I couldn't learn Thai because I'm tone deaf

No I am not indifferent, it just makes it easier to adapt.

Pick ups ride just like Cars

People are like sheep. They'll quickly forget the insults I heap on them

I wasn't in the SAS, but I could have joined

It was a brilliant career move to come here and teach English in my thirties for 30K a month.

Plenty of time to think about my pension and savings later on. Meanwhile, all my friends at home are dead jealous of me.

I came 18 times last night.

Hotel breakfast is nice

I pick up uni students for free sex

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I barfined a hooker, and she didnt want any money, but i give her 1,000 baht, i am good man

You lot must be all slobs cos all the locals smile at me..........

Ladies everywhere love it when I sing "You are so beautiful" to them incessantly.

With me being ex special forces, and having met her on her very first night working in the bar, it should be a relationship made in heaven.

I am not living a lie.

I have never had "sloppy seconds" and that is just a normal discharge.

You lot must be all slobs cos all the locals smile at me..........

Do your zip up

I pick up uni students for free sex

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Uni students pay me

• I'm an expert on everything about Thailand: people respect my knowledge and rely on my good advice.
• I never offer unsolicited advice

I'm such an expert I now run a tour business.

I'm not happy, but I am content.

I really believe 99% of posters on TV are smart, knowledgeable experts in giving advice.

In Thailand and other "3rd World" places old people are loved, respected and cared for by their families

Some times. Lets hope we all are not exceptions.

But...But...But....It isn't my fault..........

I only finance girls I feel sorry for.....................

It's up to me.

No, that isn't a tramp stamp on her <insert appropriate body part>, it's a work of art.

I am not fat, it's my money belt................

You can't make decent money as a foreigner in Thailand.

OB

My Thai wife says it is OK for me to sleep with other girls.

It´s not gay to have sex with ladyboys,

Unless your balls touch. Then, it's gay.

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It's just a rash.