My new Thai gf (35/f) invited me (42/m) to visit her family in Isaan after < 1 month of dating? I feel uncomfortable but agreed. What do you think?

[bignok]

4 minutes ago, TallGuyJohninBKK said:

 Yes, the Thai custom with other Thais would generally be to not have a sin sod payment for second marriages.

 

However, I have heard of sin sod requests being put to prospective farang spouses by the Thai side of the family, perhaps assuming that they didn't know any better.

 

Meeting the family early is a good idea. Find out whether they are good or not. If no good quit the gf. If good stick around.

[bignok]

32 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

It does seem a bit much considering the (lack of) age difference.  Maybe it's just me, but "divorced 35 year old with two children who also needs financial support" seems like a 50-60 year old guy kind of deal. ????‍♂️

 

A 40s guy with a job I would have thought could find a late twenties/early thirties woman with no kids and never married.

 

But each to their own.

Agreed

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

57 minutes ago, recom273 said:

I saw it as an initiation ceremony, it ended by the gf telling her family to GTF, and 15+ years later we are still together, happily married (for the most part). I would say it's a necessary experiment, just keep your head on swivel and your eyes wide open.

I've always thought a very important thing a farang finds (or doesn't find) from those kinds of encounters is whether his GF/potential wife is willing to stand up to the various family members and assorted hangers on.... or she just surrenders to whatever anyone wants because you're a farang.

 

In my book, any sensible farang absolutely doesn't want a GF / wife in the latter category.

 

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

3 minutes ago, bignok said:

Meeting the family early is a good idea. Find out whether they are good or not. If no good quit the gf. If good stick around.

See my comment post one above here... on that point.

 

[Madgee]

1 hour ago, Hummin said:

Not everyone have the same experience as you, or you might only heard it, and no experience yourself at all. 

 

 

My oh my ..... I see a little sarcasm and dry wit goes way over your head.
I'm single and intend to stay that way for the foreseeable future but I do live in Isaan and often see these sad guys in tow with a couple of laden trollies at the checkout. 
As they say: No money no honey ........... Or should it be no trolley no dolly?

[mokwit]

Best get up to speed on the vocabulary of the local dialect:

 

Take care = give money

borrow = give

can you hewp me? = give money

good heart = gives money

etc

Edited July 8, 2023 by mokwit

[Madgee]

Double post

Edited July 8, 2023 by Madgee
Deleted ...Senior moment!

[bignok]

4 minutes ago, Madgee said:

My oh my ..... I see a little sarcasm and dry wit goes way over your head.
I'm single and intend to stay that way for the foreseeable future but I do live in Isaan and often see these sad guys in tow with a couple of laden trollies at the checkout. 
As they say: No money no honey ........... Or should it be no trolley no dolly?

Single in Isaan must be boring.

[Bosse137]

28 minutes ago, zzaa09 said:

Yet, there are more situation than not that don't fit into this neat and expected stereotype [and myth].

Every situation and experience will be different from the next. 

 

Don't seem to be terribly observant after 30 years......or you don't get out much. Broad exposure and experience is everything.

I don`t know what you have been observing the last 30 years,but my observations on this subject is from what I de facto know from the village I live in. I know of MANY women,where sin sot been practised,even after more than one married.Most cases between thai and thai ! My MIL suggested it already after a couple of weeks! And my bride to be,had been married before.Luckely for me,the marrige has been a good one;best woman I ever met!

[bignok]

28 minutes ago, Phulublub said:

What a pathetic post. 

 

You (and those who like your psot) never date, or see, or have sex with, any woman who has ever been with another man?  Never ending supply of virgins is, AFAIAA a myth propogated by those who encourage young and impressionable young men that martyrdom will give them this

 

PH

Wrong, talking about not funding her kids which arent his. She shagged another 1 or 2 guys. He/them left. Why should a farang fund them all? 

[connda]

Do you like her or is she just a steady pump?  If you like her, go visit her family.  If she's just a steady pump?  Cut her loose as you're raising her expectations.

[connda]

3 hours ago, AventurasEnMadrid said:

but do feel I love her.

Then cut her loose.  If you're afraid of Covid?  Best to isolate and stop swapping spit with anyone.

[connda]

2 minutes ago, bignok said:

Wrong, talking about not funding her kids which arent his. She shagged another 1 or 2 guys. He/them left. Why should a farang fund them all? 

If she is a typical Thai gal looking from farangs, she has more than one on the side.
Cut her loose.

[bignok]

2 minutes ago, connda said:

If she is a typical Thai gal looking from farangs, she has more than one on the side.
Cut her loose.

Easy to find out. Meet the family.

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

23 minutes ago, mokwit said:

Best get up to speed on the vocabulary of the local dialect:

 

Take care = give money

borrow = give

can you hewp me? = give money

good heart = gives money

etc

I think you could pretty well re-write your list above as follows:

 

*******   ********** = give money.

 

The ***** symbols above reflecting wildcard characters for everything and anything.... ????

 

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

1 hour ago, bignok said:

Stay in a hotel nearby. The toilet is likely Thai style. 

Gotta agree on that one...

 

Not to mention, the likely absence of any air con, and perhaps also the absence of anything resembling a traditional mattress/bed.

 

Edited July 8, 2023 by TallGuyJohninBKK

[steven100]

of course she want's you to go and meet them ......  they've told her they need a new house so get him up here so we can pull a few heart strings and whinge & whine about everyone is broke and sick and dying and there's no money for chicken feed or buffalo hay.   They'll make you feel so proud,  you'll be their hero just for a couple of days.    Lol

[OneMoreFarang]

That reminds me of a farang who visited the family of his darling together with her.

The father asked him if he intends to marry his daughter. He said yes.

The father said: fine, let's do it tomorrow.

He came back from his trip as a married man. 

 

True story, it was many years ago.

[BenStark]

23 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

That reminds me of a farang who visited the family of his darling together with her.

The father asked him if he intends to marry his daughter. He said yes.

The father said: fine, let's do it tomorrow.

He came back from his trip as a married man. 

 

True story, it was many years ago.

There are plenty of members on this forum who met their wife online, flew into Thailand, and married the day after arrival.

 

No Isaan FIL needed for desperate people to get married at first sight

[Elkski]

My issan wife says after 1 month no big deal like it was 20 years ago.  I think most still hope for sinsid 2nd 3rd marriage, kids or not.   They see this in the media.  It's kind of a measurement of the daughters value and they like to give to the parents so why wouldn't they help propagate this sin sod idea.  Mine tried for awhile but I was adamant and when asked mom didn't expect any sinsod.   

Go have a good time.  I'm sure she misses her kids and sees this as a free trip home.  Asian toilets not that bad. Probably unheated showers, no AC but  hopefully you will get 2 fans and mosquito netting.  Hopefully the mattress is more than 1" thick.   

Rat is considered a special meal.  Don't eat the nam pla as it can give you parasites.   On the market run, hopefully not makro or expensive markets but smaller markets let them pick out ingredients for several good meals.  Just tell her your rule is what they cook they must eat.  No leftovers.  They tend to dream up these 5 course meals with many people requesting their favorites and then there is to much food.   I also suggest to ask if beer is sold near the house.  It will be more expensive but if you buy 2-3 cases it invites the drunks and will be fine quickly.  It's best to just buy from the neighbor lady a few beers each day for personal consumption.  On Saturday night buy extra and share.  And maybe tell her you won't buy and hard liquor.  

Just go to relax.  Nothing wrong with sitting in a hammock for hours .  Mom won't think your lazy because it's what everyone does.   

[Elkski]

I am very glad I choose a woman without children.  I dated many who had children and with the cultural and language barrier I think it would be very hard to every have a meaningful relationship.  And the father's many times don't contribute or have any contact at all.  Or worse you have to deal with the ex.  No thanks.   

I also agree if I was working in BKK at 42.  I would be aiming for 26-28 and never married.  

[Hummin]

1 hour ago, bignok said:

Single in Isaan must be boring.

I was just going to say WTF ????

[Hummin]

42 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

That reminds me of a farang who visited the family of his darling together with her.

The father asked him if he intends to marry his daughter. He said yes.

The father said: fine, let's do it tomorrow.

He came back from his trip as a married man. 

 

True story, it was many years ago.

Village marriage doesnt affect you legally ???? 

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

30 minutes ago, Elkski said:

It's kind of a measurement of the daughters value and they like to give to the parents so why wouldn't they help propagate this sin sod idea.  Mine tried for awhile but I was adamant and when asked mom didn't expect any sinsod.   

Another common thing more recently, even among younger Thais, is for someone (the couple or even their families) to put up the sinsod for SHOW at the wedding ceremony, and then for the money to go back to the original source post-ceremony...

 

That way, tradition and appearances are satisfied, and no one goes broke in the process.

 

[Elkski]

I should add that I think a 42 yr old falang working in bkk should aim for 26-28 college grad.  Meaning the family has been able to support her schooling.  As in she didn't need a sponsor or to sideline. 

 

And I think a single man in isaan over 50 could have a good base of operations to service many women in need.   

Edited July 8, 2023 by Elkski

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

34 minutes ago, Elkski said:

  Asian toilets not that bad. Probably unheated showers, no AC but  hopefully you will get 2 fans and mosquito netting.  Hopefully the mattress is more than 1" thick.   

Rat is considered a special meal.  Don't eat the nam pla as it can give you parasites.   On the market run, hopefully not makro or expensive markets but smaller markets let them pick out ingredients for several good meals.  Just tell her your rule is what they cook they must eat.  No leftovers.  They tend to dream up these 5 course meals with many people requesting their favorites and then there is to much food.   I also suggest to ask if beer is sold near the house.  It will be more expensive but if you buy 2-3 cases it invites the drunks and will be fine quickly.  It's best to just buy from the neighbor lady a few beers each day for personal consumption.  On Saturday night buy extra and share.  And maybe tell her you won't buy and hard liquor.  

Just go to relax.  Nothing wrong with sitting in a hammock for hours .  Mom won't think your lazy because it's what everyone does.   

A lot of good practical advice there!  ????

 

PS - dunno about the "rat" part....

 

Edited July 8, 2023 by TallGuyJohninBKK

[NanLaew]

4 hours ago, Hummin said:

Not everyone have the same experience as you, or you might only heard it, and no experience yourself at all. 

 

 

Yeah, some do the multi-cart thing at Lotus's.

[phetphet]

You might be walking into an already prepared wedding ceremony.

[MrJ2U]

Go and have fun.

 

Whatever you do just don't get talked into moving there. (If you get hitched).

 

Stick to your guns!

 

Issan sucks. 

 

 

 

[freedomnow]

Sometimes its good to meet potential in-laws fast if you think its going to be long-term...though a month in how would you know...love at first sight ?

 

My friends regrets not doing that as they are a nightmare.