Poll: More grandparents than parents are bringing up Thai children

[zzaa09]

5 hours ago, jacko45k said:

Needs must......

I see an opposing example in my wife's brother , who dotes on his daughter, a great example of a father. He and his wife both have responsible all-day jobs and depend on the wife's mother to take care of the child in the daytime. Fortunately living in their home. The mother is not in great health, so I imagine it is a struggle for her, and wonder what would happen if she became too frail to do the job. A much better situation than is commonplace, child with grandma in rural Issarn, mother plying her trade in the tourist spots, father unseen for a long time. 

Yet, all the nasty and unneeded stereotypes aside, it's very traditional and commonplace for sharing parenting/guardian duties among the immediate and extended family ties. All of which shouldn't suggest that the birth parents are negligent - it's more along the lines of traditional familial and social extensions. Everyone is looked after [more or less] in one form or another.  

[Orinoco]

34 minutes ago, Expat68 said:

I have lived a long, long time in Thailand by the way, just so you understand

I would say,  you have learnt,  not so much on these issues all the time you have been here.

No disrespect to you. 

But there is always a first time for the bar work,

but they are not,  virgins by this time. 

TIT.

 

Edited November 22, 2021 by Orinoco

[Sheryl]

17 minutes ago, AustinRacing said:

My sister in law living with her parents and no husband has three kids and does nothing for them. Stays in her room all day watching tv and going out at nights. So much so that the youngest can go to bed only with grandma. To me in these cases it is the fault of grandparents who allow this to happen. 

Often their only choice in a situation such as you describe, would be to allow their grandchildren to be neglected....It is unlikely they are able to control the behavior and parenting habits of their grown children, al they can do is step into the breach and try to mitigate the impact on the innocent children.

 

But I do not think what you describe is the rule. It happens, certainly - and not just in Thailand, plenty of similar examples in farang-land  -- but more commonly the issue is that the parent(s) are off working  in the city (or even abroad) and sending money home.

 

Lack of income earning possbilities in the countryside, lack of government support for child care & other family costs in the cities, creates this problem. If the parents were to bring the children with them to the city who would look after them all day? etc. They'd be crammed into a tiny, often on room apartment with nowhere safe to play, and no one home to look after them during the day.

 

With virtually zero social services here, families are left to their own devices to get by. Heading off to the city to work and leaving the kids home with Grandma is often the best (or least worst) option for rural familues in the absence of any government support.

 

 

[Expat68]

 I feel sorry for all the people who replied

[kimamey]

6 hours ago, ChipButty said:

I know some sad stories about kids living with G/P up in sticky rice land

I'm not surprised. 

Just out of interest where is 'sticky rice land'? It doesn't seem to be on Google Maps. Would it be easy for me to visit from my home in Mahasarakham?  ????????

[Thingamabob]

Nothing new here, and the Thai ruling elite want to keep it this way. Very sad for many youngsters from

poor families.

[pacovl46]

7 hours ago, RafPinto said:

A lot ofThai men don't care about their children.

Bum bum and off you go.

 

The burden is on the young mothers.

In order to support their child/ren, they often most go to bigger cities to earn some money to support child and parents.

No legal requirements for men to support their children.

 

For this, many thai women are keen to get a farang.

That’s such a cliché! 
 

The main reason a lot of kids are raised by their grandparents is because both parents have to go to work to make ends meet! 

[connda]

7 hours ago, ChipButty said:

I know some sad stories about kids living with G/P up in sticky rice land

And I live right next to three families all raising grandchildren.  Since Covid that parents have moved back to the village.  It the economy picks up they probably leave again.  These kids are brought up in caring families.   There are sad stories about kids being raised in every condition imaginable.  But the sad stories are the one-offs.  And this is still a developing third-world country outside of the Big Mango.  What you consider to be idealistic circumstances to raise a child is not necessarily a Thai or third-world standard.  They make do with what they have.  Most kids turn out fine; some don't.  Same-same world-wide.

[RafPinto]

21 minutes ago, pacovl46 said:

That’s such a cliché! 
 

The main reason a lot of kids are raised by their grandparents is because both parents have to go to work to make ends meet! 

I know plenty of women who have no husband or boyfriend but they have children.

No financial support from the father.

[Nojohndoe]

7 hours ago, trainman34014 said:

All part of the Masterplan to keep everyone either Barefoot and Pregnant with no Education or as Thick as Two Short Planks the same as their Grandparents who can teach them nothing about life worth knowing.   What do Thai Grandparents know about the Outside World ?   Last weekend we visited our two young Nieces, one 12 the other 9, who both live with their Grandparents.  I sat with them looking at a Map of the World that the youngest produced to ask me questions about which country i came from as when they asked their Grandparents they didn't know; even though i have been here almost 15 years and the Wife has been to England with me on five occasions and English presents have been brought back for everyone.  Majority of older Rural Folks here are as Dumb as Bricks and many are illiterate or semi-illiterate !

IMHO sadly judgemental ! Master plan or simply a continuation of a social structure that still has equivalence in even western realms the generational lack of comprehensive high education  does not render people "Thick as two short planks" or "dumb as bricks" ! Even with the provision of good education it still leaves some permanently  as so described and as clearly demonstrated by some individuals  who attain dangerously high positions of power !

I am bemused by your mention of "The wife" and "English presents" somehow being significant proof of the inference of intellectual deficiency. For the elderly who have never had nor probably ever will have any need to actually know the geographical location of  a country does not mean they do not appreciate "gifts" from afar. 

Certainly there is a problem with the degree of literacy in that it inhibits any degree of formal educational support for the seconded  generation left in their care.

But to say they have nothing  to teach worth knowing?

 

[Neeranam]

9 hours ago, RafPinto said:

A lot ofThai men don't care about their children.

Bum bum and off you go.

 

The burden is on the young mothers.

In order to support their child/ren, they often most go to bigger cities to earn some money to support child and parents.

No legal requirements for men to support their children.

 

For this, many thai women are keen to get a farang.

I wonder how many Thai men you actually know. Rather a wild accusation to make. 

There are many farang men who believe Thai women that say they are single, when they are not. I'm not going to make a blanket statement about all foreign men though. 

 

[Neeranam]

8 hours ago, ikke1959 said:

I am wondering if kids living with 2 fathers or mothers not will be better educated than with the grandparents or /and other familymembers....

Never met any kid that was brought up by 2 fathers, a Californian thing I think. 

 

 

[Neeranam]

8 hours ago, trainman34014 said:

I sat with them looking at a Map of the World that the youngest produced to ask me questions about which country i came from as when they asked their Grandparents they didn't know; even though i have been here almost 15 years and the Wife has been to England with me on five occasions and English presents have been brought back for everyone.  Majority of older Rural Folks here are as Dumb as Bricks and many are illiterate or semi-illiterate !

I often hear older Thais talk about the illiterateness of farangs who have lived here for many years. The often can't even write the date in Thai, not knowing what month it is! 

[Neeranam]

1 hour ago, RafPinto said:

I know plenty of women who have no husband or boyfriend but they have children.

No financial support from the father.

Where do you meet these women?

[poohy]

My mrs eldest got pregnant Reasonably long term boy friend "pos" sold amulets

She had kid he did not want to sell car or give up football..(god he was a keeper)

She did not take  it well when i said she had ruined her life and mine as she had to move in with us

 

Kids ok but not been to school yet to be brainwashed not surprisingly He is ok in small doses like 5 mins

 

She seems to have found a bloke now so best be nice to him if he comes round

Edited November 22, 2021 by poohy

[Neeranam]

4 hours ago, Expat68 said:

Some years ago, I wanted to watch a particular sport while I was in Pattaya. I went to the sport bar and was quite happily sat there but there a girl who obviously did not belong (scared shirtless) after a while I decided to buy her a drink

Why on earth did you buy her a drink?  How old was she?

[Neeranam]

3 hours ago, AustinRacing said:

My sister in law living with her parents and no husband has three kids and does nothing for them. Stays in her room all day watching tv and going out at nights. So much so that the youngest can go to bed only with grandma. To me in these cases it is the fault of grandparents who allow this to happen. 

I disagree, why not blame the great grandparents for not being an example to the grandparents?

[thaiowl]

Been here 31 years and this poll is no surprise. The land of discarded children.

[ikke1959]

1 hour ago, Neeranam said:

Never met any kid that was brought up by 2 fathers, a Californian thing I think. 

 

 

Happily there is more world than only America, although they think they are superior. I have met many kids from 2 mothers, 2 fathers and also orphans, not even wanted by their family.... I don't care but children should have a happy life with parents, samesex of mixed and wanted and loved......

[AustinRacing]

58 minutes ago, Neeranam said:

I disagree, why not blame the great grandparents for not being an example to the grandparents?

Are you sure you’re disagreeing? Why stop there? How about great great grandparents for not being an example to great grandparents. 

[Neeranam]

52 minutes ago, ikke1959 said:

Happily there is more world than only America, although they think they are superior. I have met many kids from 2 mothers, 2 fathers and also orphans, not even wanted by their family.... I don't care but children should have a happy life with parents, samesex of mixed and wanted and loved......

You have met kids with two fathers in Thailand? wow

[ikke1959]

8 minutes ago, Neeranam said:

You have met kids with two fathers in Thailand? wow

with 2 fathers not in THailand, but with 2 mothers ... And my partner and I had a foster child who lived with us for 5 years with no problems

[Neeranam]

4 hours ago, Expat68 said:

 I feel sorry for all the people who replied

why?

[Led Lolly Yellow Lolly]

8 hours ago, poohy said:

Harsh...... but totally true!

The post you quoted appears to have been deleted. I guess it twerked the sensibilities of some mod, in any case it's completely true and broke no rules. Me and my siblings are presently involved in a huge land deal on the Thai/Laos border, something like 800 rai. The whole deal almost collapsed because the puuyai baan of the village involved didn't know what a cashier's cheque is.

[Led Lolly Yellow Lolly]

2 hours ago, thaiowl said:

Been here 31 years and this poll is no surprise. The land of discarded children.

Bangkok is an extreme primate city. It sucks in vast swathes of 20-somethings from the provinces and they mostly live in grim accommodation and have little money for working long hours. It's painful for the parents but the reality is the children are better off in the village, where they're registered. The vast majority of these children are loved.

 

 

Edited November 22, 2021 by Led Lolly Yellow Lolly

[Soikhaonoiken]

Nothing new about this,  it's been like this for decades... 

[spidermike007]

This is a total social abomination, that women can bear a child, and then just leave them with the folks for as long as she wants. 

 

I am sure some of the grandparents are OK with this. Likely many others feel like martyrs. And those kids are not being raised in environments where they will be taught discipline. The folks are caretakers, at best. 

[GinBoy2]

6 hours ago, pacovl46 said:

That’s such a cliché! 
 

The main reason a lot of kids are raised by their grandparents is because both parents have to go to work to make ends meet! 

Well of course what you say is true, but the reasons for this whole situation is hardly a one trick pony.

 

A lot of young couples from Isaan go to work in the factories around Bangkok sending home money to Grandma who's looking after the kids.

 

The there are the young, generally poorly educated who have the bizarre mindset 'if I have his baby he love me more more more'. They end up with a brood and no guy in sight. They tend at best to drift to factory work, or quite often in the 'entertainment' biz, again dropping off the kids with Grandma.

 

Trouble is live in a rural village for long enough and scenario two is the worst, and most prevalent.

 

And unlike for most of us in West where custody battles are hard fought, young Thai men will drop and forget their children faster than you can drop a pair of dirty underwear.

 

 

[Expat68]

8 hours ago, Neeranam said:

Why on earth did you buy her a drink?  How old was she?

She was not interacting with anybody (girls/mamma sang, ignoring her) all other girls had arms/legs around clients. I could tell there was something wrong, she would have been in her 20s. I am married, I had no intention of having a liaison with her, I am just the sort of person who will help people if they are in trouble

[Expat68]

5 hours ago, Neeranam said:

why?

Work it out for yourself