Thai Girl is almost perfect but are these serious problems?

[Cameroni]

1 hour ago, save the frogs said:

I dated a girl who did exactly the same thing. Not once sat on the couch. Used to watch her TV shows on her laptop on the kitchen table.

And basically lack of affection. I think it's the way they were raised. It must have been like that in their household growing up.

I broke up, but in hindsight, if you put some work into it, you can change her. 

 

Yah, that is exactly it, I have a table in the living room and she sits at the table, watching youtube videos or playing games on her phone. It seemed so odd to me. I will see if getting a bigger more comfortable couch helps.

[Cameroni]

2 hours ago, fredwiggy said:

She knows a good thing when she sees one. A year tells a lot about a person. Having a pretty and honest woman is worth spending money on. Many spend and get little to nothing but grief.

 

 

Well, I slow down the car when I see an older man with a toddler. But apart from that I just thought not working in the factory and having a relaxed life is something she appreciates. But she had plenty of chances to fly back, I gave her a ticket. She chose to stay. She is honest and reliable, to the extent a woman can be.

 

Yes, she has shown these last 7 months that money is nothing to her. I will resume giving her a bit of spending money next month I think.

 

 

[jaywalker2]

13 hours ago, jaywalker2 said:

There is a cure for herpes although I can't post it on this forum. It worked for me though

Everybody can laugh as much as they want but I had herpes for more than twenty years. Used to have a couple of outbreaks every year. I always had to worry about shedding even if no sores were visible.

 

Now, nothing. I haven't an outbreak in years.

[4MyEgo]

7 hours ago, Cameroni said:

she shows signs of jealousy.

 

If I were you, which I am not, I would be out of there.

 

There is no reason for jealousy in a relationship, yes she's 24, she's good in bed, but you have answered your own questions, but just haven't realised it yet because you're in the relationship.

 

I have been married for nearly two decades to a lovely Thai girl, herpes can be dormant for a long time, so you could have gotten it anytime before you met her, but more than likely not (respectfully), I got mine from the wife, well at least I think I did, but who cares, as you say, you live with it.

 

No jealousy, raised by her grandparents after primary school as the high school was in their hood and far from her parents house, although she has sisters and a mother and father, never asks for money too.

 

As for affection, she gives, I give, it's reciprocal, she loves her space as I do, not in each others pockets, and she does take good care of me, doesn't work, so has the time, not lazy.

 

She is also very beautiful, but that is only the exterior, what has yours under the exterior, doesn't like affection, that comes naturally, it is not taught, my wife's parents didn't teach her affection, it's not high in Thai culture, so I am told, but come on, when your into someone, your into someone, she can see that on YouTube, surely.

 

To me, sounds like she's in a safe place and just chilling to see where it goes, doesn't have to work etc etc.

 

Like I said before, look past the looks and the bedroom, albeit it they are important, I mean does she have a brain, law student, have you sighted the degree, Thai women can come up with whatever stories they want that so to keep their true nature covered.

 

You can roll the dice & trust her all you want, but only invest as much as you're prepared to lose, enjoy it while it lasts, but to me it sounds like you see things not adding up.

 

Good luck

[Cameroni]

Thanks it's moderate jealousy, just jokingly checking my phone and saying I have a message, no Fatal Attraction stuff.

 

That's why I wanted to get some views, because like you say when  you're in the rel it can cloud your judgement or perspective.

 

She also seems to love her space. Affection is taught to some degree by the parents I think and sadly she grew up without her father since he died, and the mother was absent a lot, so there is a bit of a deficit there. If she is "into me" or not, well she does come over the bed and initiates certain things, she enjoys sex, but in terms of being cuddly and holding hands, kissing, she is just not. I think some people are, some are not, some are a bit, it's a bit of spectrum. I'm super physical, and that was bothering me for a bit.

 

No, I have not seen the degree, since she did not finish it, but she did talk about her sister getting proof of her attending the university at one point, so I don't think it's bs. She had problems paying the 20000 for the course, because nobody was helping her, she had to work to pay for it. I think that was very hard for her.

 

I appreciate the advice, I will not go overboard, like I did before. I had a very bad experience with a Filipina and that cured me of the love fantasy thing.

[ericthai]

5 hours ago, Cameroni said:

 

I am not giving her an allowance anymore, not weekly and not monthly and not hourly. Of course I pay for her food, clothes and the house I live in, which I'd have to pay anyway.

 

The age difference is 29 years. I am a bit baffled why she stays.

you're baffled why she stays??  She Doesn't have to work, has a free place to stay with meals, gets her phone bill paid for, you buy gifts, clothes for her.

You might not be paying her to stay with you, but she as the easy life. 

 

There are many girls that would love to not have to work and just hang around the house and do some chores. 

I'm not saying this is bad thing, if you're happy enjoy your time, but I wouldn't plan long term. 

[Cameroni]

10 minutes ago, ericthai said:

you're baffled why she stays??  She Doesn't have to work, has a free place to stay with meals, gets her phone bill paid for, you buy gifts, clothes for her.

You might not be paying her to stay with you, but she as the easy life. 

 

There are many girls that would love to not have to work and just hang around the house and do some chores. 

I'm not saying this is bad thing, if you're happy enjoy your time, but I wouldn't plan long term. 

 

Why would you not plan long term?

[norsurin]

I meet one lady from rayong who didnt even kissed me for 6 weeks after we meet first time..so i left her.

Then i meet a lady from korat who just wanted to <deleted> all the time..even waked me up middle of night for sex,

Totally addicted to sex..so i left her too.

[Cameroni]

24 minutes ago, norsurin said:

I meet one lady from rayong who didnt even kissed me for 6 weeks after we meet first time..so i left her.

Then i meet a lady from korat who just wanted to <deleted> all the time..even waked me up middle of night for sex,

Totally addicted to sex..so i left her too.

 

Do you still have the contact details of the lady from Korat?

[norsurin]

15 minutes ago, Cameroni said:

 

Do you still have the contact details of the lady from Korat?

She still msg me in  Line... sometimes i reply..she asking if she can pick me up at airport.

So far i said no because she want let me out of the room for the first 24 hour..Shes wery nice lady but i cant satisfied her 20 times on daily bases.She a squirter and wery load.Even just finished the act she followed me to the shower and all over me again.Its to much for me.Even u just touch her she commanted me straigth to bed.

She's 44 years old.

[fredwiggy]

6 hours ago, ericthai said:

you're baffled why she stays??  She Doesn't have to work, has a free place to stay with meals, gets her phone bill paid for, you buy gifts, clothes for her.

You might not be paying her to stay with you, but she as the easy life. 

 

There are many girls that would love to not have to work and just hang around the house and do some chores. 

I'm not saying this is bad thing, if you're happy enjoy your time, but I wouldn't plan long term. 

There are countless western women who do the same things, so it's not limited to those here. And when you're in a relationship it's mandatory you look at it with plans for the future, if that's your plan also. Some like just to date various women, playing the field, but that gets old after awhile and you want someone you can really get close to.  Looking for a way out will lead you there, as you'll be looking for her to make a mistake, which everyone does, but as long as she's faithful and honest, and you're attracted to each other, you have more than many will ever have. A tad of jealousy happens because of a little insecurity and fear of losing someone. As long as it's not 20 questions and checking up on everything you do, it's okay.

[Celsius]

11 hours ago, Cameroni said:

I will resume giving her a bit of spending money next month I think.

 

😂

9 hours ago, Cameroni said:

She had problems paying the 20000 for the course, because nobody was helping her, she had to work to pay for it. I think that was very hard for her.

 

😂🤣

 

She could, of course continue working to pay for the course, especially now that she found a sugar daddy who pays for her meals, clothing and housing. A lot of Thai women do just that.... work to pay for the education just like my wife and all her friends did for both her University and Masters degree.

 

ROFL

 

[Prubangboy]

Prob won't get better on the intimacy stuff, she'll prob get worse. And it will def. bug you more over time.

 

Either buy all the way in and accept this, or get all the way out.

 

Me? when faced with this, I did the first thing and regretted not doing the second thing.

 

Good luck.

 

 

[ericthai]

3 hours ago, fredwiggy said:

There are countless western women who do the same things, so it's not limited to those here. And when you're in a relationship it's mandatory you look at it with plans for the future, if that's your plan also. Some like just to date various women, playing the field, but that gets old after awhile and you want someone you can really get close to.  Looking for a way out will lead you there, as you'll be looking for her to make a mistake, which everyone does, but as long as she's faithful and honest, and you're attracted to each other, you have more than many will ever have. A tad of jealousy happens because of a little insecurity and fear of losing someone. As long as it's not 20 questions and checking up on everything you do, it's okay.

Where did I say anything about a Thai woman? or jealousy?

What is this mandatory crap!! Please tell me who and where it says I have to look long term when in a relationship! 

 

When I was younger yes, I played the field and being in Thailand at the time was a blessing. It did get old after while and I settled down.

However I have several friends that dont want a relationship and just want company when they want it. So what you state about always playing the field gets old is not true for everyone.

 

OP when I said I wouldn't plan long term, I'm meaning dont rush into things  like buying land, house, condo, car etc in her name. Just be careful / smart about things.

i've seen some really nice guys lose everything because they listened to everything their girlfriend told them and get upset with friends that try and tell them the truth.  

I do wish you luck and hope things work out for you!

 

 

[fredwiggy]

34 minutes ago, ericthai said:

Where did I say anything about a Thai woman? or jealousy?

What is this mandatory crap!! Please tell me who and where it says I have to look long term when in a relationship! 

 

When I was younger yes, I played the field and being in Thailand at the time was a blessing. It did get old after while and I settled down.

However I have several friends that dont want a relationship and just want company when they want it. So what you state about always playing the field gets old is not true for everyone.

 

OP when I said I wouldn't plan long term, I'm meaning dont rush into things  like buying land, house, condo, car etc in her name. Just be careful / smart about things.

i've seen some really nice guys lose everything because they listened to everything their girlfriend told them and get upset with friends that try and tell them the truth.  

I do wish you luck and hope things work out for you!

 

 

I didn't say or mean you had to do anything you didn't want to do. You either go into a relationship looking at a woman as a possible long term or permanent thing, or look at her as someone to pass the time with until you find someone you think is better. Some people only look at women as objects to use. Others look at them as human beings to relate to. Maybe, since the attraction is already there, to go further to find out all you can about them to see if you can make future plans.

 

Ever think why these friends only want to have "company"when they want it? Trust me, I'm not near a prude and have been with many women. I always looked at women and girls (earlier) as someone to have a relationship with, because the attraction was already there. Most people don't end up with the first partner they choose, because future plans don't match.

 

Players are there for one reason. To get off in a woman then on to the next one. That attitude leaves many children without fathers, and makes women hate men over time. If you don't want a relationship, don't waste a good woman's time, period. Get a hooker to get your rocks off then hope you don't get something you can't get rid of. Why hurt a woman who's looking for a good man to take care of her and love only her? I know many men don't have a conscience are don't care about the women they're having sex with. You can date as many women as you want, not going further if you can't relate on the future, but sex always gets in the way and causes many problems. Again, not a prude and I did have many intimate relationships when I was younger. Again,  these were girls and women I always wanted to look towards the future with but never got further because of those different future plans Then I thought about it more and knew I was hurting some of them because they wanted to stay, even though we both knew it wouldn't last. We all make mistakes , and hurt some, but doing it intentionally is a completely different matter entirely.

 

You're right about your paragraph to the OP. Not rushing into things is what many, including myself, have done, and paid the price.

Edited July 30 by fredwiggy

[Cameroni]

4 hours ago, Celsius said:

 

😂

 

😂🤣

 

She could, of course continue working to pay for the course, especially now that she found a sugar daddy who pays for her meals, clothing and housing. A lot of Thai women do just that.... work to pay for the education just like my wife and all her friends did for both her University and Masters degree.

 

ROFL

 

Yah, that's what she did as well. But it's hard to work and study at the same time. She could do it I guess. I don't really want my gf to work though. Even studying. Even older women come up to her to tell her what a great body she has. I trust her, but out on her own at Uni or work, it'd be temptations non-stop with guys hitting on her 24/7.

[Cameroni]

3 hours ago, Prubangboy said:

Prob won't get better on the intimacy stuff, she'll prob get worse. And it will def. bug you more over time.

 

Either buy all the way in and accept this, or get all the way out.

 

Me? when faced with this, I did the first thing and regretted not doing the second thing.

 

Good luck.

 

 

Thanks, things have improved a bit, she does hug at night for a bit. It's just I can see her heart is not in it, so to speak. I'll try to teach her what I like in this regard.

[Cameroni]

2 hours ago, ericthai said:

 

 

OP when I said I wouldn't plan long term, I'm meaning dont rush into things  like buying land, house, condo, car etc in her name. Just be careful / smart about things.

i've seen some really nice guys lose everything because they listened to everything their girlfriend told them and get upset with friends that try and tell them the truth.  

I do wish you luck and hope things work out for you!

 

 

 

That happened to me with a Filipina. A cheating money grabbing Filipina for whom I gave up everything, including my house. I'm cured of that. I used to think you have to provide for a woman, that love was real. Now I know love is just a fantasy of the soul, it's not real even if it feels real, and you should provide for yourself. It's okay to buy her a Som Tum or a dress if she's been good, but allowance, paying the parents, buying a house in her name, I will certainly not do that. I will see how it goes. It's early days, going into the 12th month. 

Edited July 30 by Cameroni

[Will B Good]

2 minutes ago, Cameroni said:

 

That happened to me with a Filipina. A cheating money grabbing Filipina for whom I gave up everything, including my house. I'm cured of that. I used to think you have to provide for a woman, that love was real. Now I know love is just a fantasy of the soul, it's not real even if it feels real, and you should provide for yourself. It's okay to buy her a Som Tum or a dress if she's been good, but allowance, paying the parents, buying a house in her name, I will certainly not do that. I will see how it goes. It's early days, going into the 12th month. 

 

That reminds of the comparison between a hurricane and your marriage.....

 

Both feel all warm and cozy at first....then suddenly your house has gone.

[Cameroni]

1 hour ago, fredwiggy said:

I didn't say or mean you had to do anything you didn't want to do. You either go into a relationship looking at a woman as a possible long term or permanent thing, or look at her as someone to pass the time with until you find someone you think is better. Some people only look at women as objects to use. Others look at them as human beings to relate to. Maybe, since the attraction is already there, to go further to find out all you can about them to see if you can make future plans.

 

Ever think why these friends only want to have "company"when they want it? Trust me, I'm not near a prude and have been with many women. I always looked at women and girls (earlier) as someone to have a relationship with, because the attraction was already there. Most people don't end up with the first partner they choose, because future plans don't match.

 

Players are there for one reason. To get off in a woman then on to the next one. That attitude leaves many children without fathers, and makes women hate men over time. If you don't want a relationship, don't waste a good woman's time, period. Get a hooker to get your rocks off then hope you don't get something you can't get rid of. Why hurt a woman who's looking for a good man to take care of her and love only her? I know many men don't have a conscience are don't care about the women they're having sex with. You can date as many women as you want, not going further if you can't relate on the future, but sex always gets in the way and causes many problems. Again, not a prude and I did have many intimate relationships when I was younger. Again,  these were girls and women I always wanted to look towards the future with but never got further because of those different future plans Then I thought about it more and knew I was hurting some of them because they wanted to stay, even though we both knew it wouldn't last. We all make mistakes , and hurt some, but doing it intentionally is a completely different matter entirely.

 

You're right about your paragraph to the OP. Not rushing into things is what many, including myself, have done, and paid the price.

Personally I think some women are very good at feeding the love fantasy in the male mind. Some are not. Either way, love is a fantasy of the soul. You fall in love with your own imagination basically. Not with the real person. Yes, of course, everyone wants a real connection with a long term partner. That is very hard in Thailand, where girls, even when they do their best, struggle to speak English, and we are hopeless in Thai. I had this connection with several women before, but even that is no guarantee it will last. I'm like you, I prefer a good relationship. But I've seen how we get treated after a while, loyalty is just a fanciful notion of the past. Many women have little incentive to be loyal. All you can do is be yourself, make life as pleasant for both as you can, and if it is not enough for her, then so be it. I am not trying hard with rels anymore, I tried too much before and it never paid off.

[Prubangboy]

48 minutes ago, Cameroni said:

It's just I can see her heart is not in it, so to speak. 

It's impossible to overcome deep-rooted aversion.

 

I don't like mustard. After year of trying to like mustard and trying all the varieties, I can tolerate a little grainy French mustard on a ham sandwich. But I am never gagging for it.

 

A little dab, once a year. If I skip a year, that would be fine. 

 

And that's a food choice, not an emotional connection. Give me the best mustard on earth, and I too will never have my heart in it (so to speak).

 

You should respect her boundaries and be accepting of her as she is.

 

That will foster plenty of valuable intimacy between you, just not the kind that you specifically want. 

 

You have a right to be you, and she has a right to be her. It requires no long story about her childhood, any more than my mustard-rejecting does.

 

If something is truly a must-have and she can't deliver it, that's grounds for a no-fault breakup to set both people free.

 

You can be friends. You cannot be lovers.

 

As time goes on, you both will just feel angry and worn out. Your posting here shows a fair amount of travel already down that road.

[Tim K]

I think you are playing the role of her missing father.
With that age difference and the fact that her father died early she obviously is in need of a father figure in her life.

No one older than 10 wants to cuddle her father.
You are providing food and shelter and being around a lot - reinforcing that idea.

And the same goes for you I guess, you are looking for a daughter figure, who needs to be showered with gifts and money and clothes and food. Why is that?

I find paying for food for gf/wife strange, we are in a relationship by heart  not in some contract tied with money and guarantees. you want to be with me and I want to be with you because of our feelings is it not? No one has to pay anything for the other.

When buying a house/car/furniture/kid's college course for the family I would go 50|50.

Psychology says we learn what love is by observing our parents. Whatever they do is remembered as love and then we seek the exact same thing from our partner.
Some subconsciously crave abuse like their mom did to them, yeah for real. Some crave coldness and neglect.

I think the situation will not last long if you leave it like that, something seems odd.
But it has a good potential if you would encourage her to go study and then go to work, she's not 16 to play on the phone all day.

[john donson]

how rich are you and how much you GIVE  (she not asking, lol) ... 

[Cameroni]

33 minutes ago, Prubangboy said:

It's impossible to overcome deep-rooted aversion.

 

I don't like mustard. After year of trying to like mustard and trying all the varieties, I can tolerate a little grainy French mustard on a ham sandwich. But I am never gagging for it.

 

A little dab, once a year. If I skip a year, that would be fine. 

 

And that's a food choice, not an emotional connection. Give me the best mustard on earth, and I too will never have my heart in it (so to speak).

 

You should respect her boundaries and be accepting of her as she is.

 

That will foster plenty of valuable intimacy between you, just not the kind that you specifically want. 

 

You have a right to be you, and she has a right to be her. It requires no long story about her childhood, any more than my mustard-rejecting does.

 

If something is truly a must-have and she can't deliver it, that's grounds for a no-fault breakup to set both people free.

 

You can be friends. You cannot be lovers.

 

As time goes on, you both will just feel angry and worn out. Your posting here shows a fair amount of travel already down that road.

 

It's a bit different I think, mustard is a taste issue and yes it's not to everyone's taste. However, a hug, I mean that is a UNIVERSALLY pleasant experience which children, women, men, most people can enjoy. Even those who are not into physical affection generally have no issue to hug. They may just not need to hug, because it's not that great to them. But it's still good. I mean, I don't think this is a dealbreaker for me. I can live with a fun, honest, trustworthy, attractive 24 year old who does the washing up and clean for a long time. Would it be better if she were to enjoy physical warmth. Sure. But I really don't know if this is a dealbreaker for me. I suspect not.

[Cameroni]

32 minutes ago, Tim K said:

I think you are playing the role of her missing father.
With that age difference and the fact that her father died early she obviously is in need of a father figure in her life.

No one older than 10 wants to cuddle her father.
You are providing food and shelter and being around a lot - reinforcing that idea.

And the same goes for you I guess, you are looking for a daughter figure, who needs to be showered with gifts and money and clothes and food. Why is that?

I find paying for food for gf/wife strange, we are in a relationship by heart  not in some contract tied with money and guarantees. you want to be with me and I want to be with you because of our feelings is it not? No one has to pay anything for the other.

When buying a house/car/furniture/kid's college course for the family I would go 50|50.

Psychology says we learn what love is by observing our parents. Whatever they do is remembered as love and then we seek the exact same thing from our partner.
Some subconsciously crave abuse like their mom did to them, yeah for real. Some crave coldness and neglect.

I think the situation will not last long if you leave it like that, something seems odd.
But it has a good potential if you would encourage her to go study and then go to work, she's not 16 to play on the phone all day.

 

I did also think so, that her losing her father at a young age, she craves closeness with an older male, her previous Ukrainian was my age as well. I have no problem with that. I don't want a daugther, like I said I'm not showering her with money, but I have no issue to order her some clothes or shoes if she needs that or buy her a Som Tom. That doesn't make her a daughter figure. If anything I like to be mothered, cooked for and pampered.

 

Of course in an ideal world the woman needs none of your money, buys her own everything. But even in London I never experienced that. I have always had women depend on me. And btw this gets way worse if you have children.

 

You're absolutely right though, our parents form our love maps. Which makes me shudder when I think of my own poor children.

[Will B Good]

1 minute ago, Cameroni said:

However, a hug, I mean that is a UNIVERSALLY pleasant experience which children, women, men, most people can enjoy.

 

You would think so....but watching the Thai families come together ...they often meet at out house.....sometimes after years away.....there is no physical contact, other than one of the auntie's......very odd. They are all fine with each other, appear very happy, socialise into the small hours.....but no physical contact?

[Cameroni]

35 minutes ago, john donson said:

how rich are you and how much you GIVE  (she not asking, lol) ... 

Not rich, just normal guy. I gave her 2000 Baht a week at the start to compensate for her loss of income from her factory job. However, I realised quickly she just sends all that money to her mother. So I stopped giving her an allowance. And she's not been asking. She doesn't like to do that.

[NowNow]

19 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

You and other men kid yourself you have genuine relationships, keep it real it's better for you

 

What a nasty little character you have there... Single with no relationship on the horizon for sure. With such a character, there is no possibility for a mutual relationship. Which is why you are here...'keeping it real'. But actually you are just speaking for yourself.

[fredwiggy]

12 minutes ago, Will B Good said:

 

You would think so....but watching the Thai families come together ...they often meet at out house.....sometimes after years away.....there is no physical contact, other than one of the auntie's......very odd. They are all fine with each other, appear very happy, socialise into the small hours.....but no physical contact?

True, and what I've noticed also. It's considered wrong for men and women to show affection in public. Old school which is changing. No reason people can't hug, hold hands and a short kiss in public but that's Thailand, at least for now. The men can hug men and women hug women, but it's still not done much. Even, like you said,in get togethers, they don't hug anyone except a quick one to the toddlers. After kids reach a certain age, about 5, they're neglected.

 

My ex grew up into a narcissist because her mom had 11 children. Her mom had one kid after another, and that's hard for a very loving, caring mom, let alone one that's not affectionate and abusive. Her dad was also abusive and strict (this is from her words), so the kids, when they reached 2 or 3, were pushed aside, making room for the next, then the next, and so on. This is neglect and kids grow up to be narcissists that don't trust anyone and only use, like she turned out. Kids are put in school at 2 a lot here, and raised by teachers and grandmas. Dad is working on the farm so he's only seen at night.

 

Schools here used corporal punishment a lot, and still do now, although it's supposed to be illegal. Hitting kids is normal behavior, with sticks and such, and it teaches violence is the answer. You see this daily on TV and in person, people chasing others 5 against 1, armed with sticks and kicking them while down. This is behavior they learn on the streets because dad isn't home, or does the same thing himself. Physical contact is very important, especially while young, and if not there, they see it as foreign. They can learn to accept it, but it takes time.

[Cameroni]

25 minutes ago, Will B Good said:

 

You would think so....but watching the Thai families come together ...they often meet at out house.....sometimes after years away.....there is no physical contact, other than one of the auntie's......very odd. They are all fine with each other, appear very happy, socialise into the small hours.....but no physical contact?

My gf told me this and I did not believe it. She also said that her mother prohibited her uncle from sitting with the girls in case anything untoward happens. 

 

I think morally Thais are much harder than many other SE Asians, like Filipinos. Though perhaps less than North Sumatrans.