THE WEEK THAT WAS Death of a Thai mum-in-law; a time for reflection and grief

[webfact]

 

Like many Brits I was brought up on a steady diet of jokes by stand-up comedians like Les Dawson who always seemed to have trouble with their mother-in-laws. 

 

The MIL was the enemy and it would be a lifelong battle to put one over on the old battleaxe. 

 

In Rooster’s case this could not have been further from the truth. I loved mine and have been profoundly shocked by her death this week.

 

Noophit, just shy of her seventieth year, died in Loei on Sunday after complications from diabetes. My wife and young children were able to say goodbye and attend her cremation on Wednesday. A crumb of comfort.

 

I’d met this lovely lady in 2001 shortly after meeting the future Mrs Rooster in Nana, Bangkok. We played the Thai card game “dummy” and she beat me. I instantly liked her.

 

She couldn’t speak a word of English but chose standard Thai rather than local dialect so we could converse. When my eight year old daughter - her beloved granddaughter - nearly died last year we had an hour long phone conversation. I respected her and we both gave each other advice and support.

 

When we met, the “wai” seemed far less important than the bear hug. We were close.

 

But she was in and out of hospital over the last six months. Just another of millions of Thais with diabetes. A nurse had called my wife to expect the worst in the coming weeks. 

 

In 2004 in their shack that passed for a home I had married her daughter. Dressed incongruously in my suit, flanked by my best man, a physics teacher, I took the mike and promised the family and the hundreds of neighbors present that I would take care of the family.

 

We built a four bedroom house for Noophit and her husband who is also a lovely man recovering from a heart attack. It was designed and built by my wife’s elder brother who fell off a roof in the pandemic and died too. They were all very hard working people.

 

I was very proud to be able to fulfil my wedding day promise and at least make life a bit easier for Noophit’s final 15 years. 

 

Noophit - or Yai as everyone called her - was the antithesis of Dawson’s miserable mother-in-law. 

 

She never had a bad word to say about me, or anyone come to that. In fact she often took my side in minor disagreements with my wife.

 

This was not because I represented a kind of gravy train for the family. Apart from the house it was my wife who supported them all and who continues to this day. 

 

Everyone is devastated. I decided not to go to the funeral - I’d only get in the way. I sent money to help out until the insurance comes through.

 

This has now thrust my wife into the role of head of the entire family. It’s daunting and difficult for her and was not something she was expecting in her mid 40s. 

 

Now is a time for much reflection and a reassessment of the roles and relationships in our family. 

 

It was hard to concentrate on translation work this week but for those who missed the main stories here is a rundown of the best.

 

The junior policeman who killed Dr Kratai on a Bangkok zebra crossing got a year and 15 days in jail

 

As Thailand prepared to scrap Test and Go from tomorrow, the WHO praised health minister and DPM Anutin for Thailand’s Covid response.

 

Keep up to date with all things Thailand - Join our daily ASEAN NOW Thailand Newsletter - Click to subscribe

 

Thailand Pass is expected to go the same way come June as the country performs its latest “D-Day reopening”.

 

More tourists are expected and the chief of police in Pattaya has even returned Walking Street to pedestrians.

 

DPM Prawit was in the news quite a bit. He reckons Thailand will get 110 medals at the upcoming SEA Games in Hanoi. 

 

He could get one himself if there was a prize for pie eating and watch collecting.

 

Apropos, some temple “yaks” (a kind of demon cast in cement) created a stir when they were photographed guarding a chapel. They were wearing watches “borrowed from a friend” and one was holding a submarine. 

 

The abbot claimed it was not a political gesture.

 

As Bernard Trink used to say, any comment would be superfluous.

 

Today came news of the attempted murder - for 500,000 baht - of a Danish man by his Thai wife. A relative staged an accident that was badly bungled.

 

In international news the junta in Burma (I prefer to call it that) sentenced Aung Sun Suu Kyi to five more years for alleged corruption. She’ll die in jail.

 

From the UK came news that electricity consumers were wasting 2.2 billion quid a year by keeping devices on stand-by. A TV costs 1,000 baht a year to keep plugged in. A plugged in microwave costs 500 baht annually, according to the BBC.

 

The World Bank said that the globe faces the biggest price rises for commodities like wheat, cotton and natural gas since the 1970s.

 

Yes, we’ve noticed. 

 

The pound continued to fall - now down to 42 something - while the dollar rose to its highest level in years, over 34 baht. 

 

Musk Melon banged on about free speech when he bought Twitter for $44 billion. 

 

The autistic annoyance thought nothing of calling a rescuer in the Chiang Mai cave a paedophile. 

 

He thinks that is free speech. I think it’s libel, slander if spoken. 

 

In lighter news in Thailand the cops performed CPR on a dog prompting the media to suggest there was nothing they can’t do! 

 

Two cats got married and locals dreamed of a lottery win when stunted coconut trees looked like elephants with trunks. 

 

I’d have found these stories amusing too if I wasn’t thinking about the events in Loei. 

 

Hopefully I’ll be back to my best in the coming weeks as we struggle to get over our family tragedy. 

 

Rooster

[BritManToo]

My Mil is an evil selfish old B$%#$

Sold her daughter when she was 18 for 20kbht.

Would have sold her granddaughter if I hadn't stepped in and stopped it.

 

My Brit MiL was nearly as bad.

IMHO Les was right, you just got lucky Rooster.

Edited April 30, 2022 by BritManToo

[proton]

I wish mine would follow her ????

[PomPolo]

Approaching my 50th year with a 10 year Thai marriage and several UK engagements under the belt along with two (beautiful kids) I don't recall my MIL's ever being happy ???? not to say I didn't get on with them!

 

I guess you got lucky Rooster and very sorry for yours and your families loss.

[rwill]

My mother-in-law would always tell my wife that she did not treat me good enough.

[Gillyflower]

I have always heard these remarks,but I guess I was lucky!  Never had any IL family. My husband had 2 children, but I only ever met one of them and it seemed to pass off OK.  Mind you we  lived on the other side of the world........that helps.

[Gillyflower]

Just thinking about it.......I'm sure that my Mum was a darling to her daughter's and son's partners.  Can't say the same for my father.  He thought that his DIL was wonderful and hadnothing good to say for his SIL.

[RobU]

Sorry for your loss, she seemed to be a good friend to you.

[sawadee1947]

Thanks for your Family Story.

May I ask you.......did you pay dowry when you got married or was it just the promise to build a house? 

[Tropicalevo]

Sorry for your loss.

All good thoughts to you and your wife.

(My own MIL is a star.)

[terryofcrete]

Condolences to your wife and you . I wish you all the strength to deal with the sadness. 

[jmcet]

condolences to you and your family,

FYI Lost my Thai MIL about 15 years ago. Stillmiss her and think of her often. She never asked for a single thing and always put my wife in her place when necessary...555

[wwest5829]

Sympathy for the family.

[Stevemercer]

My Thai MIL always seemed to support me in argument with her daughter (my wife). She said that she trusted my judgment over my wife's.

 

On occassions, she even suggested I beat my wife for the odd misdemeanour. Once she even went and fetched her 'beating stick' for me.

 

My wife was the youngest of 5 children. She always complained that her mother never loved her. All her love was supposedly reserved for her first son.

[RICHARD H SCHILTZ]

Rooster, my condolences to you, your wife and family. 

[BostonRob2]

Hey, thanks for the kind wishes. Much appreciated.

 

To the poster who asked, yes I did pay a dowry. 

 

Regards,

Rooster

 

[BangkokReady]

Any chance of these being posted under the authors username so that it is visible without clicking on it?

[d4dang]

Heartfelt condolences. During frequent visits to Essarn I often went to tum boon at the local temple where I was "adopted" by many grannies. Great people. I would have been very lucky to marry one of their daughters, but I was a generation or two late or too late.

I have had a few nearly MILs but even without background checks bailing out seemed wise. I would make a modest gift and leave gracefully. 

I haven't given up looking.

I know many happily married friends with great in-laws. Get to know your gf's family before jumping the broom.

[moose7117]

sorry for your loss mr rooster.

[Stargeezr]

Sorry for your loss, Rooster. Glad to hear that your MIL was a good person.

  Mine was old fashioned, and strict, but fair. Good sense of humor as well.

  Thanks for the news up date. I will be happy if the restrictions, and Thailand pass are 

gone by July. 

[Lacessit]

I only had one MIL in Australia, about as repressive a woman as it is possible to be. My mistake in thinking the daughter would be different.

 

My Thai GF's mother had passed on well before we met. My quasi-FIL passed away two months ago, a very simple guy who worked in the rice fields all his life. He loved pottering around in the garden, in his eighties.

 

There's a saying one can pick their friends, but they are stuck with relatives. My condolences Rooster, for your loss.

 

 

[Happy Howard]

I am very sorry to read of your loss Rooster. My deepest condolences to you and all the family

[SomchaiCNX]

Rooster sorry for your loss. My MIL passed away after 13-year old battle with different cancers, I was angry when I found out she was terminally ill. She went all these years to the check-us but the doctors did not do their job correctly. I still miss her and like yours she always took may side, never complained, lent us money when I actually did not need it etc etc. If she would have been 30 years younger I would have switched her for my wife (her daughter) The father in law is a complete different story 

[chalawaan]

I had Three Official MiLs. The last was an evil so'n'so. Poisoned her daughter against me. The earlier ones were better than their daughters! 

But I'm not sad, cos two out of three ain't bad. 

Beak up, Rooster, you are The Rock your wife will depend upon going forward. 

[thaigrifter]

On 4/30/2022 at 3:43 PM, RobU said:

Sorry for your loss, she seemed to be a good friend to you.

I'd be a good friend to him as well if he built me a four bedroom house.

[RobU]

22 minutes ago, thaigrifter said:

I'd be a good friend to him as well if he built me a four bedroom house.

Your remark is cruel, childish and totally unneccesary

[cowellandrew]

To thai visa

Good morning 

I dont post on here,

My mother in law is currently gravely I'll in hospital, we have had our ups and downs over the past 30 years,

 

But she is a great friend 

I've been stuck in the UK in the past 2 1/2 years.

And miss her very much!

 

Get well soon Mare!

[MyFriend You]

Condolences for your family, Tunnelrat's family also lost my only MIL this weekend, she succumbed to cancer which happily took her rapidly, she only suffered a little.  I am too reminded of all the 'bad' things she did concerning her daughter, My Lady,  from childhood until recently, but I can't say she ever showed me any ill feelings.  RIP to all the MIL's that were lost recently.  Funerals in Vietnam can last up to three days, she is interned in family home and burial is tomorrow...............RIP

[Mark mark]

Greatest Condolences Rooster and to your Wife and family. ... I just read your Column now. ... And youe description of you Famil and obviously realy goo MIL also has always been very Good. .... And thansk fro that also !!! A Bit of an Up !!! In the face of things just now !!!  Right ??? 

 

(Roof, and House rebuilding !!! Ho Hum !!! .. You know !!! ....  That Just Great "Sound of an Angle Grinder, in the Morning" !!!   Right !!!)

 

So also as I suspected the Thai medical people were NOT wring, as I suspected that they would not be. ... Ho Hum but at least every one was Ready for it I guess.

 

... Yes, my also Very Good, MIL died Years ago, not long after I arrived here in 1986 ? .... it was a tragedy for my Wife, who I had just had a pretty major disagreement over “Life Style” Let’s say !!! ??? ….  Disagreement with !!! (Non Physical, but a bit of damage to the room !!!) ....

 

… And I was in Penang at the time, .."You know" !!! Just getting that next Visa ! ? Like it took me a month sometimes ... as I had a nice place to stay, well for me .... A Young and street wise Boots on the ground, but rose colored Gasses on, !!! ...  and Goooo Young man !!!  ……

 

The old Eng Ung Dormitory down the back of that Hotel, somewhat run down, but well pretty much easy street back then, OK ….. Like Pre bed Bug, and well No Blame, and much later on, when the Africans moved in and took it over …. But I do not know what has happen to it now ????  ... Well, .... Well and truly Sanitized Let’s Hope ???

 

… But back then in the late 80’s ….. The dorm down the back !!! … Har Ha !!! …. A normal sized room ... packed with 7 beds and a bath room attacked, which well brought the Humidity up to about 95% I suspect, like lucky we did not have our own Rain environment in that dormitory !!! ... Like we used to rat on the staff to the new Guests, if they had not changed the bed Linen, in over Oh ? let’s say ?  5 days ? or was it a week !!! Har Har ....

 

(I got very serious with one of those Old Chinese Blokes who used to sit out the front, and also seep in the doorway at Night !!! ... And while getting him to opening my Locker, ... I asked him what sort of a Chinese he was ???  Like what Clan !!! ??? ... And he sort of looked at me side ways ... waited a while, to build up my attention I guess ??? .... and then he just dryly said "Wan Ker" .......So Hmm Geographer Mark mark thought !!! ...and than I said, not picking it up straight away ??? "So where does the Wan Ker clan come from" ??? ??? ..... and he just dryly turned away, but Must have smiled !!!stood up !!! .... and said ... "Wan Ker, ... you Know !!1 <deleted> in the Bathroom" !!!! ... Like Har Har Har !!! And Welcome to the real S. E. Asia Mark mark !!)!

 

.. Yes, What a Great place for a Social and Friendly Young man !!! and Penang ... totally pounded by Thick and other wise pertly foreigners for Hundreds of Years !!! and STILL one of the most friendly places in Asia ??? Well Chulia St probably is I guess ??? ... (Well, If the Malay developers have not knocked it down a de developed it yet ???) ... 

 

... But the death of my Mother in law then, .... DID touch me !!! and well it absolutely devastated my Wife, like recovering from our Argument !!! ...

 

So I cooled down, .... and I supported her and well, !!! ???  .... And she Was Kind also !!!  .... And well, …I have been with her ever since, !!! …. .... Like a Human being that actually nearly always makes the right decisions !!! ... (Even while approaching 70, Though but well !!! .......  ) 

 

So, not having a Moth in law did, un complicate things a bit though I have to admit ... Like there was only me and her then, my New Wife then !!! ... (Ad the FIL, but well TIT and so it goes, men usually do not make any fuss ? well older ones any way.)  .... But well I DO quite Miss the Mother In Law, as she also was a very good person ... And a very nice Old lady !!! who did not deserve to die. And She was Not that old either. …

 

(She was bitten by a village dog, and died of Rabies  !!! Believe it or not and only back in the late 80’s !!!)

 

Good, Hungry Folang style. ...and then I realized this was NOT the way that they did things here in Thailand !!! ??? Right.

 

… Yes greatest condolences Rooster, and to your Wife and Family.

 

And I have Mild ??? Diabetes now also at 66 !!! …. a family thing, and well the Alcoholism does not help either ... So well when I first started to get old, … It was Cholesterol and High Blood pressure, ….  and the Heart attack was the Silent Killer !!! …. But Well ? .... Now I think that now Diabetes might have just gone well past that ??? ... People DO now understand Diet !!! …. But well, .... SUGAR !!! .... SUGAR !!!! …  And I will leave the obvious statement, to Bernard Trinks memory.

 

Thanks for your good Colum as usual Rooster.

 

Thanks Greatly.

 

Mark mark

 

(Ps. I saved this as Plain text and then re copied it as I always do ? so It Must be Plain text Right ???) 

Edited May 2, 2022 by Mark mark
Improved it

[mania]

On 4/29/2022 at 7:42 PM, webfact said:

In Rooster’s case this could not have been further from the truth. I loved mine and have been profoundly shocked by her death this week.

Sorry to hear this I 70's is not sadly very old

I felt the same about my Thai MIL she was really special