Elderly Expats Conversations

[Enaka]

.

Elderly expats have very different lives than younger expats.

On public forums (like this) we rarely see reference to age; sometimes but not often.

I’m old (70+).

Wanting to find conversations with other elderly expats.

How and where?

 

Getting old in one’s home country is difficult enough.

In a foreign country, much more difficult, with foreign language and very different ways of doing things.

At the age when brain and body are becoming less able to handle differences.

 

Would be very helpful to find other old expats for conversation about these topics.

 

Here are some topics on my mind.

Not looking for specific answers here.

Am looking for how and where to find conversations on topics like these:

 

Body shape changes with age.

Old clothes don’t fit comfortably.

Even shoes.

New clothes sold in stores are designed for younger bodies.

I’ve found one clothing store that has a good variety of easy-fitting clothes.

Are there others?

And shoes, too.

 

Now that the country has “opened up”, would be nice to “go for fun”.

Mountains; beach; maybe a dinner cruise on the river in Bangkok.

But how does an old man travel when he has to pee frequently.

And when you gotta go, you gotta go right now!

Laugh if you want, but that condition has kept me at home more than I want.

 

As one gets up in years, having helpers becomes essential.

My maid comes in once a week, does the laundry.

But one week recently she went up-country so laundry up to me.

I was surprised at how difficult (how heavy) it was to move wet towels

and a blanket from the wash tub to spin-dry tub.

Loss of muscle is a well-known factor in ageing.

 

I’ve had good success finding maids and a cook – part-time.

But if one should stop working for me, how to find replacement?

In a low-trust culture, finding trust-worthy helpers is not easy.

 

I’m particularly pleased about finding the cook.

I send her recipes from the Internet – in English – with pictures.

She does the shopping, makes the food, delivers to me. (She lives nearby).

3, 4, 5 portions to put in the freezer.

Good quality, clean and fresh ingredients; mostly organic.

And specifically NO MSG.

Makes life better for an old man.

 

Doctors & hospitals I don’t trust at all anymore.

But certainly, in the future, will need some kind of doctoring.

Where and how to find a nearby doctor or small clinic that I can depend on?

Or, even better, a doctor who will make house calls.

 

Delivery services are a boon for elderly.

Here, delivery of almost everything is available to almost everywhere in the country.

Wagyu rib-eye steaks – an essential food group in my opinion.

Heavy box of printer paper for my computer.

Potted plants for condo balcony.

Fresh made vegetable juice (carrot, celery, beet mix is my favorite).

And recently I discovered that Singha will deliver drinking water.

Wondering what are other delivery services helpful to elderly expats.

 

But deliveries presume shop on-line.

Some shopping websites here have no English or very little English.

One example of an excellent web store with almost no English is Global House.

So I’ve been testing translator software.

 

Over age 70, medical insurance is extremely expensive.

Or maybe impossible with “pre-existing” conditions.

So, instead of insurance, I’ve been learning about -- and taking – mega-doses of vitamins and food supplements.

Results have been surprisingly positive for my health (so far).

Happy to discuss with other elderly expats.

 

As you can see, these are not simple, question-answer topics.

Question-answer topics can be posted on forums like this.

Instead, I’m asking how and where to find on-going conversations with other elderly expats.

Wanting continuing conversations, not just comments on examples above.

Thoughts and suggestions appreciated, either posted here or in private messages.

 

Thank you.

 

 

Edited November 10, 2021 by Enaka

[Will B Good]

If there are posters on here who you relate to, email them and share phone numbers......you can always block them at a later date....555.

 

You can then Whatsapp (example) either by text or voice only or video link.

 

Just a thought.

 

You can do group chats and calls by the way.

Edited November 10, 2021 by Will B Good

[Enaka]

1 minute ago, Will B Good said:

If there are posters on here who you relate to, email them and share phone numbers......you can always block them at a later date....555.

.

Good thought; thanks, Will.

 

I'm also aiming at expats who don't post here -- just read.

And expats who don't even read any forums, but prefer to chat in person or on the phone.

Staring at a computer is not so easy for old eyes.

Typing is also difficult.

Bar-stools and "clubs" and even "go to church" are no longer easy options.

So I'm looking for new ones.

Some of my most enjoyable conversations have been when I go to meet other expats for coffee.

Cover a lot of topics about life here.

Have some good laughs, too.

[seedy]

Is there an Expat group where you live ?

Bound to be people in the same boat

[Enaka]

Just now, seedy said:

Is there an Expat group where you live ?

Bound to be people in the same boat

 

I live in Bangkok.

Expat group here??????

 

Or, Seedy, this question:

Is there an expat group where you live?

If so, how did you find it?

[Will B Good]

https://www.meetup.com/cities/th/bangkok/

 

I use this for sport (really)

[Enaka]

"Meetup".

I've been to several (one example: Thai language learners).

But have you noticed that meetings (of all kinds) attract a certain kind of people.

Most younger adults, who like to get out-and-about a lot.

Or those focused on just one, narrow topic.

Can be useful, sure, but not what I'm asking about on this thread.

 

I've learned the best conversations are never in meetings of any kind.

Just 2-3-4 people talking quietly.

Maybe coffee shop.

Maybe walking through the park.

Maybe while grilling a couple of steaks on the BBQ.

Not meetings.

 

I appreciate your thoughts, Will.

You're helping me to clarify my own thinking.

You'd probably be a good person for conversations like this.

Edited November 10, 2021 by Enaka

[seedy]

50 minutes ago, Enaka said:

 

I live in Bangkok.

Expat group here??????

 

Or, Seedy, this question:

Is there an expat group where you live?

If so, how did you find it?

Chiang Mai Expat Club

https://www.expatbriefing.com/expat-groups/thailand.html

[Enaka]

11 minutes ago, seedy said:

Chiang Mai Expat Club

https://www.expatbriefing.com/expat-groups/thailand.html

Thanks, Seedy.

(and I've attended several of their meetings in Chiang Mai in years past)

 

And thank you, too, for that link to other groups all over Thailand.

 

Meetings -- formally organized groups -- attract a certain type of personality.

Yes, can be one way to meet new friends.

Edited November 10, 2021 by Enaka

[billsmart]

I'm 75, and I don't care to have conversations with elderly expats, middle-age expats, or young ex-pats. If I wanted to do that, I would have stayed in my home country. Of course then, all those people wouldn't be expats... ???? 

[Thujone]

I had two conversations in a row with elderly expats in Pattaya, which lead to them telling me about their gout.

In case I had any doubts, I realised I must be getting old...

[Enaka]

3 minutes ago, Thujone said:

I had two conversations in a row with elderly expats in Pattaya, which lead to them telling me about their gout.

 

I cured gout using natural methods; no doctor medicine.

Might be useful to others to know where to read about that.

 

Sure, could post on forums like this one, and certainly would get replies, but personal conversations add a different point of view that never seems to come out on "public" media.

 

But, Thujone, I agree with you, listening to complainers is boring.

And among old expats we have are plenty of complainers.

 

Growing old is difficult.

Living in a foreign country can be difficult.

If old expats help each other, will make life better.

 

[xylophone]

On 11/10/2021 at 12:21 PM, Enaka said:

Staring at a computer is not so easy for old eyes.

Typing is also difficult.

Because I get on the computer most mornings for a few hours, I bought a 21 inch HP monitor screen, and that is brilliant and has made all the difference.

 

In addition I have been using a voice recognition software program for 20 years now and it is also brilliant, and it is called, "Dragon Naturally Speaking" from Nuance, so I don't really have to do any typing at all, just speak into the microphone, as I'm doing now when replying to your post.

 

Makes life so much easier and was a necessity when I was younger because I was almost constantly on the computer in my line of work, and I developed RSI/OOS!

 

You also mentioned gout, and strangely enough for the first time in my life I had a bout of it a few months back, and this was surprising as I'm 74 this month and have always been and imbiber of red wine and port – – go figure.

 

I bought some "Tart Cherry" capsules as they appear to have a beneficial effect in curing it, which they did, so I have some handy just in case.

 

Hope the tip about the voice recognition program helps, and as a friend of mine used to say, "old age doesn't come alone".........so true.

[Benmart]

70+ here. Boxing, weight training and walks 6 days a week. Other silver hairs, no hairs and vision impaired at the gym. Breakfast afterwards with my workout mates, ages 52 to 70. We chat about all sorts of things, many of which are mentioned. Got Up, Got Out, Got Moving and Got a Life. Best wishes all.

[Enaka]

Nice post, Xyl.

Helpful.

 

But, you totally missed the point of the thread, as stated twice in the opening post.

 

It is NOT the goal on this thread to talk about computer screens and gout and such.

 

 

 

[Enaka]

7 minutes ago, Benmart said:

70+ here. Boxing, weight training and walks 6 days a week. Other silver hairs, no hairs and vision impaired at the gym. 

Excellent!

And two benefits in one: exercise and conversations.

 

Thank you, Benmart.

Edited November 11, 2021 by Enaka
.

[rwill]

On 11/10/2021 at 12:04 PM, Enaka said:

Some shopping websites here have no English or very little English.

One example of an excellent web store with almost no English is Global House.

So I’ve been testing translator software.

Edge browser you can right click on a web page and then select 'translate to xxxxx', whatever your main language is set to.  I would imagine other browsers have a similar function.  It can help some.  But translating Thai to other languages is problematic.

[Enaka]

8 minutes ago, Benmart said:

70+ here. Boxing, weight training and walks 6 days a week. 

Added comment:

Benmart, I envy you.

And I see you are in Pattaya.

Lots of elderly expats there.

Not like Bangkok.

 

Over the years, I've tried five different gyms here.

99% youngsters.

Opportunities at gyms to get acquainted with other expats in my age range have been zilch!

(Except for one old guy who wanted to tell me about his gout.)

Maybe I should I move to Pattaya and join a gym there.

[Enaka]

1 minute ago, rwill said:

Edge browser you can right click on a web page and then select 'translate to xxxxx',

rwill, you are absolutely right about translation.

But, like xyl's post above, you missed the point of this thread.

I respectfully suggest reading again the opening post.

The goal of this topic is clearly stated, twice:

 

Quote

Not looking for specific answers here.

 

Quote

Question-answer topics can be posted on forums like this.  Instead, I’m asking how and where to find on-going conversations with other elderly expats.

 

[Enaka]

Report on this thread so far.

Started just over 24 hours ago.

 

One practical suggestion to contact other posters here, to begin conversations.

Anyone else here ever tried that?

I have; many, many, times.

All the replies I got amounted to, “Thanks. Cheers.”

That’s it.

 

Another practical suggestion to go to meetings of organized groups.

Lots of people go to meetings of all kinds – Meetups, hobby groups, church.

Useful, certainly, if you like the kind of people who like to go to meetings.

 

And the usual bizz-takers appeared, of course.

Though not many so far.

And the usual high-jackers who didn’t understand the OP, but posted anyway.

 

But, so far, not a single, positive, useful, reply.

Not one!

 

What would be a positive and useful reply?

A private message, of course.

Saying something like this:

 

Quote

“Good idea and I’m interested to see where you go with this.   How would these conversations take place?  And where?  I’m 78, in Thailand 16 years.  No intention to go back “home”.

 

In your original post you revealed some topics of interest to you.  Here are my suggestions for topics  that I’d like to discuss with other elderly expats:

1 ...

2...

3 ...

4 ...

 

So far, nothing like that.

"Jai-yen-yen, na"

.

 

Edited November 11, 2021 by Enaka

[Jaxxper]

So does your spending profile. Less Baht spent in restaurants/bars/clubs and more in the clinics and hospitals. 555

[allanos]

Ah! yes, the joys of growing old are many fold!

 

I find I am quite good company for myself, fortunately. I do get together with friends of a similar age, though, mainly over coffee or a couple of beers. However, I choose such companions wisely!

 

None of us talks about old age or the physical or mental ailments that come with it. Any that wanted that kind of demotivating conversation would not have my company in future.

 

There is soooo much to talk about aside from growing old. Reminiscence is part of it, of course, but we air our views on government, politics, finances, various current events which we find impactful on our lives, and spice the whole lot up with good conversation and lots of laughter. 

 

No room for complainers or  "old soldiers"!

 

I'm trying not to grow old "gracefully", either. For example, since their birth, all of my grandchildren have learned to call me by the nickname my elder sisters call me by. I can't abide "granddad", or "pops", it just doesn't sit well with me.

 

 

Edited November 11, 2021 by allanos
typo

[Galong]

1 hour ago, Enaka said:

Over the years, I've tried five different gyms here.

99% youngsters.

Yep, been to a few gyms and left all of them for the same 2 reasons: loud "music" and folks not wiping their sweat off the machines when they leave.  I cycle 30 - 45-ish km every day for health and fitness now. It's pretty wild in traffic.  It's like a video game with real-life consequences. ????????

[Enaka]

Allanos -

Galong - 

 

So where/how do you meet other expats in your age range?

[Galong]

18 minutes ago, Enaka said:

Allanos -

Galong - 

 

So where/how do you meet other expats in your age range?

I have a couple of restaurants that I cycle to where seasoned expats tend to hang out. I don't like bars, so that limits me quite a bit.  I also don't like going out at night.  That REALLY limits me.  To be frank, I know very few folks my age.  I have some friends who are younger, but not many.

I have six rescued doggies, so they're my most dependable and loyal friends. ????

[soalbundy]

3 hours ago, billsmart said:

I'm 75, and I don't care to have conversations with elderly expats, middle-age expats, or young ex-pats. If I wanted to do that, I would have stayed in my home country. Of course then, all those people wouldn't be expats... ???? 

I agree, whatever country you are in you should learn the language. It took me 3 years to be fluent in German where I spent most of my working life and before retiring to Thailand I spent 2 years learning to read and write Thai (a prerequisite for speaking the tones correctly) I then read all the Harry Potter books in Thai that I could get my hands on.

 

I am now in a village in Isaan where the local dialect is Khmern but no matter they can all speak Thai. Apart from my missus my two step daughters and my son I wouldn't say that I have close Thai friends but I do have good relationships with the villagers, some I would regard as bordering on friendship. That is enough for me as I am comfortable with my own company and the relationships that I have here.

 

I am genetically blessed with good health, at 73 I have false teeth and glasses but that is about all, I climb on the roof of my house to clean the rain gutters and help with the rice harvest. Whether you are old or not is a matter of your own attitude to life, if you think you are old then you are old, can I run a marathon, no, but I wouldn't try to, I know my limits but that doesn't make me old. I keep mentally active with the internet, reading and dealing with my sometimes petulant teenage son and the babblings of my two step granddaughters. I understand that some may need the company of falang from their own country but that would make me old after having met many with closed minds, ill health and a desire to dress comfortably, ie shorts and vest with elastic stockings for their varicose veins, you become the company you keep.

[rct99q]

 

Here are some suggestions:

Hang a sign around your neck stating you need a friend

Go to Tesco/Macro/BigC, whatever and engage in conversation with any foreigner.

Hang around a Swensons or Starbucks and when an appropriate person comes in, ask to join them

Take out a personal ad in Thaitiger or BP

Create a website for elderly foreigner looking for like minded companions.

Try to find a local group of LGBTQ's. Wonderful group of people if just looking for conversations. 

Volunteer for any number of support groups, suicide help, AA, GA, etc. Prisoner visitor support groups.

Hang out at a local medical clinic and ask people for advice

Check out local restaurants for pool, darts, quiz nights. Etc. Even though you may not play you can always provide vocal support.

Use massage parlour, call girls, ask them if they know any clients your age and could they hook you up.

 

Just a few things off the top of my head.

[Enaka]

1 hour ago, Galong said:

I have a couple of restaurants that I cycle to where seasoned expats tend to hang out.

What has been your experience actually meeting and talking with other seasoned expats at restaurants?

Mine has been terrible.

Most act as if anything is better than talking with another expat whom they don't know already.

(Only exception to that was a group of Jehovah's Witnesses one time in Chiang Mai.  They were eager to talk, so very eager.)

 

 

1 hour ago, Galong said:

I don't like bars, so that limits me quite a bit. 

Same here.

But I see it as an advantage -- never, ever, not even once, have I had a worthwhile conversation in a bar.

 

 

1 hour ago, Galong said:

 

I also don't like going out at night.  

Same here.

And I see that as an advantage, too -- I have nothing in common with those who do go out for the "night life".

 

[Enaka]

The goal here is not just to volunteer somewhere and meet anybody.

The goal here is how to get acquainted with older expats, specifically, who are un-likely to volunteer or go to meetings or spend time in computer chat rooms.

 

 

[soalbundy]

2 minutes ago, Enaka said:

What has been your experience actually meeting and talking with other seasoned expats at restaurants?

Mine has been terrible.

Most act as if anything is better than talking with another expat whom they don't know already.

(Only exception to that was a group of Jehovah's Witnesses one time in Chiang Mai.  They were eager to talk, so very eager.)

 

 

Same here.

But I see it as an advantage -- never, ever, not even once, have I had a worthwhile conversation in a bar.

 

 

Same here.

And I see that as an advantage, too -- I have nothing in common with those who do go out for the "night life".

 

You don't go to bars for an intelligent conversation but for a laugh, bar girls are brilliant entertainers, I go with the missus to one in a nearby town sometimes when the kids allow us out.