Okay, I need to ask this because I’m genuinely confused. There’s a woman I chat with sometimes who works at a shop where I buy local cakes from. She’s friendly, seems nice, I find her attractive, and so I’m curious. But based on the way she dresses sometimes and some of her mannerisms, I’ve started wondering: what if she’s lesbian and isn't interested in men. Is there a polite way to find out, or is this one of those questions that’s just universally off-limits?

 

We can ask Thai people all sorts of things without raising an eyebrow. Bodily functions, being overweight, even topics like transgender issues don’t usually cause offense. So why would this be any different?

 

I’m genuinely asking because I don’t want to be rude, but I’m also curious. Is there a way to approach this respectfully, or is it better to just let it remain a mystery?

 

Another option would be just to ask her out, but if she says no, I'm left wondering whether it’s because of her sexual orientation or something personal. That’s why I’d like to clear up the question of sexuality beforehand, so at least I know where I stand.

How do you know its a woman? If theres something off about him its possibly a guy

3 minutes ago, 123Stodg said:

Another option would be just to ask her out

A sure way of finding out if it’s a guy or not.

20 minutes ago, 123Stodg said:

Okay, I need to ask this because I’m genuinely confused. There’s a woman I chat with sometimes who works at a shop where I buy local cakes from. She’s friendly, seems nice, I find her attractive, and so I’m curious. But based on the way she dresses sometimes and some of her mannerisms, I’ve started wondering: what if she’s lesbian and isn't interested in men. Is there a polite way to find out, or is this one of those questions that’s just universally off-limits?

 

We can ask Thai people all sorts of things without raising an eyebrow. Bodily functions, being overweight, even topics like transgender issues don’t usually cause offense. So why would this be any different?

 

I’m genuinely asking because I don’t want to be rude, but I’m also curious. Is there a way to approach this respectfully, or is it better to just let it remain a mystery?

 

Another option would be just to ask her out, but if she says no, I'm left wondering whether it’s because of her sexual orientation or something personal. That’s why I’d like to clear up the question of sexuality beforehand, so at least I know where I stand.

There is one big problem with your way at looking at this. The right way, would be to ask her/him to go out with you. However, if she/he says no mean there is no interest. If somebody is not interested in you, why the hell would you have anything to do with the persons sexuality? That´s the polite way of dealing with this situation. Just sad that I have to inform a grown up man about such simple things in life.

Two troll posts removed 

 

@Harrisfan

 

The OP asked a valid question.

 

Please be respectful in your comments.

What I would do would be to ask her out.

Then pile on the drinks.

Go in for a fondle and a kiss. 
If she rejects me she is obviously gay.

 

 

Cut to the case and ask her out.....

 

Woman, katoey, man........if they yes to a date you'll soon find out, if they say no you'll just have to ask.

Ask her about the knee thing 

55 minutes ago, 123Stodg said:

Asking a Thai Woman if She’s Gay: Polite or Not? 

I've got a cute Thai chick I see in the condo I visit. 

I've been chatting with her over the last couple of years. We have each other's Line, when we see each other we have a chat. 

 

Anyway, the other day, we were chatting, I was indicating to her, I wanted to get intimate.

I I spoke to her, I never see you with a man, you don't have a boyfriend? She agreed, no boyfriend, I straight away said, are you a lesbian, she giggled, saying no. 

 

It's all about your approach. 

 

2 minutes ago, Celsius said:

Ask her about the knee thing 

 

What's that?

 

Fancy a knee trembler?

 

Answer, Yes, great.

 

Answer, No, well do you mind standing still while I have one?

 

 

24 minutes ago, MalcolmB said:

What I would do would be to ask her out.

Then pile on the drinks.

Go in for a fondle and a kiss. 
If she rejects me she is obviously gay.

Pile on the drinks lol

1 hour ago, 123Stodg said:

But based on the way she dresses sometimes and some of her mannerisms, I’ve started wondering: what if she’s lesbian

 

How do lesbians dress, anyway???

 

And, what are their mannerisms???

 

Do they behave the opposite of the Boys in the Band, or what?

 

 

I   see many Foreigners asking  Thai Women if they are Lady boys or not, the Women dont look that  bothered by it...

Sometimes, being grown up and direct works very well.

 

"Hi!  Now that I've met you, I'm really interested in spending more time with you.  Do you date men?"

 

Nothing more need to be asked. If she's gay, she'll say no. If she's straight or bi, and she likes you, she'll say yes.  It's not as if you're asking her if she still wears a training bra. If she isn't attracted to you for other reasons, she'll let you know.

17 minutes ago, actonion said:

I   see many Foreigners asking  Thai Women if they are Lady boys or not, the Women dont look that  bothered by it...

 

I just hope that you are not saying they are INSCRUTABLE.....

1 hour ago, 123Stodg said:

Okay, I need to ask this because I’m genuinely confused. There’s a woman I chat with sometimes who works at a shop where I buy local cakes from. She’s friendly, seems nice, I find her attractive, and so I’m curious. But based on the way she dresses sometimes and some of her mannerisms, I’ve started wondering: what if she’s lesbian and isn't interested in men. Is there a polite way to find out, or is this one of those questions that’s just universally off-limits?

 

We can ask Thai people all sorts of things without raising an eyebrow. Bodily functions, being overweight, even topics like transgender issues don’t usually cause offense. So why would this be any different?

 

I’m genuinely asking because I don’t want to be rude, but I’m also curious. Is there a way to approach this respectfully, or is it better to just let it remain a mystery?

 

Another option would be just to ask her out, but if she says no, I'm left wondering whether it’s because of her sexual orientation or something personal. That’s why I’d like to clear up the question of sexuality beforehand, so at least I know where I stand.

Ask her if she is a "Tomboy."  The term is harmless enough in Thai society. 

45 minutes ago, GammaGlobulin said:

 

How do lesbians dress, anyway???

 

And, what are their mannerisms???

 

Do they behave the opposite of the Boys in the Band, or what?

 

 

Are you that unperceptive?  I guess some people are.  Tomboys in Thailand are easy to spot.  Their girlfriends are often very feminine bordering on hotties. 

 

 

I've know a number of girls who have had both girlfriends and boyfriends or even husbands.  Most Thai people seem to understand that affection and attraction is not a strictly categorized as it is in the west. 

2 hours ago, 123Stodg said:

I’ve started wondering: what if she’s lesbian and isn't interested in men. Is there a polite way to find out, or is this one of those questions that’s just universally off-limits?

 

Common sense would suggest that asking someone directly does not commonly work out well, if one is interested to date that person. However, what do you have to lose; either she is lesbian, or, alternatively, perhaps, easily offended, which would backfire later... Why not ask her, whether she has a 'girlfriend' and see how she reacts? 😆 

1 hour ago, connda said:

Are you that unperceptive?  I guess some people are.  Tomboys in Thailand are easy to spot.  Their girlfriends are often very feminine bordering on hotties. 

 

 

 

Hotties?

 

It's "No big deal"....

 

I think the best way to get a Thai person to answer something like that is with lightheartedness and humor, get her to laugh, joke around with her and then just ask her do you like men or women?

 

It's a pretty innocent question. 

i think, what you really want to know is: is there any chance of a threesome with her friend ?

2 hours ago, connda said:

Are you that unperceptive?  I guess some people are.  Tomboys in Thailand are easy to spot.  Their girlfriends are often very feminine bordering on hotties. 

 

 

I could spot a "tom" a mile away. They all look exactly like that. It's like to stereotypical gay accent which is so perfectly replicated by so many people.

 

Flame post removed.

 

@newbee2022

 

 

As I pointed out earlier, the OP is asking a valid question.

 

I also requested respectful comments.

 

 

7 hours ago, 123Stodg said:

Okay, I need to ask this because I’m genuinely confused. There’s a woman I chat with sometimes who works at a shop where I buy local cakes from. She’s friendly, seems nice, I find her attractive, and so I’m curious. But based on the way she dresses sometimes and some of her mannerisms, I’ve started wondering: what if she’s lesbian and isn't interested in men. Is there a polite way to find out, or is this one of those questions that’s just universally off-limits?

 

We can ask Thai people all sorts of things without raising an eyebrow. Bodily functions, being overweight, even topics like transgender issues don’t usually cause offense. So why would this be any different?

 

I’m genuinely asking because I don’t want to be rude, but I’m also curious. Is there a way to approach this respectfully, or is it better to just let it remain a mystery?

 

Another option would be just to ask her out, but if she says no, I'm left wondering whether it’s because of her sexual orientation or something personal. That’s why I’d like to clear up the question of sexuality beforehand, so at least I know where I stand.

 

Just say to her "I'd like to clear up the question of your sexuality, so at least I know where I stand."

 

That's guaranteed to sweep any gal off her feet.

 

 

 

Do you want to keep living?

I don't think Thais are bothered about this sort of stuff as much as westerners are.

 

For instance if someone is fat Thai's have no problem telling them that.  In the west it would be considered impolite.

On 11/10/2025 at 8:59 AM, MalcolmB said:

What I would do would be to ask her out.

Then pile on the drinks.

Go in for a fondle and a kiss. 
If she rejects me she is obviously gay.

Not necessarily. It could be she’s not interested in you and is there for a free meal and drinks. 

On 11/10/2025 at 8:59 AM, MalcolmB said:

What I would do would be to ask her out.

Then pile on the drinks.

Go in for a fondle and a kiss. 
If she rejects me she is obviously gay.

Such a romantic 

So OP checked off introvert on the other thread 

 

You obviously don't know her enough to even ask out.  If chit chatting with, as you say, how can you not know if she is not in a relationship already, live alone, or with parents, or even where she lives.

 

Strange queries from grown men on AN, and would think at this stage in life, all been experienced by now.   Would explain why you're not in a relationship.

 

Holy Buddha, just ask her out.  

 

Be prepared for a 'no' though, as apparently most of the female population are gay here, as turn me down so many times 😎