working Issan (and other) worker, because they at work eg engineers. They not in farang tourist areas, they in factory area, you will never meet/see them.

 

Thai uni is good opportunity if want to study and work hard. Open to anyone. 

I tend to rely on my GP and specialist in Australia to keep me alive. Doctors here are poor diagnosticians, their first response to any illness is to shovel pills. They don't like being questioned, as that is not part of Thai culture. It took three doctors before I got the correct diagnosis of cellulitis in my right foot. One doctor prescribed fluoroquinolone for the infection, which is notorious for rupturing tendons, especially in the elderly.

I have yet to go to a doctor here who has taken the trouble to document my medical history. That is standard practice for any medical practice in Australia with any new patient.

Actually, I've found the best professionals here are women dentists.

I would not describe Map Ta Phut as a tourist area. I did work there as a consultant in industry 3 or 4 times.

The Thai engineers there had almost zero understanding of statistics, process chemistry and problem solving techniques. While they may be considered successful because they are drawing a good salary, whether they are competent is a different question.

You may not like what I have to say about Thai education. That is your problem, not mine.

[thaibeachlovers]

21 hours ago, Elzear said:

One aspect of married life that puzzles me is that of giving a salary to the wife ? How can that be and if applicable, if a must, how is this monthly amount decided ? 

A Thai wife is unlikely to earn enough to be able to contribute to the family situation ( you and her ).

My ex earned about 9,000 a month. Therefore to be able to live in the style to which we aspire it is necessary to pay for almost everything ourselves.

As for the "salary", if, as some do, the new wife gives up work in favour of watching day time tv and painting her nails, it is necessary to give her money so she can fulfil her financial obligations to her parents and assorted family members. In Thai culture, sons can go whoring and drinking and it is the daughter that supports the parents. If they get lucky, sons will marry a girl that will also give him money to go whoring and drinking.

My wife was forced to marry her Thai husband after he raped her and got her pregnant ( baby died ), and he then proceeded to take her money to go whoring and drinking till her father died and she could dump the bum.

 

if a must, how is this monthly amount decided ? .

You could always ask her how much she needs/ wants and negotiate a sensible amount

[rumak]

4 minutes ago, Orton Rd said:

Easy to assimilate:

Put red shirt on gate to keep ghost away

Eat plenty of bugs especially gingrids, it's a pass-time catching them

Don't be shy of drinking at 8am or of being drunk on a daily basis

If you want anything bribing god is the lazy way to do it, few hundred baht to the local Wat.

If anyone complains about the noise your dogs/kids/10000 watt speakers make just never speak to them again and carry on

To really fit in be a work shy gambler and hock the families land off to a Chinese money lender in town

I refuse to go up country any more, apart frm anything else it's totally boring unless a concert is on.

 

sounds like you were lucky enough to have the real tour.   same one the OP is going on  .....

[Orton Rd]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

You can get a funeral for 10k, you were scammed for 40k.

When my father in law upcountry (thankfully) snuffed it they reckon they spent 400k on his funeral. Ludicrous amount of face money, several years income. The paltry sum I offered was disdainfully refused, which went some way to compensate for the old <deleted> ripping me off over our wedding costs.

[rumak]

3 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

One doctor prescribed fluoroquinolone for the infection, which is notorious for rupturing tendons, especially in the elderly.

very true.    but my thread saying as much was shut down.     read up ,  this one is real

[thaibeachlovers]

2 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

I have yet to go to a doctor here who has taken the trouble to document my medical history. That is standard practice for any medical practice in Australia with any new patient.

My medical problem was diagnosed by a Thai Dr despite not being diagnosed by at least 2 western Drs.

My western GP never took my history, and the rushed 15 minutes I get per appointment ( at great expense too ) is never enough to cover all the problems I present with.

All he did was prescribe the medications that the Thai Dr had prescribed for me.

[Orton Rd]

3 minutes ago, rumak said:

very true.    but my thread saying as much was shut down.     read up ,  this one is real

Fluro same group as cipro, did my tendons in, luckily not permanent. Had it for UTI from local clinic, he had never heard of a problem so sat there while he looked it up on google. Never take that poison unless life is threatened

[Lacessit]

1 minute ago, thaibeachlovers said:

My medical problem was diagnosed by a Thai Dr despite not being diagnosed by at least 2 western Drs.

My western GP never took my history, and the rushed 15 minutes I get per appointment ( at great expense too ) is never enough to cover all the problems I present with.

All he did was prescribe the medications that the Thai Dr had prescribed for me.

Depends on where you go. Some of the bulk-billing practices in the burbs are just sausage machines. I've always looked for practices that have good word-of-mouth advertising.

My GP in Australia is utterly humourless, but he does keep up with the medical literature, answers any questions I want to ask, and is very thorough.

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, villagefarang said:

I am all about choices, and if you choose badly, there is very little chance of success in my opinion.

All my life I've chosen badly, or should that be I chose bad women.

Now I'm experienced enough to not let my bad choices get a hold on my remaining money.

 

I took a look at an Issan village once (near Korat), after three days I swore never to return.

[thaibeachlovers]

11 minutes ago, Orton Rd said:

Easy to assimilate:

Put red shirt on gate to keep ghost away

Eat plenty of bugs especially gingrids, it's a pass-time catching them

Don't be shy of drinking at 8am or of being drunk on a daily basis

If you want anything bribing god is the lazy way to do it, few hundred baht to the local Wat.

If anyone complains about the noise your dogs/kids/10000 watt speakers make just never speak to them again and carry on

To really fit in be a work shy gambler and hock the families land off to a Chinese money lender in town

I refuse to go up country any more, apart from anything else it's totally boring unless a concert is on.

 

Don't forget learning to use a squat loo and sit on the floor to eat meals in a room with no mosquito netting. Understanding Thai helps as the only tv you will be able to watch are Thai soaps. Some are actually OK. I liked the ghost ones. 

Hope you like cold showers. I don't, so I had to provide my own shower heater. Before that it was heat a bucket of water.

AC- forgedaboudit. I once had to go stay in an hotel just because I was going to die of heat stroke, and that was the only place in the village with AC.

Don't expect much of a lie in, as the monk chanting starts at 4 am or something, and is amplified throughout the village so all can share in it.

[rumak]

1 minute ago, Orton Rd said:

Fluro same group as cipro, did my tendons in, luckily not permanent. Had it for UTI from local clinic, he had never heard of a problem so sat there while he looked it up on google. Never take that poison unless life is threatened

YES !   I think that is exactly what i posted ( and there were other TV members posting that they were

affected more than you and I.    Thread was shut down by person "in charge".    nuff said

Encourage all to READ UP on it .     Now......... back to the cartoons 

[GalaxyMan]

2 hours ago, micmichd said:

Even sex work is labour, whatever your protestant ethics may tell you. 

You're not about to waste your wife's precious time by idle talk, are you?

If you dont want to pay her for sexual services, then empower her to make her own money by working on something else. Like opening a shop or a restaurant  or something like that. 

Pay your wife for sex. You've got to be kidding me! Talk about a total lack of respect. What prehistoric era do you come from? Pathetic. ????

[ICELANDMAN]

Probably now after all these multiple tips he has decided not to look at a Thai lady any more

[meshborg]

Ive been with my Thai lady 13 years and we very happy and you know why because we are not married and i dont give money to her family.Dont be so naive to think your nothing but a cash machine to her and her extended family.If she really loves and respects you she not use you like a bank.Most Thai girls grow up dreaming of meeting and marrying a rich stupid farang.Its ingrained in their mindset.

[villagefarang]

Most Thai girls do not grow up dreaming of meeting and marrying a rich stupid farang.  The vast majority want nothing to do with farangs.  The ones who were chasing farangs were the ones I avoided like the plague back in my single days.

[sirineou]

2 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Just keep saying to yourself that 69 million Thais survive without a farang to support them.

Don't you love people who argue with themselves and lose?

[NanLaew]

3 hours ago, puchooay said:

5 hours ago, NanLaew said:

You are and always will be บักสีดา (baksida) as long as you are in Isaan.

Not true. I many parts of southern Issan you could be a "brang".

OK, you will always be baksida or brang as long as you are in Isaan.

[HLover]

Just now, NanLaew said:

OK, you will always be baksida or brang as long as you are in Isaan.

I am still Marcus, no matter what other names they call me.

[NanLaew]

2 hours ago, Orton Rd said:

refuse to go up country any more, apart from anything else it's totally boring unless a concert is on.

I finished with concerts after Ja Turbo went mainstream and stopped doing temple gigs.

 

 

[rumak]

5 hours ago, Speedhump said:

the dumb farang in the corner

well, on the flip side,   i think that user name is still available...........

[Speedhump]

1 hour ago, NanLaew said:

I finished with concerts after Ja Turbo went mainstream and stopped doing temple gigs.

 

 

Was this her temple act?... 

[Patriot]

4 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Don't forget learning to use a squat loo and sit on the floor to eat meals in a room with no mosquito netting. Understanding Thai helps as the only tv you will be able to watch are Thai soaps. Some are actually OK. I liked the ghost ones. 

Hope you like cold showers. I don't, so I had to provide my own shower heater. Before that it was heat a bucket of water.

AC- forgedaboudit. I once had to go stay in an hotel just because I was going to die of heat stroke, and that was the only place in the village with AC.

Don't expect much of a lie in, as the monk chanting starts at 4 am or something, and is amplified throughout the village so all can share in it.

But apart from the above you had a pretty good time ??

[Golden Triangle]

4 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Don't forget learning to use a squat loo and sit on the floor to eat meals in a room with no mosquito netting. Understanding Thai helps as the only tv you will be able to watch are Thai soaps. Some are actually OK. I liked the ghost ones. 

Hope you like cold showers. I don't, so I had to provide my own shower heater. Before that it was heat a bucket of water.

AC- forgedaboudit. I once had to go stay in an hotel just because I was going to die of heat stroke, and that was the only place in the village with AC.

Don't expect much of a lie in, as the monk chanting starts at 4 am or something, and is amplified throughout the village so all can share in it.

Man that was some really c.r.a.p hand you were dealt with there, I have read all your posts on here and I can tell you that you have my greatest sympathy, hopefully life is much better for you now, chin up buddy, you have my vote for most put upon member.