Male-Female Relationships in Thailand: More Transactional, Less Traditional?

[FriscoKid]

10 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

 

Hardly unspoken.  It's pretty much common knowledge.  A man literally has to pay a load of money to marry a woman in Thailand.

I agree, but quite a few still seem to be in clear denial. Perhaps accepting the truth is too painful for some. They rather believe they've found true love? Plus I think nobody wants to believe they are only wanted for the bulge in their back pocket. 

[Yagoda]

8 minutes ago, FriscoKid said:

Yes, the king of couth, sharing stories with us of him shoving his penis down the throats of prostitutes until they gag. Exactly what I was coming here to read about, now my day is complete!

Who said anything about a penis you perv. It could be centipedes

[Yagoda]

52 minutes ago, ChumpChange said:

 

Thank you for the kind flattery, but I’m afraid I could never hope to compete with the sheer brilliance of your unrestrained chronicles about your predatory sexual exploits of young women, whilst living the high life as a fugitive in Cambodia. Truly, a master for the ages.

I know, Grashopper, you will always be second rate. Thanks for your fawning admiration

[jas007]

12 hours ago, SoCal1990 said:

In many Western relationships, I believe that expectations tend to be rooted more in notions of romance, intimacy, and equality than in Asia. And in Thailand, male-female relationships often take on a more transactional nature. Essentially, there is an unspoken agreement I've noticed where, while a Thai woman may expect greater financial support from her partner, she often offers a different kind of flexibility in return.

 

One of the key aspects that stands out to me is the level of freedom a Western man may feel he has in a relationship with a Thai woman versus a Western woman. Thus, Western men in Thailand often find themselves in a situation where their partner is much more accepting of certain behaviors that would be unacceptable or frowned upon in more traditional Western relationships. A Thai wife might tolerate the occasional drunken binge, a happy ending massage, or even the open agreement that the man can partake in a bit of infidelity. Proving that it's not about keeping tabs or setting rigid rules, instead she accepts that he needs his space and doesn’t push for anything too serious or restrictive.

 

This arrangement is, of course, different from what many Western men are used to. Thai women aren’t necessarily seeking to control or micromanage their partners. Instead, they seem to offer a more relaxed and laid-back approach. The idea is that they give their partner the freedom to be more of themselves, with less nagging that often characterizes the relationships back home. This flexibility could be one of the major reasons why so many Western men praise Thai women, especially when it comes to relationships and even marriage.

 

But there is often more to the story than that. Although, Thai women may not expect the same emotional intimacy or exclusivity, they may still demand something else in return. That’s where the transactional side comes into play. They might not expect lavish spending, but there’s often an expectation of consistent financial support, especially when it comes to daily living, providing a nice home to live in, and helping out financially with her family. But most of all, without the expectation that the Thai woman must also work. These things are something that Western men may be more than willing to give to a Thai woman than to a Western woman in exchange for the sense of freedom and ease that comes with being in a relationship with a Thai woman.

 

It’s also worth noting that many Western men in Thailand seem to accept this arrangement because they feel like they’re getting more of what they really want from the relationship, being that their own added freedom and flexibility, rather than the traditional intimacy or emotional connection that Western relationships so often emphasize. 

 

So, when Western men talk about how wonderful Thai women are as wives, they’re really often talking about the things that the Thai women don’t do rather than what they do do. The men value the space, the lack of constant scrutiny, and the freedom to be themselves without the pressure to conform to traditional expectations of marriage and relationships.

 

In the end, it’s a different kind of dynamic, one that prioritizes freedom over intimacy. Thai women offer an understanding of their partner’s needs, but at the same time, there’s an underlying expectation that support will always solidly be there, often in a financial sense. It’s not a perfect system, and it may not work for everyone, but it’s a reality for many Western men who find themselves drawn to relationships in Thailand.
 

So when a Western man praises his own Thai wife, it could be less about having found the perfect soul mate and more about the flexible relational aspects they are benefitting from, which differ a lot to those in the West.

The cultures are different, for sure, as are the expectations of the husband and the wife.  In China they have concubines. In Thailand, there's the concept of the second wife.  From the Western viewpoint, that may seem strange.  In Asia, nothing unusual. 

 

I know a guy who married a girl from Asia.  She was from a very very wealthy family.  They lived in the USA on and off, but ended up back in Asia.  Anyway, she was always giving him a hard time because he wasn't making $$$$$. Despite the fact that she and her family members were all very very wealthy, she thought that it was his place to make even more money.  He tried, but he could never make a million dollars a year.  

 

Two conflicting set of expectations.  In his  mind, he likely thought she would be happy just being with him and living witting their means.  In her mind, that was not acceptable.  

 

He ended up divorced and remarried to a poor bar girl from a fishing village.  They're now back int eh USA and they're both happy.  

[OneMoreFarang]

11 hours ago, short-Timer said:

So the question to ask yourself is if your Thai wife is really just a long term rental or would she still have chosen you for your great looks and charming wit if all you had was an empty bank account? 

 

That does not make any sense - even if many people repeat it all the time.

Money makes life better and easier. Take a taxi instead of the bus, go to nice restaurants, live in a nice place. Put the AC on 20 degrees and don't worry about the electricity bill, the list is very long.

It's basically impossible to try to look at rich people and remove the money.

 

It also applies to friendships. Do I care if my friends have money? No, not really. But if we go out for dinner and a couple of drinks, would I always pay everything if my friends had no money? Or is it part of the friendship that today I invite you and tomorrow you invite me?

[Njoku]

10 hours ago, rimmae2 said:

Deserving of a PhD! I learnt more (or less?) in a 2 minutes read than 30 years in Thailand.

hahaha, guy obviously hasn't been around Thai women much, Asians are the most jealous on the planet, like him to try and get way with a bit on the side with my Thai partner..

[BusyB]

12 hours ago, MalcolmB said:

As long as you a sexually satisfying a Thai woman she will let you play with others if done discreetly.

The main difference between western women and Thais is that the Thais love sex more. 
They love it.

 

I'm glad I never hung out with the western women you knew.

 

There isn't a primate on the planet doesn't love sex - my experience with lovely women from all over the world anyway.

[Neeranam]

14 hours ago, SoCal1990 said:

In many Western relationships, I believe that expectations tend to be rooted more in notions of romance, intimacy, and equality than in Asia. And in Thailand, male-female relationships often take on a more transactional nature. Essentially, there is an unspoken agreement I've noticed where, while a Thai woman may expect greater financial support from her partner, she often offers a different kind of flexibility in return.

 

One of the key aspects that stands out to me is the level of freedom a Western man may feel he has in a relationship with a Thai woman versus a Western woman. Thus, Western men in Thailand often find themselves in a situation where their partner is much more accepting of certain behaviors that would be unacceptable or frowned upon in more traditional Western relationships. A Thai wife might tolerate the occasional drunken binge, a happy ending massage, or even the open agreement that the man can partake in a bit of infidelity. Proving that it's not about keeping tabs or setting rigid rules, instead she accepts that he needs his space and doesn’t push for anything too serious or restrictive.

 

This arrangement is, of course, different from what many Western men are used to. Thai women aren’t necessarily seeking to control or micromanage their partners. Instead, they seem to offer a more relaxed and laid-back approach. The idea is that they give their partner the freedom to be more of themselves, with less nagging that often characterizes the relationships back home. This flexibility could be one of the major reasons why so many Western men praise Thai women, especially when it comes to relationships and even marriage.

 

But there is often more to the story than that. Although, Thai women may not expect the same emotional intimacy or exclusivity, they may still demand something else in return. That’s where the transactional side comes into play. They might not expect lavish spending, but there’s often an expectation of consistent financial support, especially when it comes to daily living, providing a nice home to live in, and helping out financially with her family. But most of all, without the expectation that the Thai woman must also work. These things are something that Western men may be more than willing to give to a Thai woman than to a Western woman in exchange for the sense of freedom and ease that comes with being in a relationship with a Thai woman.

 

It’s also worth noting that many Western men in Thailand seem to accept this arrangement because they feel like they’re getting more of what they really want from the relationship, being that their own added freedom and flexibility, rather than the traditional intimacy or emotional connection that Western relationships so often emphasize. 

 

So, when Western men talk about how wonderful Thai women are as wives, they’re really often talking about the things that the Thai women don’t do rather than what they do do. The men value the space, the lack of constant scrutiny, and the freedom to be themselves without the pressure to conform to traditional expectations of marriage and relationships.

 

In the end, it’s a different kind of dynamic, one that prioritizes freedom over intimacy. Thai women offer an understanding of their partner’s needs, but at the same time, there’s an underlying expectation that support will always solidly be there, often in a financial sense. It’s not a perfect system, and it may not work for everyone, but it’s a reality for many Western men who find themselves drawn to relationships in Thailand.
 

So when a Western man praises his own Thai wife, it could be less about having found the perfect soul mate and more about the flexible relational aspects they are benefitting from, which differ a lot to those in the West.

You are talking purely a bout Farang men and Thai women. It's a totally different thing for Thai on Thai, for starters, they usually marry to someone on the same social ladder rung. Western men are not even on the first rung and most of their wives are on the bottom rung. Thai women don't really like farang but for the money. 

[CallumWK]

5 minutes ago, Neeranam said:

Thai women don't really like farang but for the money. 

 

You married to a Thai woman, aren't you. Glad you realize she takes you for the money only, and before you start, you are not a Thai because you have a Thai ID.

[Neeranam]

5 minutes ago, CallumWK said:

 

Why you deflect from the topic.

You claimed that Thai women take falang only for the money, so that includes you.

There are obviously exceptions. When I met my wife I was penniless, newly recovering alcoholic English teacher. My wife's friends/family questioned her about why she wanted to marry me. Her main reason was because I don't drink, nothing to do with money. 

Now answer my question about Elon. 

[BangkokReady]

3 hours ago, Old Curmudgeon said:

Fascinating comment: "cherry-pick" the rules.

I'm wanting to know more.

 

Essentially, she probably wants to be a modern woman but be with a traditional man.  This means she doesn't have any of the traditional female gender roles, while the man still has to pay for everything, plan everything, open the door for her, and so on.

 

A great deal for the woman, but not such a great deal for the man.

[AustinRacing]

This does not apply specifically to Thai women vs western women. If you replace Thai and western women with “some women” the story makes sense otherwise only partially accurate. 

[richard_smith237]

16 hours ago, SoCal1990 said:

she often offers a different kind of flexibility in return.

 

You mean...  both legs behind her neck kind of flexibility ???? 

[richard_smith237]

1 hour ago, BusyB said:

 

I'm glad I never hung out with the western women you knew.

 

There isn't a primate on the planet doesn't love sex - my experience with lovely women from all over the world anyway.

 

Indeed...  obviously a delusional monger doesn't realise the women he's paid to act are acting !!!... 

 

Western women despise him for a reason....

[gearbox]

15 hours ago, HappyExpat57 said:

New member or AI clickbait?

Bob's posts are much more genuine and entertaining.

[cdnvic]

Removed some off topic posts.

[Tookea]

22 hours ago, short-Timer said:

So the question to ask yourself is if your Thai wife is really just a long term rental or would she still have chosen you for your great looks and charming wit if all you had was an empty bank account? 

You are kidding yourself if you think there is one western woman who would have  chosen a man with an empty bank account. Its definitely not exclusive to Thais, it's how men and women play the game.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 1/7/2025 at 11:52 AM, KhunLA said:

Just like jobs, why I'm on #6, long term, live in relationship.  Along with can't eve count how many short term relationships. 

 

My one ex wife told me, "I go through women, faster than she goes through batteries" 

I've always wondered how some men are never short of some person with a vagina despite a bad record on fidelity. As someone that never had women flinging themselves at me to use them as a receptacle, it seems strange that so many apparently do with other guys.

I wonder what the magic potion is- money, power, pheromones, a huge one? If I drove a better car would I have scored more?

 

The only answer I can come up with is that there are a lot of really dumb western women out there that believe anything a good looking man says.

 

Thai women are not as dumb as western women- they may spread themselves around, but they get paid for doing so. Western women just end up crying and eating too much icecream.

[thaibeachlovers]

9 hours ago, Neeranam said:

There are obviously exceptions. When I met my wife I was penniless, newly recovering alcoholic English teacher. My wife's friends/family questioned her about why she wanted to marry me. Her main reason was because I don't drink, nothing to do with money. 

Now answer my question about Elon. 

There has to be something more than just not drinking, though I don't expect an answer on that.

[thaibeachlovers]

11 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

But if we go out for dinner and a couple of drinks, would I always pay everything if my friends had no money? Or is it part of the friendship that today I invite you and tomorrow you invite me?

Reminds me of a couple of western women I was friends with ( no sex involved ). I asked them out for dinner ( not both at same time ) and they expected me to pay, despite earning as much or more than I did. No invite from them later. One of them even demanded we go to a better ( more expensive ) restaurant than the one I intended. I learned that lesson and she was the last one.

[thaibeachlovers]

10 hours ago, BusyB said:

There isn't a primate on the planet doesn't love sex - my experience with lovely women from all over the world anyway.

My experience is that women only "love" sex till they get what they want. When they think they have the sucker hooked the sex ends.

My first ex stopped having sex with me, but after I left her she miraculously rediscovered her sex drive to catch the next muggins. She married him, but must have tried the same BS, as ended up divorced a couple years later.

[BarBoy]

On 1/7/2025 at 5:52 AM, KhunLA said:

It's also why so many marriages fail now, as it's socially acceptable to be divorced.

...can you tell that to Mrs. Neville?

 

I keep trying to get rid of her but she just wont take the hint!

[Thingamabob]

Nothing new about this. Relationships throughout Asia have always been more materialistic and less emotional than in the West, thankfully.

[jerrymahoney]

Dolly Parton has been married to her husband for almost 60 years. Why did she marry him?

Dolly was "surprised and delighted" that this tall, handsome man looked at her face when they were talking—"a rare thing for me," she said—and "seemed to be genuinely interested in finding out who I was and what I was about."

https://www.countryliving.com/life/entertainment/a43321/dolly-parton-carl-dean-love-story/

[SAFETY FIRST]

On 1/7/2025 at 5:45 AM, SoCal1990 said:

having found the perfect soul mate

No such thing. 

 

On 1/7/2025 at 5:45 AM, SoCal1990 said:

Thai woman may expect greater financial support from her partner

My girlfriend is young, I spoil her to death. 

 

I prefer to spend my hard earned money buying gifts on a sweet smelling, slim woman, having tight, soft skin. 

 

Men are at a disadvantage, a woman can climax with any man. 

I couldn't get an erection with an aging, smelly, sagging woman. 

 

 

[1happykamper]

I miss getting laid Western style.. IE... go to a bar... meet a lady... drink.. dance and then by mutual understanding that you're both horny and you BOTH want to ENJOY sex.. you frolic off to yours or there home. ONS...no harm done.. Just for pleasure. 

 

[SAFETY FIRST]

6 minutes ago, 1happykamper said:

I miss getting laid Western style.. IE... go to a bar... meet a lady... drink.. dance 

Having the name "happykamper", I would have thought that you would be looking for a male friend. 🌈

 

[SiSePuede419]

16 hours ago, Gobbler said:

My motto is "No honey, no money."

Thanks for reminding every horndog the Thai Pussy Tax® is completely voluntary. 🤑

 

horndog

noun

informal (US)

a man with strong sexual desires.

[1happykamper]

37 minutes ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

Having the name "happykamper", I would have thought that you would be looking for a male friend. 🌈

 

What? Happy? Kamper. Where did you read.. Homo.. From those two words? 

 

🤣🤣🤣🤣 You wish! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[wwest5829]

I have shared my thinking with other Americans concerning male-female relationships here in Thailand after retiring here in 2011. My observation has been that it is like stepping back into a time when I was growing up in the States (1950s). The male is expected to, “bring home the bacon” (supply the financial security). The female role is to take care of the domestic side. Additional observation I have found is that my female partner is pleasantly dedicated to taking care of her man (yes, feel free to observe that this is in her security interest). While every relationship varies according to different considerations/influences … it appears to me, that it is still possible to find a relationship here where the finances are much like the USA of my childhood. We might note the role differences in the working middle class USA where it is necessary economically for both partners to work. IMHO, there has been quite a cost as a result … our “Boomer” history is littered with the resulting conflicts/divorces.