My new Thai gf (35/f) invited me (42/m) to visit her family in Isaan after < 1 month of dating? I feel uncomfortable but agreed. What do you think?

[Madgee]

Double post

[bignok]

4 minutes ago, Madgee said:

My oh my ..... I see a little sarcasm and dry wit goes way over your head.
I'm single and intend to stay that way for the foreseeable future but I do live in Isaan and often see these sad guys in tow with a couple of laden trollies at the checkout. 
As they say: No money no honey ........... Or should it be no trolley no dolly?

Single in Isaan must be boring.

[Bosse137]

28 minutes ago, zzaa09 said:

Yet, there are more situation than not that don't fit into this neat and expected stereotype [and myth].

Every situation and experience will be different from the next. 

 

Don't seem to be terribly observant after 30 years......or you don't get out much. Broad exposure and experience is everything.

I don`t know what you have been observing the last 30 years,but my observations on this subject is from what I de facto know from the village I live in. I know of MANY women,where sin sot been practised,even after more than one married.Most cases between thai and thai ! My MIL suggested it already after a couple of weeks! And my bride to be,had been married before.Luckely for me,the marrige has been a good one;best woman I ever met!

[bignok]

28 minutes ago, Phulublub said:

What a pathetic post. 

 

You (and those who like your psot) never date, or see, or have sex with, any woman who has ever been with another man?  Never ending supply of virgins is, AFAIAA a myth propogated by those who encourage young and impressionable young men that martyrdom will give them this

 

PH

Wrong, talking about not funding her kids which arent his. She shagged another 1 or 2 guys. He/them left. Why should a farang fund them all? 

[connda]

Do you like her or is she just a steady pump?  If you like her, go visit her family.  If she's just a steady pump?  Cut her loose as you're raising her expectations.

[connda]

3 hours ago, AventurasEnMadrid said:

but do feel I love her.

Then cut her loose.  If you're afraid of Covid?  Best to isolate and stop swapping spit with anyone.

[connda]

2 minutes ago, bignok said:

Wrong, talking about not funding her kids which arent his. She shagged another 1 or 2 guys. He/them left. Why should a farang fund them all? 

If she is a typical Thai gal looking from farangs, she has more than one on the side.
Cut her loose.

[bignok]

2 minutes ago, connda said:

If she is a typical Thai gal looking from farangs, she has more than one on the side.
Cut her loose.

Easy to find out. Meet the family.

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

23 minutes ago, mokwit said:

Best get up to speed on the vocabulary of the local dialect:

 

Take care = give money

borrow = give

can you hewp me? = give money

good heart = gives money

etc

I think you could pretty well re-write your list above as follows:

 

*******   ********** = give money.

 

The ***** symbols above reflecting wildcard characters for everything and anything.... ????

 

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

1 hour ago, bignok said:

Stay in a hotel nearby. The toilet is likely Thai style. 

Gotta agree on that one...

 

Not to mention, the likely absence of any air con, and perhaps also the absence of anything resembling a traditional mattress/bed.

 

[steven100]

of course she want's you to go and meet them ......  they've told her they need a new house so get him up here so we can pull a few heart strings and whinge & whine about everyone is broke and sick and dying and there's no money for chicken feed or buffalo hay.   They'll make you feel so proud,  you'll be their hero just for a couple of days.    Lol

[OneMoreFarang]

That reminds me of a farang who visited the family of his darling together with her.

The father asked him if he intends to marry his daughter. He said yes.

The father said: fine, let's do it tomorrow.

He came back from his trip as a married man. 

 

True story, it was many years ago.

[BenStark]

23 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

That reminds me of a farang who visited the family of his darling together with her.

The father asked him if he intends to marry his daughter. He said yes.

The father said: fine, let's do it tomorrow.

He came back from his trip as a married man. 

 

True story, it was many years ago.

There are plenty of members on this forum who met their wife online, flew into Thailand, and married the day after arrival.

 

No Isaan FIL needed for desperate people to get married at first sight

[Elkski]

My issan wife says after 1 month no big deal like it was 20 years ago.  I think most still hope for sinsid 2nd 3rd marriage, kids or not.   They see this in the media.  It's kind of a measurement of the daughters value and they like to give to the parents so why wouldn't they help propagate this sin sod idea.  Mine tried for awhile but I was adamant and when asked mom didn't expect any sinsod.   

Go have a good time.  I'm sure she misses her kids and sees this as a free trip home.  Asian toilets not that bad. Probably unheated showers, no AC but  hopefully you will get 2 fans and mosquito netting.  Hopefully the mattress is more than 1" thick.   

Rat is considered a special meal.  Don't eat the nam pla as it can give you parasites.   On the market run, hopefully not makro or expensive markets but smaller markets let them pick out ingredients for several good meals.  Just tell her your rule is what they cook they must eat.  No leftovers.  They tend to dream up these 5 course meals with many people requesting their favorites and then there is to much food.   I also suggest to ask if beer is sold near the house.  It will be more expensive but if you buy 2-3 cases it invites the drunks and will be fine quickly.  It's best to just buy from the neighbor lady a few beers each day for personal consumption.  On Saturday night buy extra and share.  And maybe tell her you won't buy and hard liquor.  

Just go to relax.  Nothing wrong with sitting in a hammock for hours .  Mom won't think your lazy because it's what everyone does.   

[Elkski]

I am very glad I choose a woman without children.  I dated many who had children and with the cultural and language barrier I think it would be very hard to every have a meaningful relationship.  And the father's many times don't contribute or have any contact at all.  Or worse you have to deal with the ex.  No thanks.   

I also agree if I was working in BKK at 42.  I would be aiming for 26-28 and never married.  

[Hummin]

1 hour ago, bignok said:

Single in Isaan must be boring.

I was just going to say WTF ????

[Hummin]

42 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

That reminds me of a farang who visited the family of his darling together with her.

The father asked him if he intends to marry his daughter. He said yes.

The father said: fine, let's do it tomorrow.

He came back from his trip as a married man. 

 

True story, it was many years ago.

Village marriage doesnt affect you legally ???? 

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

30 minutes ago, Elkski said:

It's kind of a measurement of the daughters value and they like to give to the parents so why wouldn't they help propagate this sin sod idea.  Mine tried for awhile but I was adamant and when asked mom didn't expect any sinsod.   

Another common thing more recently, even among younger Thais, is for someone (the couple or even their families) to put up the sinsod for SHOW at the wedding ceremony, and then for the money to go back to the original source post-ceremony...

 

That way, tradition and appearances are satisfied, and no one goes broke in the process.

 

[Elkski]

I should add that I think a 42 yr old falang working in bkk should aim for 26-28 college grad.  Meaning the family has been able to support her schooling.  As in she didn't need a sponsor or to sideline. 

 

And I think a single man in isaan over 50 could have a good base of operations to service many women in need.   

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

34 minutes ago, Elkski said:

  Asian toilets not that bad. Probably unheated showers, no AC but  hopefully you will get 2 fans and mosquito netting.  Hopefully the mattress is more than 1" thick.   

Rat is considered a special meal.  Don't eat the nam pla as it can give you parasites.   On the market run, hopefully not makro or expensive markets but smaller markets let them pick out ingredients for several good meals.  Just tell her your rule is what they cook they must eat.  No leftovers.  They tend to dream up these 5 course meals with many people requesting their favorites and then there is to much food.   I also suggest to ask if beer is sold near the house.  It will be more expensive but if you buy 2-3 cases it invites the drunks and will be fine quickly.  It's best to just buy from the neighbor lady a few beers each day for personal consumption.  On Saturday night buy extra and share.  And maybe tell her you won't buy and hard liquor.  

Just go to relax.  Nothing wrong with sitting in a hammock for hours .  Mom won't think your lazy because it's what everyone does.   

A lot of good practical advice there!  ????

 

PS - dunno about the "rat" part....

 

[NanLaew]

4 hours ago, Hummin said:

Not everyone have the same experience as you, or you might only heard it, and no experience yourself at all. 

 

 

Yeah, some do the multi-cart thing at Lotus's.

[phetphet]

You might be walking into an already prepared wedding ceremony.

[MrJ2U]

Go and have fun.

 

Whatever you do just don't get talked into moving there. (If you get hitched).

 

Stick to your guns!

 

Issan sucks. 

 

 

 

[freedomnow]

Sometimes its good to meet potential in-laws fast if you think its going to be long-term...though a month in how would you know...love at first sight ?

 

My friends regrets not doing that as they are a nightmare.

[bunnydrops]

5 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

What are you doing in Bangkok? Are you employed there? What kind of visa are you on? You're relatively young, supporting a wife and two kids is not going to be cheap. Are you planning on working in Bangkok or repatriating? 

 

What is her job title at the insurance company and what is her salary? Is she a vice president of claims or is she a file clerk? Exactly how did you meet this insurance company employee? I certainly do not want to impugn anyone's background, but you need to know that some women with day time jobs are effectively freelancing, and have had a lot of practice hooking foreign guys.

 

A trip up country to meet the family is something of a rite of passage for many foreign guys. Can be very insightful and educational, but I would say inviting you up to Isaan after one week of dating is definitely a red flag, and suggests a strong desire to rush the relationship forward, which is not typical behavior for Thai women. Consider: most of the people she knew growing up in Isaan she probably has known all her life. She knows the importance of getting to know someone before leaping in with all fours.

 

Another thing, if you're a relative noobie, and there's a significant language barrier between the two of you, i.e. you know a handful of phrases and words, and she can communicate every day needs like going places, food, etc., but can't really discuss things like values, politics, religion, you get the picture, you're probably projecting and attributing a ton of Western values and assuming a compatibility that may or may not be a figment of your febrile imagination. 

 

Go to Isaan to meet the family if you think it'd be a fun trip, but don't make any rash moves. You need extra time to get to know her when you are crossing cultural and language barriers. Jumping in with all fours usually ends in tears.

 

I agree with everything he said. But, I was more inclined to marry after meeting the family. In Thailand, you will more than likely marry the family so it is good to know what you are getting into. I now live in the same village where her mother, two sisters, five brothers live. None have used me as an ATM, loaned me a truck before I got a car and wouldn't let me pay for either the insurance or the up keep. Helped build the house without pay. Go! Keep an open mind.

[GinBoy2]

6 hours ago, at15 said:

imagine dishing out your hard earned money to a woman that has been impregnated by another mans sperm. unbelievable.

Oh come on, this is one of the more probable Thai/Farang relationships.

 

Similar ages all good.

 

As for bringing up another mans kid, well thats not unusual.

 

I work with a young guy, just got married to his gf. Her daughter is as much his, if not more than the biological dad

[Kenny202]

5 hours ago, HandsomeTallFarang said:

Unironically this

 

42 but seems very inexperienced with women.

 

Bud, you can just say "No thanks" you don't have to go meet her family lmao. What is she gonna do, break up with you? Then go find another girl, there's so many there. If that's the case, then you dodged a bullet. Completely replaceable.

 

What she is actually doing is, probably had been scheduled to visit them for a while now, but now she sees that you are in the picture, you can pay for the whole trip, and also, probably pay for the whole family's food / misc expenses while you are there. Probably why the pressure to "meet" them, it's just a pretense for you paying for the entire trip.

 

Also claiming to "love" someone after less than a month is kind of pathetic when we are talking about a 35 year old single mom who seems keen on milking money from you (plees help me hansum man my son have sick "Long COVID")

 

 

 

 

 

 

Probably the most realistic reply yet. Remember in Thailand when people are requesting money or anything you are uncomfortable with aka trips etc...it is ok to say no. If she is an Isaan girl it seems love / money / sex are all part of the mixed up deal. Its just seems to be the way it is here. Wealth transferral...yours to hers. Not to say she's a bad person. You just got to draw a line in the sand and she will either accept it or she won't. Certainly don't make a doormat of yourself though. It becomes a never ending money pit with no end. By all means go to the country with her if you want. Doesn't mean you have to shower her family in money. They will only think u stupid if u do anyway. Lay down the ground rules before u go. She should be protecting you from money grubbers, not throwing u to the wolves. Would suggest you stay in a hotel by the way if one near. Give u a breather at night not to mention air con. Best of luck

[recom273]

4 hours ago, TallGuyJohninBKK said:

I've always thought a very important thing a farang finds (or doesn't find) from those kinds of encounters is whether his GF/potential wife is willing to stand up to the various family members and assorted hangers on.... or she just surrenders to whatever anyone wants because you're a farang.

 

In my book, any sensible farang absolutely doesn't want a GF / wife in the latter category.

 

Yeah, in some respects I’m lucky - in a sad way. Mum left when she was 3 years old, Dad, who raised died a few years before I met her. So she doesn’t have any responsibilities to the family.
 

I don’t think I could function as the family bank. Her mum  calls round the whole family asking for 100B for food, most of the time wife doesn’t pick up the phone and mum sends a message saying that she will never speak to her again .. the wife types back “fine by me” and we get. 3 months of peace. ????

[JensenZ]

7 hours ago, mfd101 said:

Just as "in the West", taking you home to meet the family is a good sign (she's serious), but it's only good if you're serious too.

 

As for money matters, that goes with the territory. Either get used to it or get out.

It's nothing like the "in the West". Here, to visit the parents after supporting a women for a month is an invitation to treat her family. They probably have some needs she expects the new bf to take care of. She's testing him out to see how generous he will be.

[indyo]

till you do not marry and don't have a son you can try whatever you want almost risk free then you can have a better and your own idea about it, if something wrong in 6 hours taxi you will be in Bangkok.