'Green farang seeking female advice

[Carrick]

Hi all,

Probably a little tame by other standards but thought I’d share. First time I've ever posted on a forum before especially seeking advice of this nature, but you have probably seen it all before. I'm 36yo male (nice guy) long-term expat who's been living in BKK for over a year now and lucky enough to have a good job through an international company. As a bachelor I've dated a few girls generally through Tinder and met a few good/bad ones which didn't really lead anywhere and finished good terms. This one was my first real encounter with a Thai lady I guess. 

 

Earlier this year I met a 26 yo girl, originally from Isaan and previously a nightclub hostess and now works in sales @ an office. Very charming, pretty, smart and a funny, western sense of humour. My mates warned me from any girl that worked in clubs @ Sukhumvit but I thought I’d follow my gut. On social media she appears to be very popular with many friends who are DJs, models in the BKK party scene, has many international schoolteacher friends from USA, UK etc who she hangs around with and is reasonably well travelled. We went on a few dates taking it slow then started to get on and saw more of each other (always at her place never mine) but even travelled together, went to concerts and just chilling together at hers having a good laugh together doing nothing.

 

Being a little lonely working remotely for my paymasters I was happy to have met something on my wavelength who I enjoyed hanging with and impulsively tried to take things further. Even then I had a nagging doubt there’s other men involved I put it out of mind my and had the chat saying even though it's early days I would like to talk about being exclusive with her. She said she isn't dating other people but didn't want an exclusive gig, asked me to continue dating for now which I agreed to. This in itself was strange as other girls I dated were very clingy and pushed too hard too soon - now I saw myself doing the same thing.

 

I continued, as time went on, contact became less and I found myself instigating the conversation to strike any contact, meeting purely on her schedule and availability almost like I was being managed. Maybe perfectly innocent with work and social commitments, however I took myself off social media as looking at Facebook pics with other guys, many random lads liking her FB posts begam making me jealous. This wasn’t helped by her coming up with peculiar stories not to include me in her social media posts etc though she was never off it. As a dater I was passive (not my GF) but found it increasingly difficult as my feelings grew for her, she admits to freely and regularly speaking to other guys but insists it's only talking & nothing serious. Increasingly weird behaviour such as one day I phoned to say I was calling round and see went mental saying ‘No means No’ as she had a big party night previous evening and was in a bad way made me very paranoid and started effecting me in my everyday life. Too much time to think and not feeling trust. 

 

Feeling increasingly uneasy, I was wondering if it worth it? Recently it was my birthday and told her not to forget it, which she did, but sent a pretty basic 'hi' msg days later which annoyed me considering I had treated her very well and my snow strong feelings. Being confused about where this is generally all going and listening to friend’s advice, I decided to test if I didn't instigate a msg would she take the initiative. 3 weeks went by and nothing back until I msg yesterday and got an entitled girl giving me attitude for ignoring her. 

 

From penning this out I can see the writing is on the wall, as much as I adore the girl no point continuing down a one-way street. For future reference can I ask the members is the above a cultural thing or just or perhaps me being too stupid to understand I was perhaps a GIK when I wanted more?

I'm a little clueless but hopefully I have explained properly (only my side of the story of course). My mates tell me best thing is to leave it, good to have off my chest and know for next time. Thanks for reading...

[jastheace]

this will not help you, but I tend to AVOID anyone who describes themselves as 'nice'.

especially on tinder.

cue batman....

[sanemax]

Another one .

Havent read it .

Let me guess :

*Met a female , she seems OK, money involved , should I go ahead with the relationship * ?

[Mavideol]

I did read the first paragraph and then gave up as the ending was easy to guess

[Sheryl]

No actually this one is different.

 

Met a girl, liked her more than she liked him, asked her to be exclusive she said no and since then has been avoiding him. 

 

But he doesn't get the message and keeps pursuing her leading to more direct rebuffs.

 

OP: she is making it clear it is over. Move on. 

[Nakmuay887]

You have lived in bkk long term and are asking this question? 

 

You're in the wrong city my friend. 

[Nakmuay887]

What were your relationships like in your home country?

 

Serious question 

[worgeordie]

Enjoyed your first novel....keep trying.

regards worgeordie

[torturedsole]

59 minutes ago, Carrick said:

Earlier this year I met a 26 yo girl, originally from Isaan and previously a nightclub hostess and now works in sales @ an office.

I was holding out for hi-so but you disappoint.  Nightclub hostess but now works in a sales office?  ????  Give me break.  Very funny, though. 

 

Edited December 10, 2019 by torturedsole

[Dumbastheycome]

You  gave yourself the answer and recognized it in the process of describing  your situation and posing the question when you say  " From penning this out I can see the writing is on the wall".

Checkout  36  instead of  26. Not so  flighty at that age.

[PatOngo]

Another one! ???? Over to you, Batman...……...

 

 

[FritsSikkink]

She doesn't love you, stop it.

[NanLaew]

Watch the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" and pretend you're Gigi.

[sunnyboy2018]

You are wasting your time with a free lance whore. Just go to a beer bar or GOGo bar and find a girl you like and pay her for sex and have a great time. Thats the Thai way. You can have a RGFE. Stop trying to get sex for free and stop pursuing  a relationship. I will be blunt: you have bored this girl. She has many male friends and customers who are more entertaining than you. Being boring or serious is a cardinal sin when it comes to Thai girls. Forget her. You are not in love with her. She does not want you, her actions have made that clear. So do the right thing and get laid after which everything will fall into place.

[canuckamuck]

It's because your green. She's racist.

[Kwasaki]

2 hours ago, Carrick said:

I'm 36yo male (nice guy) long-term expat who's been living in BKK for over a year now and lucky enough to have a good job through an international company.

[Berkshire]

15 hours ago, Carrick said:

For future reference can I ask the members is the above a cultural thing or just or perhaps me being too stupid to understand

It baffles me that farangs would constantly bring up the "culture thing" when they've been rejected by a female.  When a female is not interested in you, it's the same in pretty much every culture.  Communication may not be as direct, but she's making it pretty obvious.  The OP should have experience in this matter from back home...or maybe he can't handle being dumped by an ex-bargirl.   

[poskat]

face it, you are a beta male, with all the typical beta male behavior patterns. These behaviors and characteristics are not what get females aroused.. the moment you first bent to her will, any attraction she might have felt evaporated

[richard_smith237]

She appears to be what I would call an 'occupational farang hunter' - the type of girl who likes to play the social scene and 'collect' western guys and now has so many she doesn't really care.

 

Also, She's just not into you, there may be others she's more into. 

 

She doesn't care if you walk away and never contact her again, but you do, and you want her you care if you walk away. That won't happen. 

 

Don't waste time on her, move on....  Maybe take a couple of these tablets... 

 

 

 

 

[Sametboy2019]

Forget her. There are thousands like her in Bangkok! 

[Chazar]

18 hours ago, Carrick said:

I'm a little clueless

no ,no youre  doing  just fine keep  it going

[Chazar]

10 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

the type of girl who likes to play the social scene and 'collect' western guys

who  will all send her a  few bob each  month

[Don Mega]

It's a sad day when even a bar whore rejects you... maybe try your luck with a ladygeezer.

[rumak]

19 hours ago, Carrick said:

Earlier this year I met a 26 yo girl, originally from Isaan and previously a nightclub hostess and now works in sales @ an office. Very charming, pretty, smart and a funny, western sense of humour. My mates warned me

except for the  "charming, pretty, smart, and funny"  part ........... this could be Yinn  !

 

 

[metempsychotic]

19 hours ago, Nakmuay887 said:

You have lived in bkk long term and are asking this question? 

 

You're in the wrong city my friend. 

reading comprehension is not your forte.

 

op is a relative new comer to BKK who considers himself long-term because he has a job.

 

Quote

long-term expat who's been living in BKK for over a year now and lucky enough to have a good job.

re the woman, shes not interested. shes established in the club scene and knows plenty of folk already.


 

Edited December 11, 2019 by metempsychotic

[metempsychotic]

43 minutes ago, Don Mega said:

It's a sad day when even a bar whore rejects you... maybe try your luck with a ladygeezer.

i think its a sad day when people assume all thai women are whores.

shes in a scene where the has plenty of options, hardly makes her a whore.

[Jaggg88]

OK I've run out of popcorn now......next!

[Berkshire]

9 minutes ago, metempsychotic said:

i think its a sad day when people assume all thai women are whores.

shes in a scene where the has plenty of options, hardly makes her a whore.

The OP says this girl was "previously a nightclub hostess."  Not sure how else you would interpret that.  

[bkkgriz]

18 hours ago, sunnyboy2018 said:

You are wasting your time with a free lance whore. Just go to a beer bar or GOGo bar and find a girl you like and pay her for sex and have a great time. Thats the Thai way. You can have a RGFE. Stop trying to get sex for free and stop pursuing  a relationship. I will be blunt: you have bored this girl. She has many male friends and customers who are more entertaining than you. Being boring or serious is a cardinal sin when it comes to Thai girls. Forget her. You are not in love with her. She does not want you, her actions have made that clear. So do the right thing and get laid after which everything will fall into place.

Harsh, but the best answer so far. Excellent advice.

[Pedrogaz]

If you have any issues with trust, honesty or fidelity, you have the wrong girl and should dump her sorry @ss  asap.

Furthermore, any issues with her poor family where the girl is the breadwinner and her brothers are layabouts will inevitably lead to big trouble.

Avoid at all costs.