Another Thai Girlfriend/friend Thread

[MicroB]

Firstly, apologies for what might seem to be a repetitive topic, and apologies if this is posted in the wrong section (not sure how this forum works). But it remains the fact that I only found this forum through trying to find answers to my questions and doubts. And I can't figure out the Search on this forum (yet).

 

Warning; this is a long post. Bear with me.

 

My story; I am approaching my mid 50s, all of a sudden, and on my own. I have a good job in the City of London, not paying the mega bucks of those in sales, but comfortable enough for a PhD. I started holidaying in Thailand in 2017, initially as a last minute holiday after finding I hadn't taken any leave for 12 months, and my usual holiday destination, long term friends in the US were deployed.

 

Didn't think I'd like a beach holiday, but I loved it. Fell in love with Thailand, I suppose rationalising it as feeling quite nostalgic; I grew up in HK and the Middle East, and in fact my parents took me to Pattaya in 1976, when there was only two hotels there.

 

Roll on 2022, and due to COVID-19, like many, I hadn't had a break in 2.5 years, so I over compensated with, for me, an extra long 3 weeks on Koh Samui, my favourite location (I pick quiet resorts, I don't go to bars). That extra long time, switching off from work, thinking about the previous 2 years, aging parents, lead to me thinking more about my future.

 

So I fell for a Thai Lady. A red flag for some perhaps.

She does massages. A double red flag for a fair many.

She is from Isaan, from near the Cambodian border, with formal education that stopped at 12 years old. Triple red flag I hear.

 

But like many before, I would say she is different. Perhaps I am a fool.

 

She is a divorcee with a 20 year old daughter. She is very proud that her daughter got a degree in accountacy, and is now a 20 year old manager of a 7-11.  If I was looking at this through Western eyes, I'd be thinking graduate recruitment, on management ladder, world is her oyster, onwards and upwards. But in Thailand, I suppose it might be viewed as a good safe job until you find a husband. But I can also empathise from knowing  my family history (don't do geneology, unless you are prepared to find 500 years of grinding poverty and cap doffing. It'll make the most Conservative have Socialist thoughts). So I like hearing how people break the mould of their families, and get a shot at social mobility.

 

Her ex-husband sounds an absolute scumbag. He announced he was taking a second wife, and that was it. Worse, he was her boss. She says she was at NEC in Bangkok as an electronics engineer; I think that was someone testing and repairing circuit boards, rather than anything else. NEC sent her to Japan for 6 months to train, and she learnt Japanese there (her English is atrocious, but we understand each other, er, most of the time).  Divorcing her husband meant she had to leave her job.

 

I'm not sure how to test the veracity of this; how easy is it to find divorce records in Thailand? The only proof of her former employment are some photos from her time in Japan, the one and only time she has been outside of Thailand.

 

Her parents are both dead, she says, and she is homeless, by which she means the family home has gone. I assume her parents were tenant farmers or something, and they didn't own land as such. So when they went, so did the house. Her older brother is dead, heart attack apparently, no family. She is all alone, she pleads. I sympathize with her. Later I think, basically because of reading various posts on forums like this, its all made up.

 

So tonight, on a call, I try a "nice" way to test this. I ask about her daughter, and she mentions she has talked about me to her. I asked what she thought. Her daughter approves as long as I am honest and not deceiving. "Deceiving" turns out to be a common concern that's repeated. I ask what her brother would think of me, if he was still around. Tears well up, snot, everything. What have I done. I feel a complete <deleted>. I tentatively ask about her parents, and then the full waterworks.

 

I'm pretty sure she is not acting. Is this the sort of thing that happens; someone from a poor part, Isaan/Surin, loses both parents and loses the "family" home. She has very clearly said to me that she has never asked for money off her daughter; I get the impression she wants her daughter to not be beholden to her.

 

So she does massage. How she got into that. She had worked at NEC for 15 years. After leaving husband, she and her best friend of 10 years (who apparently might also have a deadbeat husband, given she has two sons with her mother back home) decide to train in Thai Massage and Foot massage, and headed to Samui, arriving early 2020.

 

I've learnt quite a bit about the business of Massage Shops. Training for Thai Massage and Foot Massage are seperate things. Training costs 5000 Baht each, for a total of 300 hours, but in reality, they have to keep practicing all the time. They arrived on the island, got a job with a Massage Shop that gets a lot of 5 star Trip Advisor ratings, reviews with mums and kids getting their hair braided, dads sitting back getting their feet rubbed. Then COVID hit, and the Massage Shop went under at the end of 2021. In April 2022, her and her friend decided to start their own massage shop, taking over a defunct business.  On the face of it, because of COVID, they've probably spent much of the last 2 years yapping in front of a shop, rather than actually doing massages.

 

Again, through Western eyes, I would find this really admirable; two women, wronged by men, going against the odds, with entrepreneurial spirit More power to their, er, elbow. But from a Thai perspective, it might be seen as a safe job until Mr Right walks through the door. Is this a fair assessment? I'm not judgemental, because from what I understand, divorced Thai ladies have few prospects in Thai society. But I'm not actually sure they are interested in actually building up a business.

 

Despite a decent location (near the entrance to a Walking Street, and a future major US chain hotel), business has been lousy since they opened, even in June as restrictions eased. Most of their business are Chinese, Koreans, Thais and Indian couples. They basically live in the shop, with their cats (the reason I started chatting to her in the first place). I don't think they have two farthings to rub together. Her friend is lucky, in that she has a German septogenarian  boyfriend/benefactor who sends are money each month, equivalent to a good meal in the Fatherland. he's a retired lawyer.

 

The economics of the business; The unit is rented (2 rooms, kitchen and shower), with fittings, 10,000 Baht a month. The landlord is stingy, refusing to repair broken door handles, replace worn out air con. Electricity and water come to 2500 Baht. Shop consumables are probably another 2000. There's obviously only two of them. The most they can do is 2 massages @400 Baht each per hour. In reality, I doubt they would be physically capable of massaging every hour, and more realistically, a good day would be 3-4 massages per day.. For the massages, half goes in their pockets, half into the shop kitty. They need to do 3 massages a day to break even, with 9000 baht a month each to live on, with bills covered. That's ok, as they appear to eat very little (all from Family Mart or Tesco, can't cook in the shop because of the smell) and their only other regular outgoings are phone and bike payments. I'm quite impressed  that they take their shop seriously, making a point of displaying their certificates, and late on friday nights, doing the books.

 

The business isn't actually registered, but they "plan" to do so next year. Whether they  do or not is another matter, How easy is it to register a business in Thailand?

 

Bizarrely, I've now taken an interest in Thai Massage Shops as businesses, sorting out their Google Profile (getting it updated, some nice photos, making sure customers do their reviews) to start off with. She had a Muay Thai boxer in; I pointed out boxers actually need health massages, and they train in gyms, and know other boxers, who also need health massages, regularly. So now I'm offering marketing advice for a massage parlour.

 

She of course wants to marry me, move to England, open up massage business in my house. I realise a lot of this is over the top, probably driven by fear of missing out and an urge to please, and I've tried to steer her away from the M word, not because I don't think it s a possibility (I'd like it to be) but lets go a bit slower. I've told her though if she wants to do that, she's got to do better at  English, rather  than use Google Translate as a crutch.

 

I've already decided that because she is basically on the breadline, I'm going to help her out a bit. Modestly to start with at least; covering her share of the rent, which might de-stress her a bit. I've told her this is for the rent, but in reality, I can't help how she decides to spend the money.

 

I have explained to her that if she want's to come to the UK, its really important for her to build up the business, show its a viable concern, because that would help the visa process. I'm helping her with the rent, but the surplus she should at least use some of it in the business, such as buy a new 16,000 Baht AC. I hope that's the right approach to take. Or is it going to be ignored? To me, its a small amount, and if I had a girlfriend back home, I'd spend at least the same on dinners out etc, with the same benefit. That's how I rationalise it.

 

She may well spend it on herself. When I last left, I gave her some money, and she promptly headed to a dermatology clinic on the mainland, for, I thought at first, some Botox. but it transpired, to sort a pigment problem found in a lot of Isaan women who want to stay fair. Rampant use of steroid cream in Thailand, to whiten skin, has lead to problems with "black spots" or freckles. She has trmendous low self esteeml is this a common trait in Thailand?

 

I don't know how I can dissuade her (with foundation on, I don't notice a thing) or whether I should. Luckily, she hasn't the money (yet) for the further treatments her doctor is recommending (Thai doctors don't tell their patients what they are injecting them with).

 

Her age is somewhat of a mystery, and I don't know how common it is in Thailand for ladies not to know their age. I got a copy of her ID card; I needed the correct English spelling of her name to arrange a money transfer (turned out they don't care about the name). The ID card stated she was born in 1974. I said "you're only 6 years younger than me". Her reply was her mum made a mistake, and she is 42. I wasn't sure how 1974 became 1980, but though, maybe it was a mistake in the Thai date. Then it becomes 1984. It doesn't matter to me, and I've told her that. She's not a Spermodel, but if she was 48, she'd be an incredible good looking 48. The major significance would be at age 48, kids would be off the agenda, at age 42, probably not a good idea, age 38; ticking biological clock.

 

Anyone any thoughts about this (the age mystery); is it worth pressing, or just leave it?

 

Her social media skills are rubbish. When we met, she wanted to connect with me on WeChat. I was game, but she was hopeless at this, not realising that on WeChat, I need to install the App, then she, as a WeChat account, needed to invite me, via a QR code. She gave up on that, and we communicate daily (morning, day, night) via FB Messenger. And as for Facebook; I know she has at least 3 accounts (easy to find, as they are all on her name). She doesn't know I know, and I don't know whether I should mention it or not. The other accounts were last used in 2020 and 2021, with few friends. The only posts are shared lost and found cat ads.

 

My mum has 6 Facebook accounts as she keeps forgotting her password/email, and just sets a new one up instead, and thinks comments on posts are private.... So it could just be that, or is it common for Thai ladies to have multiple accounts?

 

Thankyou for making it this far. If it's boring, I apologise.  I will read and take seriously all comments, but I may not respond.

 

[simon43]

I have to say "you tink too much!". 

 

Rather than try to work out what goes on in a Thai woman's mind, and the intricacies of a relationship with them, I've found that it is far (FAR) less stressful to retire to your room with a copy of Playboy, a rubber glove and a tube of lube.... ????  

[scubascuba3]

too long to read for a first post, I'm out

[hotandsticky]

Jump in the water is warm.

 

 

Just put any capital assets in a 12 month account you can't touch, and rent everything  -  you have made a good start there. Don't spend anything that you are not prepared to lose/leave in Thailand.

[2baht]

Live and learn!

[Peterw42]

58 minutes ago, MicroB said:

Anyone any thoughts about this (the age mystery); is it worth pressing, or just leave it?

Its not uncommon to have incorrect DOB etc on ID cards, kids get born at home, no birth cert or registration etc. The actual ID number (digit it starts with)  can explain some of the mystery, digit 1 is normal Thai registered at birth, digit 2 is missed registration at birth etc. There is also a significant date around 1984 when they changed/introduced the ID rules and the corresponding Digit they get (1984 becomes birthday etc). see below

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thai_identity_card

Edited July 6, 2022 by Peterw42

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, MicroB said:

She is a divorcee with a 20 year old daughter. She is very proud that her daughter got a degree in accountacy, and is now a 20 year old manager of a 7-11. 

 

Anyone any thoughts about this (the age mystery); is it worth pressing, or just leave it?

 

My mum has 6 Facebook accounts as she keeps forgotting her password/email, and just sets a new one up instead, and thinks comments on posts are private.... So it could just be that, or is it common for Thai ladies to have multiple accounts?

Would point out her daughter would not graduate university until age 22.

To make manager she'd need to be at least 25 years old.

 

So I'd say the DoB on her ID card was probably correct, born 1974 and her current age is 48.

 

Thai hookers generally have a different FB account for each long term customer they run.

Edited July 6, 2022 by BritManToo

[OneMoreFarang]

She is obviously a great woman.

Marry her! And do it fast before anybody snatches her away from you, her true love.

[OneMoreFarang]

40 minutes ago, scubascuba3 said:

too long to read for a first post, I'm out

After a long intro he writes "Perhaps I am a fool."

I didn't bother with the rest.

[2baht]

54 minutes ago, simon43 said:

what goes on in a Thai woman's mind

Hahahaha! ????

[1FinickyOne]

Can't say I read all of this, but I didn't really come up with a question either... 

 

Everyone has a past, many Thai people don't want to share their entire past -  - 

 

so, you are left w/what you see is what you get... it's really up to you. Right? 

 

ps - You don't seem to show any particular affection for her... 

Edited July 6, 2022 by 1FinickyOne

[worgeordie]

Get her to fix you up with her daughter , the better choice .

regards Worgeordie

[stoner]

what did this guy write ? he has no nads or something. 

 

[Iamfalang]

Got to the second paragraph.  

 

It's not a match.  Sorry.   Move on, or the pain will just keep coming.

 

More red flags than in a Chinese Parade in Beijing during 1960 on Mao's birthday.

[Kwasaki]

Sounds like usual story of old and man in his 50's single comes to Thailand and they say they have fell in love with Thailand after meeting one woman who is desperate for a gravy train.

[Lacessit]

IME many Thai massage shops have women who are not beautiful enough to make the grade as sideline girls or hookers, so they ply the trade there instead. I've been propositioned hundreds of times.

 

The future is very bleak for Thai massage women in their forties and fifties, most will run out of strength to do the 4-5 massages a day required to stay financially viable. When they get to 60, it's a munificent government pension of 600 baht/month.

 

Far easier to act now, and open their legs for a farang in return for support, if they can nail one.

 

I did read through the OP with mounting incredulity. As a litany of bad ideas, it takes some beating. IMO the OP is either extremely naive, or quite a skillful troll.

 

One final thought: Never put more into Thailand than you can afford to lose. That includes women.

[BritManToo]

32 minutes ago, Kwasaki said:

Sounds like usual story of old and man in his 50's single comes to Thailand and they say they have fell in love with Thailand after meeting one woman who is desperate for a gravy train.

But normally they fall in love with a woman in her 20s to early 30s.

Why would anyone choose to start a relationships with a 48 year old prostitute?

Even I wasn't that stupid when I arrived here!

[Kwasaki]

2 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

But normally they fall in love with a woman in her 20s to early 30s.

Why would anyone choose to start a relationships with a 48 year old prostitute?

Even I wasn't that stupid when I arrived here!

Yes it is risky to say the least at any age. 

I'm glad I didn't full in love with Thailand until I got away from the likes of Bkk, Pattaya, Phuket and traveled and experienced the whole of Thailand.

[rumak]

2 hours ago, simon43 said:

I have to say "you tink too much!". 

 

Rather than try to work out what goes on in a Thai woman's mind, and the intricacies of a relationship with them, I've found that it is far (FAR) less stressful to retire to your room with a copy of Playboy, a rubber glove and a tube of lube.... ????  

Simon,  c'mon , really ?     If with all your "experience"  that is what you choose then OK .

 

Advice to a newbie (or troll)  could be along the lines of : " oh boy,  another one blinded by the thai smile" .     They never listen to the guys who have experience on here.... so i do not bother with serious suggestions.

BUT,  for those few on here who have managed to get through the maze ,  learned Thai (as you have) ,  and hopefully are wiser from the experience ....   I WOULD HOPE THAT :   as i finally did, just enjoy life,  avoid the real red flags,   but there are many ladies ( not usually massage or bar girls) who are teachers or shop workers etc etc  who are over 30,  look nice,  often horny,  and NOT a lot of stress UNLESS the spellbound farang falls head over heals and starts trying to "Save them from the world " .

enjoy it .   be wise.   and then go with the flow .   Only use the lube when THEY need it   ????

[DaLa]

I'm going to be checking a few things with my wife in the next few days. His description of his new lady friend sounds much too familiar for my liking.

[RafPinto]

He didn't mention if his GF provides the "special make me happy" ending.
How would he feel, sitting in the UK and his girl is doing some extras to make ends meet.

[rumak]

1 hour ago, RafPinto said:

He didn't mention if his GF provides the "special make me happy" ending.
How would he feel, sitting in the UK and his girl is doing some extras to make ends meet.

He is the ONLY one she has ever done it with .................????

[Mavideol]

too boring, stopped at the first paragraph when you said this is a long  post

[Fat is a type of crazy]

For what can go wrong, and a bit of comic relief, google Thailand bound cartoon episodes. There are 10 I think.
I am in a not dissimilar situation to you in terms of working in my home country, being fond of my girlfriend, but deciding to live separately. We get together for 5 or 6 months or we did pre Covid and are now somewhat separated. 
Are you being ripped off? Are you being cheap?

Would you be better to marry her and be looked after like a king or is the loss of freedom and possibly assets too much?
Tough to know the best thing sometimes. 
Look after your best interests, be aware that Thai girls can lie easily, be ready how to deal with one of shocks, e.g. debt, in your case daughter problems, buffalo problems, but don’t be so careful that you miss out on something special. 

Edited July 6, 2022 by Fat is a type of crazy

[sipi]

Go for it. I don't see any red flags. What's the worst (and best) that can happen. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

The only part that annoyed me was the bit about you not bothering to respond to comments. Why should we bother responding?

Edited July 6, 2022 by sipi

[Sparktrader]

2 hours ago, RafPinto said:

He didn't mention if his GF provides the "special make me happy" ending.
How would he feel, sitting in the UK and his girl is doing some extras to make ends meet.

Extra beer money

[Hummin]

Your biggest mistake was posting here and before that read to much!
 

Didnt finish your story, and my advise to anybody, is, go as it goes, do not spend more money on her than you can comfortable loose, and fly with the rollercoaster not against it.

 

at Last, enjoy every moment, if not, hit the brakes and jump off. Good luck you will need it for your brain sake, because you obviously thinking to mutt already, or have a great sense of humor on behalf of us. 
 

 

[Sparktrader]

Why buy a book when the library has thousands of good books?

 

 

[JackGats]

"Her ex-husband sounds an absolute scumbag."

Yes, the ex is always a scumbag. Come to that, all other men (except you and myself) are scumbags. 

 

BritManToo commented: "Why would anyone choose to start a relationships with a 48 year old prostitute?" 

It's not so much that she was a prostitute, but her being 48. But if it's only a relationship with no marriage, why not give it a try? I wish I found a 40 something in Thailand who still had a body and was interested in hooking up with me. Haven't found the unicorn.

Edited July 6, 2022 by JackGats

[MicroB]

7 hours ago, Peterw42 said:

Its not uncommon to have incorrect DOB etc on ID cards, kids get born at home, no birth cert or registration etc. The actual ID number (digit it starts with)  can explain some of the mystery, digit 1 is normal Thai registered at birth, digit 2 is missed registration at birth etc. There is also a significant date around 1984 when they changed/introduced the ID rules and the corresponding Digit they get (1984 becomes birthday etc). see below

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thai_identity_card

Thanks for that useful reply. Xo is 5. Not really sure what "other special case" that means.

 

To the other respondants; thank you for your time, whether serious answers to questions posed, or uncalled for other remarks. Its all appreciated. But from the tone of many, I seem to have seriously misjudged this forum. Perhaps a moderator will delete this thread, because its obviously not in keeping with what is welcome here, given the tone of one or two correspondants who seem rather annoyed.

 

To those with the non-answers along the lines of "couldn't read", glad I helo your posting count. Maybe that gets you into forum Valhalla

 

Edited July 6, 2022 by MicroB