How young is too young?

[NanLaew]

3 hours ago, Nick in Thailand said:

Some industry-leading corporate lawyers like to be a human toilet for trannies on the weekend. Does it affect their performance in the courtroom? 

However, the wagging fingers of Thailand's expat Puritans come out for a 40 year old man, ruminating over whether he would date a young woman. 

 

But it's not about you is it? It's about offending the sensibilities of the locals. Well, from the OP it did seem that this was your concern but now maybe you're hiding your light under a bushel?

 

Puritans.... ROFLMAO

[Gecko123]

The longer I have lived in rural Thailand, the more I have come to believe that there is little difference between Thailand and Western countries when it comes to the social acceptability of relationships where there is a large age difference between the partners.

 

Thailand is traditionally, and in many ways still is, a predominantly agrarian society. Male household members are valued for their contribution of labor. In a farming setting, a husband who is substantially older than his wife is practically useless if he can't contribute labor.

 

Yes, there is a culture of wealthy men taking on second wives and mistresses, but that should not be confused with the everyday social acceptability of big age difference relationships. In rural Thailand? That is almost unheard of. Tell me the last time you saw an older Thai man in his late 50's to late 60's walking down the street with a 20 something girl pushing a baby stroller or carrying an infant in a papoose? I've never, ever, ever seen it.

 

I don't know nothing (deliberately grammatically incorrect for humorous effect) about Thai dating websites, but just judging from the reports on TVF, the majority of the girls on there are pros, semi-pros, and amateurs hoping to turn pro. But I know me saying this will trigger a bunch of posters insisting that they have had many a one-night-stand with girl-next-door types on these dating websites. But don't mistake that on-line dating environment with everyday opportunities to date and bed local girls in town.

 

All I can tell you is that in an average small town (forget small villages) if you think you're gonna land like a shape shifting T-1000 (Terminator II reference) and instantaneously be mobbed by giggling, braces-wearing, mini-skirted, no underwear wearing late teen - twenty somethings eager for you to give them free English lessons under the sheets at the nearest short-time hotel, in my opinion, you're kidding yourself.

 

First of all, in rural Thailand, adolescents become sexually active pretty early, often resulting in teen pregnancies and shotgun marriages. The idea that there are droves of young unattached women desperately throwing themselves at older men is quite dated. There may have been a shortage of marriageable men in the past, but the opposite is true today. There is a shortage of females, and many young Thai men struggle to find marriage partners. With many of the young couples I see today, the guy has often married a woman who is markedly less physically attractive than he is. I don't see many super hot Thai girls with physically unattractive or older Thai men. But it's "cool" on these social media websites like TVF for men to posture as though women are constantly throwing themselves at them, and no guy wants to pipe up and tell the truth that that's not what they're experiencing because it'll make them subject to ridicule as a loser with the ladies.

 

Second of all, the baseline assumption will be that she's involved with you for money, i.e., she's engaging in prostitution. So there's a big stigma right off the bat. And the assumption is that a 40 yo guy is gonna teach maybe for a few years and then head back home, or move on. You're not gonna have put down roots. No house. Maybe no car. No political connections. No social connections. So what's in it for the girl? She gets to be your holiday wife during your tenure? Your culturally enriching experience? The only immediate payoff is financial, so that's more than likely gonna be her primary focus.

 

The teacher is supposed to be a role model: no drink-y (at least not to excess), no smoke-y, no lose-y the temper, etc. Discrete, well-mannered, well manicured fingernails, freshly ironed uniform. The OP sounds like he's approaching teaching as a way to earn money but his real job is banging farm girls at night. Yeah, I know, another middle-aged moralist, but sounds more than a little creepy to my ears.

 

You're already gonna be hated because chances are you'll be making more than teachers with more experience, so when the school staff gets wind of your nocturnal activities, the gossip will spread like wildfire. White boy's gonna stand out like a member of the Blue Man Group. You'll be spotted half a block away wherever you go. Romantic liaisons will be gossiped about unmercillessly . OP's kidding himself thinking going to the next town will solve the rumor mill problem. Everybody goes to the next town over. How's the OP planning on getting around? A motorcai isn't gonna cut it in the clandestine rendez-vous dept; you'll need a ride with deep-tinted windows.

 

 

[NanLaew]

2 hours ago, Nick in Thailand said:

I would like to humbly and sincerely apologise to the middle-aged, male expat community of Thailand to whom I caused great offence. 

 

Earlier this morning, I asked whether it was socially acceptable to date a young woman. This was an offensive and disrespectful question, and I have caused shame upon the middle-aged, male expat community of Thailand. 

 

There is nothing I can do to repair the damage have caused. I can only extend my apologies to those who I have caused offence. 

 

I have to change, and I accept that. I have booked myself into a 3-month rehabilitation program because I accept that I must change. I must stop hurting the people around me. 

 

The middle-aged expats of Thailand are some of the most fervent supporters of feminism and women's rights and it was a dark day when they faced my question of whether a man should date a younger woman.

 

Those who have posted their scorn on this thread are the noblest of men and truly virtuous. They carry the torch of morality. May that flame never die. 

 

'bout time to change hands there, eh Nick?

[NanLaew]

1 hour ago, Andre0720 said:

Many mothers are telling their daughters to 'get' a farang as a boyfriend, for many reasons. ...

 

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away maybe...

[brewsterbudgen]

3 hours ago, bkk6060 said:

Geez, you are young for them.

Here, 30 years younger is my minimum.   More the better actually looking forward when I am older to 50 year difference.

Go enjoy it.

I agree.  A 30-year difference is ideal.  I met my wife when she was 19 and I was 49; we didn't marry until she was 26 though.  

[Kerryd]

2 hours ago, McTavish said:

Go for it mate! 

Crikey dicks, I'm 52 and my wife is only just turned 21 and folk don't look at us strange anymore.  We're very happy married 9 years already ????

Seems no one has done the math on that yet. Seriously hoping it's a typo.

[bunnydrops]

4 hours ago, Ventenio said:

if over 18 and not a student, i don't have a problem.  you might have a problem, lol, but I don't have a problem.  yes, you will be a sexpat to all their friends, community, etc...but it's not the worst.

 

if a student at your school and you are in a position of trust, then that seems wrong.  it's probably legal, but highly unethical.  then i would question if this teacher wants even younger......sick

 

if you think you can date a girl who is 18, then you need to go see someone.   even 25 at your age is impossible long-term.  then you have to ask why you can't talk to women your own age.  hook up is fine....have fun.   

Reminds me of a Doonesbury cartoon

 

The guy puts the move on a young girl. She turns to him and lokks him up and down and says "Jeez, you must be over 50. Why don't you hit on someone your own age?" He thinks about it then sees a woman about his age and puts the move on her. She looks him up and down and says "Jeez, you must make under 50!"

[papa al]

2 girls

19 + 20

=39.

[misterfloppy]

3 hours ago, Nick in Thailand said:

These are not working girls. Look real ordinary, not particularly hot, girls. 

You will be struggling to find girls, particularly the younger ones, who aren't just there for the money, whether in the short or longer term!

[Eindhoven]

21 minutes ago, Kerryd said:

Seems no one has done the math on that yet. Seriously hoping it's a typo.

 

 

It was clearly a joke.

[Sujo]

Well you are talking about girls that are too ld to be at school anyway, so no chance of you doing a student at your own school.

 

If you wait until they are in mid/late 20s they may already have a kid.

 

i would go for the early 20s. Nothing wrong with it.

[ramrod711]

Depends partly on the parents and the family situation as well. There was an article my wife showed me on Thai media. The family had accepted a dowry from a 71 year old man for their 17 year old daughter. He was well off and apparently had land. My wife is 18 years younger than I. She was 35 when we met and I was 53. No dowry as such but I agreed to give her 3,000 baht per month to send to the parents, I have a real problem with paying cash for a wife.

[Skallywag]

10 hours ago, Nick in Thailand said:

I never normally go that young, mostly because they must be annoying as <deleted> to talk to on a date.

You speak fluent Thai?  I have found that there are some 40 year olds as well as 20 year olds annoying to talk to.   There mature younger ladies out there and some immature older ladies IMO.   

 

10 hours ago, Nick in Thailand said:

40 year old dating a girl that was at that school just 2 years ago. 

Surin has 1.4 million population and just the one high school?

 

LOL,  make sure she didn't go to your school is all I am saying

 

[youreavinalaff]

Don't date online. Simple.

 

Surin has quite a large expat community and may expat teachers.

 

Get yourself down to Soi Cola on Friday or Saturday night. The Beach and Fantasy Bar are usually quite busy.

 

There are some great people down there. Some are single, sometimes????, and some are in relationships.

 

You'll be able to speak to them and get an idea of the local area and the people there. You'll probably even get one of the guy's other halves telling you that her friend is looking for a boyfriend.

[WinterGael]

9 hours ago, Nick in Thailand said:

That's personal preference, you do what makes you happy.

 

My question is more about having the respect of the Thai community and my Thai colleagues. How would they look upon 40yo teacher with 20yo student? I don't want to be a local sex pest in the eyes of the locals. 

 

Where is the line.as a 40yo? 19? 18?

My wife and I are 12 years apart.  My girlfriend was 21 years younger.  My girlfriend and I had far more to talk about than my wife and I.  In some ways, I feel the older a Thai woman is physically,the more likely she is to be far older than you psycholocicalky.  

 

That said, looking at my Thai neighbours,  there tends to be a trend of the wife being 15 to 25 years younger than her husband.  If you look back, historically in western societies this was the norm, too.  A wise and knowing woman will seek a secure husband.  The older he is, the more likely he is to be established in his career, thus capable of supporting a wife and family.

 

From experience,  this seems to be the case here.  O retired at 56.  Went online and the average age of the girls was mid 30s, never married, and wanting a family. Unfortunately, can't have kids, so they lost interest rather quickly.  Not so the single moms.  ????????

[CharlieH]

Several off topic and responses removed.

 

Topic moved to the Pub (given the nature of the discussion)