Problem with increasingly aggressive & violent wife

[Danderman123]

7 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

When the OP said she was going on line chatting with different guys, my guess as to the likely explanation for her behavior immediately shifted from mental illness to a deliberate attempt on her part to get the OP to move out and divorce because she's romantically involved with someone else.

 

Bingo. Its pretty obvious she's unhappy with the marriage to a Farang thing and is craving a Thai man.

 

The only wrinkle is the violent behavior. The usual MO is for the Thai lady to stop relations with the Farang, who usually responds by seeing other ladies, then its an amiable divorce with an income stream for the ex-wife.

 

Our guy can just split with the kid, leaving the wife to fend for herself. She will need a few days to find a Thai man to take care of her.

[OneMoreFarang]

28 minutes ago, JammG said:

She is not on drugs

Are you sure? Do you have experience with drug taking people?

 

A long time ago in a country far away I lived what I would call a normal life. No drugs, no friends with drugs, all fine - at least that is what I thought.

And then I met a girl who I liked a lot and who told me she took drugs. I was shocked. And I asked myself, who can I ask about that, I don't know anybody with drug experience.

And then I just asked friends. And I was shocked again how many of them had firsthand experience with drugs. One guy even showed me two different class A drugs so that I know how they look like.

So much about no drugs...

 

Obviously that might have nothing to do with your situation. But what I like to tell you is: Only because you think she is not on drugs doesn't mean she is not on drugs. "Normal" people don't see what is obvious for others. 

 

[marin]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I don't know how many people are bipolar. But I know many Thais take drugs. And often drugs, and then craving for drugs, results in such behavior. That's what I would look first at the most likely scenario. And maybe he is lucky and get her away from drugs - if they are the problem. 

The OP never mentioned drugs. Only you. 

[Plern]

15 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

How do you know?

I guess he married her because he loved her at some time.

Drugs change people tremendously. And some people give up drugs and are normal again.

I think in a situation with a young child it's a good idea to try to restore the situation, even if it is difficult.

If he finds out the situation is impossible then he can still divorce her. 

At the subjective level you are correct. At the objective level it's difficult to see how she could ever give love or be loved.

 

Drugs not mentioned. It's not worth trying to fix people with serious drugs problems. If she's just acting out that's probably even worse bc of the lack of mental health assistance and understanding here.

 

We as farang are at numerous disadvantages here. It's ok to toss in the towel. We didn't move here to be hated, shi+ on or made miserable.

 

If she's erratic and up late, odd sleeping hours, let's everything go to ruin.. could be meth. Often meth users do not exhibit erratic behavior but certainly it's not weed or cocaine lol.

Edited July 1, 2023 by Plern

[OneMoreFarang]

21 minutes ago, Danderman123 said:

Bingo. Its pretty obvious she's unhappy with the marriage to a Farang thing and is craving a Thai man.

 

The only wrinkle is the violent behavior. The usual MO is for the Thai lady to stop relations with the Farang, who usually responds by seeing other ladies, then its an amiable divorce with an income stream for the ex-wife.

 

Our guy can just split with the kid, leaving the wife to fend for herself. She will need a few days to find a Thai man to take care of her.

What a stupid comment!

How do you know that "she's unhappy with the marriage to a Farang thing and is craving a Thai man"?

Maybe she wants another farang. Maybe she just wants money. Maybe this, maybe that, there are countless possibilities. It's stupid to assume you know what is going on in this case. 

 

[JammG]

Ok it's not drugs she is against drugs she doesn't even drink, she is not interested in Thai men either, the men she speaks to are located in other countries. 

Rather than focusing on reasons for her actions which are deliberate my only concern is the effect it is having on my son and the legal ramifications that I may confront if I do leave. If anyone has advice on that front it will be great.

[OneMoreFarang]

About my comments about drugs: Obviously I don't know if drugs are a or the problem in this case.

What I know is that taking drugs and being drug addicted often shows behavior like the OP describes.

 

Is it possible to get people clean and away from drugs? Is it worth the effort? 

I know it is possible to get some people away from drugs. 

And personally, I think it's worth some effort to try to give the child a family with a caring mother and father. Will that be easy? Probably no. Will it be possible? Maybe.

Will the son be happy without his mother and maybe with a new girlfriend of the father? Maybe.

Will the son be happy if the mother gets custody and doesn't change her behavior? 

There is no fast and easy way to solve this situation. 

[BritManToo]

9 minutes ago, JammG said:

Rather than focusing on reasons for her actions which are deliberate my only concern is the effect it is having on my son and the legal ramifications that I may confront if I do leave. If anyone has advice on that front it will be great.

If you are married there are no legal ramifications to you leaving with your son.

But conversely she can also leave with her son, or snatch him from you later.

In Thailand both parents (if married) have the right to snatch, run and hide.

Winner take all, strange but true.

Edited July 1, 2023 by BritManToo

[Gecko123]

40 minutes ago, JammG said:

Ok it's not drugs she is against drugs she doesn't even drink, she is not interested in Thai men either, the men she speaks to are located in other countries. 

Rather than focusing on reasons for her actions which are deliberate my only concern is the effect it is having on my son and the legal ramifications that I may confront if I do leave. If anyone has advice on that front it will be great.

Let me just say that I sincerely doubt you will encounter much resistance if you ask for 100% custody of your kid. In fact, I strongly suspect that if you are discussing taking full custody, your wife is probably secretly overjoyed and doing cartwheels about this prospect. Typically, the mother is saddled with the kids after a divorce whether she wants it or not, and Thai fathers fighting for custody are a rarity. If you have fretted to her about your fears for your son's safety, she may well be playing up the 'Mad woman of Chaillot' and 'unfit mother' angles precisely for the purposes of pushing you to take full custody.

 

A lot of Thai women who get involved with foreign men or work in the entertainment business come from broken homes, and weren't even raised by their birth parents. So that maternal bond that you might otherwise expect from a mother, may not have particularly developed in your wife. She also has every incentive to encourage you to take full custody: for starters no child-rearing expenses, and if she's on-line trolling for a new overseas sugar daddy, if she manages to get her offspring from a prior marriage out of the picture, that's only going to make her more attractive to the new guy, and allow her more flexibility and freedom.

 

Edited July 1, 2023 by Gecko123

[Sandboxer]

Are you on the kid's birth cert? Just being married isn't enough to snatch Jr.

[BKKBike09]

1 hour ago, JammG said:

she is not involved with anyone else because she is at work all day.

How do you know she's at work all day? Serious question, not trolling. And during the day where is your son? Kindergarten? Could you look after him on your own and work at the same time? 

 

While you may be able to leave the apartment and take your son with you, you won't be able to leave Thailand without the consent of the mother.

 

What's your immigration status? 

 

If it was me, I'd consult a lawyer about options. I'd also go to local police station and file a report about the abuse / violence. At the very least there is then a formal record of your allegations/concerns.

 

Good luck.

 

 

[Grumpy one]

3 hours ago, JammG said:

I live with my Thai wife and 4 year old son in a rented apartment in bkk & we was married at the local amphur, I have a situation now where my wife is becoming more and more aggressive and violent often breaking things in the apartment.

The police have been called before and they didn't do anything, not even looked at our smashed up room. Luckily I recorded the last time she went berserk on video and have taken pics & have i been to the police to record any incidents & have received reports. Actually the police have said to leave her if she keeps doing it.

 

I have spoken to her about divorce before but she only wants to go to the amphur without any lawyer present and refuses to talk to anyone about it. My son is scared of her outbursts as she often targets his toys a lot to break, anyway from speaking to people I gather there is no reason I can't take my son away from where we currently live for his safety.

She contributes very little to my son anyway, I pay for his schooling & everything else & she just works to pay off her depts.

I'm just wondering if there is anyone out there that has any advice or has experienced something similar, if I do take my son with me obviously I am worried about how she will react & what could happen in the future. 

Any sensible replies are welcome & thanks in advance. 

Keep her away from any knives

[save the frogs]

45 minutes ago, Sandboxer said:

Are you on the kid's birth cert? Just being married isn't enough to snatch Jr.

what happens if you travel to another country with the kid?

immigration may ask for proof that he's your child or you may get charged with abduction, i believe.

[billd766]

3 hours ago, bkk6060 said:

I would get away from her ASAP.

Too many stories about physical harm or even death in these escalating situations.

And what about his 4 year old son?

[save the frogs]

OP, you can run away. But that would be the easy way out.

 

You can also view the situation as a challenge and willingly take on the challenge.

At least stick around to find out what the problem is and try to help her out in some way.

 

[billd766]

2 hours ago, HandsomeTallFarang said:

Step 1: never get married in the first place and certainly do not ever have kids with any Thai woman. 

 

 

There I just saved the Boomers' on here many many hours of headaches 

BS. You saved nothing and wasted a post.

 

I have been married to my Thai wife for 23 years, and I knew her for 7 years before that.

 

Our 18 year old son has just started at Chiang Rai university.

 

Not ALL Thai women are the same.

[transam]

3 hours ago, HandsomeTallFarang said:

Step 1: never get married in the first place and certainly do not ever have kids with any Thai woman. 

 

 

There I just saved the Boomers' on here many many hours of headaches 

Hmmm, a burned member.....................????

[NextG]

4 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I don't know how many people are bipolar. But I know many Thais take drugs. And often drugs, and then craving for drugs, results in such behavior. That's what I would look first at the most likely scenario. And maybe he is lucky and get her away from drugs - if they are the problem. 

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? People take drugs for a reason. Healthy and happy people don’t mess around with with hard drugs unless there is an underlying issue. 

[JammG]

Yes I'm on his birth certificate, some good questions so far. I don't know for sure she is at work all the time. My son is at school & I can work then & do some in the evening, I also have no intention of taking him out of Thailand I like it here, there are worse places to live.

My immigration status isn't a problem and I have already been to the police to document the various incidents, actually a question I would like to make is how do I press charges or make a prosecution at a police station? Because so far all the police have done is document the various incidents and given me a copy. Maybe I can have her charged for the smashed TV etc?

And yes she has picked up a knife before, as I say I think getting out and then dealing with the consequences after maybe the way to go. 

[billd766]

32 minutes ago, transam said:

Hmmm, a burned member.....................????

Possibly.

 

Most of the guys I worked with in the 1990s and 2000s who married Thai ladies are still married to them.

 

Some live back in their homeland, some like me live in Thailand, some are still working and their wives are still with them in third countries.

 

Most have children that live with them, some have businesses of their own as well as family.

[OneMoreFarang]

29 minutes ago, NextG said:

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? People take drugs for a reason. Healthy and happy people don’t mess around with with hard drugs unless there is an underlying issue. 

I think that is not entirely true.

Some people do it because others do it. Like: Look, I don't get tired and can dance all night, with just a little help of xyz. Why don't you try. Or something like that.

And some people only do it occasionally. But others do it more often and want more of the same.

[riclag]

48 minutes ago, JammG said:

Yes I'm on his birth certificate, some good questions so far. I don't know for sure she is at work all the time. My son is at school & I can work then & do some in the evening, I also have no intention of taking him out of Thailand I like it here, there are worse places to live.

My immigration status isn't a problem and I have already been to the police to document the various incidents, actually a question I would like to make is how do I press charges or make a prosecution at a police station? Because so far all the police have done is document the various incidents and given me a copy. Maybe I can have her charged for the smashed TV etc?

And yes she has picked up a knife before, as I say I think getting out and then dealing with the consequences after maybe the way to go. 

We had a tiff with the dog people next door! The dogs father( my wife calls him , Pau Ma) threatened my life so we went to the police and the AMPHUR!

The Amphur is the way to go and bring along your police report!

Dont get into a verbal or physical confrontation with her! Women in general always have the law on their side imop

Chok dee

Edited July 1, 2023 by riclag

[sometime]

Just google menopause

[NextG]

38 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I think that is not entirely true.

Some people do it because others do it. Like: Look, I don't get tired and can dance all night, with just a little help of xyz. Why don't you try. Or something like that.

And some people only do it occasionally. But others do it more often and want more of the same.

You think his wife is going out to dance all night? ???? 

Seriously though, do you think that she doesn’t have enough funds in order to get more or is it just how people act when they are on ‘meth’? We did have a somewhat publicised incident with someone throwing furniture on Soi Bua Khao, so it’s not implausible. But the OP will have a better idea of how it is than our conjecture. 

[josephbloggs]

2 hours ago, NextG said:

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? People take drugs for a reason. Healthy and happy people don’t mess around with with hard drugs unless there is an underlying issue. 

Nonsense.

Plenty of people use hard drugs recreationally for no other reason than it's fun. Then on Monday morning they go to work, no underlying issues at all. I think you are out of touch.

[3NUMBAS]

get out  fast before she removes your testicles when your asleep

WARNING WARNING

[Bangkokhatter]

4 hours ago, JammG said:

Yes I'm on his birth certificate, some good questions so far. I don't know for sure she is at work all the time. My son is at school & I can work then & do some in the evening, I also have no intention of taking him out of Thailand I like it here, there are worse places to live.

My immigration status isn't a problem and I have already been to the police to document the various incidents, actually a question I would like to make is how do I press charges or make a prosecution at a police station? Because so far all the police have done is document the various incidents and given me a copy. Maybe I can have her charged for the smashed TV etc?

And yes she has picked up a knife before, as I say I think getting out and then dealing with the consequences after maybe the way to go. 

i think you need to let the incidents go and focus on moving elsewhere with your son, your wasting energy on a person who obviously is not worth it, ask yourself what outcome you would like and then think about the likely hood of that happening.

I went through similar and was quite surprised how easy they agreed to me having custody of our daughter.

[JackGats]

Why so much talk of mental illness and drugs? Female hypoagency again. There are at least as many sociopaths among women as among men. Couple this with female entitlement and impunity (rampant in the West, but probably not unknown in TH either).

[JoseThailand]

10 hours ago, JammG said:

She contributes very little to my son anyway, I pay for his schooling & everything else & she just works to pay off her depts.

Well, at least she has a job. Pretty good for a Thai wife

[FarAngMoh]

I would at least bring her for a proper psychiatric evaluation first… after all, you did marry her, for better or worse, right? Let’s say you started flipping out, wouldn’t you want her to do the same for you?

 

In the meantime, you might try to eliminate any breakable items from the home.