I think I completely missed the point about (not) having kids

[Kwasaki]

1 hour ago, richard_smith237 said:

Erm... because it is !!! 

 

Sorry if that hurts some sensitives, but thats just the way it is. 

 

That doesn’t mean that life can’t be enjoyed.... But it doesn’t mean 70 is not old. 

 

And... having kids at 70 yrs old...  is a bit unfair on the kid in my opinion, but thats all it is, just an opinion.

 

Agree that Kids at 70 is grandpa time.

[Kwasaki]

44 minutes ago, 1FinickyOne said:

They start having illnesses. They tire more easily especially in the hot weather... I bumped into an old friend who I had not seen in a few years. She used to be 2" shorter than I am. Now we are the same height...

 

Friends start dropping by the wayside, some lose their ability to reason and remember... hearing might be starting to fade, though maybe that is just people speaking more softly, and masked, food just doesn't taste as good as it used to... people are less considerate and more outlandish... 

 

And for many - "Their bills are all due and the baby needs shoes and their busted... cotton is down to a quarter a pound and their busted... " or so sings Ray Charles [and look what happened to him] 

Well just seems younger people comment a to much on age. 

I'm guilty of it when I was in my late forties thought 70 was old but when I got to 70 I didn't feel that much of a difference. 

 

Up to them at any age if anyone wants to have kids.

For me it's grandpa time because you can give em  back. ????

[AndyFoxy]

3 hours ago, Denim said:

Whether you want them or not , I would think very seriously about what kind of life they might have given the way the world is currently going.

 

The planet needs more humans like Thailand needs a new temple or woman's hairdressers.

Always makes me laugh when people say there are too many humans. Maybe those that think that could consider offing themselves .....a sacrifice for the greater good so to speak.

[huangnon]

Had a child (son) quite late in life at 46 yo. (Mum 38 yo). Had vitro treatment at BPH prior to pregnancy and birth.

 

Boy now growing up into a fine young man, and we all (so far) have no regrets whatsoever. I actually only regret not reproducing at a younger age, tbh.

[NorthernRyland]

 

5 hours ago, JackGats said:

You can never be moraly wrong about not having kids. Given the unspeakable sufferings to which living beings are exposed, reproducing can only be an act of utter selfishness.

You sound suicidally depressed. Please seek help.

[473geo]

We have grand kids, sisters kids, and my 16 year old son who helps entertaining them, running about the the place 

I find the lack of 'me' time a hardship in the school holidays ???? my wife is great with them all, me l spend time with the grand kids, have no interest in being a father to the kids from the sister of my wife, even though the parents work away all year, I tolerate them, just about!!

I do enjoy the time I spend with my family, but as I say need my 'me' time so happy when at school and no demanding attention for a few hours 

Is it because I am older, a little selfish, better things to be getting on with, tire more, or rather more tired after a day on the farm, no idea but I struggle with the idea of young kids 24/7 ????

 

[steven100]

5 hours ago, KhunLA said:

Don't know about filling a void, how about just doing something good, if financially and mentally able to.  Retired, so had the time and the money.

 

After I threw the kid's (2yr old), mother out, I kept the kid.  Mother never came back for her, and MIA all the time.   Either keep the kid to fill that void ????  ...  Or get a dog, and since the kid was already house broken, seemed like a no brainer ????

 

While I played single parent, grandpa/ma would take for the weekend, so I could get my freak on, not knowing they were mentally abusing her, and for some reason, enjoy telling her "nobody loves you" until she literally cried.  

 

No wonder she cut all ties with them, and adopted us last year.   Anyway, after I stopped letting them watch her, she still would cry herself to sleep, since nobody 'loved her'.   Of course I did, told her so, and told her, I always will and would always be there for her.   

 

Damn ... how do you break that promise to a wee one.  22yrs later, Uni grad, and definitely the best thing that ever happen, or I ever stuck with.

 

Anyone that is that intelligent, and can make me laugh that much ...

... I'm keeping ????

 

Never wanted kids, and definitely had no plans on having one, prior to or after retiring at 45 yrs old.  Now 68 and wouldn't change a thing.   Am glad I never had one before, as selfishly enjoyed my single, irresponsible, extra money in the pocket life, without kids. 

 

Never had the maturity, time or money to raise a kid properly in the USA IMHO, or would consider any women I knew, mother material.  Inconvenient disaster waiting to happen, so best avoided.

thanks ... I totally understand.

[Captain Monday]

7 hours ago, IvorBiggun2 said:

So both your parents were mugs were they?

I didn't ask them to birth me. Both of their lives would have been better without being married. In my case I was not interested in breeding kids the same way I don't want to go "on a cruise".

 

What is the purpose?

It is expensive and burdensome

What do you gain from it?

 

Why not do something you have interest in  that does not have a high chance of being a waste of time and resources? 

 

[richard_smith237]

9 hours ago, bignok said:

Lots of billionaires dropped out of Uni and went to an average school.

The implication that if someone drops out they may become a billionaire is hilarious... 

 

The single most significant factor influencing success is education...   a number of extremely intelligent outliers do not alter that general fact.

 

 

 

[richard_smith237]

7 hours ago, Captain Monday said:

Breeding, a mugs game.

Well... If such a comment is an indication of character and intelligence the gene pool thanks you !!!  

[Captain Monday]

5 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

Well... If such a comment is an indication of character and intelligence the gene pool thanks you !!!  

I liked your comment Richard and accept the insult. Do you think a person who does not want children should have them because coerced by a woman or because society says it is necessary? 

 

I choose my family and the heirs to accept the Monday inheritance based on a higher standard than un-controlled random breeding and romantic relationships. Sorry about that. 

[Lacessit]

I have a 49 yo son who is very supportive when I go back to Australia. A formidable human being. I have a 18 yo Thai quasi-grand-daughter whom I am assisting through university. She's a smart kid, so she deserves a chance.

It's a lottery, no one can predict how kids will turn out. Having said that, IMO you get out of kids what you are prepared to put into them by example, like most other things in life.

[Lacessit]

9 hours ago, bignok said:

Lots of billionaires dropped out of Uni and went to an average school.

Many more people dropped out of Uni or school and ended up stacking shelves or scrubbing toilets for a living, if you can call it that.

 

[473geo]

59 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

The single most significant factor influencing success is education...   a number of extremely intelligent outliers do not alter that general fact.

Not family money, or connections?

I think you may have it wrong for Thailand

Although a fitting education is also good for success just starting out on a lower rung is all 

[Captain Monday]

1 hour ago, Lacessit said:

I have a 49 yo son who is very supportive when I go back to Australia. A formidable human being. I have a 18 yo Thai quasi-grand-daughter whom I am assisting through university. She's a smart kid, so she deserves a chance.

It's a lottery, no one can predict how kids will turn out. Having said that, IMO you get out of kids what you are prepared to put into them by example, like most other things in life.

Stone the crows

 

You have a 49 year old son? So you must be near 80. No wonder during Covid  you could not distinguish between so-called mail and the cargo flights that were specifically allowed by the emergency decree .  
 

Stone the crows

[spidermike007]

I am one of the extremely fortunate few, to never have had kids. Unquestionably the smartest decision I have made in this lifetime. I like kids. But never wanted to own one. Way too much responsibility for me. 

 

I think having a kid or two is a worthy thing to do, if you are really up for it, and feeling it. I never did. And the world does not need another kid, at this time. In my opinion. 

[richard_smith237]

2 hours ago, 473geo said:

3 hours ago, richard_smith237 said:

The single most significant factor influencing success is education...   a number of extremely intelligent outliers do not alter that general fact.

Not family money, or connections?

I think you may have it wrong for Thailand

Although a fitting education is also good for success just starting out on a lower rung is all 

‘The Single most significant factor’....    Thats globally and its the ‘aggregate’ answer.... i.e. the most important factor that influences the success of the majority...    as mentioned, there are always going to be outliers. 

 

Thailand may differ because its lower on the social-mobility scale than many of the countries we come from - its difficult for the poor to get a good education in the first place. 

That said, the vast majority of the wealthy here are educated, many overseas.... 

 

 

Thus, if planing and working for success here for your children - good education is important and that costs about 800k to 1 million Baht per year.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[sead]

I got 2 kids 19 and 22. Both have good jobs and great lifes. Now my thai wife wants a child and i loved the time i had with my kids so i guess at 52 im on it again ???? She is 32 btw

[Lacessit]

6 hours ago, Captain Monday said:

Stone the crows

 

You have a 49 year old son? So you must be near 80. No wonder during Covid  you could not distinguish between so-called mail and the cargo flights that were specifically allowed by the emergency decree .  
 

Stone the crows

I turned 80 two days ago, and I daresay I still have a lot more of my marbles than someone who posts breeding is a mug's game, thereby indicating his parents were idiots. It has me wondering what genes they passed down to you.

BTW, you forgot the apostrophe in Mug's. Early signs?

[AndyFoxy]

8 hours ago, Captain Monday said:

 

 

What is the purpose?

It is expensive and burdensome

What do you gain from it

 

For me, I love my family and friends, but nothing trumps the love I have for my kid. That’s the purest form of love and a love like no other in my opinion. This from a guy who had no intention of having kids when I was younger.

[NanLaew]

20 hours ago, VocalNeal said:

It may not be a popular narrative but children are for young people. Some countries will not do in-vitro for first time potential mothers if they are 40 or over. 

My sister, who along with her former husband, were avowed 'never have children'' in their younger days, had her first child when she turned 42 and the second about three years later. They are now making sure their mum's 'twilight years' are as comfortable and fulfilling as possible after she suffered a debilitating series of strokes just before covid. They are also the primary contact between myself and my sister with our frequent WhatsApp chats and video calls.

 

My sister acknowledged several years ago that this children-free lifestyle for the first fourteen years of the relationship with her former husband was, along with some pretty hideous things he perpetrated on our family and her friends, was another facet of his deeply disturbing, long-term controlling influence on her and her life. They divorced and separated before the oldest was school age.

[NanLaew]

19 hours ago, steven100 said:

I see adoption as just an excuse to fill a void in someone life,

Whose void has more importance here; the adopter or the adoptee?

 

19 hours ago, steven100 said:

the other issue is age .... although OP is only 50yrs old,  when the child is 10 .... he'll be 60 ...  then when the teen is 16 and still enjoys the excursions with mum & dad he'll be 66yrs old ...  and that is getting on a little, and when he's 20, dad will be 70yrs old ....    not that any of this is wrong .....   just a couple of points to consider ..

I'm 66 and play basketball with my 16 year-old lad and his mates.

 

My mate, also 66 and retired just last month, took one of his apprentices from his work for a local nature ramble round the backwoods and rivers of east Lancashire. My mate, a globetrotting master mechanic and serially single in his life (including a mutually hedonistic 8 years in Pattaya in the '80's where we first met), took a shine to this lad at work as he was keen to learn, good at his job and great timekeeper despite having a really, really bad home life. During their 10 mile hike, they talked about families, life and relationships with my mate basically saying it's up to you what you make of it. He had a wee reunion with the apprentices and junior mechanics from work last weekend, a great night out with a fair few beers. The following morning, my mate got the following message from his favored apprentice.

 

You don't need to be biological father and son.

 

[NanLaew]

19 hours ago, Celsius said:

20 hours ago, JackGats said:

You can never be moraly wrong about not having kids. Given the unspeakable sufferings to which living beings are exposed, reproducing can only be an act of utter selfishness.

 

I can't argue with this

Me neither. But isn't there a bit of virtue signalling in this sentiment as expressed?

[BritManToo]

20 hours ago, steven100 said:

i think there are two issue to consider here .....  I see adoption as just an excuse to fill a void in someone life,  it's kinda like you want a new toy so some go down the adoption road,  the other issue is age .... although OP is only 50yrs old,  when the child is 10 .... he'll be 60 ...  then when the teen is 16 and still enjoys the excursions with mum & dad he'll be 66yrs old ...  and that is getting on a little, and when he's 20, dad will be 70yrs old ....    not that any of this is wrong .....   just a couple of points to consider ..

My son is 12 and I'm 67.

Why worry about what other people are doing?

MYOB!

[TimeMachine]

What I think you are experience is the trick emotions that are instilled in us to further the body count on the planet.

 

Put them to the back of your mind and carry on. You will regret it later. 

[NanLaew]

19 hours ago, Denim said:

Whether you want them or not , I would think very seriously about what kind of life they might have given the way the world is currently going.

This was precisely the argument that my sister's former husband drummed into anyone who cared to listen during their mostly childless marriage.

 

It's selfish and disingenuous to think that just because you probably couldn't hack it or have little faith in what the future holds, that's it better not have anyone else have a go at it.

[NanLaew]

19 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

They have them, and then it seems many of them don't care much about them.

Bad school, if they go to school at all, bad parenting, sometimes bad food.

Yes, the kids grow up, somehow, but often with mental problems and no education.

Yes, in theory that is a life, but personally I would be ashamed if I would have kids and then can't afford for them to go to an at least half decent school.

I would be more ashamed that I obviously never bothered to try harder when faced with fiscal adversity.

 

Just another cop out for the narcissist.

 

PS: I am not calling you a narcissist.

[Don Chance]

 

[Etaoin Shrdlu]

I put off having a family until late in life. I'm 70 and have four kids ages 23, 22, 20 and 18. 

 

For a long time I put career and other considerations ahead of having a family, but my priorities changed in middle age, plus wife really wanted kids.

 

I've been lucky in that my kids have turned out well, at least so far. No regrets.

 

 

[NanLaew]

18 hours ago, JayClay said:

@op 

 

Honestly, to me it just seems like you want kids because you're bored and want something to do. I would say not only is that a pretty terrible reason to have kids, you're only kicking the can down the road and once they've grown up and flown the nest you'll be back to square one and trying to figure out what to do with your new found spare time. Only at 70 it may be much more difficult to find a new hobby or interest to engage in.

I guess in your book, the life-enriching fulfillment of watching your progeny live and grow into responsible adulthood through your efforts counts for less than the love and care they will reward you with in your dotage.

 

Gone AND forgotten.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/may/11/skeletal-body-of-man-who-lay-dead-in-flat-for-six-years-found-on-gas-check-visit