We have exclusively and semi-legally obtained the following entries, written in the early days of the Trump administration, from the personal diary of a junior administrator at USAID (who will not be named at this time).

10:39 a.m. 

Woke up to 11 missed calls and 53 texts on my personal phone. Lost my work phone months ago after having lunch with that nice Chinese lady who was interested in buying some of my dumpster art. (Never heard back, natch.) When I finally figured out what was going on, it hit me like the murder of Cedric Diggory by Wormtail, the conniving Death Eater, at the end of 'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.' All remote workers were being called back to the office. The Republicans fascists had arrived to implement their cisnormative fatphobic Zionist white supremacist agenda. Played ukulele for Hillary and cleaned her compost bin. 

11:15 a.m.

Listened to the Jennifer Rubin podcast in the shower, then called my other boss at Greenpeace to tell him (thanks, patriarchy) I was taking another sick day. Tried to DoorDash some avocado toast on the USAID account. Declined!!! WTF??? Called emergency therapist while brushing my teeth, then again from the car on the way into D.C. Traffic sucks, but the Metro is unsafe and unreliable (thanks, GOP). Sent a long group text to the polycule. Got a voice message from my colleague [redacted] who said her trip to Cambodia was cancelled without explanation. Her team was prepping for months to fulfill their critical mission of performing a renowned alternative theater symposium on climate feminism for historically disadvantaged sex traffickers. THIS IS WHAT AUTOCRACY LOOKS LIKE.

11:46 a.m.

Pulled over for texting. ACAB!!!

12:01 p.m.

Voldemort is in the house, y'all, and I'm literally not kidding. First time back in the office since March 2020, and this is worse than Gaza. Public servants are sobbing under their desks. The vibe is one of tragic apocalyptic suffering. TVs spew right-wing talking points from CNN.  An invading army of Latinx janitors, traitors to their own people, have defiled our refuge, installing new signs to re-segregate the bathrooms by birth gender. They already trashed the macramé dreamcatchers we made for Indigenous People's Day, not to mention our 7th place trophy display from the 'Evade Inequity' dodgeball tournament last week to raise money for the Islamic-Atheist Alliance. The self-care sanctuary was turned back into a conference room, the male menstruation space turned back into a kitchenette. Tried logging into my Politico Pro account after consoling several victims. Determined to read up on what it is I actually do here in case someone asks. Access denied!!! 

 

2:35 p.m.

WHAT THE F—??? Lord Voldemort VoldeMusk and his fascist thugs are committing actual violence now. Was packing up to leave at my regular logoff time, but was told I had to keep working or resign. My tears of rage soaked into the polymer fibers of my N95 respirator, which they asked me to take off as if we weren't in the midst of a deadly pandemic. I told them I needed to go home and start prepping Hillary's anti-anxiety enema, and they just laughed. I threatened to tell HR, but they assured me the ban on laughter was revoked, along with the ban on working past 11 a.m. on Thursdays and Fridays. I have never felt more terrorized or literally enslaved. WE COULD HAVE CHOSEN JOY!!!

My fear is that it's real, and not a Babylon Bee parody.

 

2 minutes ago, impulse said:

My fear is that it's real, and not a Babylon Bee parody.

 

It almost sounds like the real thing.  

 

Anyway, if nothing else the Trump administration is providing great entertainment.  

 

38 minutes ago, rwilem said:

We have exclusively and semi-legally obtained the following entries, written in the early days of the Trump administration, from the personal diary of a junior administrator at USAID (who will not be named at this time).

10:39 a.m. 

Woke up to 11 missed calls and 53 texts

 

 

 

Well done.

6 minutes ago, impulse said:

My fear is that it's real, and not a Babylon Bee parody.

 

"VoldeMusk and his fascist thugs are committing actual violence now" . This part is, most definitely.

So this is the world in 2025. I think id prefer thailands problems

33 minutes ago, madone said:

 

 

Well done.

All credit to Andrew Stiles at the Free Beacon. 

https://freebeacon.com/satire/exclusive-personal-diary-of-usaid-staffer-reveals-apocalyptic-suffering-at-beleaguered-agency/

7 minutes ago, Ben Zioner said:

"VoldeMusk and his fascist thugs are committing actual violence now" . This part is, most definitely.

 

That sounds exactly like what some AN posters would say.  And then they'd expect to be taken seriously.

 

2 minutes ago, rwilem said:

All credit to Andrew Stiles at the Free Beacon. 

https://freebeacon.com/satire/exclusive-personal-diary-of-usaid-staffer-reveals-apocalyptic-suffering-at-beleaguered-agency/

 

it really is brillant. decent satire is rare these days. thanks for sharing. 

 

20 minutes ago, Ben Zioner said:

"VoldeMusk and his fascist thugs are committing actual violence now" . This part is, most definitely.

 

The violence is where and against who? Stopping corruption and waste is not violence.

13 minutes ago, proton said:

 

The violence is where and against who? Stopping corruption and waste is not violence.

Well if you chose to ignore that the closure of USAID is likely kill cause a higher death toll that the Gaza war.

https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2025/feb/04/deaths-predicted-amid-the-chaos-of-elon-musks-shutdown-of-usaid

2 minutes ago, Ben Zioner said:

Well if you chose to ignore that the closure of USAID is likely kill cause a higher death toll that the Gaza war.

Why is that my problem?  I'm not here to fund the rest of the world 

14 minutes ago, Mike_Hunt said:

Why is that my problem?  I'm not here to fund the rest of the world 

Sure, I am well ware that the US has now opted for leadership through mindless, brute force.

Thank You President Trump

 

Boo Hoo ... I've been laid off and made redundant from a few employers.  Welcome to reality.  If true, you overstayed your overpaid welcome already.

 

Have a nice day ... on your paid leave, which I never got.

1 hour ago, impulse said:

 

That sounds exactly like what some AN posters would say.  And then they'd expect to be taken seriously.

 

Then they would call you the vilest names, flame you and every trump voter like a Pionere with a flamethrower at Verdun, then when you point out their obvious flaws, they complain about your post and lobby vigorously for your removal

1 hour ago, Ben Zioner said:

Well if you chose to ignore that the closure of USAID is likely kill cause a higher death toll that the Gaza war.

https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2025/feb/04/deaths-predicted-amid-the-chaos-of-elon-musks-shutdown-of-usaid

 

They give themselves away in the title.  Elon's not shutting anything down.  He can't.  He's been asked by the elected President to lead a team that's auditing where the money is going so that the people who do have the authority can make data based decisions.

I'd click on the link to see how ridiculous the body is, but it's blocked where I'm staying.  Not sad about that at all in this case.

 

7 hours ago, Ben Zioner said:

Sure, I am well ware that the US has now opted for leadership through mindless, brute force.

This makes no sense.  Try again. 

21 hours ago, KhunLA said:

Boo Hoo ... I've been laid off and made redundant from a few employers.  Welcome to reality.  If true, you overstayed your overpaid welcome already.

Indeed. 

 

Dealing with immediate termination from USAID can be quite painful to process.