Am I naive, gullible or just very stupid?

[NoshowJones]

12 minutes ago, DILLIGAD said:

What a load of cods.
So what exactly does a university degree prove????

BTW I work with 13,000 kids getting said piece of paper.


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I would say a university degree means it is almost certain she will never be out of work, which would mean you will never be financially responsible for any of her family, when I was looking for someone to settle down with, I made sure she will always be able to work as I made it clear at the time, I will never be responsible financially for anyone but myself, and yes, she has a university degree.

[ajarngreg]

19 minutes ago, DILLIGAD said:

What a load of cods.
So what exactly does a university degree prove????

BTW I work with 13,000 kids getting said piece of paper.


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Which is a pretty much worthless piece of paper. 

[ajarngreg]

2 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

I would say a university degree means it is almost certain she will never be out of work, which would mean you will never be financially responsible for any of her family, when I was looking for someone to settle down with, I made sure she will always be able to work as I made it clear at the time, I will never be responsible financially for anyone but myself, and yes, she has a university degree.

Yep, but that wouldn't change the fact if she's got any intentions to take off with other guys. 

[transam]

23 minutes ago, SiamBeast said:

It is common knowledge that men should pick a woman of similar age or younger. Maybe 2-3 years older is okay, but no reason to pick a woman 10 years older. You know the saying: men age like wine, women age like milk.

 

A university degree, while meaningless in itself, is a way to know that you're not (usually) dealing with a girl on the bottom of the dating totem pole. It is a way to show that the girl is able to do something more than sitting down and watching TV, because she was able to finish university.

 

Without kids: It goes without saying, nobody should ever date single mothers unless then have a fantasm of seeing their wife getting banged by a mile of sausages (don't get me wrong, some men genuinely enjoy this, but not 99.5% of the population)

 

Without bar experience: Lovely bargirls...

What a load of crap.............

[DILLIGAD]

What a load of crap.............

+1

Been to any bars/nightclubs/go go's/karaoke joints near Uni's lately????

 

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[Peterw42]

OP, you mention 3 relationships and the common thread is they all left when the money stopped. "NEWS FLASH", thats not a relationship, thats a hooker. I am guessing they were all good looking , half your age etc. You would know if they were only around for the money, but maybe chose to not acknowledge it.  Maybe forth time is the charm. 

[Peterw42]

58 minutes ago, DILLIGAD said:

What a load of cods.
So what exactly does a university degree prove????

BTW I work with 13,000 kids getting said piece of paper.


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University proves that her family has some money, not a lot of issan farm-girls can afford Uni. 

[NoshowJones]

49 minutes ago, ajarngreg said:

Yep, but that wouldn't change the fact if she's got any intentions to take off with other guys. 

That's true, but there is no way everything can be certain in life.

[DILLIGAD]

University proves that her family has some money, not a lot of issan farm-girls can afford Uni. 

You'd be surprised. A vast majority are exactly as you describe, where I work.

 

But once again, that still doesn't prove anything as to how honorable/trustworthy someone is. Just look anywhere inThailand at those in suits & ties or Uniforms and see what they get up to!

 

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[transam]

17 minutes ago, Peterw42 said:

University proves that her family has some money, not a lot of issan farm-girls can afford Uni. 

Oh yes they can.....

[Get Real]

Happy hunting! Sounds like you can afford it.

 

Also sounds very stupid, but as long as you have fun!

Regarding advise, I beleive we are far over that point by now. Counselling I just don´t know??
I´m sorry man, it might be too late for you! 

[Shoeless Joe]

Hey there, it's more than likely that a big percentage of the replies are from men who have had exactly the same experience(s) as you, but their macho side won't let them admit it, because they want to play the "I'm too clever to be caught like that" card.

 

Well it's happened to me too, but I managed to sort myself out and (like you) I'm still here in Thailand and having a great life. I haven't got much to offer in the way of advice, but it seems to me that you probably fall hard in love for the girls that take your fancy. Unfortunately, you've found those who are happy to take advantage of your good nature. But we  know they're not all like that, so keep on looking. Don't become too cynical and spiteful (like so many others on the various TV Forums) and stay positive. There's a silky-skinned, almond-eyed lovely with a nice nature out there, just waiting for you.As a previous poster said, you probably need to toughen up a little and not succumb to the sob story's. Keep them at arms length and do your best to hide your own feelings. Don't become too cynical and spiteful (like so many others on the various TV Forums) and stay positive.

 

Good and regards,

 

Joe

Edited April 16, 2017 by Shoeless Joe

[grollies]

What a totally depressing thread.

 

To the guy who said he wished he could have a white woman: why on earth are you here? You are unlikely to fulfill your dreams.

[luk AJ]

Long and happy relationships are IMO exceptional. Not many will survive 10 or 20 years. I would be surprised if uni girls are a better choice..
I also read here on TV how proud some men are that they never gave any money to the girl or her family. I spoil mine as much as I can and I do this for the past 17 years. I do agree that the spending should be limited to what you can really afford to loose.
Because of the fact that many (probably majority) of relatioships fail, your experience is no exception.


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[theguyfromanotherforum]

What a totally depressing thread.
 
To the guy who said he wished he could have a white woman: why on earth are you here? You are unlikely to fulfill your dreams.

Dreams?

That's what gets people like op in trouble.

[CharlieH]

Why is all the emphasis on the female here? It takes TWO people to make a relationship work you know. Its not the sole responsibility of the female, if you cant hang on to one ask yourself why? 

YOU might be the problem. 

[DILLIGAD]

Dreams?

That's what gets people like op in trouble.

Then you wake up !


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[Minnie the Minx]

Lie down with dogs and get up with fleas...and that goes both ways. 

[simon43]

I've been there, done that (several times), as many previous threads on this forum will testify.

 

I finally found true happiness (and more disposable income) by being single and (in a manner of speaking), laughing in the face of any Thai woman who comes on romantically with me.

 

- I no longer have to listen to any more pathetic excuses why I should part with some of my hard-earned money to care for a sick buffalo/BF/MiL etc etc

 

- I don't have consider anyone else in what I do and where I go

 

- I have absolutely zero stress in my life now (as my recent BP measurement and health check demonstrated)

 

- The only person who can be blamed for anything that goes wrong is me, 'cos I'm the one that makes all the decisions and I'm man enough to accept my mistakes.

 

I still have many Thai female friends, (including both of my ex-wives), but I can honestly say that I would not trust a single one of them as far as I can throw them. (The story is completely different with the Lao and Myanmar women that I know, but I'm not going to 'tar' all Thai women with the same brush).

 

My advice, stop looking for a serious relationship, and stop listening to their pathetic lies and excuses.

 

Right - got that off my chest :)

[khunpa]

All women in this world come at a cost... one way or the other. 

 

So many men come here to Thailand and think they can just buy their way to love and a long term relationship with a Thai woman. And once in the relationship they believe everything will just be easy.

 

Living with a Thai-woman and gaining her love and respect is MUCH harder than a non-mixed relationship. It requires tons of effort and sacrifice from both partners. Add to that language barriers, difference in cultures etc. Even the issue about where to live is a challenge.

 

The only advice I can give to the OP is to be 100% honest from the start and make his intentions and even financial abilities clear from the start. 

 

When I first met my wife, I told her exactly what she could expect. I also made it clear that I was not a walking ATM and she should not expect me to feed her entire family. She also made it clear to me what she wanted in a man, what she could bring to the relationship and that she would never want to leave Thailand. So if I wanted to be with her, I had to live in Thailand, which I accepted and was able to.

 

Today we are still happily married after 8 years. We have been through all sorts of troubles together during those years (also financially), but we still stay together no matter what. And I am sure it is due to our expectations being completely clear from the very beginning and us having aligned ideas of what we wanted from the relationship. Of course also being in love with each other also helped ;-)

 

And just for your info... There are many really decent non-gold digging Thai women out there. They just require real effort to catch. There is no easy way to love... not even with Thai-women. 

 

People saying that all Thai-women just want money or warning about single moms are just plain stupid. If you think like that, you will for sure narrow you chances of ever finding a real and loving relationship.

 

But if you expect a relationship to be easier with a Thai-woman, then you are in for a big surprise. On the other hand...If you do get lucky and find a Thai-woman that truly loves and respects you, then you will be a very happy man :-) They are fantastic wife's and moms...

 

Edited April 16, 2017 by khunpa

[SiamBeast]

12 minutes ago, khunpa said:

All women in this world come at a cost... one way or the other. 

 

So many men come here to Thailand and think they can just buy their way to love and a long term relationship with a Thai woman. And once in the relationship they believe everything will just be easy.

 

Living with a Thai-woman and gaining her love and respect is MUCH harder than a non-mixed relationship. It requires tons of effort and sacrifice from both partners. Add to that language barriers, difference in cultures etc. Even the issue about where to live is a challenge.

 

The only advice I can give to the OP is to be 100% honest from the start and make his intentions and even financial abilities clear from the start. 

 

When I first met my wife, I told her exactly what she could expect. I also made it clear that I was not a walking ATM and she should not expect me to feed her entire family. She also made it clear to me what she wanted in a man, what she could bring to the relationship and that she would never want to leave Thailand. So if I wanted to be with her, I had to live in Thailand, which I accepted. 

 

Today we we are still happily married after 8 years. We have been through all sorts of troubles together during those years, but we still stay together no matter what. And I am sure it is due to our expectations being completely clear from the very beginning and us having aligned ideas of what we wanted from the relationship.

 

And just for your info... There are many really decent non-gold digging Thai women out there. They just require real effort to catch. There is no easy way to love... not even with Thai-women. 

 

People saying that all Thai-women just want money or warning about single moms are just plain stupid. If you think like that, you will for sure narrow you chances of ever finding a real and loving relationship.

 

 

This is correct. It involved a lot of adjustment. For example, I would get pissed if a white girl brought her whole family of 15 to my place and they would sleep everywhere - but had to get used to it with a Thai girl. There are a lot of things that my wife gets away with that a white girl wouldn't get away with. That goes on both sides.

 

I made it clear with her that I was more than happy to help her and pay for our expenses but her family (not the brightest in the world) would have to support themselves. No problem. You also have to ensure that if you want kids, the girl will be happy to. Don't push her - if she's not 100% happy and excited at this idea, forget it.

 

And finally, avoid the obvious red signs. I'm a fan of "look at all factors before deciding", but any Thai girl showing any of the below should be avoided:

- Has children

- Ever worked in a bar

- Has a drug addiction

- Has family members addicted to gambling

- Ever lived in the Western world for more than 2 years straight

- Didn't finish high school

 

Once you eliminate all red flags, it's all about agreeing on a common goal, drafting a prenup, and enjoying your time together.

 

 

[khunpa]

24 minutes ago, SiamBeast said:

 

This is correct. It involved a lot of adjustment. For example, I would get pissed if a white girl brought her whole family of 15 to my place and they would sleep everywhere - but had to get used to it with a Thai girl. There are a lot of things that my wife gets away with that a white girl wouldn't get away with. That goes on both sides.

 

I made it clear with her that I was more than happy to help her and pay for our expenses but her family (not the brightest in the world) would have to support themselves. No problem. You also have to ensure that if you want kids, the girl will be happy to. Don't push her - if she's not 100% happy and excited at this idea, forget it.

 

And finally, avoid the obvious red signs. I'm a fan of "look at all factors before deciding", but any Thai girl showing any of the below should be avoided:

- Has children

- Ever worked in a bar

- Has a drug addiction

- Has family members addicted to gambling

- Ever lived in the Western world for more than 2 years straight

- Didn't finish high school

 

Once you eliminate all red flags, it's all about agreeing on a common goal, drafting a prenup, and enjoying your time together.

 

 

Good example with the family. Just had my wife's family visit for Songkran. A total of 12 people filling up the house for 3 days.

 

The good thing is that they know they are always welcome, but also know that I am not some stupid farang-ATM. So they paid for their own stuff during the visit and I drove them around town. Just as they do, when we visit them.

 

Actually, I like having them visit. But also has a lot to do with I knowing that they respect me and therefore do not try to take advantage of me in any way. 

 

But your only gain their respect, when you  show your limits and do not let people make a foul of you. Because being a Farang you will automatically by many Thais be looked at as the walking ATM. 

Edited April 16, 2017 by khunpa

[swissie]

A guy I know quite well wrote this here under "the Garden of Eden". Could this be be the "root cause" of the "problem" addressed in this thread?

----------------------------------------------------

"In spite what ancient novellists wrote; in the very early days, the "Garden Of Eden" was only populated by men. They did a little bit of gardening and in their spare time they played golf and sat under shade trees and drank liberal amounts of home brewed beer. They enjoyed their peaceful life and were perfectly content.

 

The god's watched this and found it somewhat boring to watch over the long term. (not enough Soap Opera Factor.)
So they took this poor chap named Adam and his rib aside and created a second species that they henceforth called "woman".

 

After that, no more dull moments in the Garden of Eden. Murder, deceit, jealousy, warfare and general mayhem became the order of the day. The gods agreed, that since the invention of the second species (woman), the Garden of Eden has gained massively as far as entertainment value is concerned for them.

 

As the Garden of Eden was expanding all over the planet, (and therefore harder to oversee), it didn't take long before some apprentice God's, (eqipped with laptops), suggested to the senior God's, that "concentration" must be implemented.

 

= This is how Pattaya came about !

 

In the meantime, senior as well as apprentice God's are in complete agreement: " As long as men can't live with woman, but can't live without them, the entertainment factor for us to watch from afar remains intact. No reason to change anything."

Cheers.

 

[luk AJ]

 
This is correct. It involved a lot of adjustment. For example, I would get pissed if a white girl brought her whole family of 15 to my place and they would sleep everywhere - but had to get used to it with a Thai girl. There are a lot of things that my wife gets away with that a white girl wouldn't get away with. That goes on both sides.
 
I made it clear with her that I was more than happy to help her and pay for our expenses but her family (not the brightest in the world) would have to support themselves. No problem. You also have to ensure that if you want kids, the girl will be happy to. Don't push her - if she's not 100% happy and excited at this idea, forget it.
 
And finally, avoid the obvious red signs. I'm a fan of "look at all factors before deciding", but any Thai girl showing any of the below should be avoided:
- Has children
- Ever worked in a bar
- Has a drug addiction
- Has family members addicted to gambling
- Ever lived in the Western world for more than 2 years straight
- Didn't finish high school
 
Once you eliminate all red flags, it's all about agreeing on a common goal, drafting a prenup, and enjoying your time together.
 
 

I think one should focus on the green signs.


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[SiamBeast]

^ Definitely. Here are some of them:

 

- Virgin

- Can cook

- Enjoys cleaning

- Parents still married

- Attended a good university

- Good English (if you don't speak Thai)

 

But before looking at green flags, you must ensure that she has none of the red flags, otherwise you'll be wasting your time.

[luk AJ]

^ Definitely. Here are some of them:
 
- Virgin
- Can cook
- Enjoys cleaning
- Parents still married
- Attended a good university
- Good English (if you don't speak Thai)
 
But before looking at green flags, you must ensure that she has none of the red flags, otherwise you'll be wasting your time.

After 17 years, I still don't feel I wasted my time :)


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[mommysboy]

You do appear to be something of a muggins.

 

Because you have growing awareness of the problem, working with a counsellor of some type might help.

[bamukloy]

Sheezus why not just stay single?

 

Thailand is one of the easiest places on earth to have your cake and eat it too.

 

Certainly cheaper too, epecially since so many guys like this OP seem to have MUG tatoo on the forhead

;0)

[Watchful]

Lots of advice here about single moms. Some people say you must avoid, while others say this is nonsense. 

 

My sense is the decision depends totally upon whether you like children and whether you are willing to bond with them. You must remember the most important people in the entire world to a young mother are her children. 

 

If your experience is to simply "tolerate" them, but with no emotional attachments, then the advice to avoid single moms is pretty sound. It will end badly!

 

On the other hand, if you enjoy kids (and they have this wonderful ability to make you feel young), then I would suggest that early on you demand to meet them. Don't even think about progressing in the relationship unless you enjoy being with her children. To do otherwise is seriously foolish and guaranteed to end badly.

Edited April 16, 2017 by Watchful

[binjalin]

14 hours ago, ajarngreg said:

Which is a pretty much worthless piece of paper. 

that's a broad generalization! most Thai degrees are worthless when compared to western I grant you but at least it shows 'some' initiative and from a half way decent Uni would require some focus etc. I assume you just meant Thai Degrees or was my 12 years of study in UK worthless too?