Spoff Bag.................... TLSW

Arse pimple!

Michael Jackson fan.

Did that cross a line?

wankyswallower

Michael Jackson fan.

Did that cross a line?

Just a bit OTT there Taddy. As an experienced bedlam member you should have known better! I'm disappointed in you!

shirtlifter

tlsw

Flap opener!

Knob Jockey

Marmite!

A classic Americanism that conveys so much feeling - asshol_e

The size of mine covers much more than feeling mate..........

Flubber ( Fat lazy usless b$$%^& ) TLSW.

The name of one of my dogs -- Shitbird

From my Army days:

A 1966 "Jody Cadence" at Basic Training in Ft. Leonard Wood...

"Ho Chi Minh is a son of a bitch.

He's got blue balls, clap and the seven-day itch.

Hope his balls fall off with jungle rot,

And the Black Death turns him into snot."

Jody Cadences were sung by training platoons as they were running or marching. Verses would be sung by different members in the platoon, with each member expected to come up with his own creation. In military lore, a "Jody" was a guy who managed to avoid the draft or didn't sign up for military duty and stayed Stateside where he screwed all the military wives.

Another Jody Cadence:

"I don't know but I've been told,

Eskimo pussy is mighty cold.

Mmmmuh....tastes good.

Mmmmuh....mighty good.

I don't know but I've been told,

Eskimo pussy is mighty cold." **

** From "Full Metal Jacket."

My favorite Jody though was one sung for my benefit:

"I don't know but I've been told,

Our First Sergeant is mighty old.

His balls hang down to his knees

And his ass is big like a Mercedes.

He can't see anymore without his glasses.

He don't know we sleep through his classes.

But if we go to a shooting war,

He'll keep my ass safe and warm."

Forty years after the fact, at a reunion, all someone has to do is start a "Jody Cadence" and dozens of guys will be able to chime in. It is amazing what you remember as the fog of a long life begins to set in....

A story told to me by one of the older chaps here from his military service days. I'm sure that I have posted it in Bedlam before but it was a long time ago, so some of the newer members may not have seen it.

Squaddies on the parade ground for inspection and the Sergeant is walking the line, he trips and one of the chaps can't help himself but burst into a fit of giggles, the Sergeant takes his baton from under his arm and pokes the Private in the chest stating "there's a c*nt on the end of this stick" without even thinking the Private replies "not this end Sir"

Quite a few potatoes were peeled for weeks after.

And that word has to be the last swear word.

I agree Taddy, this thread has gone far enough.

I agree Taddy, this thread has gone far enough.

Yes I agree but you aren't the OP - Robski is and I am sure he would use the following, or some variatiion

tlsw naff orf

CB

Squaddies on the parade ground for inspection and the Sergeant is walking the line, he trips and one of the chaps can't help himself but burst into a fit of giggles, the Sergeant takes his baton from under his arm and pokes the Private in the chest stating "there's a c*nt on the end of this stick" without even thinking the Private replies "not this end Sir"

This story has been going around barracks since the days of the Roman Legions I have heard it as "fact" in three different Armies around the world.

The usual way is for the RSM/DI or variant to use his pacing stick/swagger stick to point out a miniscule piece of dirt on the soldier's shirt and say "There's a piece of shit on the end of this stick" The reply is the same.

CB

All stories are re-told, it's the context that changes. It's still good though!

All stories are re-told, it's the context that changes. It's still good though!

There's nuffin' new under the sun

tlsw buggerit

All stories are re-told, it's the context that changes. It's still good though!

There's nuffin' new under the sun

tlsw buggerit

Oh I don't know, but we probably will find Trans-Lawrencium eventually.... but that probably isn't new, just haven't found it yet.

Hang on .... this is the swear word thread........

errrr........

Cock sucker.

That'll do

All stories are re-told, it's the context that changes. It's still good though!

There's nuffin' new under the sun

tlsw buggerit

"The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun."

Ecclesiastes 1:9

Read it in context hough, it's talking about our 'labour under the sun' ie working for a living, etc! Read the whole of chapter 1 to see what I mean!

When they were handing out noses - he thought they said roses and said he wanted a big, red one

CB

When they were handing out brains he thought they said trains and he'd catch the next one

CB

When they were handing out ears he thought they said beers and wanted two with big handles

CB

when they were handing out cocks he thought they said clocks and said he wanted a small one with hands on

CB

Jokes from childhood, great, the simplest are the best!

Perhaps the master should have the last word

(Try this sight for the best insults of all

http://www.william-shakespeare.org.uk/shak...-dictionary.htm )

A pox dam_n you, you muddy rascal, is that all the comfort you bring me? (Henry IV Part 2)

A foul and pestilent congregation of vapours. What a piece of work is man! (Hamlet)

A wholesome jackanapes must take me up for swearing, as if I borrowed mine oaths of him (Cymbeline)

When they were handing out ears he thought they said beers and wanted two with big handles

CB

I thought it looked wrong

When they were handing out ears he thought they said beers and wanted two jugs

CB

But wait there's more:

When they were handing out bellies he thought they said jellies and asked for a big wobbly one

CB

When they were handing out noses - he thought they said roses and said he wanted a big, red one

CB

When they were handing out brains he thought they said trains and he'd catch the next one

CB

When they were handing out ears he thought they said beers and wanted two with big handles

CB

when they were handing out cocks he thought they said clocks and said he wanted a small one with hands on

CB

But wait there's more:

When they were handing out bellies he thought they said jellies and asked for a big wobbly one

CB

Whoever "he" is, he should get his ears checked.