Looking for help

[Captain Monday]

2 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

 Until you've spent thousands upon thousands of hours with her you really don't know who she is.

 

Then after they get want they want. A wedding ring, a visa, a kid, etc. they can do 180 anyway and change completely

My ex wife violated the most important things we agreed pre-nup

Put me off any idea of re-mattiage for many years

 

[grain]

andych: best thing you can do for yourself is move on and forget about all these plans you are considering. If you persist your life is going to become very complicated by dealing with both Thai and British government laws and regulations and lengthy procedures. And you're going to put yourself into a situation of continual financial drain. At the present time it's very early days, don't progress any further with this, if you do, the deeper you get the more tangled up your life will become and the more difficult it will be to extract yourself at a later date. If you want to save yourself a lot of stress, complications, headaches and expense move on now. However, if you must continue with this relationship then your best course of action is to take an early retirement, come live in Thailand, live together with your girlfriend (no need at all to get legally married at this early stage) and see how it goes. I wish you all the best.

Edited January 21 by grain

[andych]

2 hours ago, grain said:

andych: best thing you can do for yourself is move on and forget about all these plans you are considering. If you persist your life is going to become very complicated by dealing with both Thai and British government laws and regulations and lengthy procedures. And you're going to put yourself into a situation of continual financial drain. At the present time it's very early days, don't progress any further with this, if you do, the deeper you get the more tangled up your life will become and the more difficult it will be to extract yourself at a later date. If you want to save yourself a lot of stress, complications, headaches and expense move on now. However, if you must continue with this relationship then your best course of action is to take an early retirement, come live in Thailand, live together with your girlfriend (no need at all to get legally married at this early stage) and see how it goes. I wish you all the best.

Thank you, that is an option ,i have thought about, definitely not Patong though. I do know a few British friends , not met for a while but occasionally chat on FB spread throughout Thailand, 2 ex work colleagues, and 2 who are backpacking around asia.All saying i should move, but I have 2 kids and a granddaughter here.   And to previous posts about wanting kids, that will never happen 

[youreavinalaff]

On 1/20/2024 at 2:29 AM, GinBoy2 said:

When our son was young we did like almost all multilingual parents only spoke in one language at a time until he'd mastered them all

My daughter grew up tri lingual.

 

From day one I spoke English to her, my wife spoke Thai and Villagers mostly Khmer.

 

No need to stick to one. 

[youreavinalaff]

On 1/20/2024 at 7:10 AM, Chris Daley said:

Get her pregnant and have the baby in the UK.

And?

[CartagenaWarlock]

On 1/19/2024 at 1:04 PM, still kicking said:

I was very careful when I met my now wife for 20 years, I made up bogus accounts under different names to find out if she was honest and yes, she was and after a couple of years we got married in Thailand and in Australia.

I used to maintain a Thai bank account with one million baht, but the daily withdrawal limit is capped at 20K. I used to get young teenagers from Poseidon Model Galley for all-night Hanky-Panky. In the morning, I will give my card and ask them to withdraw 20K and take their fees, and return me the remaining. To my surprise, not one girl ran away with 20K or tried to withdraw more than 20K. And they can see I have a million baht in my account. 

[mrwebb8825]

Is adultery a crime in Thailand?

Marital infidelity is a serious offense in Thailand that can have legal repercussions for both the adulterer and the third person. The law aims to protect the sanctity of marriage and discourage infidelity by imposing penalties such as fines, compensation, and loss of career or pension.

 

So, you're ready for the husband to bend you over as well?

You run to Thailand because of problems in the UK, magically meet a female in hooker heaven with big problems and want to bring her back to the UK and YOUR problems??

"Here's Your Sign"  (google it)

 

On a side note: maybe you should take those English classes with her because obviously weren't born in the UK (unless you're Welsh)

[Mark Nothing]

There is nothing new under the sun.

 

One author discussed his findings to your dilemma after marrying over 1,000 women, many of them foreigners.

 

His findings say the predators ensnare their prey via lips as sweet as honey and a mouth smoother than oil, but in the end it is a fate more bitter then death.

 

Over 3,000 years ago The Book of Ecclesiastes 7:26 and Proverbs 5:3 were authored by King Solomon, who said you know God is with you if you can escape her snares.  Otherwise you will be susceptible to her balony.

 

Severe all contact.  Find a spouse in your own country.

 

[youreavinalaff]

6 minutes ago, Mark Nothing said:

There is nothing new under the sun.

 

One author discussed his findings to your dilemma after marrying over 1,000 women, many of them foreigners.

 

His findings say the predators ensnare their prey via lips as sweet as honey and a mouth smoother than oil, but in the end it is a fate more bitter then death.

 

Over 3,000 years ago The Book of Ecclesiastes 7:26 and Proverbs 5:3 were authored by King Solomon, who said you know God is with you if you can escape her snares.  Otherwise you will be susceptible to her balony.

 

Severe all contact.  Find a spouse in your own country.

 

A spouse from his own country won't give him any problems? 

[SOTIRIOS]

...How Do You Know That Any Of What She Has Told You Is True....

...That Said....

...'Only Little Savings'...

...Would Suggest You Hold Off On Any Marriage Plans...

...And Her Trip To The U.K. For That Matter...

...Sorry...

...You Said You Came Here To 'Clear Your Head' Or Something To That Effect...

...When Did That Happen....On The Flight Here...(?)

...Maybe It Became Even More Muddled The First Day You Arrived...(?)

[spidermike007]

12 hours ago, Captain Monday said:

Then after they get want they want. A wedding ring, a visa, a kid, etc. they can do 180 anyway and change completely

My ex wife violated the most important things we agreed pre-nup

Put me off any idea of re-mattiage for many years

 

The best chance any man has is to really be patient and really take his time. The woman is usually going to push to move things forward because she has an agenda, and the man always has to push back. If you're not willing to be patient, if you're not willing to abide by my timeline then I'm just going to walk.

 

Always remember, time is your ally, if it's good it's only going to get better  if there are problems they're going to manifest themselves over time.

 

So man up and take your time. Don't allow her to conduct the train, don't allow her to set the timetable, don't allow her to push you. Always be willing to walk, plenty more fish in the sea, especially here. 

[andych]

5 hours ago, mrwebb8825 said:

Is adultery a crime in Thailand?

Marital infidelity is a serious offense in Thailand that can have legal repercussions for both the adulterer and the third person. The law aims to protect the sanctity of marriage and discourage infidelity by imposing penalties such as fines, compensation, and loss of career or pension.

 

So, you're ready for the husband to bend you over as well?

You run to Thailand because of problems in the UK, magically meet a female in hooker heaven with big problems and want to bring her back to the UK and YOUR problems??

  (google it)

 

On a side note: maybe you should take those English classes with her because obviously weren't born in the UK (unless you're Welsh)

Her husband committed adultery, and i didn't know about  getting a divorce until nearing end of 1st week, well, she said she was single.

She is not a sex worker, to my knowledge that i noticed whilst seeing her,

And i suffer from dyslexia 

And debts are a concern, but no idea how big they are.

 

Advice from a good friend they gave me today

 

"Keep in touch and  remain 
friends, who knows what the future holds.
Life is short , live it."

 

And taking a step back, not rushing into it, just seeing what options there are,  And @theoldgit gave me the best advice so far,  which would have been the best advice if anyone gave it to me earlier in the thread

Way people are  commenting would  think i am in process of sorting and applying for visa and giving in to her. 

[BritManToo]

2 hours ago, andych said:

Her husband committed adultery

According to you so did she .........

And under Thai law he can get damages from you.

[Nip]

On 1/20/2024 at 9:01 AM, andych said:

No we lost our Mums about the same time, and yes like similar music, she is 47 i am 59, Any relationship when you meet someone doesnt matter where it is it is the feeling you get. Oh she works in a restaurant . not a massage or bar. for the last few years she said, whether that is the truth i don't know, does she believe me when i say i am a CEO of a big company? or that i am a Surgeon, when all i am is a normal bloke in a boring job with a few years left till retirement.

My advice is arrive unexpectedly and observe. I was in a bar in Karon one night I was chatting with a girl I knew for many years and we had a business relationship if you get my drift? She receives a phone call and looks stunned. It was her German boyfriend she explained he had arrived unexpectedly and was in Phuket airport. While she was coping with this a guy walks into the bar. Not the German boyfriend but her Swiss boyfriend also arriving unexpectedly. It was Christmas. The German arrived at the bar five minutes later. Her two sponsors learnt a lesson and thankfully there was no fisticuffs. Travel a bit. If she hooked you so easily it’s likely you ain’t the first.Especially if you had sex. Back in the days without mobiles just landlines it was much easier. I had a girlfriend back then and always knew she was home. You’ve got good advice here your Mikey has run away with your brains your in the lions den and them cats look cute but bite hard. 

[rickudon]

Yes, the OP needs to be cautious. If he intends to marry and take his spouse to the UK, he needs to consider the requirements and costs of the WHOLE PROCESS, not just the initial visa application. To get indefinite leave to remain can take 10 years, and you need to meet the financial requirements every time it comes up for review. If you retire before this is completed, meeting the financial requirements might be difficult. Living in Thailand is somewhat easier, at least currently.

Obviously English tests and the divorce need to be finalised first. if the relationship is under 2 years old, also a negative towards getting a visa. Research, plan, plan, research again. Need to get all those ducks in a row. 

[youreavinalaff]

3 hours ago, rickudon said:

Yes, the OP needs to be cautious. If he intends to marry and take his spouse to the UK, he needs to consider the requirements and costs of the WHOLE PROCESS, not just the initial visa application. To get indefinite leave to remain can take 10 years, and you need to meet the financial requirements every time it comes up for review. If you retire before this is completed, meeting the financial requirements might be difficult. Living in Thailand is somewhat easier, at least currently.

Obviously English tests and the divorce need to be finalised first. if the relationship is under 2 years old, also a negative towards getting a visa. Research, plan, plan, research again. Need to get all those ducks in a row. 

ILR is available after 5 years.

 

Review?

[andych]

3 hours ago, rickudon said:

Yes, the OP needs to be cautious. If he intends to marry and take his spouse to the UK, he needs to consider the requirements and costs of the WHOLE PROCESS, not just the initial visa application. To get indefinite leave to remain can take 10 years, and you need to meet the financial requirements every time it comes up for review. If you retire before this is completed, meeting the financial requirements might be difficult. Living in Thailand is somewhat easier, at least currently.

Obviously English tests and the divorce need to be finalised first. if the relationship is under 2 years old, also a negative towards getting a visa. Research, plan, plan, research again. Need to get all those ducks in a row. 

Yes thanks for help, this is what i realise, and wish i met her 20 years ago after my divorce.

 

Quick update of her background,  I met her  just over 6 months ago on trip to Patong, went for a meal  in a local restaurant, she served me and was nice. Any way she was there that evening, had a chat and thought no more of it. 

Things happened and we dated over the next ten days on and off, I thought "yeah she wants' something", exchanged numbers and go back home. 

Go back a month or so later and something clicked. 

Couldn't get time off until christmas so i spent Christmas and new year with her, getting to know her a bit better.

Well this last few days she has been more open to me about her past, as I told her I want us to be honest. 

I knew she fell out with her younger sister, but i found out the reason. Her sister has a successful business in Bangkok, she said they could live with her and get jobs in Bangkok to help pay off debts. 6 months later she come home to find her husband in bed with her sister, and now her sister has a kid by him, so that is reason for leaving him. After trying for years themselves to have a child.  Went back to Kalasin to help her mother, after awhile she passed away and she moved to Patong with one of her friends, ended up working in massage spa for a week, hated it and wanted to leave, but her boss has a few businesses and offered her a job at his restaurant.

 

Now is  this genuine or is she selling me a sob story? As I said before keeping open mind and I do realise it could take awhile if I decide to go through with asking her to move to UK, Would mean me working till 67 plus. Which I don't want to do as I have a pension that will pay out when i am 65, not a big one, but enough to cover me till i get state pension and my other work pension.

 

[FritsSikkink]

On 1/20/2024 at 6:34 AM, andych said:

Again i say , i am letting my head rule my heart. I know there may be problems, or even a scam.  I am being cautious.  I have told her cannot help her  financially, and I intend to stick to that. I am not thinking with my dick, unlike my late father . But  I have a feeling this may work out, there is a spark as some people may realise in their relationships. I am not 100& committed , just hoping things may be ok. Can I just say everyone is different,  you meet someone regardless of where you are and there is something there. Don't judge a book by its cover as the saying goes 

Before bringing her anywhere, let her sort out the divorce first. That is how your head should work.

How many foreign friends does she have on Facebook? That should give you a clue about being a bar girl or not.

Edited January 22 by FritsSikkink

[andych]

5 minutes ago, FritsSikkink said:

Before bringing her anywhere, let her sort out the divorce first. That is how your head should work.

How many foreign friends does she have on Facebook? That should give you a clue about being a bar girl or not.

She isn't on facebook, and not a bar girl as she works in restaurant. And I agree that the divorce should be priority

 

[FritsSikkink]

19 minutes ago, andych said:

She isn't on facebook, and not a bar girl as she works in restaurant. And I agree that the divorce should be priority

 

She works in a restaurant now, before in a massage, do you really think she would tell you if she was a bar girl before that?

Check her Line account for contacts.

[Captain Monday]

20 hours ago, Mark Nothing said:

 

 

Severe all contact.  Find a spouse in your own country.

Why? Just pay for her adultery and all entertainment while he is here with no unrealistic expectations. Good idea if you want an Asian lady from a developing income nation find one in your country with a residence visa already plenty available. 

20 hours ago, Mark Nothing said:

9 hours ago, Nip said:

I was in a bar in Karon one night …

 

Well I was in one of the Hillary Bars on SUK 11 one night this lady in her 40s was opened up over drinks I got for her how the professional girlfriend thing works juggling multiple darnungs sending her monthly remission. I was impressed with her income! 
 

Surely nobody is so gullible to  believe a lady from a bar remains celibate while they go overseas to work months at a time. Nope. Sucker born every minute 
 

Edited January 22 by Captain Monday

[jts-khorat]

6 hours ago, andych said:

Now is  this genuine or is she selling me a sob story?

 

The interesting thing about humans is, that they are social animals with intelligence, so they can tailor their actions towards their needs by utilizing prediction and foreplanning.

 

Therefore, without knowing a person intimately, it will be absolutely impossible to ascertain, if they are telling the truth, or telling you what you wanted to hear.

 

I am very sorry to say, nothing about your story and this girl is in any way special; exactly the same story we have heard a thousand times, with only minute variations. This does not mean, that it is not true, of course.

 

An advice you have received now many times, the only way to find out is spending much more time with her, best without conditioning yourself on a "quick" solution like marriage. Why is this even in the cards -- you are both mature people with good standing in their own current live, so there should be no reason for a sudden change?

 

And a last point: none of us know you or this girl. How can we know better if she tells you the truth than you yourself? You need to follow your own instincts and then take responsibility for your acitons, eg. live with the consequences. Throw off your insecurity!

 

In case this woman was geniune so far, there is no way more sure to make any woman -- but especially Thai ones -- think about gain if she gets the feeling that she can form you at her will. It is poison for any relationship!

Edited January 22 by jts-khorat

[LukKrueng]

On 1/20/2024 at 1:41 AM, still kicking said:

I got my Thai wife over to OZ 20 years ago on a marriage visa, but we talked online 2 years prior to that you only know her a short while make sure you talk to her for a few months.

Not sure he's in it just for talks....

[GypsyT]

18 hours ago, FritsSikkink said:

She isn't on facebook, and not a bar girl as she works in restaurant.

Too bad because bar girls, ex-prostitutes, make best wives!

- They are best lovers. They know everything how to please the man and get him aroused no matter how tired he is.

- They never cheat, they never need to have " a lover" or try "something new" since their every hole has been honed to max oversize many times over.

- They are tough, they protect you against bad world out there.

 

Go for it! You'll be happy.

 

[BritManToo]

19 hours ago, andych said:

She isn't on facebook, and not a bar girl as she works in restaurant. And I agree that the divorce should be priority

 

How could you possibly know she isn't on Facebook? Did you grab her smartphone and check when she was in the shower?

[FritsSikkink]

1 hour ago, GypsyT said:

Too bad because bar girls, ex-prostitutes, make best wives!

- They are best lovers. They know everything how to please the man and get him aroused no matter how tired he is.

- They never cheat, they never need to have " a lover" or try "something new" since their every hole has been honed to max oversize many times over.

- They are tough, they protect you against bad world out there.

 

Go for it! You'll be happy.

 

Try to quote the right person.

[GinBoy2]

To kinda wrap up this thread.

 

The OP is looking for some kind of validation for his situation.

 

For most of the seasoned guys, it just wreaks of disaster

 

Maybe not now a bar girl, and maybe works in a restaurant now, but Dear Lord, how many 'cashiers' are out there!

 

So he's gonna do what he's gonna do, maybe it'll work out but I hope he understands the odds are stacked against it.

 

Trouble is as a newbie, he has no clue how many times we have all heard this tale, and it feels like lambs to the slaughter.

 

Good Luck, but you aren't got to get the response you want from this group, you're on your own!

[Captain Monday]

On 1/23/2024 at 8:44 AM, GypsyT said:

Too bad because bar girls, ex-prostitutes, make best wives!

- They are best lovers. They know everything how to please the man and get him aroused no matter how tired he is.

- They never cheat, they never need to have " a lover" or try "something new" since their every hole has been honed to max oversize many times over.

- They are tough, they protect you against bad world out there.

 

Go for it! You'll be happy.

 

 

 

How are they with cooking and domestic chores? I’ｍ happy to help with the washing up and minor maintenance honey-do but I dont iron, do windows or anything with a ladder.

[GypsyT]

7 hours ago, Captain Monday said:

I dont iron, do windows or anything with a ladder.

They are same. Good match!

 

[ChicagoExpat]

On 1/22/2024 at 1:52 PM, andych said:

She isn't on facebook, and not a bar girl as she works in restaurant. And I agree that the divorce should be priority

 

Sorry to pile on... sorry this isn't want you want to hear... BUT -- dating while still married/one already failing marriage/in major debt/fell out with her sister

 

Run the other way, amigo.  And yes, she is a sex worker.