A man was in a long queue at his local Woolworths. As he got to the till he realised he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the till. She asked, "What size Condoms?"

The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his trousers. He did. She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the Intercom, "One box of large condoms, Till 5."

The next man in the queue thought this was interesting, and like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got up to the register, he told the cashier that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the till for him. She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his trousers. He did. She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, "One box of Medium-sized condoms, Till 5"

A few customers back was a teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a real live female, so he thought this was his chance. When he got to the till he told Rosie he needed some condoms.

She asked him what size and he said he didn't know. She asked him to drop his trousers and he did. She reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze then picked up the intercom and said...

"Mop and bucket to Till 5"

Mop and bucket! Very, very funny!

Did you hear about the blind circumcisionist? He got the sack.

Why are Pirates pirates? Because they just YAAAARRRRR!

Did you hear about the blind circumcisionist? He got the sack.

Why are Pirates pirates? Because they just YAAAARRRRR!

Now this is a groaner!!!

Welsh girl to English boy:

"You'll get no sex from me until you learn to speak Welsh!"

English boy - "Prestatyn"

gwertz is on form!!!

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

Actually, there are 10 kinds of people, those who understand binary and those who don't.

Intellectual to bimbo at party:

"You see my dear, it is the duty of my party to observe that they were elected by the people from the people for the people and that duty is a sacred trust"

Bimbo: "Enough already, when I said who wants to party I meant paaaaaaaaaaaarty, savvy?

Gloria: "So now you're on to husband #4, how is he, what does he do?"

Nicole: "He's okay, he's an optometrist, better than #1"

Gloria: "What happened to him?"

Nicole: "He was a gynaecologist, only ever wanted to look at it, know what I mean? I don't miss him".

Gloria: "Hmm. And #2?"

Nicole: "He was a psychologist, only ever wanted to talk about it, know what I mean? I don't miss him either".

Gloria: "Hmm. And #3?"

Nicole: "He was a philatelist".

Gloria: "Hmm. Bet you miss him now and then, eh?"

Gloria: "So now you're on to husband #4, how is he, what does he do?"

Nicole: "He's okay, he's an optometrist, better than #1"

Gloria: "What happened to him?"

Nicole: "He was a gynaecologist, only ever wanted to look at it, know what I mean? I don't miss him".

Gloria: "Hmm. And #2?"

Nicole: "He was a psychologist, only ever wanted to talk about it, know what I mean? I don't miss him either".

Gloria: "Hmm. And #3?"

Nicole: "He was a philatelist".

Gloria: "Hmm. Bet you miss him now and then, eh?"

Azerty !!! Tsk , tsk , tsk.

1. The collector's value of an unused postage stamp is drastically reduced if the gum has been licked off.

2. The correct punch line is that the lady was about to wed a lawyer. And why was she so pleased ? Because now she KNEW she was going to get screwed.

PS

Very funny Scotty ! Now beam my clothes down !

It always gets a laugh from the girls, farangsay.

Nice addenda there.

A quick question - why did the hedgehog cross the road?

It always gets a laugh from the girls, farangsay.

Nice addenda there.

A quick question - why did the hedgehog cross the road?

Because he wanted to slim down ? (We've all seen the odd hedgehog who has passed under the wheel of a 50 ton truck).

OR

He might have been on his way to seek a "position" at the crisp factory.

Hedgehog mania has accounted for at least one business success story: Hedgehog Foods Ltd., one of Europe's biggest makers of organic potato chips, or crisps at the British call them. In 1981, Philip Lewis, a pub owners in Wales and devotee of hedgehog jokes, decided as a lark to produce "hedgehog flavored" crisps. Sales boomed, but it didn't take long for angry hedgehog lovers to blow the whistle, fearing that the crisps were actually made from hedgehogs. In fact, they were flavored with pork fat.

But then, in 1982, Britain's Office of Fair Trading hauled Mr. Lewis into court for false advertising. A settlement ultimately was reached under Mr. Lewis interviewing gypsies, who actually do eat baked hedgehog, ascertained what hedgehogs taste like and commissioned a flavorings firm to more or less duplicate the flavor. He changed the labels from "hedgehog flavored" to "hedgehog flavor," and all interest were satisfied.

Last year Hedgehog Foods had sales of $3.6 million and is now a major contributor to St. Tiggywinkles Hospital, plugging the hospital on every package. "Looking back, it was a bit gruesome, that flavor," Mr. Lewis concedes.

OR

He was on his way to the hospital.

(St. Tiggywinkles is a hospital exclusively for hedgehogs, located in the English Midlands. Hapless hedgehogs are sent from all over, mostly through British Rail's overnight parcel service, which has a special rate for shipping injured hedgehogs.)

Sources reproduced in full as original web page bluddy unreadable. Doubting Thomarses can check here but cross your eyes first !

http://hedgehoghollow.com/hedgehog_crisps.html

Wrong , wrong , wrong.

He wanted to visit his flatmate.

Man in church to vicar: "See the girl playing the organ, is that Fanny Green?"

Vicar: "No my son, it's just the effect of the light from the stained glass windows."

Swimmer overtaking a surfer: "Shark!"

Surfer: "Well, you've no chance of swimming faster than a shark."

Swimmer "That's okay, just faster than you is fast enough for me right now."

Wow, I used two cheesies today. I must be happy.

Bladdy funny, Itty Bitty. If you ain't FS's evil twin or his hood ornament, you two should get married.

Nice one, too, Squirtzy.

Thanks for the laughs.

That one deserves an award 555

I live and breathe for your smiles, o mistress.

Why did the wabbit disappear?

He was going to write a novel.

55555555555555555555555555555!!!

Mother: "Nok, your father has skipped and left us destitute. You'll have to go and be nice to farangs. I'd do but I'm not pretty like you".

Nok: "Okay mom, anything for the family."

Mother, later: "Nok, my it's late, how did it go, have you made a little money?"

Nok: "Lots mom, 3,000 baht and 50 satang."

Mother: "Nice one, Nok. What keenok farang gave you 50 satang?"

Nok: "All of them, mom."

That one deserves an award 555

That is pretty bluddy funny!

A muslim was seated next to an Australian on a flight from London to Melbourne, Australia. After the plane was

airborne, drink orders were taken.

The Aussie asked for a rum and coke, which was brought and placed before him.. The flight attendant then asked

the muslim if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Aussie then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too. I didn't know we had a choice."

Love it BJ.

Workman to man in phone booth: "It's out of order."

Man: "There's no sign saying Out of Order and it's working."

Workman: "There's no sign saying Wet Paint either and it's all over your back."

Did you hear about the zoo with only one dog? It was a shitsu.

Well, if you crossbread a Bulldog and a Shitzo, you get a Bullshit.

Well, if you crossbread a Bulldog and a Shitzo, you get a Bullshit.

Surely, it's a Shitdog.

Well, if you crossbread a Bulldog and a Shitzo, you get a Bullshit.

Surely, it's a Shitdog.

Dogshit?

Well, if you crossbread a Bulldog and a Shitzo, you get a Bullshit.

Surely, it's a Shitdog.

Dogshit?

Now put that in a plastic bag and take it home , there's a good lad !