The meaning of friends

[georgegeorgia]

What does the meaning of friendship mean to you ?

How many "real " friends do you have in Thailand or if you are a expat in Thailand do you have real friends back in your home country?

 

I say this because last week I get a urgent email from a farang  friend in Thailand that I have known for about 16 years .

He said he was in hospital...he is a aged pensioner Jerry  from Australia..79yo.living in Pattaya..he said he needed to have some urgent money put into his hospital account for expenses immediately for Television news ..books etc ..it was like only 500 baht but he doesn't know how to transfer it.

 

Then he needed some one sort out his insurance policy back in Australia...can u contact them for me he asked .

Yes I said

I offered to do that for him.

He said you are the only one that's helped me 

 

I called him on his mobile ( I'm currently in Australia)  ...and he told me I was the ONLY one that had called him...he then went on to tell me the other friends who he had known longer ( and regarded more best friend than me )  they had replied .." I hope u get well...let us know when u get out of  hospital..we will catch up for drink "

This was from a person he regarded as a best friend actually living in Pattaya .

Another farang in Pattaya also  he contacted to go feed his dog at home but he too was busy but.  Wait for it.  ....if he could get 200 baht for a motorbike taxi. .. so he Jerry  had to arrange a paid person to do it instead 

 

The other friends also from Australia just sent him generic..." Sorry to hear that ...I don't have time to help you with your life insurance as I'm very busy "

Another from Australia.. " oh wish u well Jerry ..too expensive to call you on the mobile " so wish u well by email 

I don't know about your insurance cannot you ask someone else ?

 

So all these " friends " he had ... I was the only one .

So it got me thinking.... especially when I go to live on Thailand next year ...can you rely on what you perceive as " friends ' to help you when u need it....I'm not talking about financial but things like visiting in hospital etc or running errands for you or doing urgent stuff to help you out when you need it.

 

Now personally I'm independent. Brought up that way.. I try not to rely on others for anything.  But as Jerry told me ( the aged pensioner guy) he has done a hell of a lot for some of these friends .   BUT when the tables are turned guess what.  They aren't there for him .

 

But does it mean say you this example ..your in hospital ..the people who u regarded as friends didn't visit you .. are they not real friends or they could just be busy as I said to Jerry 

 

It got me thinking too after this last week about friends or real friends...I just told a friend today not to message me again...he was constantly messaging me at all hours of the night when he split with his wife... depressed etc etc 

I answered every message ..I was there all the time for him

...then  he met another girl last week...

I guess she is putting up with his sob stories ...he has only known her a week 

So now he says sorry I'm too busy to talk nowadays but we can meet up once a month at a time 

I told him where to go ..don't bother 

 

I truly truly believe if your going to live in Thailand you need to NOT rely on others in times of difficulty you need to be independent...and able to look after yourself...I really think this is where many guys fail ..single guys I guess I'm talking about that fail to be able to think for themselves.

 

Also trusting people or relying on people who you thought were friends and I guess being used by people is where many fail 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited February 20, 2021 by georgegeorgia

[OneMoreFarang]

Any real friend should help his friends. I am pretty sure I have such friends in Thailand.

 

But, there is always a but.

The first example which you mentioned is about money. And that is a subject many of us don't want to hear anything about. And the reason is that we heard it too often.

And when someone is in Thailand in a hospital and needs help then I am sure in many cases this is (also) about money.

Would I care about someone's dog? Yes, I would, if I can (i.e. I wouldn't be able to bring that dog in my building)

Would I help someone with 500B for the phone? Sure.

Would I pay 50,000B to a hospital with the promise I get it back sometime? For my best friends (maybe 5 in Thailand) I would do that. But I definitely wouldn't do it for many people.

 

And with stories about who did what for whom? I guess often we do not know even half of it. If a friend would tell me something like all the others didn't want to help me then I would ask myself: Why didn't they do that. Did they maybe have a good reason for that?

 

And last but not least: Many of us what to have fun and a quiet life in Thailand. We don't want stress, we don't want (other peoples) problems and we don't want to be reminded that we all get old and maybe sick and die. With some problems we can help and for a real friend we want to help our friend. But for other people who are not our best friends maybe we don't want to get involved.

[CharlieH]

I and many would turn to their loved ones first like wife/partner , family etc before any "friends".

 

That said of course if you choose not to have a relationship and there is no family left then of course "friends" is next and may be all you have.

 

Big difference in a " true friend" and an aquaintance. Many may perceive to be a friend but is really an aquaintance when the chips are down. 

 

Sadly its when things bad happen that you make the real discovery of who is a true "friend"

[PatOngo]

Perfect Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance!

[georgegeorgia]

15 minutes ago, PatOngo said:

Perfect Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance!

Fantastic quote !!

Never heard it before ...now it's going to be my motto!!

what you write is very very true.

Before I plan to live in Thailand I will go thru stuff like Wills and insurance etc and Plan like u said in if case scenarios so I don't have to rely on others 

Edited February 20, 2021 by georgegeorgia

[petermik]

7 hours ago, PatOngo said:

Perfect Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance!

There is no such thing as perfection here in Thailand...

[shy coconut]

This guy sounds like he has drinking buddies and acquaintances, not friends.

[georgegeorgia]

33 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

I and many would turn to their loved ones first like wife/partner , family etc before any "friends".

 

That said of course if you choose not to have a relationship and there is no family left then of course "friends" is next and may be all you have.

 

Big difference in a " true friend" and an aquaintance. Many may perceive to be a friend but is really an aquaintance when the chips are down. 

 

Sadly its when things bad happen that you make the real discovery of who is a true "friend"

Very true that last paragraph !!

[Kwasaki]

5 minutes ago, petermik said:

There is no such thing as perfection here in Thailand...

Nor anywhere, there's a true saying a friend in need is a pain in the butt. ????

[DaLa]

Ending up in hospital is a scenario most of us will experience at some point. Thus a plan as PatOngo suggests is not only a wise move it's fairer to other people. The only person I will expect to 'help' in the circumstances would be my Thai wife and I would want to make it as easy for her as possible. To facilitate that just requires some personal responsibility.

[1FinickyOne]

I am also independent but when in the hospital or such, I have a Thai family... they would drop anything to come help me out as I have done for them many times... things like feed the dog and "chores" I would not want others to do for me, nor would I want to do for others unless absolutely necessary... that is paid labor... I would pay someone to do that... 

 

Different people don't mind doing different things... 

 

Also, I do not like hospital visits or visitors... if I am so sick that I need to be in the hospital, the last thing I want is to chit chat... 

[1FinickyOne]

41 minutes ago, PatOngo said:

Perfect Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance!

you went to a seminar somewhere? 

[1FinickyOne]

1 hour ago, georgegeorgia said:

he has done a hell of a lot for some of these friends

That might depend on his definition... for some, it might be just listening to a drunken story... I think we all know from experience/watching behavior,  which of our friends help others and who doesn't... 

 

If we are here to help others, what are the others here for?  [as it is said ] 

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, georgegeorgia said:

So all these " friends " he had ... I was the only one .

So it got me thinking.... especially when I go to live on Thailand next year ...can you rely on what you perceive as " friends ' to help you when u need it....I'm not talking about financial but things like visiting in hospital etc or running errands for you or doing urgent stuff to help you out when you need it.

 

I have ZERO, mainly because my friends have either died (1) or live in another country (2-3).

Long distance friendship doesn't really work, the guys you have a drink with locally are acquaintances and not real friends.

Like Thais, the people prepared to run around for me are my Thai family.

Single guys living alone in a foreign country are mainly screwed in the event of catastrophe.

(CharlieH beat me to it!)

Edited February 20, 2021 by BritManToo

[Pilotman]

13 minutes ago, 1FinickyOne said:

you went to a seminar somewhere? 

As far as I know, it originates in the Military but is phased slightly differently:

 

'Prior planning prevents <deleted> poor performance'.

 

I first heard it on day one of Staff College

[AlfHuy]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Any real friend should help his friends. I am pretty sure I have such friends in Thailand.

 

But, there is always a but.

The first example which you mentioned is about money. And that is a subject many of us don't want to hear anything about. And the reason is that we heard it too often.

And when someone is in Thailand in a hospital and needs help then I am sure in many cases this is (also) about money.

Would I care about someone's dog? Yes, I would, if I can (i.e. I wouldn't be able to bring that dog in my building)

Would I help someone with 500B for the phone? Sure.

Would I pay 50,000B to a hospital with the promise I get it back sometime? For my best friends (maybe 5 in Thailand) I would do that. But I definitely wouldn't do it for many people.

 

And with stories about who did what for whom? I guess often we do not know even half of it. If a friend would tell me something like all the others didn't want to help me then I would ask myself: Why didn't they do that. Did they maybe have a good reason for that?

 

And last but not least: Many of us what to have fun and a quiet life in Thailand. We don't want stress, we don't want (other peoples) problems and we don't want to be reminded that we all get old and maybe sick and die. With some problems we can help and for a real friend we want to help our friend. But for other people who are not our best friends maybe we don't want to get involved.

Can I please be your friend for 1 week. I won't bother you anymore after that.

I would most kindly like you, to borrow me 78,000 Baht, if you don't mind, please, Krub.

 

I won't do it again, promise. Just one week and I'm gone.

[Captain Monday]

A friend will pick you up at LAX

One would never ask that of a real friend. 

[PatOngo]

1 hour ago, petermik said:

There is no such thing as perfection here in Thailand...

I would say thats a local afliction.

[PatOngo]

42 minutes ago, 1FinickyOne said:

you went to a seminar somewhere? 

You led a sheltered life?

[1FinickyOne]

34 minutes ago, PatOngo said:

You led a sheltered life?

After graduating university - I spent a year as a backpacker travelling about the world... had a few businesses, a couple of wives, met a ton of interesting people... owned many spectacular properties... and much more...

 

never personally changed the oil in my car...

 

not sure which you might consider a sheltered life.. or why you might ask??

 

Another poster pointed out your little word play was a military thing - - never did that either... 

Edited February 20, 2021 by 1FinickyOne

[2 is 1]

Don't need ask to help if have real friends. They do it whitout asking! Is that good thing to move other coundry, if you dont have nobody to rely on !? I know i can trust my Thai family, they have helped me always . Many say they have much friend's like in Facebook??? They not friends! I stop hole Facebook and other same kind sht many years ago and have find out now its even trend to stop social media app's! I do it , coz i dont have need to know what people are doing all the time!

But best if you have haddle you things the way: you don't need much help! Maybe i think different if i get more age (now goming 49).

Edited February 20, 2021 by 2 is 1

[OneMoreFarang]

4 minutes ago, 2 is 1 said:

Don't need ask to help if have real friends.

That depends.

I don't have contact with my friends everyday, sometimes even not for a week or two.

So if I would have an accident and would be in a hospital they probably wouldn't know.

[JimmyJ]

"What does the meaning of friendship mean to you ?"

 

 

 

A "friend" is someone who will help you move.

 

A "best friend" is someone who will help you move

a body.

Edited February 20, 2021 by JimmyJ

[Cake Monster]

2 hours ago, georgegeorgia said:

Fantastic quote !!

Never heard it before ...now it's going to be my motto!!

what you write is very very true.

Before I plan to live in Thailand I will go thru stuff like Wills and insurance etc and Plan like u said in if case scenarios so I don't have to rely on others 

The quote used for many Years now is 

" Plss Poor Planning = Plss poor performance.

[colinneil]

Very interesting thread..... Friends, well some people are genuine friends, other are only fair weather friends, i have had both types.

I was locked in Buriram prison, a friend,( hotandsticky) put up bail money to get me out, another friend (Prakonchai Nick) did all the running about between prison/ court to get things sorted.

Had a serious accident, in hospital needing a person to be in my private room while my wife was at work, a friend (American) not a member on here, spent every day for 8 weeks at my bedside.

Got home few months later needed a mobility scooter bringing from Naklua to Issan, Hot and Sticky stepped up again brought it here for me, Prakonchai Nick went to Naklua to check it out, do the deal.

They are true friends, some others, well forget it, after my accident nothing, no calls, no visits, nothing, fair weather friends.

[ballpoint]

A good friend will come and bail you out at the police station at 3 in the morning.

A true friend will be sitting beside you in the cell saying "damn, that was fun!"

[Cake Monster]

2 minutes ago, colinneil said:

Very interesting thread..... Friends, well some people are genuine friends, other are only fair weather friends, i have had both types.

I was locked in Buriram prison, a friend,( hotandsticky) put up bail money to get me out, another friend (Prakonchai Nick) did all the running about between prison/ court to get things sorted.

Had a serious accident, in hospital needing a person to be in my private room while my wife was at work, a friend (American) not a member on here, spent every day for 8 weeks at my bedside.

Got home few months later needed a mobility scooter bringing from Naklua to Issan, Hot and Sticky stepped up again brought it here for me, Prakonchai Nick went to Naklua to check it out, do the deal.

They are true friends, some others, well forget it, after my accident nothing, no calls, no visits, nothing, fair weather friends.

You are a very fortunate man to have such good, loyal and trusted friends.

Cherish them, as these kind of people are a very scarce commodity

[nobodysfriend]

I have some friends ...!

One always wants to be close to me , even sleeps near my bed a night ...

The others take care for my security and keep bad people away ...

They never ask me for doing them a favor , but I like to take care of them .

They never talk bad about anybody , they are always happy when they see me .

They never talk too much or get drunk and aggressive , but sometimes they bark ...

Edited February 20, 2021 by nobodysfriend

[RichardColeman]

You may well find the friends know his financial situation and fear being asked for larger sums.

 

best friend you can have in Thailand is a decent, loyal and honest intelligent wife

[Gecko123]

Thai cultural attitudes toward friendship often influence expat thinking over time. Thais really don't aspire to blood pact 'I'd-take-a-bullet-for-you' type friendship bonds which in my book is wise and pragmatic, because, as the OP's friend probably just learned the hard way, these bonds are often nothing more than illusory castles made of sand.

 

Thai males bond with other men are based on common interests, working together, family relationships, mutual enjoyment of one another's company, trust built up slowly over time. In my experience, beyond immediate family and maybe a small number of childhood friends, they are not big on entering unspoken alliances or commitments 'to be there for you in in your time of need.'

 

If you need help, they'll definitely help out, but a 'pay-as-you-go' approach is taken. Longtime expats who have experienced this cultural difference from Thais may over time adopt a similar approach when dealing with other expats.

 

Edited February 20, 2021 by Gecko123