1. How to get used to almost anything

There’s a reason that the first few days or weeks in a new country are called the honeymoon period—the country’s bad habits and blemishes have yet to make themselves obvious. They always do though. It can be anything from cultural acceptance of littering to limited dining options, but something will start to drive you crazy.

2. How t...[fair use alert!]

http://www.bootsnall.com/articles/12-01/10-important-life-lessons-you-learn-from-living-abroad.html?utm_source=BootsnAll+Travel&utm_campaign=be73190c17-RSS_EMAIL&utm_medium=email

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Most examples are from the writer's time in Vietnam or NZ but it holds true for most places as well.

...[sic] "holds true for most places as well".

Does it? Every situation and person might differ considerably.

Guess it depends on one's experience and exposure, doesn't it?

3. The importance of sharing a meal

I was doing a course in the UK and was staying at a hotel where some Asians were staying. I don't know where they were from but no-one had bothered to explain that in the UK you order your own individual meal rather than a set of dishes which are shared. Every night they each ordered something different from the menu, put all the plates in the middle of the table and picked bits from all the different plates.

Number 5 ought to be required reading as you climb onto a plane to go anywhere:

5. How to question the status quo

All those things you grew up thinking were written in stone? Forget about them. There is almost nothing you’ve learned that is incontestable—everything from table manners to hygiene is culturally relative.

I have been well trained to be polite in the American sense, and if there is one thing I knew never to do, it’s yelling indoors. But to get the attention of a waiter in a Vietnamese restaurant subtle hand signals or eye contact won’t cut it: it is imperative that you shout “Hey you!” as loud as you can. Did this make me feel like a jerk? Absolutely. But after a few weeks, I decided that it makes me feel like less of a jerk than sitting around waiting to be doted on like a princess. It’s all relative.

Yelling at wait staff was never my cup of tea, but I’ve picked up other ideas from living abroad that have taught me to question the givens in my life. Once you’ve had your expectations turned thoroughly upside down, you start to see that there are other, sometimes even better, ways to do things.

...[sic] "holds true for most places as well".

Does it? Every situation and person might differ considerably.

Guess it depends on one's experience and exposure, doesn't it?

Sure, but at one time, the experienced person was inexperienced - true? There was a time when all of us were rookies at being an expat. After all these years and living in different cultures and continents I don't get culture shock when I go to a new place (except maybe when I returned home to the States). Like any newcomer I still have to figure out how things are done - more so than most places when I returned home. When you're a foreigner, locals (not knowing if you are a tourist or live there) expect you not to know how to do things their way. When you return home after several years, are surrounded by your own kind and don't know how to do something it can be awkward.

When you return home after several years, are surrounded by your own kind and don't know how to do something it can be awkward.

Interesting perspective

nice article too....enjoyed it thanks

3. The importance of sharing a meal

I was doing a course in the UK and was staying at a hotel where some Asians were staying. I don't know where they were from but no-one had bothered to explain that in the UK you order your own individual meal rather than a set of dishes which are shared. Every night they each ordered something different from the menu, put all the plates in the middle of the table and picked bits from all the different plates.

...savages.

3. The importance of sharing a meal

I was doing a course in the UK and was staying at a hotel where some Asians were staying. I don't know where they were from but no-one had bothered to explain that in the UK you order your own individual meal rather than a set of dishes which are shared. Every night they each ordered something different from the menu, put all the plates in the middle of the table and picked bits from all the different plates.

A lot of western food isn't made for sharing with a group of people. Cutting up hamburgers, steak, chicken fillets, pork chops, lasagne, whatever into 4 or so pieces isn't as easy at divvying up rice and noodle dishes.

3. The importance of sharing a meal

I was doing a course in the UK and was staying at a hotel where some Asians were staying. I don't know where they were from but no-one had bothered to explain that in the UK you order your own individual meal rather than a set of dishes which are shared. Every night they each ordered something different from the menu, put all the plates in the middle of the table and picked bits from all the different plates.

A lot of western food isn't made for sharing with a group of people. Cutting up hamburgers, steak, chicken fillets, pork chops, lasagne, whatever into 4 or so pieces isn't as easy at divvying up rice and noodle dishes.

That might be a blessing in disguise for them...

...[sic] "holds true for most places as well".

Does it? Every situation and person might differ considerably.

Guess it depends on one's experience and exposure, doesn't it?

Sure, but at one time, the experienced person was inexperienced - true? There was a time when all of us were rookies at being an expat. After all these years and living in different cultures and continents I don't get culture shock when I go to a new place (except maybe when I returned home to the States). Like any newcomer I still have to figure out how things are done - more so than most places when I returned home. When you're a foreigner, locals (not knowing if you are a tourist or live there) expect you not to know how to do things their way. When you return home after several years, are surrounded by your own kind and don't know how to do something it can be awkward.

Sure, if you are used to switching cultures, your experience lets you adapt easier. But for the average expat, I have often heard (and seen) that the first year in Thailand is the hardest, because you do go through the four phases of culture shock:

Honeymoon - Annoyance/Sarcasm - Depression - Adaption.

I know enough people who left during the Depression phase (I cannot live here, they are so stupid, it's so dirty, no decent food etc etc), but those who made it for a year, adapted well enough to stay and be a functional member of their company.

I have often heard (and believe it to be true) that if you stay in Thailand for five years, you cannot go back to your home country. Maybe the truth is more general in terms of country, and more flexible in terms of time. But yes, if you go back to your home country after many years, you will experience a "reverse culture shock", which experts say is more severe than the normal culture shock to begin with.

...[sic] "holds true for most places as well".

Does it? Every situation and person might differ considerably.

Guess it depends on one's experience and exposure, doesn't it?

Sure, but at one time, the experienced person was inexperienced - true? There was a time when all of us were rookies at being an expat. After all these years and living in different cultures and continents I don't get culture shock when I go to a new place (except maybe when I returned home to the States). Like any newcomer I still have to figure out how things are done - more so than most places when I returned home. When you're a foreigner, locals (not knowing if you are a tourist or live there) expect you not to know how to do things their way. When you return home after several years, are surrounded by your own kind and don't know how to do something it can be awkward.

Textbook standards.

Feeling cynical and negative lately eh zzaa09? Not very pleasant to deal with and so similar to so many of the miserable foreigners that live in Thailand, it would seem.

I have often heard (and believe it to be true) that if you stay in Thailand for five years, you cannot go back to your home country. Maybe the truth is more general in terms of country, and more flexible in terms of time. But yes, if you go back to your home country after many years, you will experience a "reverse culture shock", which experts say is more severe than the normal culture shock to begin with.

I've never lived in another country away from the UK as an adult (I lived in Oz for 5 years when I was young) but I spent 10 years at sea in the Merchant Navy. Even though I spent a couple of months a year on leave it was still a considerable shock when I came ashore. I couldn't get over how selfish, thoughtless, petty and stupid people were. I still do occasionally and I've been ashore for 27 years now.

In my experience it is always difficult to go back to a country where you've lived previously. It's partly to do with selective memory; your memory tends to filter out the less pleasant aspects of life in a particular country so that when you go back, it is no longer the country you remember. I was born and brought up in UK, then took a job in Singapore; when I went back to UK, I didn't like it. Then I moved on to Hong Kong, and when I visited Singapore, I didn't like it. Then I moved to Thailand, and when I went to Hong Kong on a visit, I didn't like it. My next migration will probably be when I go up in smoke. I thoroughly enjoyed each country I lived in; let's hope the last migration is as successful.

I have often heard (and believe it to be true) that if you stay in Thailand for five years, you cannot go back to your home country. Maybe the truth is more general in terms of country, and more flexible in terms of time. But yes, if you go back to your home country after many years, you will experience a "reverse culture shock", which experts say is more severe than the normal culture shock to begin with.

I've never lived in another country away from the UK as an adult (I lived in Oz for 5 years when I was young) but I spent 10 years at sea in the Merchant Navy. Even though I spent a couple of months a year on leave it was still a considerable shock when I came ashore. I couldn't get over how selfish, thoughtless, petty and stupid people were. I still do occasionally and I've been ashore for 27 years now.

Interesting perspective. While what I said was with reference to National Cultures, there is certainly a culture on board which is different from any national culture. Especially if the crew members come from different countries.

i always think back to two times in my earlier yrs. the 1st was when i was fresh off the plane in Bali and tried to get my body in the water tub in the toilet thinking it was a bath tub for small people and later when i was running a resturaunt and people complained because they saw a rat above their table eating an offering, i said no worries they are rice rats, not city rats. lol

3. The importance of sharing a meal

I was doing a course in the UK and was staying at a hotel where some Asians were staying. I don't know where they were from but no-one had bothered to explain that in the UK you order your own individual meal rather than a set of dishes which are shared. Every night they each ordered something different from the menu, put all the plates in the middle of the table and picked bits from all the different plates.

A lot of western food isn't made for sharing with a group of people. Cutting up hamburgers, steak, chicken fillets, pork chops, lasagne, whatever into 4 or so pieces isn't as easy at divvying up rice and noodle dishes.

i think the only thing on your list that cant be shared is the burger.

When you return home after several years, are surrounded by your own kind and don't know how to do something it can be awkward.

Interesting perspective

nice article too....enjoyed it thanks

I went back a couple of years ago and had to purchase some goods through an "automated check out". I was having a few difficulties and the employee that STANDS RIGHT NEXT TO IT helped me out, which of course begs the question, why couldn't she have just checked me out in the first place?

When you return home after several years, are surrounded by your own kind and don't know how to do something it can be awkward.

Interesting perspective

nice article too....enjoyed it thanks

I went back a couple of years ago and had to purchase some goods through an "automated check out". I was having a few difficulties and the employee that STANDS RIGHT NEXT TO IT helped me out, which of course begs the question, why couldn't she have just checked me out in the first place?

I read your post, Lannarebirth, with a great deal of pleasure.

There are all sorts of things I can't do (silly things, like, the other day, opening the remote to replace the batteries). I have developed looking helpless to a fine art.... and the nearest Thai teenager does whatever it is for me with a smile. He may THINK I'm a fool, but do I care? Not really, so long as he doesn't say so.

The other day, I was in Savanxai Market in Savannakhet, wanting to buy a good, cheap pair of binoculars. Now, as a birder, I know a little about binoculars, and how to buy a pair which will not give me a headache within half an hour. One trick is to look through the binocs the wrong way, which will enable you to see flaws in the lenses, and also chromatic aberrations. The salesgirl, who, I'm quite sure, did not know this, took hold of the binocs while I was doing this, and tried to turn them the right way round. We wrestled briefly... but eventually she gave up, no doubt muttering all sorts of rude things about ignorant farangs.

I did buy a pair of Russian 10x40s for B.1000... and have been using them, headache-free, since. But clearly, in this case, my apparent helplessness was a hindrance.

The other day, I was in Savanxai Market in Savannakhet, wanting to buy a good, cheap pair of binoculars. Now, as a birder, I know a little about binoculars, and how to buy a pair which will not give me a headache within half an hour. One trick is to look through the binocs the wrong way, which will enable you to see flaws in the lenses, and also chromatic aberrations. The salesgirl, who, I'm quite sure, did not know this, took hold of the binocs while I was doing this, and tried to turn them the right way round. We wrestled briefly... but eventually she gave up, no doubt muttering all sorts of rude things about ignorant farangs.

for the average expat, I have often heard (and seen) that the first year in Thailand is the hardest, because you do go through the four phases of culture shock:

Honeymoon - Annoyance/Sarcasm - Depression - Adaption.

say is more severe than the normal culture shock to begin with.

I was in the honeymoon stage for 20 years and now Thailand just seems better than anywhere else I could live to me.

I went back a couple of years ago and had to purchase some goods through an "automated check out". I was having a few difficulties and the employee that STANDS RIGHT NEXT TO IT helped me out, which of course begs the question, why couldn't she have just checked me out in the first place?

It is true & makes one wonder......

Not exactly the same but one thing that really pisses me off in the US these days is the endless robotic menus anytime you want to call any business.

You would think with the high unemployment they may hire humans to speak with humans but no....

To top it off things like medical offices are 100% automated now

So you call & of course the 1st thing is they warn you...Is if you really feel bad rush to a hospital or call 911

Next they always say please listen to ALL of this crap because our menus have changed

Next you go through 4 or 5 various options of press #1 & then # 2 etc etc etc

Only to finally get to a menu that basically says the robot cannot help you & you will be needing a human

No Sh!t Sherlock...............

Ok so we are in the clear right?......Wrong!!

The robot now informs you that they are so busy it will be 20 minutes before a human can get to you

...probably the last one on earth still working as a phone operator....

So would you like to have an automatic call back? You will not lose your place in line just press #2

Ok well sounds good since here in America it seems to cost $5 a minute on my cell these days...

I press #2 & it tells me to speak my name into the phone at the beep...& also my cell #

Ok all done finally & I swear it took 20 minutes only to find I will need to wait 20 more for a call back.....

All just to make a doctors appointment....Honest!

So all is well that ends well right? WRONG!!!!!

25-30 minutes later I get the supposed 20 minute later call back....

Guess who it is? It is ME but a robotic me as they recorded my voice to ask for me!

They cannot even DO THAT????

Ok so.......

Is this Mr. xxxx.....If so press #1

Ok fine 7 I press #1

Next the original robot is back & tells me.....Yes I am not kidding......

All lines are busy please hold your wait time will be approximately 5-10 minutes!!!

Wish I was joking

You know the worst of it?

I use to be able to pass all that as I thought I was smarter than the system &

never listened to any of it. As soon as I heard a robotic system I would hit #0

That would always take me straight to an operator.

But I guess too many folks found out this trick as now when you hit #0 it tells

you sorry that is not an option & takes you back to the start. Never thought of myself

as a retro-grouch & I love technology.....But service is best handled by humans IMHO

That one tickled me, flying. The way you told it, not the actual process. I haven't yet had to go through the ordeal (benefits of BUPA you know ) but one day I will and I'm not looking forward to it.

Isn't it really just about cultivating the art of perfecting a blend of resilience and adaptability for each individual situation encountered

When I was 4 I lived in Sierra Leone in West Africa. I fell off a tree and gashed my leg badly and was taken to the clinic. The clinic was in the middle of the jungle, and when we got there there were about 200 Africans mulling about waiting to be seen. I was taken straight past them all and treated immediately.

The Doctor said he would give me butterfly stitches, and then showed me the most horrific scimitar shaped needle I have ever seen. I bolted off the treatment and ran as fast as my little chubby legs could carry me, much to the amusement of all the Africans, a little chubby Scottish boy running for his life.

Anyway, I was captured, repaired and released. My big sister asked my Dad why I didn't have to wait in the queue, when told it was because I was white my sister said that's not fair, my Dad replied " it is what it is ".

I've had three stints as an ex-pat and to me that is the first rule of being in a foreign country.

It is what it is.

When tirst arriving in Libya, we landed at Tripoli, the only (at that time) international portal.

I was told to walk round the corner to the domestic counter, which was at the far end of the departures hall. I did so, saw the counter and marched up to the check-in desk, asked for Benghazi and was given a boarding pass.

It was only then that I realised that the couple of hundred Indians, Bangladeshis, Philippinos and Arabs were also queuing for the same flight. But being the only white man, I had priority.

The natural order of things.

(I try to explain this to my Filipina wife, but she just doesn't undertand )

Shameless, HB. But then time was when you needed to be shameless to survive.

I think The Blether had it right... it is what it is. You learn to live with it (and probably love it), or fight against it (and probably hate it).

I remember arriving at the airport (I think KL) with my boss about five minutes before take-off, and we were whisked through all the checks, and settled in our seats just as the engines were revving up. His comment, "But I always do this!"

'It is what it is' and 'You get away with whatever you can' (which is most things), and if not, Tant pis. Unfortunately, the Orient which Humph and I knew in our youth is harder to find these days. But some of us are more cunning at it than others.

...

But I guess too many folks found out this trick as now when you hit #0 it tells

you sorry that is not an option & takes you back to the start. Never thought of myself

as a retro-grouch & I love technology.....But service is best handled by humans IMHO

I've just been in a tussle with my bank regarding some money that went astray somewhere between PJ and Argyle Street. Anyway, I get through to a human being within about ten clicks. They have a note on the computer so that they can pull up details of previous conversations. And today, the recipient confirmed receipt.

I think the problem all boiled down to their Internet Transfer form not asking the correct questions, and therefore me not providing the correct information, so I will register a complaint when I go to make next month's transfer, which I will do in the branch on Saturday afternoon. I suppose you get what you pay for...

SC

When tirst arriving in Libya, we landed at Tripoli, the only (at that time) international portal.

I was told to walk round the corner to the domestic counter, which was at the far end of the departures hall. I did so, saw the counter and marched up to the check-in desk, asked for Benghazi and was given a boarding pass.

It was only then that I realised that the couple of hundred Indians, Bangladeshis, Philippinos and Arabs were also queuing for the same flight. But being the only white man, I had priority.

The natural order of things.

(I try to explain this to my Filipina wife, but she just doesn't undertand )

About 1.5 years ago I flew into Dubai from London. I was lucky and was able to be the first to enter a new passport control lane they had just opened. When I got to the front, the passport control officer was already helping someone else (southern Asian) from another long line. The officer looked over at me, and told the man he was helping to get back in line then he smiled and waved me over. I was uncomfortable with it but, it's their country.

.... it's their country".

Thanks, Koheesti, for the most succinct comment. So many farangs forget this.