Looking for help

[andych]

Hello just joined as this may a usual request, i have searched, but can't to seem to find much help, some i do understand,.

Any way quick resume of what's happened last 6 months 

Last year i went to Patong, to get away from life in UK for 2 weeks as i was going through a bad time.

Anyway 2nd day met a thai girl as you do.. dated for most of the 2 weeks and had a good time, but missed her and went back a month later and found we had a lot in common, only 12  years younger than me in her late 40s, not a bargirl, english is just about understandable but i don't think she would pass test if she moves to the UK but wants to take lessons in Phuket.

She has not once in the last 6 months asked me for money, she is in debt, and won't tell me how much and still married waiting to divorce her husband who she left 2 years ago, she has no property, but her boss said he will keep her job open for 3 months if she comes to UK on visitor visa. After her divorce she has to wait 310 days to remarry i understand, but i think that is in Thailand only?

I don't have much savings only a small emergency fund, and i would only pay for her uk visa and flight. 

The main questions i want to ask, 

How long do i need to know her if we wanted to marry, or for her to live with me?

Also once she is here could her debts be chased to UK? Or any other country?

Many thanks and hope this is ok for posting,

Andy

 

[andych]

1 minute ago, still kicking said:

Calling other posters muppets is a bit strong if you think other posters are muppets why ask questions here?

Sorry, but i came for genuine help. My main concern would she get chased for debts if she came to uk, and i noticed whilst browsing forum there seems to be a bit of hostility like your first post to guys meeting thai girls, well i never came to thailand for the girls, just to get away from UK to sort problems out, met a girl 1st day, could have been anywhere UK, Spain ,Lisbon. And I knew all about the bargirls and freelancers before i went. 

[Nick Carter icp]

42 minutes ago, andych said:

but her boss said he will keep her job open for 3 months if she comes to UK on visitor visa.

 

   Will she able to get a UK visa ?

[still kicking]

3 minutes ago, Nick Carter icp said:

 

   Will she able to get a UK visa ?

It will be hard she has no reason to go back 

[andych]

2 minutes ago, Nick Carter icp said:

 

   Will she able to get a UK visa ?

That's what we wonder, but looking to long-term maybe marriage, She has no children or parents she tells me just a sister she fell out with. 

[CharlieKo]

You should check out the requirements for bringing a foreign future wife to the UK to live. Especially the financial requirements. If you can't meet those requirements you can forget about bringing her to the UK. I think your situation depends on that alone.  

[andych]

Just now, still kicking said:

It will be hard she has no reason to go back 

Her boss said he would keep her job open for 3 months, as i said before it is long term we are looking at. I can sponsor her as i have adequate funds available if needed

 

[andych]

Just now, CharlieKo said:

You should check out the requirements for bringing a foreign future wife to the UK to live. Especially the financial requirements. If you can't meet those requirements you can forget about bringing her to the UK. I think your situation depends on that alone.  

Yes I earn enough for the family visa requirements at present

 

[still kicking]

2 minutes ago, andych said:

Her boss said he would keep her job open for 3 months, as i said before it is long term we are looking at. I can sponsor her as i have adequate funds available if needed

 

I did sponsor a friend who had a business and property and got refused.

[still kicking]

I got my Thai wife over to OZ 20 years ago on a marriage visa, but we talked online 2 years prior to that you only know her a short while make sure you talk to her for a few months.

[jts-khorat]

1 hour ago, andych said:

Ok come here for help thanks and get sarky comments from forum muppets

 

What kind of reaction do you expect?

 

Your girl lights up pretty much every red flag, it could not get more cliche: she is still married, in debt, of course she is a "good girl" and you are, for some reason, already thinking marriage after seeing her twice.

 

Maybe you need to ask yourself (or her), if she really would be willing to go to a foreign country forever. Most all Thai women I have ever known want to come back at some stage in their life -- and her problems would then be waiting for her.

 

Also it might make a very big difference to her motivation, what kind of debt it is. Was this a legitimate business debt to a bank, or are those millions in gambling debt to a loan shark?

 

If I would be giving advice to a friend, I would tell him, to put his toe into the hot water slowly instead of jumping in head-first into this boiling mess.

 

If you have the means to support her in the UK, you have the means to travel, so visit her an additional number of times, learn about her background (and the debt) and then you will have a much better picture if this is a true damsel in distress and if you want to share in her issues out of your own free will. This should not be decided in a hurry.

Edited January 19 by jts-khorat

[andych]

7 minutes ago, still kicking said:

I got my Thai wife over to OZ 20 years ago on a marriage visa, but we talked online 2 years prior to that you only know her a short while make sure you talk to her for a few months.

Thanks, and sorry for earlier, Yes it is best to get to know them, I could take early retirement to Thailand, but rather be here, and I am visiting her again in a few weeks for her birthday, we keep in touch via WhatsApp, video call every day, her english is better than when we first met but still don't think it strong enough yet for SELT A1. 6 months nearly since we met, going over again in june or july for a week, but there is just that tiny little nagging doubt, <1% i say, just waiting for something to stop me in my tracks and drop everything. Told my family letting my head rule my heart this time.

[Nick Carter icp]

18 minutes ago, still kicking said:

I got my Thai wife over to OZ 20 years ago on a marriage visa, but we talked online 2 years prior to that you only know her a short while make sure you talk to her for a few months.

 

   That is very different to his situation , he doesn't want to take his girlfriend to Australia in 2004 and you info wont help him at all 

[still kicking]

I was very careful when I met my now wife for 20 years, I made up bogus accounts under different names to find out if she was honest and yes, she was and after a couple of years we got married in Thailand and in Australia.

[andych]

2 minutes ago, jts-khorat said:

 

What kind of reaction do you expect?

 

Your girl lights up pretty much every red flag, it could not get more cliche: she is still married, in debt, of course she is a "good girl" and you are, for some reason, already thinking marriage after seeing her twice.

 

Maybe you need to ask yourself (or her), if she really would be willing to go to a foreign country forever. Most all Thai women I have ever known want to come back at some stage in their life -- and her problems would then be waiting for her.

 

Also it might make a very big difference to her motivation, what kind of debt it is. Was this a legitimate business debt to a bank, or are those millions in gambling debt to a loan shark?

 

If I would be giving advice to a friend, I would tell him, to put his toe into the hot water slowly instead of jumping in head-first into this boiling mess.

 

If you have the means to support her in the UK, you have the means to travel, so visit her an additional number of times, learn about her background (and the debt) and then you will have a much better picture if this is a true damsel in distress and if you want to ahre in her issues out of your own free will. This should not be decided in a hurry.

As i said previously i am letting my head rule my heart, being cautious, going out again soon then later  in year.  And its 3 times actually . And i want to learn more about her debt, she did mention credit card once before, and her husband has the house still, but i think it's rented from what she said once. As saying goes, fools rush in, and i am not rushing in, just looking at the long term .

[GinBoy2]

4 hours ago, jts-khorat said:

 

What kind of reaction do you expect?

 

Your girl lights up pretty much every red flag, it could not get more cliche: she is still married, in debt, of course she is a "good girl" and you are, for some reason, already thinking marriage after seeing her twice.

 

Maybe you need to ask yourself (or her), if she really would be willing to go to a foreign country forever. Most all Thai women I have ever known want to come back at some stage in their life -- and her problems would then be waiting for her.

 

Also it might make a very big difference to her motivation, what kind of debt it is. Was this a legitimate business debt to a bank, or are those millions in gambling debt to a loan shark?

 

If I would be giving advice to a friend, I would tell him, to put his toe into the hot water slowly instead of jumping in head-first into this boiling mess.

 

If you have the means to support her in the UK, you have the means to travel, so visit her an additional number of times, learn about her background (and the debt) and then you will have a much better picture if this is a true damsel in distress and if you want to share in her issues out of your own free will. This should not be decided in a hurry.

Got to admit you're right, this sets off all the alarm bells.

 

Two week holiday romance and we're talking about marriage!!

 

It smacks of a middle man and middle aged angst, or madness you choose.

 

The debt, being still married, elevate it to a four alarm fire.

 

All that being said, maybe it is all real and doable, but for God's sake a long way from talking about bringing this woman to the UK.

 

Tourist visas for Thai women to Western countries are notoriously hard, for very obvious reasons.

 

My wife, who grew up as a teenager in the US when back in Thailand before we were married, good job still got denied a tourist visa and I'm pretty sure the same random stuff is true for UK tourist visas.

 

But try that first, a lot of Thai women have a fantastical image of mythical magical farang land where the streets are paved with gold

[andych]

2 minutes ago, GinBoy2 said:

Got to admit you're right, this sets off all the alarm bells.

 

Two week holiday romance and we're talking about marriage!!

 

It smacks of a middle man and middle aged angst, or madness you choose.

 

The debt, being still married, elevate it to a four alarm fire.

 

All that being said, maybe it is all real and doable, but for God's sake a long way from talking about bringing this woman to the UK.

 

Tourist visas for Thai women to Western countries are notoriously hard, for very obvious reasons.

 

My wife, who grew up as a teenager in the US when back in Thailand before we were married, good job still got denied a tourist visa and I'm pretty sure the same random stuff is true for UK tourist visas.

 

But try that first, a lot of Thai women have a fantastical image of mythical magical farang land where the streets are paved with gold

Again i say , i am letting my head rule my heart. I know there may be problems, or even a scam.  I am being cautious.  I have told her cannot help her  financially, and I intend to stick to that. I am not thinking with my dick, unlike my late father . But  I have a feeling this may work out, there is a spark as some people may realise in their relationships. I am not 100& committed , just hoping things may be ok. Can I just say everyone is different,  you meet someone regardless of where you are and there is something there. Don't judge a book by its cover as the saying goes 

[swm59nj]

The time it takes to really get to know her, trust her, feelings,  is based on the individual’s.  No one can give an answer. 
Keep in mind that she is still married.  And has personal issues. 
I would advise you to find someone else and not get involved with her.  Just for the reason she is married.  Find someone whe is more stable and not married.  

 

 

[andych]

1 minute ago, swm59nj said:

The time it takes to really get to know her, trust her, feelings,  is based on the individual’s.  No one can give an answer. 
Keep in mind that she is still married.  And has personal issues. 
I would advise you to find someone else and not get involved with her.  Just for the reason she is married.  Find someone whe is more stable and not married.  

 

 

Her husband is still in north Thailand and he agrees to a divorce. I have had relationships in the past in UK with girls who tried to deceive me, take advantage of my trust. And not succeeded i protect my well-being.   I have had relationships in the past but i was not in the right frame of mind due to issues. But now yes i feel something. I am still keeping an open mind. But only 5 years till retirement i don't want to get ripped off or hurt.  I am not a wealthy man, just ticking along nicely. 

[stoner]

26 minutes ago, andych said:

Again i say , i am letting my head rule my heart.

 

2 minutes later......

 

27 minutes ago, andych said:

But  I have a feeling this may work out, there is a spark as some people may realise in their relationships.

 

2 more minutes later.....

 

27 minutes ago, andych said:

just hoping things may be ok.

 

 

[Gottfrid]

31 minutes ago, andych said:

Again i say , i am letting my head rule my heart.

I understand. Anyway, man! I guess your choice fell on the little head. Or it might also be like that one is bigger than the ordinary one most people use for make their choices.

 

The only thing you manage here, is to sound very confused. As you say that you have much experience from other relationships, this must be a place you do not wish to put yourself in once again.

A a close to 50 year old women, still married, probably have kids, that are not being honest with you about her debts and economical situation. You say she is not a bargirl, but you met her in Patong on a tourist trip. Ok, what did, or does, she work with? Do you even know that? As she has reached the age of almost 50, one easily thinks she might own or possess something from that long life. Does she own farm land? Did she get a house from her parents, or did she build a house herself in her home village? Yeah, as you can see, the questions are piling up.

My advice is RUN! What you are doing here, is not walking into deep, or unknown, water as might be okay in some cases. You are running in to a mine field after a nuclear attack.

[GinBoy2]

9 minutes ago, Gottfrid said:

I understand. Anyway, man! I guess your choice fell on the little head. Or it might also be like that one is bigger than the ordinary one most people use for make their choices.

 

The only thing you manage here, is to sound very confused. As you say that you have much experience from other relationships, this must be a place you do not wish to put yourself in once again.

A a close to 50 year old women, still married, probably have kids, that are not being honest with you about her debts and economical situation. You say she is not a bargirl, but you met her in Patong on a tourist trip. Ok, what did, or does, she work with? Do you even know that? As she has reached the age of almost 50, one easily thinks she might own or possess something from that long life. Does she own farm land? Did she get a house from her parents, or did she build a house herself in her home village? Yeah, as you can see, the questions are piling up.

My advice is RUN! What you are doing here, is not walking into deep, or unknown, water as might be okay in some cases. You are running in to a mine field after a nuclear attack.

I must admit if she tells the OP she's a 'cashier'

 

OMG the classic trap

[BritManToo]

6 hours ago, andych said:

Sorry, but i came for genuine help. My main concern would she get chased for debts if she came to uk, and i noticed whilst browsing forum there seems to be a bit of hostility like your first post to guys meeting thai girls, well i never came to thailand for the girls, just to get away from UK to sort problems out, met a girl 1st day, could have been anywhere UK, Spain ,Lisbon. And I knew all about the bargirls and freelancers before i went. 

Everyone meets a girl their first few days in Thailand, they actively hunt n00bs. Mainly because the new guys don't understand much younger and prettier girls are available, and the new guys instantly love them and want to take them home.

 

The sarky comments are because we've all done it, and we've all seen other guys do it.

 

Also n00bs don't take advice well, and usually lash out at anyone trying to wake them up to reality.

 

The chances of the girl you met not being a sex worker are very close to ZERO.

 

Enjoy the sex, enjoy your feelings of romance, don't help her out with her debts more than 1,000bht a night.

Edited January 20 by BritManToo

[Gottfrid]

38 minutes ago, GinBoy2 said:

I must admit if she tells the OP she's a 'cashier'

 

OMG the classic trap

 Yep, it is. Usually something the old ones become when they chose to stay and work after best before date. So, in reality a retired bar girl, that messed up her life so much that she did not manage to hook a foreigner during the peak years. Now have to work overtime for the last snatch and catch. 

[TheFishman1]

Wow, after a little less than two weeks, the girl has snagged you run Forrest run TIT

[brianthainess]

First off. I would want to know Why she is in Dept. Many here are addicted gamblers.

              2. Many Thai women play the long game in ripping you off, and I mean Years.

              3. You seem to think being married to her, will make it easier for her to go to the UK.

              4. You need 29,000 pounds a year income and that will increase to 38,700.

              5. How will you cover that when you retire in 5 years?

     She is not free to marry now, and I would at least wait until you have Seen the Divorce papers, before even contemplating marriage.

If you want my Honest opinion, she is using you to escape loan sharks, and in Thailand they Will find you wherever you go. But if you want to *gamble* your future on her then that's your choice.  5yrs when you retire you could move to Thailand.

[ezzra]

7 hours ago, andych said:

How long do i need to know her if we wanted to marry, or for her to live with me?

Also once she is here could her debts be chased to UK? Or any other country?

OK, in many, many cases even when a couple initially married out of love, in times, those feelings tend to subside or disappear

so you'll never know, (infect, no one knows)

As for her debts, I don't think so because it is HER debts before you got married, so IMO, no issue there, So since you're lonely,

like the woman and not much to lose money wise, take a chance...

[andych]

Again, why so many negative comments? My ex wife ripped me off bad when i was younger, oh by the way she  is British through and through. I am keeping an open mind, and it is all down to trust. I know some Thai girls are out to rip you off, I am just looking at long term if things seem ok, I am not a wealthy man, no way was i getting involved with bar girls , or massage girls, or freelancers or any other stuff, someone said go on thaifriendly, nah, not into that. what happens happened. She may try to con me. She may me ok? But as i said letting my head rule my heart. Been hurt in the past. It may work out, it may not. She could be the one. Or she may be playing the game. We can only wait and see. As i said before, as soon as she asks for money, in the word of Duncan Ballantyne, "I'm oot of here!"

 

[save the frogs]

8 hours ago, andych said:

a month later and found we had a lot in common,

what did you have in common? 

she likes the beatles? 

[BritManToo]

3 minutes ago, andych said:

Again, why so many negative comments? My ex wife ripped me off bad when i was younger, oh by the way she  is British through and through. I am keeping an open mind, and it is all down to trust. I know some Thai girls are out to rip you off, I am just looking at long term if things seem ok, I am not a wealthy man, no way was i getting involved with bar girls , or massage girls, or freelancers or any other stuff, someone said go on thaifriendly, nah, not into that. what happens happened. She may try to con me. She may me ok? But as i said letting my head rule my heart. Been hurt in the past. It may work out, it may not. She could be the one. Or she may be playing the game. We can only wait and see. As i said before, as soon as she asks for money, in the word of Duncan Ballantyne, "I'm oot of here!"

 

Thai people with jobs normally have to work 6 days a week, 10hrs a day, and little chance of extra days off. Where did your lady get the free time to spend with you?

 

Only the unemployed and sex workers have the free time to bang foreigners on holiday.